What to do if children in small classes are tired of studying?

Study weariness is a manifestation of students’ negative emotions towards learning. From a psychological point of view, study weariness refers to students’ behavioral response pattern towards learning activities negatively. Psychological Case: What should I do if my child is tired of studying?

Consultation content: A girl dropped out of school due to excessive study pressure. After returning to school, she still showed signs of being tired of studying. The teacher taught very quickly and could not keep up with the rhythm, and she could not understand many questions. I am unwilling to listen to the teacher's lectures, have no interest in learning, and have no motivation to learn. I have few friends, I don’t want to go to school, I want to do business. The father passed away for some reason, and the mother was introverted and at odds with her daughter. She often quarreled and was unwilling to take the initiative to communicate.

Guidance process: Everyone living in society will have different pressures. Sometimes the pressure cannot be released completely, and various negative emotions will appear, especially for adolescent children. Faced with the death of his father, there is little communication with his mother, few friends, and the child lacks the proper social support system. If this pressure cannot be transformed, problems will arise. We must be good at observing and discovering children's emotions, be more understanding and caring, and help children find as many ways as possible to relieve stress, such as developing their own interests and hobbies, making more friends, and providing psychological counseling to resolve negative emotions. In addition, children who avoid studying and want to do business only divert their attention, but they cannot fundamentally eliminate psychological distress. It is necessary to help children start from their own needs and reality, understand the conditions they need to have, and lay a solid foundation for their future. Parents' love is the driving force for children's growth. Parents must learn how to express love and give their children sufficient strength and support. After several psychological counseling sessions, the child changed his cognition, resolved his dislike of learning, and agreed to continue going to school. Later, her mother reported that her daughter could study normally in school, communicated frequently with her mother, had a much more lively personality, and had more interactions with classmates.

What are the signs of low self-esteem in children?

Parents must pay attention to children’s mental health. Children are prone to low self-esteem. Early detection and early help to correct the child will affect the child’s mental health. Throughout life, the signs of low self-esteem in children include the following:

Perennially low mood

If a child is often depressed for no reason, it may be due to low self-esteem.

Excessive shyness

It is completely normal for children, especially girls, to be slightly shy, but if they are excessively shy (including never daring to sing in front of children, never wanting to show up, never daring contact with strangers, etc.), there may be a strong inferiority complex deep inside.

Refuse to make friends

Generally speaking, normal children like to socialize with peers and value friendship. However, most children with low self-esteem are reluctant to make friends. Friends may have little interest in it, or may regard it as a "savage beast".

Difficulty concentrating

Children with a strong sense of inferiority often have difficulty concentrating when studying or playing games, or they can only concentrate for a short period of time. This is because of the "lingering" inferiority complex at work.

Often suspicious

Children with low self-esteem are often very sensitive to comments made by their parents, teachers, and friends, especially criticisms from others. They find it difficult to accept and even resentful. . If this continues, they may develop to the point of being "suspicious", always suspecting that others don't like them or blaming themselves.

Excessive pursuit of praise

Although children with low self-esteem feel that they are "inferior", they often pursue the praise of parents and teachers abnormally more than normal children, and may adopt dishonest, dishonest, or disrespectful behaviors. Appropriate methods, such as falsification, cheating on exams, etc.

Belittle and be jealous of others

Another abnormal reaction of children with low self-esteem is that they often belittle and be jealous of others. For example, they may gnash their teeth or even lie awake at night because the teacher at the table next to them praises them. Psychologists believe that this is a channel designed to vent their emotions to relieve their own psychological pressure due to low self-esteem, although this often does not work.

Self-defeat and self-abasement

A large proportion of children with low self-esteem tend to give up on themselves and do not strive for progress, thinking that they are not good anyway and their efforts are in vain. What's more, they may also exhibit masochistic behaviors, such as deliberately running around on the street, going out alone late at night, refusing to seek medical advice and medication when sick, etc. It seems that they deliberately put themselves in danger or difficulty. If you are criticized by your parents, you will use "I am inferior anyway" as an excuse.

Avoiding competition

Although some children with low self-esteem are very eager to stand out in exams, sports competitions or entertainment competitions, they without exception lack the necessary knowledge of their own abilities. Self-confidence, and therefore concluded that there was no way he could win. As a result, the vast majority of children with low self-esteem try their best to avoid participating in any competition. Although some reluctantly sign up for the competition with the encouragement of others, they often escape during the formal competition and become "deserters."

Poor language expression

According to expert statistics, more than 80% of children with low self-esteem have poor language expression. They may stutter, have incoherent expressions, lack emotion when expressing, or have poor vocabulary, etc. Experts believe that this is because a strong sense of inferiority is likely to hinder the normal work of the language learning system in the brain.

Unbearable for setbacks or illnesses

Most children with low self-esteem cannot withstand the pressure brought by negative factors such as setbacks and illnesses like normal children. They often encounter small failures or minor problems. Illness makes people feel "too painful to live with", and sometimes they even find it difficult to cope with unexpected events such as relocation, death of a relative, or illness of a parent.

What are the signs of low self-esteem in children? I think everyone knows it, and I hope every parent can pay attention to the mental health of their children.

Consulting case: How to deal with willful leaders?

In the workplace, it is very important to have a good direct leader. Because you spend almost half of your time with your direct leader.

Case:

I seem to be sick of classes recently. Originally, this shouldn't be possible for me. Because I gave up a high-paying job and voluntarily came to work in my current unit. My initial wish was that the job would be similar to before or more stable, and that the job would provide a strong sense of social accomplishment. I hope that because it starts with me, By improving the concept of public welfare a little bit, we can at least reduce or stop doing wrong things. Not doing wrong things is already a personal contribution we can make to society in a sense. Therefore, with the reduction of paid leave and the busy work schedule, I have always been at peace with myself.

Until the current boss became more and more arrogant, vulgar, superior, egoistic, and perverted! Seeing these negative words, you can imagine how disgusted I am with his behavior! I simply despise his behavior. This kind of person who is obviously not a few years older than me has an old mentality and is obsessed with being superior. His work is not based on the idea that the work is really beneficial to society and can be accepted by the superiors, but always based on whether things can attract the attention of superiors. Whether it can be done to gain political capital for him. In addition to the concept of doing things, the arrogance and self-aggrandizement in the way I do things also make me more and more intolerable. For a person in his early 40s who has not yet reached middle age, it is enough that he does not agree with the old ideas of older comrades, and he often does not accept the new ideas of young comrades. Only his own ideas are accurate and consistent with the facts! What is often emphasized is to speak Politics must be unified and implemented, and I wish I could go back to the era of exclusive governance!

Moreover, I am very happy with my achievements. When I have merit, I will report it to the leader and receive the credit myself. If I really can’t lead alone, I will praise the lower-level people in the other departments. Comrades, in order to show their prominence at the same level, when there are problems, they call the leaders to be criticized. While bringing in a bunch of sinners, they criticize themselves for not leading everyone well. I often leave early, but I don't allow my subordinates to be late. I even openly said that if something happened, everyone would leave early. I never said anything. The problem is that we generally can't leave early when we get off work, and everything that needs to be sent to the children has to be done in the morning, but he feels that it is natural to agree with him. I know that always seeing his shortcomings will not help solve the problem, but I got along very well with my previous two or three bosses and almost all my colleagues. I’m not quite able to reflect on my own revulsion. What should I do?

The psychological counselor replied:

Hello, I receive your complicated and tangled mood. Your question is also very representative. In fact, many people will have this personal experience in the workplace. You are better able to reflect on yourself and hope to do better. The conclusion of "class-weariness" in the first sentence seems to be caused by oneself. The subsequent analysis seems to have a lot to do with the environment. I'm curious as to why you still stay in this unit, facing a leader you don't like?

You have your own requirements and beliefs about work, and I hope you can improve your concept of improving public welfare a little bit. I feel like you are very idealistic and ambitious.

The reality in the workplace will probably bring you many difficulties. If you can meet a leader who shares your philosophy, it will be a really happy thing and you will be very lucky. But if you don't meet a leader who agrees with your philosophy? Should we choose to persist or compromise? Or persist while compromising? This answer also needs to be asked to ourselves. Which one is more important to you? Because we have heard: One of the more important principles in the workplace is compromise. Compromise is a kind of ability and a kind of maturity. If compromise can bring us a good relationship, in a good relationship To communicate and express one's ideas in a relationship to achieve maximum balance and effectiveness is really a good way to solve the problem. Because we really don’t want to keep looking for jobs and face more anxiety, right?

From a psychological point of view, if some problems cannot be solved, it may not be that something is done wrong. It’s that we have emotions. You are actually aware of your own emotions, but you said you are not able to reflect on your own resentment? In fact, it makes you very painful, right? The relationship with leaders in the workplace is related to our relationship with our father. The strength and authoritative posture passed down to us by our father, and the pattern of interaction with our father will affect our interaction with authority figures. I hope we can discuss this issue together and see where this emotion comes from, so that you can improve your career in the future. Reduce this emotional blockage. Theoretical guidance comes from your own practice. Only by knowing yourself and the enemy can you resolve conflicts. I hope you can get out of the predicament as soon as possible.

Case sharing: 9-year-old kid steals money? We have a solution!

First of all, we need to understand why children steal? When many parents talk about their children stealing, they will first express that they have repeatedly told their children not to steal. This is wrong. Then Why do children still steal? We say that education is experience, not preaching. If we only preach to stop them and do not punish them, children will have a sense of luck when stealing. If they are discovered by adults, they will stop stealing. If they are not discovered by adults, the purpose will be achieved. And there will be a next time.

According to the evil nature theory, people are born with the inner motivation to expect more. Many parents always blindly satisfy their children's needs, worry that their children will be wronged, and give their children money to buy this or that at will. However, this does not solve their children's hunger and thirst for material pursuits. At most, it only temporarily relieves the anxiety at that time, and eventually aggravates it. The greed of children. Because as children grow up, their demands are constantly escalating and can be easily satisfied, so they will quickly increase their desires and become more dissatisfied with reality. So this is also a huge headache for many parents. Why are their children's demands getting more and more and their appetites getting bigger and bigger?

When dealing with children’s excessive material pursuits, parents often just stop them. For example, some children have the habit of randomly unpacking toys when they are in a toy store. From the perspective of parents, as long as they are not taken away, it is not a big deal. But for children, there is an implicit motive for stealing. They may want to get their favorite toy so much that they open it, or the theft may have already occurred, but they just don’t believe it and don’t pay attention. This is also based on the theory of good nature. Since we always teach our children not to take other people's things at will, as parents, we have worked hard. As for whether it will happen to our children, even if it happens, it should be the child's responsibility and has nothing to do with us. .

How to solve it?

1 If the theft is discovered, punish it immediately!

The mother who asked the question said that the father used to beat the child. We said that once the theft is discovered, the punishment will be It must be there and timely. Punishment must cause the child to suffer losses. There are many ways. For example, financial punishment can be used. If you don’t give him pocket money, he will not be able to get what he wants most. The punishment must touch the child. Let him feel the pain in his body, and he cannot stop at giving lectures that are not painful or itchy. Some parents say that their children are still young and do not need to be given a chance. However, if there is no punishment, it is a disguised form of encouraging their children to take chances next time.

Parents themselves also have a sense of prevention at home. For example, don’t leave cash at home and their wallets everywhere. It doesn’t matter if you have less money, let alone pursue it. Children will naturally feel that they can take advantage of it. In addition, you need to pay more attention to the changes in your children's consumption behavior. Sometimes the things your children bring back often exceed the money you gave them, so you must ask them clearly about their origins.

2 Let children have the ability to earn money through hard work!

On the one hand, it is to prevent children from stealing, but more important than prevention is that parents should gradually guide their children to create opportunities for themselves. We can establish rules with our children by using family rewards and punishments, which is also a more effective method than blind prevention.

In many of our super youth activities, children will be given many opportunities to make themselves rich, allowing them to work by themselves, sell goods through their own efforts, and earn the price difference.

In a family we once tutored, when the child was 9 years old, he not only relied on his own labor to make money at home, but also gradually created ways to help his classmates with online shopping and help the class make money with online shopping. Now 11 years old, she often makes handmade sandwich breakfasts for her classmates, and homemade ice cream has also become her source of income. These not only solve the problem of pocket money for children, but also make them feel the joy of life and give them a great sense of accomplishment. For this reason, it is recommended that as soon as children begin to have money awareness, we can not only meet their material needs, but also create opportunities to guide children to obtain money through their own efforts. This is the real solution for children. The root of the theft problem.

The cultivation of financial intelligence is the most important ability for children to have core competitiveness when entering society. Therefore, in addition to necessary punishment, we hope to give children the opportunity to achieve greater self-worth through their own efforts. For parents, this is a win-win opportunity.

I fell into the quagmire of puppy love

The flower of love is beautiful, but it may not be a good thing if it blooms too early. Puppy love will make some people fall into the quagmire and not know what to do. measures.

Case: I fell into the quagmire of puppy love

I am a sixteen-year-old girl who fell in love with a boy in my class. Although parents have taught us many times at home that we should study hard and not be distracted by thinking about messy things, but sometimes we see pairs of classmates walking in and out of each other on the campus streets. This feeling is wonderful just to see it. I am very envious, and I also want to be able to walk around campus, eat together, and study together with the boy I like. But facing the pressure and obstruction from parents, teachers and schools, I had to give up this beautiful relationship. But this feeling still lingers in my heart, what should I do?

Analysis by a youth psychological counselor:

Puppy love refers to falling in love too early. But what is early? Junior high school? High school? Some parents even regard love in college as puppy love. And as soon as the child graduates from school, he starts to rush to work on the child's marriage, and he can't wait to get married as soon as he leaves school.

Teacher Li Yinhe, a famous scholar of Chinese sociology, once said: The term "puppy love" not only contains a derogatory evaluation, but also has an unclear meaning. When can it be called "early" love? Western scientists refer to the love of teenagers between the ages of 12 and 13 as adolescent love.

Adolescent children have undergone significant changes both physically and psychologically. They are eager to interact with the opposite sex, which is an inevitable stage of physical and mental development. I like a classmate of the opposite sex, but I am too shy to confess; if I confess, I am afraid that the two of them will be embarrassed and alienated later, and their parents will stop them without any reason, etc. In fact, it is a very common and normal psychological phenomenon for children who have just entered puberty to develop a liking for and interest in the opposite sex.

Parents and teachers should not regard puppy love as a scourge and obstruct it. There is a phenomenon in psychology called the "Romeo and Juliet effect", also called the forbidden fruit effect, which is an interpersonal effect in psychology. It refers to the fact that the more interference from the outside world between people of the opposite sex who have good feelings for each other, the deeper their feelings will be.

Adolescent psychological counseling experts remind parents that the best way to prevent and deal with puppy love is to "sparse" rather than "block" it. From the perspective of psychological analysis theory, puppy love in adolescent children is mainly due to problems in the development of the "heterosexual parent-child relationship" during their growth. Boys mainly lack maternal love or an intimate relationship with their mothers, while girls mainly lack paternal love or an intimate relationship with their fathers.

In adolescence, when learning is the main task, if a child shows early love behavior, parents should promptly examine the relationship within their family or seek professional psychological counseling.

Children, come out of the shadow of self-defeat.

The older we grow, the more setbacks we encounter. If we cannot come out of setbacks, we cannot move forward. So when children are injured, we need to let them learn to get out of the shadow of frustration.

Sitting next to this girl, I was surrounded by a feeling of powerlessness and depression. This was infiltrated and spread from the depths of her heart. This is a 15-year-old girl who is in the third grade of junior high school. She came to my consulting room overwhelmed because she failed steadily in the monthly mock exams that were sweeping the sky.

She sat heavily and tiredly on the sofa, her eyes wandering out the window of the consulting room to a space where she could not find a focus. The tears flowing down her cheeks seemed to have no source and no destination. They just passed by... The tissues handed to her were held in her hands, letting her fingers twist them into long curly strips and squeeze them. Fall into crumbs.

I gently greeted her who was depressed with my eyes, her slumped shoulders and hopeless face... finally falling on her eyes, I asked: "Would you like to talk to me about what just ended?" This testing test?"

Children, come out of the shadow of self-defeat

She may have sensed my concern, and withdrew her eyes from the window, looked at me, and said : "I feel terrible...I don't see a shred of hope, this exam is completely wasted."

"Well, you are full of despair, the situation in this exam looks very bad , would you like to say more?"

"When I got the test paper, I was overwhelmed by the questions and didn't know where to start. The worst thing was that I wasn't nervous at all. I lost my fighting spirit.

The sound of writing could be heard from the classmates around me, but after I randomly finished the questions that I could write, I sat there in a daze early.

"I came home from school and was walking with my good friend. She looked very calm and calm, which was very shocking. I drooped my head and was not very willing to speak. After a period of silence, I couldn't help but ask She, don’t you think that many of the questions in this exam are weird questions that we rarely see in normal times? She said, yes, I felt something as soon as I got the test paper, so I took every exam first. After reading through all the test questions and deciding which ones I was ready to give up and which ones I would try my best, I started taking action with a clear goal. I was still working hard until the minute before the end. The last question answered all the aspects I could think of...

Hearing her say that made me even more frustrated.

"Oh, you are even more frustrated." , would you like to say more?" I asked cautiously.

"I feel worse. My sky is all gray, hey..."

She sighed deeply.

"This is really a difficult situation!" I looked at her with all my attention and felt really sorry for her.

"Well," she continued, "you see, when my classmate faces the same problem as me, she can handle it so freely and stably. And as for me... I'm not jealous of her, But I feel extremely disappointed in myself. I am completely incapable of dealing with things that I am not familiar with. I am incompetent, I am so useless, I hate myself so much..." She said, shaking her head vigorously.

Seeing her sink into deep self-deprecation, I couldn’t help but feel sad.

This is a child who has always had excellent academic conduct, but after failing several exams, he has become more and more self-denial of himself, which has generalized to other daily life besides study, and has fallen into There is no way to extricate yourself from it.

What she often says when she comes to me now is: I think life is very boring.

In the previous ten consultations, I had a relatively comprehensive understanding of her family environment, early life experiences and other information. I know that for her who is in despair at the moment, instead of telling her that you are actually excellent, your current thinking is that you are catastrophizing things and looking at things from a biased perspective. It is better to accompany her and stay quietly with her emotions.

So, I said, "When I heard you say that, my heart felt like it was being torn apart.

I wonder how you feel at this moment?"

She said, "Yes, I feel very weak all over my body, and I have no strength at all. A place in the heart seemed to be cut bit by bit with a knife. "

Hearing that she could describe her physical feelings in this way, I felt a little more relaxed.

The haze hanging over the consulting room seemed to be diluted at this moment. . We continue to feel ourselves at this moment...

Seeing her mood gradually stabilize, I then made this intervention.

I said: "It's up to you. Keep telling me that when you feel that you are inferior, incompetent and terrible, I seem to see such a stern adult living in your heart. She cannot allow you to make any mistakes or shortcomings. She demands that you Do everything perfectly. If you fail to fulfill her wishes, she will be completely disappointed in you, will not understand and ignore you, and she even hopes that you will quickly disappear from her eyes..."

She slowly raised her head, He looked at me with a little sparkle in his eyes, "Yes. She suddenly said, "Yes! That's it." She hopes that I will disappear immediately!"

I knew that this was the key to a series of problems for her. She had internalized a harsh and harsh image, and she had been whipped like this for a long time. Being criticized mercilessly until she felt like being abandoned.

So, I guided her and said, now do you want to say something to the person in your heart?

She straightened up. The body said, "It turns out that I'm not that bad, it's just that you can't tolerate sand in your eyes. It turns out that I just made some small mistakes, but you regarded them as a huge disaster. I now know that it was you hiding in my heart that turned me into this. ”

Next, I used an empty chair technique to deal with the harsh internal object she had internalized. Let her have a dialogue with this inner image. She had been unable to express what she had suppressed in her heart. Her anger was expressed by entering a role, and she expressed a lot of support for herself in this role: she encouraged herself to see her own strengths and give full play to them.

Here. During the round of character expression, her voice became more and more powerful, and her whole face became vivid.

When she left, she turned back to me with a smile and nodded and said: Trust me! Then she said steadily. I turned around and walked out of my consulting room.

I looked at her leaving and fell into deep thought. Although this girl's inner shadow cannot be fully resolved through this conversation, I believe it. , persistent and stable support will definitely help her.

Children at this stage are establishing a new self-image and disintegrating old self-perceptions, and some maladaptive problems appear. As a parent. Or if educators or psychologists can provide appropriate guidance, when problems arise, it will also be an opportunity to correct and lay a solid foundation for psychological development and personality development.

Case analysis: From the perspective of spiritual motivation. To understand this case from the perspective of learning, she has a lot of self-deprecation, lack of interest and enthusiasm for participation, and extreme disappointment in learning and life outside of learning, which all show that she has some depressive tendencies (if this tendency is not obtained). If you deal with it in a timely manner and have your self-esteem damaged by more things in real life, you may develop depression.) This symptom is related to the strict requirement for perfect object appearance that she internalized in her early years, which made her think about herself. Anyone who is picky or has even the slightest flaw will fall into a hopeless predicament. Therefore, what the psychological counselor does is, on the one hand, to internalize a new object image that is inclusive and positive and supportive through a period of consultation and interaction. In order to integrate the original harsh object representation, on the other hand, it helps her deal with suppressed conflicting emotions through counseling strategies such as the empty chair technique.

Children must get out of the shadow of self-defeat. This way your life will become better and better.