Correct a bad joke

If you are in a bad mood, you should treat jokes, and you should always watch jokes in your daily life and study. Jokes have many functions, but more are stories that people use to cure bad moods. The following is a joke to cure a bad mood.

A joke to cure a bad mood 1 1. It is said that children are pearls left behind, and mothers are angels sent by God to protect children. And I am the top that God dropped, and my mother likes to pull the top.

Second, my mother and I are lying on the sofa eating snacks. My father came over and taught me a lesson. I said weakly: My mother is eating, too. Why didn't you tell her? Dad: No matter how fat your mother is, I want her. What about you?

My girlfriend bought a lot of clothes today, but she explained poetically to me: "Because I gained a few pounds in winter, this spring is their first time to face the world, so I want them to look beautiful and amazing!"

Fourth, we can see the girlfriend's personality through the palm print. If her palm prints often appear on your face, it means that she has a bad temper.

I feel that life is boring and I can't live any longer. Pick up the mirror and look at yourself. Such a beautiful and lovely face is willing to live up to it and spoil it?

6. A friend sent a message saying, "For your own Audi, your wife's Dior and your son's Oreo, you must study hard." A divine reply appeared below: "For your Alto, for your wife's mystery, for your son's olympiad, Altman, study hard!"

Seven, take a cup of milk tea through the security check. Security inspector: What's in your hand? Me: milk tea. Security inspector: Have a drink. Me: Get out! Buy it yourself!

8. When Valentine's Day arrived, I asked my wife what I should give you. My wife says you can give anything, as long as it's from you, I like it. I thought it over carefully and said to her, "I'll take you back to your parents!" " "

Nine, I chase my girlfriend and go to her house at night, but she doesn't want it. Her finger was caught in the door and it was badly caught. I just didn't squeeze in well, and my eyes were quite firm; Now she won't let me go out to play at night. After going out, her front foot was caught by the door and her mouth was full of mud. She just climbed out, her eyes full of longing for freedom.

10. Parents are really amazing creatures. They believe all the rumors in the circle of friends, but they will expose the lies you made up at a glance.

Eleven, home gas leakage, suddenly remembered that the teacher said that in the face of danger, we must first calm ourselves down, so I took several deep breaths and the gas was poisoned.

12. I asked my son why he smoked secretly. The son said meaningfully: Because I grow up, I want to find a woman who is worth quitting smoking. I haven't recovered from this obsessive-compulsive disorder for a long time Fortunately, my wife appeared in time and said to her son in slippers, don't look, in fact, I have been with you.

Thirteen, change lanes to the right and turn into a left turn signal. The coach said to me, "Why, confuse the enemy behind?"

Fourteen, originally prepared to thin into lightning this year, brighten your eyes, do not want to become a nut wall, blocking your line of sight.

Fifteen, by train, there is a girl sitting next to me. She was cute, so I went up to talk to her and decided to start with the constellation. "Well, which seat are you in?" The girl looked at me and said, "You are blind, hard seat!" "

A passerby stopped a taxi and asked the driver: How long does it take from here to the airport? Driver: It will take a long time. Passerby: How long will it take at least? Driver: It takes longer to ride a horse.

Don't ask me why I haven't been single for so long. Because the woman has a boyfriend, I dare not look for it for fear that her boyfriend will hit me. If you don't have a boyfriend, prove that no one wants it. Well, I don't want it either

I drank too much last night and called a Didi taxi. We looked at each other for thirty seconds in the downpour. Much like the opening of a martial arts film! I asked, "Where's your car?" He asked me, "Where's your car?" "Aren't you a drip driver?" "Laozi is a drip driver." The air suddenly became quiet.

Nineteen, I thought it was impossible to raise a woman, but I can raise a man. Then I found that men were expensive, and finally I found that I couldn't even afford a dog.

Twenty, I saw a sister squatting on the ground and writing a line on the ground in front of her: it costs two yuan to take a taxi. I looked at the sister, but sighed and turned away. You didn't take two yuan with you when you went out, and you still had a piece of chalk in your pocket. Are you a fool?

I can't believe that the group of fat cells that I eat and drink all the time pretend not to understand when I am about to freeze to death in the cold wind. They don't want to burn themselves to warm me. Their hearts are so cold. Raised a group of baiwenhang!

Twenty-two, watching Korean dramas, the heroine's head leans against the glass of the bus, which is really beautiful. I tried. I almost didn't have a concussion

Twenty-three, Xiao Ming plays mobile phone in class. After seeing it outside the window, the class teacher sent him a short message, saying: How do you play with your mobile phone in class? Xiao Minghui: Who are you? The class teacher added: Look out of the window! Xiao Ming looked out of the window and replied, thank you for reminding me. I'll talk to you later. The head teacher is watching at the window!

Twenty-four, friends bring their boyfriends home. Her boyfriend said that she was nervous when she saw her father, and she didn't know how to put her hands. When her friend said you were nervous, she put it in her pocket. Later, her friend's father pulled her out alone and asked her, "Is your boyfriend sick?" The friend was curious and said no, so her father said, "Then why did he put one hand in his coat pocket and the other hand in his trousers pocket?"

2 1. When I fall in love with my daughter-in-law, I stay at my daughter-in-law's house very late at night. I should go back. I came by motorcycle, and I secretly turned off the small switch at the bottom of the fuel tank. It didn't take long for the engine to shut down, so I called my daughter-in-law and said, "Look at the fuel meter, but it won't work. It hasn't been repaired at night ..." I was busy pushing the car back to my daughter-in-law's house, and my mother-in-law came out to tell me that their village had regulations, and if she stayed overnight, it would be bad for her reputation.

You leave the car, and I'll get someone to fix it for you tomorrow! In this way, I just walked a few kilometers home from my wife's house!

My brother-in-law talked about a girlfriend in high school, and they agreed to go to the same university. When she walked out of the examination room, her girlfriend cried in a big mess. The examinees all looked at such a beautiful girl crying in the rain. Brother-in-law grabbed his girlfriend regardless of other people's eyes and said domineering: "I will kiss you in public if you cry again!" " "Girlfriend cry more:

"Mathematics is too difficult. We can't go to the same university. We have an appointment to test Tsinghua together! " Brother-in-law: "Idiot, I knew you couldn't. I didn't do the big question behind! " "Later, my brother-in-law was admitted to Lan Xiang, and her girlfriend, her mother, sent her to study abroad.

Today is Valentine's Day. My wife said, "Husband, let's get a couple tattoo!" " ! I said, "What's a tattoo like?" The wife said, "You can tattoo one: Wife, I love you and I will never change my mind. I will always buy delicious food for you. If I change my mind, I will break my hands and feet and end up buried in cow dung. I will never live! " Me: "I'll go, so it won't hurt." Then what do you tattoo? "Wife:" I just tattooed one: Hmm! " "

I helped an old woman move her luggage to the fifth floor, and I'm waiting. The old woman said, "Thank you, young man. Do you smoke? " Me: "Yes, I smoke, thank you." Grandma: "No wonder, I can't breathe when I go up the stairs at a young age."

I came to the hospital because I coughed too long and badly. This bed belongs to the respiratory department ... the buddy who looks at the bed next door is three times bigger than his wife, very fat and going round and round ... I said, "Are you coughing?" The buddy said, "No, it's snoring at night." I said to myself, should I be hospitalized for snoring? In less than ten minutes, this guy was sitting asleep. As a result, the whole ward became his home, and the snoring was really extraordinary. ...

3 1. My daughter-in-law got off work a little late recently. When I got home, I pretended to be angry and teased her, what's the matter? Did you hook up with your boss? Before I finished, she scolded him: Bullshit, he is so old and ugly. If you want to find me, you should also find Xiao Liu (my wife's colleague). He is handsome and young, and the most important thing is that his body is stronger than Mr. Wang. Then we stared at each other.

I brought my boyfriend back. Boyfriend brought a lot of bride price money. My parents are so happy. After dinner, my mother and I cooked in the kitchen, and my boyfriend and father played poker in the living room. After my boyfriend left, I heard my parents whisper, I'll tell you good news and bad news, which do you want to hear first? Mom: Good news. My dad: My daughter's boyfriend is a gambler, and our daughter is not short of money to marry him. Mom: What's the bad news? My dad: I just lost all our daughter's bride price money. My mom.

3. I usually joke with my daughter-in-law and call her Jiang! Tomb-Sweeping Day went to her grave. There are more people in the daughter-in-law's family, and there are more people in this generation. Very lively! After dinner, I played cards with my brother-in-law. After a while, I was thirsty and shouted, "Jiang, make a pot of tea!" " The air suddenly solidified, and when I looked up, her whole family looked at me! Um ... I'll do it myself!

4. Tell me about my colleague's boyfriend. It is said that he is a PE teacher, and he is very strong. The muscles he exercises, especially the chest muscles, don't explain. I went to the hospital for a physical examination that day. After the physical examination, the doctor asked him if he wanted to donate blood. The big and weak man said, doctor, I'd better not. I am very weak. The thin doctor looked at his black line.

5. Open my boyfriend's mobile phone address book and see a man named Spare Tire. My forehead began to tremble with anger. I love you so much that I have a spare tire. I dialed the phone named spare tire with trembling hands, and then my phone rang …