In Confucius' view, what is the real filial piety?

Confucius himself attached great importance to this morality. In the Confucian culture of China, filial piety is especially advocated. Confucius believes that filial piety is the fundamental morality of being a man, so the traditional culture of China advocates: all the virtues's filial piety comes first. In the Analects of Confucius, the word filial piety appeared 17 times. It is said that in the Song Dynasty, after seizing the world, Song Taizu claimed to rule the world with filial piety. Zhao Pu, the prime minister of Song Taizu, once said this famous saying: Half of the Analects of Confucius rules the world. This half of The Analects of Confucius should be consistent with Song Taizu's theory of filial piety. Many students have asked Confucius what filial piety is, so there are many such records in the Analects of Confucius. Below I will analyze the meaning of filial piety advocated by Confucius through these records.

First, filial piety according to rites

Let's look at a story in the Analects of Confucius: Meng Yizi asked about filial piety. Confucius said, "There is no violation." Fan Chi's royal son told him, "Meng Sun asked me about filial piety, and I said,' No violation'." Fan Chi said, "What is it?" Confucius said, "When you are born, you should treat things with courtesy; If you die, you will be buried with ceremony. " In the present words, Meng Yizi asked, "What can be considered as filial piety?" Confucius said, "Don't violate etiquette." One day, Fan Chi was driving a bus for Mr. Wang, and Confucius told him, "Meng Sun asked me what filial piety is, and I replied that I should not violate etiquette." Fan Chi said, "What does this mean?" Confucius said: "when parents are alive, they should be served with certain etiquette;" When they die, they should be buried and commemorated according to certain etiquette requirements. "

From this record, we can see that Confucius believes that filial piety is to violate the most basic etiquette in the first place. Confucius himself took the idea of Duke Zhou as his life mission, and the "rites of Zhou" gradually formed since the Western Zhou Dynasty, that is, the etiquette system followed by the Zhou Dynasty, originated from Duke Zhou's thought. In the Zhou rites, the idea of loyalty and filial piety is in the main position. Filial piety is also a kind of etiquette. Show filial piety through various manners. And he is not a general etiquette, he is the most basic etiquette in everyone's life. Therefore, "Zuo Zhuan" said that "the filial piety begins with the ceremony". People have to learn a lot of rituals in this life, such as courtesy, courtesy of monarch and minister, courtesy of friends, courtesy of classmates, courtesy of neighbors, and all kinds of rituals. I have to talk to other people's elders and talk to other people's younger generations. But thousands of gifts, the beginning of the ceremony, the initial ceremony you first to your parents. Parents are the first social relationship for you and the first person you have to deal with. How to deal with them, so filial piety and courtesy are very important. Confucius paid special attention to everyone's courtesy to their parents at home. In Confucius' view, filial piety is the foundation of moral ethics. The original meaning of "Ben" is roots, and solid roots are the basic guarantee for flourishing. Therefore, filial piety is the foundation of human relations, that is to say, just like the foundation of a big tree, all human moral ethics begin to sprout from this foundation of filial piety. Although roots are not the whole tree, filial piety, as the basic point of being a man and even being a man, is an indispensable main aspect of human moral life. Based on this principle, Confucius advocated that filial piety should start from the family. He asked young people to "be filial". The so-called "being filial" refers to the interior of the family, and "filial piety" refers to the attitude and behavior of children towards their parents. Family is the cell of society, the health of cells is the foundation of physical health, and family harmony is the first step of social harmony. Of course, there are many aspects of family harmony, but the existence and function of filial piety is still fundamental.

Second, filial piety with heart

Is it called filial piety as long as you treat and wait on your parents according to the requirements of society? Let's find the answer from the daily questions and answers of Confucius and his students in the Analects of Confucius. One day, Yan Hui and Zilu were chatting with the teacher. The teacher said, "Each of you can talk about your ambition." Zilu said: "My ambition is to enjoy these good things, such as clothes, chariots and horses, with my friends, and there is nothing to complain about when they are worn out. This is my wish. " Yan Hui said: "My wish is that a person does not often boast about himself or publicize his own merits, but can be humble." At this time, the students found that the teacher had not spoken yet. Zilu said to the teacher, "I hope to hear your ambition." Confucius, for his part, gave a simple description of his ideal personality, saying in three sentences: "Old people are safe, friends believe in it, and few people are pregnant." ("The Analects? Gongye Chang) Confucius' ambition is to make the old people settle down, make friends trust him and make young people miss him. Let's think about it, everyone in this world can't get rid of the relationship with three kinds of people, that is, our elders-my parents who gave birth to me and raised me, our peers-friends who will accompany me all my life, our younger generation-their children. Confucius won't talk about how I want to build my country and country, and how many meritorious deeds I have made. Instead, he said that all my old people can settle down, my friends can trust and entrust me, and the children can feel that I am worthy of admiration and memory. If my existence can make these three kinds of people have such sustenance, it will be enough. In this, the first place is "the old man is safe."

Do we understand what true filial piety is? Is the word "An" easy to do? It may be that every child has his own way to make the elderly feel secure from the outside and secure from the inside, but it is not easy to do it well. There is a folk saying in China that "filial piety comes first in all the virtues". All good deeds start with filial piety, because this is the deepest affection in life, and everyone can't avoid it. In the matter of filial piety, there is another folk saying, which is called "no matter what the heart is." We know that not every dutiful son has enough money and high status to convert love into a material condition for his parents according to his dream. Sometimes a profound wish, but it's just a simple thing to do, so small.

I heard a touching story of filial piety in teacher Yu Dan's program. A group of friends were chatting together, and one person said, I've been out for so long, I'm going to call my parents and tell them. Then, he dialed the number once, paused and hung up, dialed the number again, waited with the receiver, and then talked to his parents. His friends were surprised and asked, Is the line busy the first time? He said no. The friend asked, then why do you have to dial twice? This person simply said that my parents are old and have poor legs and feet. As long as they hear the phone, they think it's mine. Every time they rush forward, they can't wait to jump on the phone. My mother often trips over the legs of the table because of this. Later, I told them that I would call often, but only if you don't run. When I dial the phone for the first time, it will ring two or three times, and then hang up. You slowly walk to the phone and wait, and I will definitely call back later.

this story, to be honest, is a relatively rare story of children honoring their parents. When friends get together, they want to talk about their parents' love for their children. Everyone may casually say a lot, but it is often rare for children to have such a heart for their parents. In fact, I really hope that such a story can happen in each of our homes and around us. Therefore, it is not enough to rely solely on "persuasion" to support the elderly, but also to carefully consider how to set their minds at ease. As long as the feelings are fulfilled, the filial piety is fulfilled.

Third, respect is the only way to be filial

There are still some records in the Analects that put forward higher requirements for filial piety. Ziyou asks filial piety. Confucius said: "Today's filial piety is to support. As for dogs and horses, they can all be raised; Disrespect, why not? " Ziyou asked what is filial piety. Confucius said: "The so-called filial piety now means that you can support your parents. Even dogs and horses can be raised by people; Without loving parents, what is the difference between feeding parents and raising dogs and horses? " Zixia asked Confucius what filial piety was. Confucius said another phenomenon. He said: The hardest thing for children to be filial is to be kind to their parents. Look at the so-called filial piety today, that is, there are some things to be done, and children will rush to do it; In a situation where material conditions are not very rich, try to let the elders have food and drink. Everyone thinks these things are filial piety. However, Confucius has to ask, what is the difference between these and raising dogs and horses? Are these really filial piety?

Confucius' rhetorical question is thought-provoking. China people often use "filial piety" and "respect" together, showing filial piety, filial piety as a deed, and respect as a heart. The key is whether we have that deep respect for our parents in our hearts. That is to say, filial piety is not called filial piety. Filial piety is not a helpless obligation. What is filial piety? Mencius said: "You can't be close, you can't be a man, you can't be close, you can't be a son." If you don't like your parents, you can't be a man. If you don't like your parents, you can't be a son. What is "color difficulty" is a matter of attitude. It says that disrespect is filial piety, that is, attitude is difficult. He said, "If something happens, I will do my duty." When something happens, people like us who are children of the younger generation see their parents sweeping the floor and take over the broom to do it themselves. "There is wine and food, sir." If there is something delicious, give it to your parents and elders. "Was it filial piety?" Do you think this is filial piety? Doing something for the elders and inviting them to eat good food is not necessarily filial piety. Why? "color is difficult." Attitude is very important, as if we came home from work and felt exhausted, while dad was lying in bed and ordered to pour him a cup of tea. The children's tea was poured, but when they brought it, they kept a calm face, put the teacup on the bed and said in a cold and hard tone, "Drink it!" " Under the attitude of children, it is absolutely impossible to be more sad than death for the parents' psychology. Therefore, filial piety should be respected first, which belongs to the heart; The second is the difficulty of appearance and attitude. When we treat our parents, we can't just be satisfied with going home and seeing them. We should love them, not only to satisfy their material life, but also to satisfy their spiritual life. We should really care for them from the heart, give them a smile, remember them, and smile from the heart. They have lived all their lives, and what they need most when they are old is a sincere smile from their children.

Fourth, filial piety should be filial.

Confucius said, "When you are in charge of your parents, you will be remonstrated a few times, but you will not follow your will, and you will respect and disobey, and you will work hard without complaining." Confucius said, "Serve your parents (if there is something wrong with them) and persuade them gently.". If parents don't listen to their own opinions, they should still treat them respectfully and don't offend them. Although they are worried and hardworking, don't resent them. " What should children do when their parents do something wrong and they really have conflicts with them? In view of the above situation, Confucius suggested that as a child, when serving parents, if there are differences of opinion, or even if you think there is something wrong with your parents, you can politely stop it. This is called "several remonstrances", that is, you must be restrained, very slightly, and be able to persuade in a gentle way. "A few" means slightly and tactfully. Serve your parents politely. Parents may have some ideas that are not necessarily right. Parents may have some wrong ideas, even stupid ideas. What should we do? A few words of advice (tactful language to persuade parents) Persuade, but not rudely. You can't scold your parents "If you don't follow your will, you will not violate it" (The Analects of Confucius). Parents are still unwilling to listen to your advice. What should we do? You should at least be respectful on your face. You can't force it, you can't play with your parents, you don't violate it, you don't complain. Running around for your parents, what's more, persuading your parents may take a lot of breath and energy, but you can't have any resentment.

Let's talk about a truth. It may not matter what the truth itself is, but the expression is very important. It is very important how we can make a good truth in the best way. We often learn some interpersonal communication rules, that is, how to talk to colleagues and how to talk to friends, but almost no social book will teach you how to talk to your parents, because everyone thinks that parents are relatives, so do you still need to pay attention to the way to talk to your parents? The children always say, I am angry outside, why not go home and talk to my mother? Can't you lose your temper with my mother? Can't you take it out on my mother? However, it must be noted that it is often the closest people who become their own emotional trash cans, and sometimes they get hurt. Confucius said a simple truth, that is, the people closest to you are the ones who can't be hurt the most. If you disagree with them, you'd better pay attention to the way you speak. Can you say good things well? The child said, some parents will listen, some parents will not listen, and they are still insisting on their own practice, that is, "seeing the will." What if I don't listen to you? "Respect and don't violate", children should be respectful and don't contradict them. You may continue to worry about this matter in your heart, but you can't produce resentment. This is called "working without complaining". These are the suggestions provided by saints when children disagree with their parents.

v. Don't dispute unfilial

After the Neo-Confucianism of Song, Cheng and Zhu, the old adage "There is no such thing as a bad parent" appeared. This sentence is a bit idealistic. It also brought a lot of blame to Confucius on filial piety. Parents are mortal, how can there be no wrong? Confucius never said that parents in the world do and say everything right, and children must obey unconditionally. Understanding filial piety as obedience to parents is filial piety, which is a misinterpretation of Confucius' original intention. Confucian filial piety is to meet the reasonable demands of parents. As a dutiful son, we should pay attention to filial piety when we are filial to our parents. You should deal with some incorrect things about your parents properly. If you pander to your parents blindly, you will also pander to those incorrect and bad things, and you will be submissive. You are just unfilial.

There is an example about Zeng Shen. Zeng Shen's father is also a student of Confucius. His name is Ceng Dian, and his father and son are weeding. Melons were planted in the ground, and Zeng Shen accidentally hoed off the seedlings. Zeng Shen's father had a particularly bad temper. When he saw that Zeng Shen had broken the melon seedling, he rushed over in great anger. Zeng Shen knew that his father was angry. He waited there respectfully for his father. Scold him or punish him. The father has a bad temper, so it is a stick to pick up a stick at Zeng Shen. Zeng Shen didn't run, so he let his father fight. When I hit it with a stick, Zeng Shen fell down and fainted. Zeng Shen woke up later and his father was still there. He respectfully said to his father that it is simply unfilial for his son to make you angry. Neighbors say Zeng Shen is a filial son. But this incident reached the ears of Confucius, who was very angry. He told the other students that you should tell Zeng Shen that he was unfilial and that I no longer recognize him as a student. Zeng Shen felt very strange after hearing the students' message. How can I say that I am unfilial? I'm too filial to my parents. How can you call me unfilial? He came to see Confucius and said what was wrong with me? Confucius said, your father hit you with this cruel hand, and of course he might kill you. If you are killed, your father will be arrested by the government, and your father will commit a crime. So you let your father beat you like this and let your father commit a crime. It is unfilial of you to cause this consequence. If you are filial to your father, you should run quickly and don't let your father make this mistake. Don't let him be arrested by the government for making this mistake, and don't let him suffer the pain of losing his son. This is true filial piety. In fact, this story expresses such a message. As a true dutiful son, it is also filial to prevent his parents from making mistakes. Some people say that parents can do whatever they want and are willing to do. Even if it's a crime, it's not. Confucianism does not advocate this thing. True filial piety is like this: meet the parents' cooperation.