Northeast dialect jokes

Northeastern Dialect Jokes

Northeastern Dialect Jokes 1:

A bear in the Northeast calls Heixiazizi, but this thing is called Maodong. The so-called hibernation means that in autumn, Heixiazi goes to the mountains to pick wild fruits and mountain grapes. If you don't want to eat it, just slap it into the palm of your hand. The pulp and juice are all absorbed by the forefoot. When winter comes, it finds a tree hole, burrows in, and begins to sleep. When I feel hungry, I stretch out my front paws and start licking them. It’s like Suo Luo Mi (lollipop). Otherwise, why would bear paws be a major dish in the Manchu-Han banquet? It's fragrant, and the fruity aroma can ooze out of it. If you eat bear paws, you will eat the bear's front paws, and the back paws will be worthless. Otherwise, you will gain knowledge by listening to my 13th brother. Learn slowly, and you will be filled with suet when you learn it.

Bear bile is also a good thing. It is used as medicine to improve eyesight and clear away heat. Wild bears have become rare in the past two years. I think back then in the three northeastern provinces, they were "beating roe deer with sticks and gourds and eating fish". There are plenty of them on Heixiazi Mountain. When you hit, you'll get money. But ordinary hunters don't dare to mess with it, this guy is very fierce. If it is caught, it will definitely die. You can't outrun it, it can swim if you jump into a river, and it can climb trees if you hide in it. Black blind people don't eat dead things, so you have to pretend to be dead. This guy is bad. If he sits on you, think about its general grid, which is as big as a small tank. If he sits on you, you won't be bubbling. ah. As soon as you call out, it will go up and lick you first. Its tongue is full of barbs. If you don't use it like a mace (weak), you will be half-faced when it touches your tongue.

So bears are difficult to hunt, but there is an old hunter who knows how to hunt bears. Once you go up the mountain, you never come down empty-handed. Of course, at that time, there were no animal protection laws, and it was not illegal to beat a bear.

There is a young man who is envious of me. You think to yourself, why can’t I hit a bear? I might as well learn a few tricks from this old master. So I bought a few bottles of good wine and went to visit the old hunter at his house. When he entered the house, he knelt down and said: Uncle, you can teach me.

The old man didn't teach at first. As the saying goes: teach the apprentice and starve the master to death. Later, I couldn't stand the young man who came to beg (beg) every day, and he was quite good at making troubles, so my heart softened. Tell this young man: Boy, if you want to find a bear, you must first find a hole. The bigger the bear, the bigger the hole. If the hole is small, the big bear cannot hide. After you find the hole, throw a few rocks into it, which will make the bear inside anxious. You can hear it whining inside, and then you stand in front of the hole with a gun and wait. At this time, the black blind man will definitely be there. Get up and run out. You aim at the white hair on its chest and shoot it. The shot is accurate and it will never run away.

When the young man heard this, he was very happy. He knelt down and kowtowed to the old man again. He said, "Sir, I will go up to the mountain to hunt bears now. If I succeed this time, I will be the first to kill bears." Honor your old man. The old man was also very happy and said you can go ahead. The young man turned and left.

After a few days, the old man waited for the young man but he didn’t come. He thought to himself that this young man was too talkative. He was like that guy who had to tell me if he could hit a bear. He was too cool. You don't respect me anymore, no, I have to go to his house to bury him (sarcasm). When I arrived at the young man's house, I saw the young man lying on the bed with a bandage and a plaster on his body. I quickly asked: What's wrong with you, young man?

The young man said, Oh, don't mention it, he was beaten by a bear.

The old man said, how did it become like this? Didn’t you follow the tricks I taught you?

The young man said, it was only by following the tricks you taught you. Like this.

The old man said, no, I have been fighting for many years and I have never missed a shot. Please tell me what is going on.

The young man said, alas, uncle, That day I went up the mountain, picked the largest cave, threw a stone into it, and heard a whine inside. I quickly stood in front of the cave with my gun in hand and waited.

The old man asked, has the bear come out?

The young man said, the bear has not come out, come out and make a train

Northeastern joke two:

The child asked: What is bravery? Dad: Sorry!

The child asked: What is gentleness? Dad: Cheap!

The child asked: What is honesty? Dad: Bear Bah!

The child asked: What is positivity? Dad: It’s a shame!

The child asked: What is shame? Dad: It’s a shame!

Child :?Why can’t I understand these?

Dad:?Er.

The child asked: What is recklessness? Dad: Biao!

The child asked: What is strong? Dad: Bang!

The child asked: What is strength? Weak? Dad: Face it!

The child asked: What is frugality? Dad: Dig!

The child asked: What is waste? Dad: Make it!

The child asked: What is slander? Dad: Just bury it!

The child asked: What is shame? Dad: Drop the price!

Child:? This time I understand everything. Already!?

Dad: "Just pretending".

Short passage in Northeastern dialect

When the Northeastern children were young, they played a lot

, bounced the stream, slapped the pia a few times, slipped and climbed the fence, boys never did Crying, I don’t like the way girls urinate all the time, so they become very peeing when they grow up.

When the children from the Northeast were young, their front teeth got stuck, and their ripples stuck on the curbs. When they got home, their parents would always ask, "What are you doing? I lost three hairs every day." !

When the children from the Northeast were young, they were tanned and tanned. When they came home every night, their little faces were painted. Their parents would always say: I have been running around all day long, looking at you. My face is buried in Gutai's!

When the Northeastern children were young, they would not listen to the lectures in class, chatter, make fools around, and scream, which made the teacher irritated and said: "I talk nonsense in class every day and don't listen to the lectures." , even eating shit can’t keep up with the heat (ye, pronounced four times)!

When the Northeastern children were young, they liked to make noises in class, so much so that they broke their heads and broke their faces. The people next to them got annoyed and said: You two are making fun of each other! Children from the Northeast love flattering farts, and when they see them, they always want to kick them with their donkeys.

Northeastern boys always like to go crazy with Northeastern girls. Northeastern girls will always stun Xiaoxiao first and then scream and stuff their face, right! You can’t mess with Northeastern girls. If you mess with them, they will blow up the temple. .

The boys from the Northeast always say this in groups. The girls from the Northeast are getting more and more annoying every day. Not to mention how harsh and harsh they are, they look like arrogant ones. There is no time to calm down!

A boy from the Northeast doesn’t like to chat with a girl from the Northeast when he’s not doing anything. When he’s acting silly, he still has to listen to an angry girl from the Northeast chanting rice fields. His head hurts!

What if a guy from the Northeast someday Xiehan, which Northeastern girl is embarrassed to say, but the Northeastern girl is quite straightforward: I see you making lies every day, squirming, gibbering, and having a flat belly, why don’t you Xiehan me? After saying that, your face turned red. .

A girl from the Northeast always kisses the guy from the Northeast who is her partner. The guy from the Northeast feels happy, but he says, "Haha, you slapped me in the face!"

Northeastern The girl can be careless, chatter her little mouth, and spit bubbles everywhere, but she still doesn't make a fuss about herself, while the Northeastern guys always quietly walk away at this moment.

Northeastern people like to sit on the bed at night the most in winter. What do you support? Naohu!

Northeastern men like to cook a few cups of small pots when they have nothing to do. When they get home, they will vomit after drinking. See my Northeastern wife. But he cursed: Look at you, you are so happy, you have done so many things, you are so proud of yourself all day long, you are so confused, just drink if you are told, tiger!

Northeastern men are bloody, urinary, fastidious, and very enthusiastic about others. When they see those kind of arrogant, carefree people, they will always say: We don’t have the temperament like you at all. !

Classic Northeast dialect jokes

The prime minister’s son-in-law

There is a young man who is smooth and smooth (with a dignified appearance). He is also a good person, but there is one thing. He likes to curse people when he speaks, as if he is a colloquial. He either curses someone specifically, or he accidentally brings it out when he speaks. If you are in a relationship and you are annoyed by this, tell him, hey, the Chinese New Year is coming soon, you have to come to my house to see me, my parents haven’t seen you yet.

You hear this young man yelling (swearing) when he speaks, then go to JB. What else is there to consider? Aren’t your parents just like my parents?

The girl said, go ahead, you have to be careful what you say. Seeing that you are always cursing, my parents should not agree with what we are doing.

The young man said that I should try my best to change it and speak as little as possible.

On the twenty-eighth of the twelfth lunar month, the girl took the young man home. At first, the young man did well. After a while, the future mother-in-law cooked the rice, and everyone came to the table to eat. The old lady fried four vegetables and made a soup. The young man quickly stood up and said politely: Oh, ma'am, please take a rest and stop working. Four dishes are enough to make you feel awesome, plus the whole J8 soup.

As soon as the old man heard that he was a good match, he gave up and said, young man, please speak more civilly. The young man was confused and asked: What the hell did I say that was uncivilized?

The old man and the old lady were not happy at that time. They threw their chopsticks on the table and turned around to go back to the house. The young man couldn't stay at the girl's house anymore and wanted to go back. The girl was a little anxious and quickly called her parents to tell her that he was leaving. The old man and the old lady thought that they would give their girl some face and come out to see the young man off. It was very cold on the twenty-eighth day of the twelfth lunar month. The young man saw that the old man and the old lady were shivering in the cold and couldn't bear it. He said politely, "Go back, sir." Ma'am, don't give me away, I'll freeze you to death;