When you meet a new love or an old flame, how do you choose?

When you meet an old lover

Someone you once loved, broke up with, and suffered pain from, but it may not be over. In modern love stories, when old lovers meet, is love gone and all memories gone with the wind; or is love over, but love can be sublimated, and we cannot be lovers or friends; or looking back, the love of the past can still come back? < /p>

Author: Su Su, female, 23 years old, kindergarten teacher

Guest: Jin Xin, female, 26 years old, TV reporter

A Kang, male, 32 Years old, graphic designer

Zhou Wei, female, 26 years old, middle school teacher

Jin Xin: When I broke up with my first boyfriend, he once asked me guiltily, Can we still be friends in the future? At that time, I flatly refused because I still hated him. Later, even if I didn’t hate him, I still couldn’t be friends, because this person was completely irrelevant to my life.

He and I are college alumni, and he is one grade above me. In 1999, he graduated from college and came to Guangzhou to work in sales for a foreign company. And I am preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination in the north day and night. In order to stay with him forever, I will go to his side for the examination. This is the only possibility for us to have a better life in the future. The next summer, I got the admission notice for graduate school as I wished. It seemed that beautiful love and bright studies were waving to me. When he called me at that time, the most he said was: "When you come later..." Who knew that it was just a happy illusion that would never be realized one day.

Only after I came to Guangzhou did I realize that it was not easy to get along with him. During that time, changes in the company's upper management affected his promotion, and our relationship was gradually overshadowed by his career. He became increasingly moody, sometimes brooding alone, sometimes irritable; people around him never knew what he was thinking. During an occasional chat, he accidentally revealed that when he saves enough money, he will go to Shanghai to study for an MBA. "Then what should I do?" I was surprised. "You should go too." The understatement made my heart freeze to freezing point. He often travels on business, but he has never bought me a small gift; he comes to see me once a week, but he is always in a hurry because he has to go back to review; he said that it is not easy for him to struggle until today, but He never considered my future... Finally, before Christmas, he broke up with me. The reason is: personality disharmony. This is a pale reason. In fact, I know that he was the first to give up on love when his career suffered setbacks...

My husband and I now live a peaceful and happy life. Everything in the past has settled. Although I still remember many details, there is no emotional color anymore.

Before the Spring Festival, I received an email from him, just a simple greeting. I deleted it like any other piece of junk mail because I really had nothing left to say about this man and everything about him.

A Kang: Listening to you telling this story, I suddenly remembered a poem by Du Fu: "If we don't meet each other in life, we will move like participating in business." It means that Du Fu and his friends are like ancient ginseng stars. and Shang Xing, 180 degrees apart, rise and fall one after another, never meeting each other. Two people who no longer love each other, even if they live in the same sky, they just meet but don't know each other.

Author: "It used to be difficult to change the sea." Two people who loved each other so much before have now become ordinary friends again. It is equivalent to walking the road that has come to an end again. So there is so much in this friendship. With so much burden, many people cannot accept the gap in the middle. But some people believe that time can heal everything, and two people who have lost love can still be friends, as long as they are not disconnected, dragging their feet, and always thinking about the past.

Jin Xin: Whether lovers can still be friends after they break up, I think it depends not only on the reason for the breakup, but also on the individual’s personality. For example, my husband can be devoted to being friends with his first love. They broke up because they were separated by two places, but they are still friends to this day and occasionally send emails to say hello. My husband sometimes needs to look up information for his projects and cannot find it in Guangzhou, so he asks her to copy it in Beijing. I didn't believe it at first, but as time went by, I realized that there was really nothing between them, and I had nothing to be jealous of anymore. But I would never be able to do it.

Zhou Wei: My ex-husband Chen Qi and I also became friends from husband and wife. We could not maintain a happy marriage in the besieged city, but after we became single, we even had a relationship that was better than that of husband and wife. A rare friendship.

When I first met Chen Qi, he had been divorced for 5 years because his ex-wife had an affair. They have an 8-year-old daughter named Yangyang who lives with her mother. Chen Qi loves her daughter very much and spends one day with her almost every weekend. I was only 22 years old at that time, and Chen Qi was already 30. He likes my liveliness and cheerfulness, and I am fascinated by his maturity and stability. In this way, we got married after only half a year of knowing each other.

Married life is not as beautiful as imagined. First of all, I have to learn to be a qualified little wife from a playful little girl. I have to work hard to adapt to the many habits that Chen Qi has developed in her last marriage. What’s even more troublesome is that I have to Work hard to be a competent "mom" every Sunday.

Although Chen Qi has been divorced for five years, many of the influences left on him by his first marriage are deep-rooted. These trivial and stubborn habits are like an invisible knife, cutting away my confidence in him and this marriage bit by bit.

During the first few weekends after Yangyang arrived, I always got up early in the morning to prepare breakfast for her. But the little girl has no appetite every time she faces a table of exquisite food. At this time, Chen Qi would boil the overnight rice at home and make it into rice with pickles. Later I learned that his ex-wife was from Shanghai and liked to eat rice soaked in water in the morning. Over time, he and his daughter could not live without rice soaked in water. Therefore, Chen Qi usually eats the breakfast prepared by me, and on weekends, she and her daughter eat rice dumplings. Watching their father and daughter eating pao rice with gusto, I knew that in the first round, I had been completely defeated by this hard pao rice.

Later, I gradually developed a strange mentality. Every habit of Chen Qi made me think: "Is this left by his ex-wife?" I have never met Chen Qi's ex-wife, but , in my home, around me and my husband, it seems that this woman is everywhere. I want to exert my strength, but I can't find where to put it. I became less and less confident.

What troubles me the most is getting along with his daughter. The tolerance and consideration of adults have no effect on the little girl. Once, I heard Yangyang say that the teacher asked them to learn "Andersen's Fairy Tales" to tell stories, so I offered to give her a set. When Yangyang took the book from my hand, he said obediently: "Thank you, auntie!" I was really happy at that moment, thinking that the child was a child after all. But just a few days later, Yangyang asked her father to buy "Andersen's Fairy Tales" again. Chen Qi asked her, didn't aunt just buy you a set? "I'm sorry, I lent it to a classmate and it was lost." Yangyang said softly, lowering his head. Chen Qi didn't know what to say, so he bought another set for her. Another time, when the Spring Festival was approaching, I carefully selected a down jacket for Yangyang. I put it on in the afternoon. When I came back in the evening, there was a big hole in the jacket. This happened a few times, and I finally understood my situation.

After several failures, I became discouraged and started to argue head-on with Chen Qi. I don't allow him to associate with his ex-wife. I no longer try to change his daughter's opinion. I don't care what Chen Qi thinks... You can imagine the ending of this marriage.

Later, Chen Qi went to Shanghai. When he came back when he was free, he would definitely ask me to meet him. Unexpectedly, after crossing the bottom line of divorce, our relationship has completely relaxed, and we can now talk about things we didn't dare to say before. The relationship between us is a bit subtle. He will help me clear all kinds of obstacles when I encounter difficulties. I will go to Shanghai to visit him when he is sick and hospitalized. He can help me solve a big problem, and so can I. Return him a very small concern. Our relationship should be said to be more family than love.

Now that he has taken his ex-wife and daughter to Shanghai, there is a possibility that they will remarry, and there is someone else around me, but this does not prevent me and Chen Qi from making love. A pair of old friends. Maybe it's too expensive to use a marriage to build a friendship, but I'm still grateful.

Akang: There is a proverb: "When God closes a door for you, it also opens another window for you." Love is gone, but feelings still exist, and they can be replaced. One form continues. But if you have a new partner, you should avoid any suspicion and avoid some interactions that may cause misunderstandings.

Even if you find the right opportunity to communicate again, let your current lover understand that it is just a very ordinary friendship. I think for a real man, this is a sign of responsibility.

Jin Xin: If there are difficulties in communication, I am more likely to choose to avoid it. Sometimes men are also very petty animals. No matter how generous a man is, when you talk about the intimate relationship with your ex-boyfriend with great enthusiasm, there is no guarantee that he will not hold a grudge against you. So we should have reservations when appropriate. After all, it was the experience before we fell in love, and it does not need to be enjoyed by two people. It would be unwise if the past affects your current relationship.

Author: People often say that old relationships are never forgotten, and therefore many stories are born out of thin air. Because of the addition of the word "old", this relationship has faded a bit after all. After the filtering of time, old lovers often become the most precious memories in the heart, just like women treasure jewelry, thinking that they can wait for them all their lives. But don’t forget, there is a big risk in re-washing the “old” love that is fixed in the past tense into today’s color.

Akang: Human psychology is so strange. In the final analysis, what is fate? What you get is just countless dull and repetitive days; what you pass by is regarded as a lifelong regret. Just like Zhang Ailing said: Marry a red rose, and over time, the red will become a smear of mosquito blood on the wall, and the white will remain the "moonlight in front of the bed"; marry a white rose, and the white will become a stain on your clothes. Rice sticks, but the red one is a cinnabar mole on the heart.

Author: What is a destined person? It is not necessarily the person who accompanies you on the road. Along the way, you may miss the scenery many times. However, not every miss is worth cherishing. Therefore, cherish the happiness in front of you, so that you can say calmly and calmly when facing new love and old love: "I only take one scoop to drink from the weak water."

This is a story "When You Meet an Old Lover", I hope the original poster will take a good look at it, maybe you will know what to do. Hope this helps the original poster