Do you know what's behind children's behavior towards plush toys and blankets that can't be thrown away?

Many mothers are worried about their children's performance. What's going on here? Not to mention his age, he acts like a child, and this fetish behavior is scary enough. After all, these behaviors of children are very similar to the well-known "fetishism". They are all obsessed with an item. Once they can't see it, they will be at a loss and cry.

If you don't correct your child's behavior as soon as possible, will it bring irreparable consequences when you grow up?

In fact, as long as we observe carefully, there are many children who have similar behaviors, and even some children grow up, and this "fetish" habit cannot be changed. For example, Fu, a famous swimmer, always takes a red rope when he takes part in variety shows. It is said that she always goes out with this red rope when she sleeps. Fu's father explained that this red rope Fu had been with him since he was a child, and he never left his body when he was eating and sleeping. A red belt can give her enough sense of security and make her much quieter. Stephy's daughter can't put the "eggs" anywhere. Jackson Yi always sleeps with a bear.

So, is this behavior normal? What do parents think of children's behavior? Today, Happy Dad will talk to you about children's fetishes.

In the book "Understanding Virginity", the author describes attachment like this:

One sentence tells the essence of children's attachment behavior.

fetishism

Although children's fetishism and fetishism are similar to a great extent, they are completely different in essence.

Fetishism is a mental illness, a kind of abnormal psychology. They often touch, bite, play with and even tear attached objects, and get psychological pleasure through these behaviors. Articles can be different, and the ways of handling them can be different, but the purpose of getting pleasure through various ways is the same.

And fetishism is more of a special attachment to a specific object, such as the little blanket, small toy mentioned by Happy Dad above. Once separated from these items, children will cry or be impatient.

Therefore, the two are actually two different behaviors.

For fetishism, it needs compulsory psychotherapy, or supplemented by compulsory means in reality, in order to gradually guide it to the right path and become normal; As for fetishism, it doesn't need much intervention. After all, what children are really attached to is not the object itself, but the smell of the mother.

Moreover, with the increase of age and social experience, as long as there is no external interference, children's fetish behavior will gradually disappear, and parents do not need to make great efforts to correct it.

Children's fetishism is actually a kind of "transitional object"

The term transitional object was put forward by Winnicott, a child psychoanalyst. He thought:

This passage gives some characteristics of the transitional object, such as children's own discovery or creation, such as the first appearance in children's games, and the obvious characteristics of a stage of children's growth.

Generally speaking, the transition objects are obviously different for children of different ages.

For example, children like to eat their hands. On the one hand, they mainly explore the world through their mouths. On the other hand, their own hands symbolize their mothers' breasts, which can bring them comfort and stability. Therefore, when the mother is not around, children often choose to use their fingers as transitional objects instead of their mothers to comfort themselves.

Such as the well-known pacifier. This is to completely imitate the feeling of mother's breasts, as a transitional object of children, to help children through weaning and when their mothers are not around.

After that, the transition objects gather on blankets, plush toys and the like. This kind of article has a familiar mother flavor, which can reassure children; It also has a very comfortable touch, especially the feeling of blanket wrapped around the body, almost the feeling of mother's arms; In addition, such items can be moved at any time and will not appear because some things are gone, so they are favored by many children and become their own transitional objects.

Therefore, a child's fetish is actually to love his mother, the taste of his mother, and the security of being with his mother. As for those small blankets and plush toys that can't be put down, they are only transitional objects in a stage.

So, what kind of language is hidden behind the child's fetish? Can parents know the psychological changes of their children through their fetish behavior? Actually, it is possible.

Generally speaking, behind children's fetishes, there are often these "small thoughts" that belong to them.

Like separation anxiety.

Many children's fetish behaviors are concentrated in the weaning stage.

According to the recommendation of the American Academy of Pediatrics, every mother should breastfeed her child at least until she is about 2 years old, so as to give her child enough time to prepare for the change that she can no longer breastfeed. But in real life, there are still many mothers who can't breastfeed their children all the time, whether for work or family reasons. Moreover, the weaning methods they choose are also very rude, such as soy sauce and pepper, and they force their children to leave their mothers in a very strong way.

This method is actually very effective. Most children quickly adapt to the days without breast milk, but physical adaptation does not mean psychological adaptation. After all, weaning is the first time for a child to face a world without a mother, and it is reasonable to have strong separation anxiety. And this anxiety makes them often choose some comforting substitutes, which is the source of fetishism.

For example, insecurity

There is another reason for fetish children, that is, lack of security.

As the name implies, a sense of security means that a person has confidence, can accept being loved, and can take the initiative to love others. A sufficient sense of security means that you have enough willingness to contact the outside world and enough motivation to explore the unknown.

Before the age of 3, it is a critical period for children to form a sense of security.

However, due to many factors, many children feel insecure, such as often not seeing their parents, often being criticized by their parents, such as parents rarely sitting down to play with them, and so on. These things seem inconspicuous, but they do affect the formation of children's sense of security.

Once this period is missed, children who are not safe enough will have some abnormal behaviors. What fetish behavior, what likes to bite hands and eat nails, what is easy to cry when mood changes, what sticks to mom and says, what is not good at all as long as mom is around, and so on. In fact, they are all direct manifestations of insecurity.

So fetishism is not terrible. On the contrary, it is more a manifestation of children's psychological problems and a signal that children need "love" and "security".

Happy dad, it says so much. What should parents do if their children really show a strong fetish?

Here, Happy Dad gives you some practical suggestions:

Respect children's fetishism.

First of all, we should respect children's behavior, truly understand children's attachment needs to transitional objects, and understand that this is actually just a transitional behavior, which will gradually disappear as children grow up. So, don't stop them rudely, and don't criticize them for it.

In fact, even if fetishism is serious, this behavior will gradually disappear around the age of 3. After all, when they grow up, even if they are attached, they will gradually transform from the concrete things before to the actual objects.

However, before that, mom and dad still need to pay more attention. After all, blankets and plush toys are big bacteria breeding grounds. If it can't be cleaned and disinfected in time, children will easily get sick. So it is very important to choose some plush toys with better quality.

Fetish children need a sense of security

As parents, we should give our children a sense of security, especially before they are 3 years old.

No matter how busy you are, you can tell your child what you are going to do and when you will come back before you leave. When you get home, even if it's just a little time, talk to your children about what happened at work and at home. If possible, taking children out for a walk every week can not only broaden their mood in nature, but also cultivate their sense of security.

Children with enough security will not get stuck in the transition object.

Fetish children need company.

Here, the company that Happy Dad said is more of a quality company.

Many parents think that watching their children while playing mobile phones is companionship, but it is not. This kind of behavior can only be called nursing at best, but companionship is not at all.

The real high-quality companionship is that mom and dad can put down their mobile phones and participate in the children wholeheartedly. They can play games with their children, chat with them and even read a picture book with them. The so-called high quality also requires parents to participate, experience children's happiness, and share happiness with children.

This kind of companionship does not take long, but for children, the effect is far better than long-term care.

In fact, parents should pay more attention to the child who will not give up a blanket and plush toys. They are the most sensitive people and need love most. Only by giving them enough sense of security and companionship can they become more confident and have more strength to face various challenges in the future!