How to keep chastity

Directory section 1: Set your own boundary 1 and think about your own reasons. 2. Think about your time plan. 3. Eliminate misconceptions. 4. Define yourself. 5. Look at your choices positively. 6. Set your boundaries. 7. Accept your body calmly and proudly. 8. Find some healthy channels to release pent-up energy. Part II: Communicate your bottom line with your partner 1, and have a frank date. 2. Find time to talk to your partner about your bottom line. 3. In a love relationship, both parties agree that everything should be clear, such as kissing and touching. 4. Exercise your right to say no. If someone puts pressure on you, you should also stand firm. 6. If things get worse, turn around and leave. 7. Let them go. The third part: resist peer pressure 1, and understand several types of peer pressure. 2. Be skeptical. 3. Understand the value of the sentence "This is not true". 4. Self-defined meaning. 5. associate with positive people. 6. Go straight ahead. 7. Respect everyone's right to choose, and don't humiliate others just because they make different choices from you. In this society full of desires, it is not easy to keep chastity. You need to set firm and appropriate personal boundaries, defend the sovereignty of your body, and define the scale of getting along with your partner.

Part 1: Set your own boundaries.

1, think about your reasons. If you can understand why this decision is important to you, you can probably stick to it. Take some time to clear your mind. The reason for staying chaste should not be your parents, your religious guidance or your lover, nor should it be Wikipedia articles, but your own heartfelt choice. Write all your thoughts in a diary so that you can read them at any time. Abstinence may be due to the following reasons: your religious, spiritual or personal beliefs advocate waiting or abstinence.

You feel unprepared or uninterested.

You are a frigid person, for example, you have no sexual desire, are not interested in sex, and even feel sick.

You want to dedicate your first time to someone special.

You can't get the tools you need for contraception, birth control or sexual health care.

You are underage and feel too young.

You are worried about your personal safety. For example, you are afraid of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, or your family is very strict. You think if they find out, it will hurt your feelings.

2. Think about your time plan. How long do you want to abstain from sex? Most people will not remain chaste all their lives, so you'd better set clear and reasonable goals. Think about how long you will remain a virgin. Remember, if the decision of abstinence no longer suits you, you can always change your mind. Abstinence for many years is too stressful for some people. Try to make an "agreement" for yourself, such as I will abstain from sex this month, and then review and update this "agreement" at the end of each month.

3. Eliminate misconceptions. Sex is not evil, and being a virgin will not make you "holy" or virtuous. For adults, sex can be wonderful, and they have reached a state of understanding and two of a kind. Sex will not change your body structure, nor will it change you from a good person to a bad person. Don't be single because of fear, make decisions without prejudice and fully understand the facts. Most people will have sex all their lives. Don't feel guilty if you feel ready at some point.

4. Define yourself. People have different definitions of the words "chastity" and "sex". Before you draw your own boundaries, you need to find out how you define these words. How do you define "sex"? What kind of intimate contact is acceptable to you and what is excessive? How do you define "chastity"? Is it a mental, psychological or physical concept, or both?

You have to sort this out yourself and know what you can accept before you can make it clear to others.

If you know where your boundaries are, you can speak out confidently and think that others should respect you, so you can defend yourself more forcefully and do what you think is right.

5. Look at your choices positively. Don't stare at the disadvantages of sex, think about what you can do. If you don't plan to find a sexual partner at present, what else can you do to enrich your life?

If you want to remain chaste at a certain stage, try to achieve this goal. For example, if you want to wait until you have more confidence and courage before starting sex, then try to make yourself more courageous and cultivate self-confidence.

6. Set your boundaries. You must draw your own physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries. No one has the right to violate or despise your boundaries. Draw your emotional boundaries. What kind of relationship makes you feel comfortable or uncomfortable? What kind of behavior will make you unhappy? Remember, your own feelings are more important than others'.

Think about your spiritual boundaries. To what extent can you accept other people's ideas and opinions? To what extent do you think the other person doesn't respect your ideas or opinions? Are you free to explain or defend your personal beliefs?

Think about your physical boundaries. You can accept any time, any place and any part you touch. What kind of physical contact exceeds your personal bottom line? Be clear about your bottom line and be good to yourself and others.

There are some comparison tables on the Internet that can help you understand your acceptable and unacceptable standards.

7. Accept your body calmly and proudly. We are often surrounded by all kinds of information, claiming that our appearance, feelings and behaviors should or should not be. This information makes it difficult for us to face our decision calmly and firmly. But if you have confidence in yourself and your decision, your heart will be full of strength, and you think others should respect you and your choice. Don't sacrifice yourself or your body under the pressure of others. If someone thinks you are not beautiful and doesn't recognize the integrity of your body, then resolutely kick them out of your life. Your parents will fully support your decision and they will be proud of you. Draw a clear line between acceptable and unacceptable, and demand respect from others.

8. Find some healthy channels to release pent-up energy. Unless you are frigid, there is likely to be a moment of sexual desire. Solve your needs and release your energy in a way that you feel comfortable with. Exercise, such as walking, exercising or running with your family.

Some virgins like masturbation.

Take a bath, or use hot compress or cold compress to solve the congestion problem.

Pay attention to things other than sex, whether it is art, writing, friends, family, voluntary activities or homework.

Part II: Communicate your bottom line with your partner.

1, honest dating. For some people, asexual love is very disappointing. If you delay telling them your position on sex, it's unfair to both sides. Let the other person know your position before you talk about marriage, so that even if you break up, it won't hurt your heart. Even if you really want to postpone telling the person you like that you intend to remain chaste, don't do it. Sooner or later, they will know that if they find out later, you two will definitely experience avoidable pain and chaos.

If this person doesn't have the same idea as you and can't accept asexual love relationship, it doesn't matter, it's their own choice. Don't feel pressured by your own decision. Both sides should respect each other's decision. If we can't reach an understanding, let's go our separate ways in a friendly way.

2. Find time to talk to your partner about your bottom line. Tell the other person what you can and can't accept, and then let the other person say where his boundaries are. If you like, you can also take this opportunity to explain to him why it is important for you to remain chaste temporarily or forever. He may not understand, he may ask you some questions, and you can explain them to each other slowly if you like. If the other person wants to persuade you to change the boundaries, you should clearly show the seriousness of this matter. The other person needs to be respected.

If you don't want to discuss why you should be chaste, just say "I don't want to talk about it".

3. In a love relationship, both parties agree that everything should be clear, such as kissing and touching. * * * knowledge is very important, you should know how to agree, how to go back on our word, and how to judge whether you have the consent of the other party. It's important to be honest about what you like and don't like. In a good relationship, you and your partner must communicate clearly and listen to each other. Once you feel uncomfortable, say "no", or you want to slow down. Simply say "I don't like it", "I'm not ready to do it" or "not now" and your partner will understand.

Say "yes" clearly. When we are together, we must always let each other know where our progress is. Say "yes", smile, make eye contact, and then play the leading role.

If you can't make up your mind, tell the truth. Simply say "I'm not sure" or flirt: "I don't know. Can you convince me? "

Ask your partner, "Do you like this?" "What would you think if I were you?" Or "Do you want it?"

4. Exercise your right to say no. If you feel uncomfortable or uncertain at any time, say you want to stop or slow down. A good lover will take your "no" seriously and respect your feelings immediately. You can say "no" at any time, even if you just said "yes" five minutes ago, agreed to do something last week, or everyone else agreed to do it. You can say no anytime, anywhere.

Coping with stress through repetition. Keep saying things like "no" or "I don't want it".

If you are shy, practice saying no. Try to write down these words in this article, and then practice. Speaking is not an important life skill.

If someone puts pressure on you, you should stand firm. Respect your partner won't bother to change your bottom line, but not everyone will respect you. You have the right to set limits for your body; If the other party doesn't respect your boundaries, it doesn't respect you. A simple "no" should be enough. If it is not enough, be prepared to accept the opposition of the other party. Some people are not mature enough to accept what they don't want to hear. Your answer should be concise, honest, respectful, and reiterated when necessary. You can use repetition, that is, when you are under pressure, repeat the same sentence, such as "no" or "I don't want to".

If the other person says, "You won't let me do it, it means you don't love me." You can answer, "I love you, but I don't want you to touch me like that now."

If the other person says, "But you said I could." You can answer, "I have the right to change my mind."

If the other person says, "You are too serious (or frigid or depressed)." You replied: "I am quite satisfied with myself and my body. Please respect me. "

If the other person doesn't respect your bottom line or makes you feel uncomfortable, there is a problem. Maybe it's time to consider whether you still want to maintain this relationship.

6. If things get worse, turn around and leave. If someone refuses to respect your emotional, mental or physical bottom line, then walk away. Learn to walk away calmly and confidently. The most important thing is that you leave that person. If you can, try to leave calmly and confidently and let them know that they can't control you. If you are at a party or other social occasions, stay away from those people and talk to a friend. If you are alone with that person, or something like that, go away, go where others are, or go to a place where you can always ask for help, such as panic button, a taxi and so on.

When you leave, imagine kneading their words into a ball and throwing them away.

After throwing away their words, say something positive to yourself and welcome some beautiful things.

7. Let them go. If the people you meet don't understand the hint and are still talking, you can make the following powerful responses to make them disappear. If you are at a party or a bar, and that person doesn't accept your rejection, and you are not interested in this person, you can look him in the eye and say, "I saidno." Please go away. "

If you want to have some fun and feel that this person is not a threat, you can say "I will be very attached to this person after sleeping with him" or "I really don't want to tell you that I have herpes zoster." If you feel dangerous, leave them and ask for help immediately.

Part III: Resisting peer pressure

1, to understand several types of peer pressure. As we all know, teenagers face peer pressure, including sex. In order to better resist peer pressure, you have to admit its existence and understand it. When you realize that someone is using a skill, you can be prepared to resist. There are several types of peer pressure: explicit peer pressure: this is the most obvious form of stress. They usually say directly and without beating around the bush, such as "You have no sexual experience. Everyone has it! "

Mean peer pressure: this kind of pressure is smart. If you don't obey, they will use it to make you feel a little strange or wrong. They may say "Forget it, you are a virgin, you don't understand", or call you a virgin, prude and so on.

Controlled peer pressure: This kind of pressure threatens you to do something by obvious means. If you don't do it, they will threaten to expel you from the group or not make friends with you. They may say, "If you are a virgin, we can't be friends" or "I don't play with virgins."

2. Be skeptical. People around you may talk about their sexual experiences, but they are probably just exaggerating and even lying about their experiences. Even if they look convincing, you should train yourself to be skeptical about what others claim to have done. You don't have to get to the bottom of it, but you should question "it may not be true" in your mind.

3. Understand the value of the sentence "This is not true". Faced with all kinds of negative external information, whether from the media, pop culture, friends, family or experts, it may be difficult for you to maintain your pride and confidence. If someone spares no effort to test your bottom line with some negative comments or statements, and you know they are not true, then stick to your position. Repeat the sentence "This is not true!" You can say it to yourself or to others until the sentence disappears.

4. Self-defined meaning. Peer pressure often makes you feel that sex represents something. For example, if you sleep with someone, you will become an adult and become less dependent on your parents. Don't let others judge what your sexual status means to you. This is especially important for senior high school students, especially the peer pressure in sex. Don't believe what others say to you, "You have no sexual experience because you are unattractive" or "Because you are too timid". Choosing to keep chastity does not mean any of the above, but only means that you actively choose your own beliefs and don't allow others to deprive you of your beliefs.

5. associate with positive people. A good way to reduce negative peer pressure is to stay away from those who create stress. If there are friends around you who will nag you, make fun of you or give you pressure because of sex, you should calmly and confidently ask them to stop this behavior. If they don't want to, then reduce contact with them.

Find friends who are willing to accept your choices and respect your independent decisions, and associate with them.

6. Go straight ahead. Just like treating a lover who doesn't respect your boundaries, you should leave the other half who doesn't respect your boundaries. Walk away calmly and confidently. The most important thing is that you leave that person. If you can, try to leave calmly and confidently and let them know that they can't control you.

When you leave, imagine kneading their words into a ball and throwing them away.

After throwing away their words, say something positive to yourself and welcome some beautiful things.

7. Respect everyone's right to choose, and don't humiliate others just because they make different choices from you. Don't use sex to humiliate or force others to be like you. Sex is a very personal choice, just as you will respect people who take the initiative to enjoy sex, they should also respect your abstinence choice.

Tip If the other person doesn't accept your saying "no", it may mean that he doesn't really respect you and respect your rights. In the worst case, that person may be sadistic, so you should decide whether to ask someone you trust for help.

Remember that only you can decide your own bottom line. If others are unable or unwilling to respect your boundaries, you have the right to keep them away from you and drive them away if necessary.

Rape and sex are very different. Rape is an act of violence and control, while sex is an act derived from desire. Even if you were unfortunately raped, you still kept your virginity.