English jokes, the shorter the better, with translation.

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where are you going to put them?

Stan: In the bathroom.

Fred: But what do you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: blindfold them!

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where do you want to put them?

Stan: The bathroom.

Fred: But what do you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: blindfold them!

2. Revenge the cost of cheating

Old farmer Johnson is dying. The family stood by his bed. He said to his wife in a low voice, "When I die, I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone from now on." Johnson: "But I hope you can." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonathan cheated me in a horse racing deal!" "

Old farmer Johnson is dying. His family are all standing by the bed. He whispered to his wife, "When I die, I want you to marry farmer Jones." The wife said, "No, I can't marry anyone after you die." Johnson: "But I hope you do." Wife: "Why?" Johnson: "Because Jones once cheated me in a horse deal."

I think I am a chicken. I think I am a chicken.

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I am a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: since I was an egg!

Psychiatrist: What's the matter with you?

Patient: I think I am a chicken.

Psychiatrist: When did this start?

Patient: Since I was an egg.

4. How can I get the gum out? How do I take the gum out?

The stewardess handed out chewing gum to the passengers, explaining that it was to prevent their ears from bursting. When the plane landed, a passenger rushed to her and said, "I'm going to see my wife soon." How can I get the gum out of my ear? "

When the stewardess distributed chewing gum to the passengers, she explained that chewing gum helped prevent tinnitus. After the plane landed, a passenger ran up to the stewardess and said, "I'm going to see my wife soon." How can I get the gum out of my ear? "

5. Where am I?

An Englishman lost his way while driving in the country. He saw a farmer working in a nearby field, so he drove over and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am now?" "Yes," said the farmer, looking at him strangely. "You are in your car, sir."

An Englishman lost his way while driving in the country. He saw a farmer working in a nearby field. So he drove over and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am now?" "yes." The farmer looked at him strangely and then said, "You are in your car now, sir."

The chief at the wedding.

A policeman stopped a driver who was speeding in the street.

"But officer," said the man, "I can explain."

"Be quiet," snapped the policeman. "I will put you in jail before the director comes back."

"But, officer, I ..."

"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail! "

A few hours later, the police officer looked at his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the director is attending his daughter's wedding. He will be in a good mood when he comes back. "

"Are you sure?" The man in the cell replied. "I am the room."

A speeding driver was stopped by the police in the street. But, officer, the man said, I can explain. "Keep quiet," the policeman said suddenly. "I will send you to prison until the Chief Executive comes back. But, police, I, "I said keep quiet, you are going to jail. A few hours later, the policeman looked at the prison and said, "You are lucky because our boss is attending his daughter's wedding." ".He will come back with a happy mood. ""Are you sure? " The man in the cell said. I am the groom.

7. Who is lazy and who is the laziest?

Father: Well, Tom, I talked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?

Tom: I don't know, Dad.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think about it! When other boys and girls are doing their homework and writing, who sits in the classroom and only watches how others work?

Tom: Our teacher, Dad.

Father: Hey, Tom, I talked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest in your class? Tom: I don't know, Dad. Father: Oh, no, you know! Think about it, when other children are doing their homework and writing, who sits in class and just watches others do their homework? Tom: Our teacher, Dad.

Two birds, two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, and the other is a sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is next to the sparrow, and the sparrow is next to the sparrow.

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a sparrow. Who can point out which is the swallow and which is the sparrow? Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer Teacher: Please talk about it. Student: The sparrow is next to the swallow, and the swallow is next to the sparrow.