Mobile phones are children's lives, and toilets are children's paradise.

It's almost two months since school started, and many parents come to consult. What do you want to consult? Children especially like to play with mobile phones, and they cling to them every day. They either play mobile phones, chat QQ and play games, or follow the drama "First Love Monster" and "The Father of Magic Road", watch Crossing or fantasy novel, and so on.

Some children even claim that the toilet is my paradise and the mobile phone is my life! How can you manage a childish and ferocious face that fights death? It's useless!

What deserves our parents' attention is that many children feel the same way about the Declaration of Heaven's Life. What can we do when they start to stick to their guns step by step?

Usually more effective companionship and inner care, as well as guidance when signs appear.

In this article, let's talk about the fact that a mobile phone is a child's life!

When it comes to this topic, almost every parent will have a lot of troubles. Many parents have said that "asking for a child's mobile phone is like asking for a child's life", "everything should be exchanged with a mobile phone" and "not playing with a mobile phone is like waiting for an enemy". When it comes to children's mobile phones, most of us adults are particularly anxious. We can see that the mobile phone has become a very big problem, like a mountain in front of parents, on their chests, tearing the parent-child relationship.

Dear parents and partners, we cannot deny anyone. Now is the online world. Our living space depends on the ubiquitous network world for operation or convenience. Our children now live in this online world as soon as they are born. Who gave them the internet and mobile phones? Children are more receptive to new things than we adults, children are more receptive to the convenient internet than we are, and prefer to have a lifestyle like mobile phones. Is that so?

Let's first analyze the mobile phone, children's demand for mobile phones, and analyze it from the psychological level.

First, see through the essence of the game.

What do children play with their mobile phones? There are three categories: chatting, listening to songs, watching videos, reading novels and playing games. The hardest thing for parents to accept is that their children play games. Why are games so attractive to children? In fact, not only children, but also countless adults, including many parents. People who have played games may have an experience, that is, they can't stop, they are fascinated and there are always new challenges. In a word, addiction is like poison!

There are many things that attack human nature in the design of the game, such as psychology, sociology, behavior, consumerism, values, sense of accomplishment, sense of identity and so on. Design itself conforms to the ultimate goal of our human psychological pursuit: feeling. Computer and mobile games have two characteristics. One is to arrange and combine in units, which can be matched back and forth at will. On the one hand, it is easy to master some rules. On the other hand, it is easy to encounter some seemingly novel challenges, and failures can be repeated. Second, it is very important for children not to be criticized by others, especially to restrain their parents and teachers. Adults sometimes kill time, but children generally don't. Children enjoy a sense of accomplishment.

Whether our children play, study or treat others in the real world, they will always be judged or even accused by someone's eyes, but not in the game world. Most people who play games, if they are obsessed with games, are generally driven by characteristics.

These contents, we can actually talk to children. Tell him the principles of these designs. Then let him know that we are wasting our lives by playing this infinite game with limited life time. But at the same time, we should also know that the addiction characteristics of games are normal. On the one hand, we should know that it is normal for children to like playing games. Try to guide children to jump out, see what the mechanism behind something is, and tell them not to be blindly manipulated by these games. Let children from being played by games to playing games.

Second, accept the reality of the mobile phone world.

The living space now is different from that of post-70s and post-80s. When we were young, there was no such thing as the Internet. 05,/kloc-children after 0/0, they were born in a world with internet. Therefore, children's feelings are different from ours, and they will feel that the online world is a part of life. We might as well think about it. Who doesn't like children holding mobile phones every day?

Old people! The older people are, they will be indignant that everyone is holding a mobile phone on the subway and bus, and think that this is a social problem. Some old people will complain that modern people are holding mobile phones. But the younger people are, the less they will complain. This may also be a sign that you are far away from modern society. So the first thing we need to face is the world with Internet and mobile phones. The present life is a world with one more dimension than our previous life. Moreover, many parts of our lives can only be realized online, such as playing, shopping, reading and making friends.

Therefore, we parents need to calm down and think about whether we live in a world without internet. However, there will be some unaccustomed children who hold mobile phones all day and live in the online world all day. Seeing children spend too much time online will make you feel that this is wrong. As a post-70s, I can't live without my mobile phone from morning till night. I will always hold my mobile phone when I am in the car, whether it is lecturing, attending classes, studying, making friends or shopping. We must first admit that it is normal for modern children to need mobile phones. Because we cannot live without it. Everyone is the same, and children will rely more on this space than we do.

Third, only relationships are the most real needs.

If parents' mobile phone anxiety is too great to be relieved, then the psychological significance of children playing mobile phones and games may be greater than the actual significance. The reason why mobile games have entered children's lives so deeply has even become a strong dependence. At this time, games provide children with a new relationship. Relationships are the most important and core needs of people.

Let's talk about the psychological significance of games first. If children are particularly dependent on games, to a large extent, games have become a relationship between children. Mobile games themselves can also provide a medium for playing games with classmates, peers and friends. At the same time, the game itself is also a relationship between children, similar to a person who knows him very well, giving him psychological support and response. For children, he will feel that he has received timely satisfaction, support and emotional placement. This is very similar to the needs of children in friendship.

Children's demand for friendship, the pursuit of value and the pursuit of belonging are now largely transferred to games. A child can gain self-esteem, value and sense of belonging in the game. This relationship will make children feel valuable, perfect, lovely and energetic. This kind of positive praise and feedback will make children feel great and perfect.

The relationship that children need most is provided by their parents. Children need their parents to be excellent, perfect, omnipotent and omniscient, which will make them feel extremely safe and trust, and they can feel comfortable and calm with their parents. This is an idealization of parents, and children can draw strength, role models and sense of security from such relationships provided by parents. If parents provide this idealized relationship, children will naturally have upward guidance. This kind of power can help children face difficulties and challenges and live a planned, targeted and future life.

If a child always has all kinds of friends and partners when growing up, then we don't need to worry too much about the growth of this child. Such a relationship will make children feel the value of existence and have their own sense of reality, providing them with this very real sense of existence. Friendship is the most nourishing and harmless relationship in children's growth. Not as close as my parents. It can be closer or farther. Nowadays, a large part of children's "friendship" relationship is realized in mobile phones and games.

This is the psychological significance provided by mobile phones and games to children. In mobile phones and games, he can find some communities and friends, and then help develop some relationships. You can chat with your friends. What are you playing? How are you? Look at the children, this is the main content of their world dialogue. On many occasions, if a child doesn't know some games, or hasn't seen some fantasy novel watched by other children or watched some anime videos, he will be laughed at and rejected by his peers. At the same time, mobile phones and games themselves will make children feel like friends.

Mobile games have played such a role in children's lives, that is, the relationship of friendship. Actually, there is no problem. Under what circumstances will it become a problem, particularly prominent? It is the "idealized" relationship provided by our parents that is too small. He can't get the understanding and support of his parents in real life.

Fourth, what our parents want to change.

For example, children have difficulties in learning, making friends, having difficulties in their relationship with peers and having difficulties in their relationship with teachers. Most of our parents think that they know everything about it, but this is often not the case. If a child is not supported by reality and no one understands him, he can easily put more energy into the world of mobile phones and games. In this world, she is more likely to get pleasure, and she is everywhere. The relationship between mobile phones and games is very stable, because children have the final say. Therefore, for children, once his real relationship is not well supported and plays a role, it is easier for him to transfer more energy to this mobile phone friendship relationship.

Let's look at the last question-how do parents change?

In fact, this is very simple, and at the same time, you can't do it with strength, love, patience and difficulty. It is to be with children and truly understand the difficulties in their lives. You must see him. The essence of parent-child relationship is to look after the child, treat him as a person and face this difficulty with him. As long as you can see and understand the child, the child will not have much problem. Therefore, mobile phones and games, in this sense, only provide a substitute for good relationships for children. What he can't get, he will make up for it with such mobile phones and games.

If the mobile phone becomes a huge problem between parents and children, this time may be a metaphor, reminding us that parents should look back and reflect on whether the child has difficulties-academic difficulties, peer relationship difficulties, his inner needs, and whether he can't get through! He needs to escape to his mobile phone to get some temporary comfort.

At this time, as parents, we did not hear the child's call, but went to the "game" of governance, which actually took away the child's last straw. At this time, children will have bigger problems. Because you are in the wrong direction, he is spending a lot of time playing mobile phones and games to tell you, "Mom, I am in trouble now, and I need your help." This requires us to meet him. Because children can't express it directly to us, I have no difficulty, because we can't express it like this and children haven't learned it. Therefore, we need to have the ability to see the essence behind and the inner voice of the other party through superficial behavior, and have this ability to cross.

If we focus on dealing with mobile phones in the parent-child relationship, children's problems will only get worse. For example, many children threaten their parents to jump off a building and hurt their health. Children will show more physical and mental diseases to tell you, "Mom, your direction is wrong, and your efforts are doomed to be in vain."

The reality is that there are really fewer projects that children can play in their lives now. Because most children go to Peiyou to play mobile phones, it is difficult for children to find realistic playmates in real life. Many children have expressed this to me. He said, "No one plays with me. In addition to playing mobile phones, I can meet my friends, which I can't meet in life. " The simplification of this lifestyle is also a more realistic problem.

What does this need our parents to do?

First, let children understand that people who indulge in an unhealthy activity from ancient times to the present will accomplish nothing and are doomed to bear the hardships of life.

Second, don't put mobile phones, games and other parts of his life against each other. We shouldn't let mobile phones take responsibility. The more we fight, the more children are addicted to it. Parents should also know that it is an unstoppable development for children to use mobile phones. What we should do is to follow the trend, not to go against the trend.

Third, parents should cultivate more other hobbies, such as reading, watching movies, and having more family communication. We should use our interesting lifestyle to influence children's life choices. The more there is no real life content, the easier it is for children to be monotonous and find satisfaction in mobile games. Lifestyle needs parents to enrich, so we can provide children with more choices, and we have more content to discuss and communicate with them. It is also part of the aforementioned "idealized" parents to guide their children's fun with their own fun. So, finally, we also need to set an example, right?

For example, making good living habits, leisure rules and schedules all require us to set an example and make rules.

Whether making rules or a richer lifestyle requires parents' own personality health.

What kind of person you are and how you live, children will naturally follow suit. Your life is rich, regular and has a good schedule. If you can grasp the boundaries between life, study and leisure, then children will naturally do so.

At the same time, we also need to discuss some specific rules with children before they play mobile phones and games. Then pay attention, if there are rules, you must be gentle and firm! Defend the rules!