Who said that the more stay-at-home mothers are, the more anxious they are? Learn a state of mind and get rid of anxiety easily.

"Every day around the children, no time to study, no time to soci

Who said that the more stay-at-home mothers are, the more anxious they are? Learn a state of mind and get rid of anxiety easily.

"Every day around the children, no time to study, no time to socialize, no time to grow. I am almost out of touch with society and depressed. What should I do? "

"I am the only one in the whole family with children. My family also has a lot of demands on me. What's left after having children? How can it be as hard as going to work? ! I can't tell you how bitter I am! Don't I want to work to make money? Reality does not allow it! "

"When I see other children's test scores are better than mine, I blame myself. I am obviously a full-time mother, and all my efforts are devoted to my children. Without parents, how can I teach my children to be inferior to others? "

How I wish I could grow up and not be abandoned by society in the future. I am eager for change, but I have never found a breakthrough. This feeling of wanting is really hard.

Recently, I met some stay-at-home moms in the mom community. I can feel their intense anxiety from their words. They are worried about being abandoned by the times, losing their self-worth, and worrying that their way of raising children is unscientific ... In fact, I used to be one of them. I was so anxious that I couldn't sleep all night. When I met a little thing in my life, I collapsed and cried.

Later, I was tired of being kidnapped by anxiety and decided to face it bravely. That day, I took out my pen and made a list of all the things I could think of that might cause my anxiety. Looking at these black fonts, I suddenly realized one thing-I always advised myself to be patient with my children and family, but forgot to be patient with myself! Since I realized this, my anxiety has eased a lot, almost to zero.

I read Cognitive Awakening written by Zhou Ling the other day, and I found the figure of * * * in the book. It turns out that my perception is right. The author Zhou Ling said that the essence of anxiety is because the gap between desire and ability is too big. If you want to get rid of the bondage of anxiety, you must face anxiety directly, learn to cultivate patience, and pay attention to cultivating patience with yourself.

We often hear the word anxiety, and both the speaker and the listener will think that "anxiety" is a thorny difficulty and a crux in front of us. In fact, anxiety is just an emotion, an emotion of worry and fear. What makes us worry or fear? Simply put, there is a big gap between desire and actual ability. When our ability can't keep up with our thinking, we will feel worried or afraid.

Obviously, it takes time to acquire some abilities, but we force ourselves to be quick. Because we have seen too much information such as 2 1 day to form good habits and 1 week to practice, we mistakenly think that success will come soon.

Although after millions of years of evolution, some human abilities have become stronger, but the learning ability still needs a step-by-step process, which cannot be achieved overnight. This is an inviolable principle.

When we set ourselves a deadline for success, when the deadline comes, if we don't achieve the expected results, we will be anxious and think that others can do it and we can't. Are we particularly stupid? Did you choose the wrong track? I began to worry, worry.

It is human nature to like simple things and avoid difficulties. When we encounter difficulties in the process of change, we may be able to cope with the first few waves of difficulties, but with more and more difficulties, we seem to give up easily, and then anxiety comes out to command the brain to be swayed by considerations of gain and loss.

Just like a stay-at-home mom at the beginning of the article, looking after her children at home while expecting her to grow up is actually a very difficult groping process: time arrangement, learning channels, advantageous areas, practical opportunities ... these are all problems that need to be solved urgently. If after one or two rounds of trying, you still don't achieve the desired effect, and you feel that you have tried your best and don't want to make more efforts to explore, then you give up. It seems that we are relaxed and comfortable, and we are not bothered by problems, but the anxiety will come back soon, because we haven't found an exit at all.

To get rid of the bondage of anxiety, we can reduce our desire or improve our ability, or we can accept the reality and do what we can, which seems to reduce our anxiety. But this state is temporary, and no one knows under what circumstances you will have unrealistic desires, and neither do you; Self-improvement cannot be achieved in a short time, and it will inevitably lead to a new round of anxiety.

Since the root of anxiety is eagerness for success and easy refuge, why don't we try to slow down, get close to difficulties, break through ourselves and give ourselves more patience? Get rid of anxiety step by step.

Life is like a dynamic progress bar. Sometimes it grows fast, and sometimes it stands still, which is normal. Unfortunately, it is difficult for us to see where we are now and how fast we are growing, just like watching a progress bar. We usually use someone else's "ruler" to measure where our "progress bar" is, which will inevitably lead to anxiety.

If we measure ourselves with a more objective and regular ruler, we will be much more peaceful.

The compound interest curve is a "ruler" suitable for measuring yourself.

As can be seen from the figure, the growth is very slow before reaching the inflection point, and we can call this stage "dormant period". Once the turning point of growth is reached, the effect will explode. The outbreak of this power follows the laws of nature. Only by seeing your overall situation clearly can you treat the dormant period more rationally and give yourself more patience.

Take learning to write as an example. After writing a few articles, many people are anxious because they can't get positive feedback, give up writing and "fall into a dormant period". I don't know who can achieve their expectations through writing, but they are all people with global vision and who have patiently passed the dormancy period.

Some people think that patience is patience, that is, overcoming difficulties with willpower. In fact, patience is the mentality of allowing yourself to make mistakes and taking your time.

If desire is in the difficult area and action leads to anxiety in the comfortable area, can you find an area between the difficult area and the comfortable area to let yourself grow up slowly?

The middle stretch zone is a little more difficult than the comfort zone, but we can achieve it through hard work. At the same time, the stretching area is not as difficult as the difficult area, and it is an ideal area to shorten the gap between desire and ability. Because we can see the results through hard work, we will have more confidence in ourselves, be more patient when we encounter some difficulties, and our anxiety will gradually fade away. This also overcomes people's nature of easy refuge, making people grow and challenge. This kind of progress is the fastest and most acceptable.

Want to change the status quo, but don't want to change behavior? ! Don't be ashamed. There are billions of people like you in this world. After all, it is human nature to be eager for success and seek asylum easily. We need to accept it. Accepting your shortcomings is a sign of patience with yourself.

As a stay-at-home mom, if you are worried about being abandoned by society, you might as well lower your expectations of yourself. Don't compare yourself with the elite in the workplace. You can start from your familiar fields and get in touch with the society. For example, organization, nutrition and raising children are all good. Join some clubs and keep in touch with the outside world.

In the face of difficulties, we often plan to have fun for a while before doing difficult things. But there is no time for entertainment, no time to do difficult and important things.

Once, I was waiting for someone at Starbucks, and a college student who looked like a girl turned on the computer and wrote down today's study plan in a notebook. In a few minutes, she put down her book and brushed up her mobile phone. Maybe she came across a chapter that she was not interested in. Later, until I left Starbucks, she was still brushing her mobile phone, and the plans listed in her notebook were obviously meaningless.

In this case, we can talk to ourselves and gently persuade ourselves first. You can say to yourself, "I know you want to have fun, it doesn't matter." We can put our entertainment time after finishing important things, so that we can have fun without feeling guilty. Isn't it more enjoyable? " .

After such self-talk, entertainment becomes a reward for accomplishing important things, and you grow up unconsciously.

Some people give up their goals easily, and one of the important reasons is that they don't see the benefits after the action. If we can make some small achievements and take them as encouraging feedback, we will be more and more motivated and act more and more easily.

The more benefits we see, the more patient we are.

Why do some people have patience when playing game upgrades? Because they saw the benefits and sense of accomplishment brought by a level in the game. This is the same reason. On the road of growth, we need to get positive feedback in order to be more motivated to act and more patient.

Anxiety is not a welcome thing. It can appear repeatedly in our life, just because we are too eager for success, and at the same time like to avoid difficulties and only do easy things. We are dragged down by desire and realistic ability, and this kind of anxiety and fear makes us feel very uncomfortable. To get rid of anxiety, we must learn to look at our growth from a global perspective, learn to find a balance between difficult areas and comfortable areas, and treat ourselves more patiently. I hope this article can help you out of anxiety, and don't forget to be patient with yourself!