What is the most ironic and hurtful joke you have ever seen?

There is a hat tomb in Luocheng. Before liberation, a peasant woman went back to her family with her child in her arms. On the way, the child's hat fell off and there was jade on it, which was sewn with silver. The peasant woman hurried back to look for it and saw a coal picker pick it up. The peasant woman asked the man to give it back to her, so as not to be scolded when she went back. The charcoal picker has a bad heart and wants the peasant woman to have sex with him, otherwise, she will have to obey. Selected in a bunker, the charcoal picker died later, and the peasant woman picked up her hat and left him behind. After the storm, the sediment washed away seriously and became a grave. After returning home, the peasant woman became pregnant, gave birth to a son, and won the first prize when she grew up. In the past, there was an emphasis on verifying whether there was such a crypt on the ancestral grave to see if the peasant woman's home did not match her ancestral land. After asking the peasant woman what happened, she told the truth. When Feng Shui master went to the bunker, he saw how big the grave was. There is a hat hill in front of him. This grave is called the hat grave. On our way to Los Angeles, it was used as the basis for folk stories and legends and private school children to do great things.

I used to have a female colleague at work, who was fond of joking.

Once, a female colleague who was about to retire, wearing a yellow woolen windbreaker, came to school with great scenery. When she entered the office, everyone praised her for dressing appropriately, and the female colleagues were very proud after listening. Although female colleagues are in their fifties and will soon retire, they are women after all, and their love for beauty remains the same. This female colleague is triumphant and full of smiles, saying that she just bought this yesterday, 1000 yuan!

Who knows this joking female colleague came up to him, hugged the retired female colleague, and pretended to be surprised and said, Wow, you are so beautiful. You look like a bear in this khaki woolen coat. Say that finish, everyone laughed. The retiring female colleague was obviously unhappy and said, I have never seen anyone like you. You don't swear. Then she left, and the joking lesbian was a little embarrassed.

In fact, a proper joke in life can enliven the atmosphere and relieve stress. But sometimes it is not appropriate to joke regardless of the occasion.

My neighbor Lao Fan once went to the provincial capital on business. I met a problem this time and it didn't go well. When he was worried, it suddenly occurred to him that a big nephew of his family had just opened a company in the provincial capital, and his business was booming, which had a great influence in this area. So Lao Fan went to find his big nephew.

After some painstaking efforts and inquiries, Lao Fan finally came to the door of this company. Lao Fan stood at the gate with his waist akimbo. Speak up, is Mr. Fan there? The security guard rushed out and asked doubtfully, we only have Fan Changsheng and Fan Zong, but not Fan Datou. Lao Fan patted his thigh and said with a smile, Yes, look for him. Tell Big Head that his uncle wants him to come out quickly. The security guard hurried in. After a while, the security guard came back and said that our manager Fan was in a meeting and asked you to wait next door. Come in with me! LaoFan muttered, what's the important thing, LaoShu came also don't pick up? With that, the security guard led him into an office.

The security guard said, wait a minute, our manager Fan will come after the meeting. Then the security guard went out. Lao Fan sat in the office for a while, feeling bored, and walked out of the room. At this time, he saw a hall not far away, which was written in big letters: conference room. Lao Fan thought there must be a meeting there, so he strolled past. I walked to the door and heard a voice. It was a big head. Lao Fan was overjoyed and pushed the door and went in.

After entering the door, Datou is giving a meeting to everyone, and there are more than a dozen department heads, large and small. In front of the big guys, Lao Fan said loudly as soon as he entered the door: Big head, your boy is really capable. Your uncle came and disappeared. Big head was surprised, quickly stood up and said, Uncle, I'm in a meeting. See you after the meeting. Everyone looked at each other, showing surprise. LaoFan said again, hurry up, I'll wait for you at the door. This is not the time for you to eat at your uncle's house!

Lao Fan said that and went out. Big head's face is blue and white, red and purple. Lao Fan waited outside for a long time, but no big head came out. Just when he was in a hurry, a security guard came out and came to Lao Fan. He said with a serious face, we don't know you, please go ahead! After that, I went to invite someone. Old Meng Fan said, your manager is my nephew, and I hugged him when I wore open-backed pants! The security guard said solemnly, come quickly. Our manager Fan said he didn't know you.

Lao Fan has no choice. He muttered as he walked. Out of the gate, the security guard threw 500 yuan out of his pocket and said, we have always said that it is not easy for you to come. This is 500 yuan, consider it a trip! Say that finish, he threw 500 yuan on the ground and slammed the door.

Lao Fan picked up 500 yuan and muttered, your boy's wings are hard. See what I can do to you when you go back to your hometown.

Hehe, Lao Fan made a big joke this time!

At the end of the year, the department held a dinner party. After dinner, the manager wouldn't let us go, so he had to pull everyone to chat until 12 at 8 pm. Five people left the department after dinner, because we were disappointed with what the manager said after dinner.

Our company has a holiday very late during the Lunar New Year. Last year, I got off work on the 28th of the twelfth lunar month. On the last day of work, many people have been distracted from their work. They all want to go home from work early, and both families are far from home.

Then at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, the deputy manager went to the manager and said that the Spring Festival holiday was coming soon, and all other departments had eaten, but our department had not eaten yet. Do you want to invite everyone to dinner before the holiday?

The manager sat there thinking for a long time, and then reluctantly said, tonight. Let's go to a nearby restaurant for dinner. You can inform everyone and see if you have time.

Then the assistant manager first called several supervisors to inform them about the dinner party in the evening, and asked them to inform the members of their own group so that everyone must attend.

But when the supervisor told the team members, several people refused and said they didn't want to participate. Why? There are three reasons:

1. At that time, China's New Year was coming. During that time, we were very busy at work, and some preparations for the Spring Festival were not finished, such as cleaning, buying new year's goods and waiting to go home after work.

2. The leader gave a short notice for dinner. Many people have other plans in the evening, and going to dinner will upset the original plan.

3. This year, the atmosphere in the department is not very good, the competition among colleagues is fierce, the division of labor among leaders is uneven, and the promotion and salary increase of some colleagues are blocked, which leads to the reduction of departmental cohesion. Some people just don't want to eat.

Later, according to statistics, in the department of 18 people, there were actually seven people who didn't want to go to dinner, plus two colleagues who had already asked for leave to go home in advance, which means that half of them didn't want to go.

As soon as the assistant manager discussed it with the leader, he felt that the result was too ugly. Then they went to the conference room to discuss it for a while, and then called people who didn't want to go to the conference room one by one to persuade them. At first, they politely asked you why you didn't go, then advised you to go, and finally criticized you, saying that you ignored the unity of the department, didn't talk about the overall situation, and didn't have a sense of team.

Later, under the pressure of the leaders, all the colleagues who didn't plan to go went, but they were more or less reluctant.

I arrived at the restaurant around 6 pm, so I ate faster because I was in a low mood. I ate almost 7 o'clock, so everyone sat awkwardly waiting for the leader to announce the end of the dinner, and then went home.

However, the leader seemed to be in a good mood that day and kept saying it, but did not say goodbye. At 8 o'clock, several female colleagues asked for leave from the leader and said that they would go home to take care of the children. Then the leader agreed to let them go first, and the rest continued to listen to him "from the heart" until 1 1 pm.

In the next three hours, the leader said a lot, some of which made us feel that he was hypocritical, which led to the resignation of five colleagues, including me.

Some people left, and the leader let the rest sit at a table, and then said some thoughts. He was very affectionate and told everyone that he always wanted to find time to invite everyone to dinner and get together for a chat, but he was too busy at work and never had the right time. He and the assistant manager thought about it for a long time and decided to get everyone together tonight and say something from the heart.

At that time, I saw a few colleagues with crooked corners of their mouths, so I guess I couldn't help saying "cut". It was obviously an idea that was improvised in the afternoon, and the assistant manager urged him to agree. Now it seems that it has been prepared for a long time.

Moreover, in the past, our department generally held meetings four or five times a year. After this leader came, it is rare once a year. It's obviously his own problem, and it's the same to say anything for work.

The leader said that everyone had worked hard this year, and the tasks of each group were heavy, but everyone overcame difficulties and helped each other, successfully completing the tasks assigned by the leader, and then he said that several groups helped each other.

But in fact, there is great competition within the department and the atmosphere is very tense. It wasn't like this before, but it was caused by the division and wooing after the leaders came. Judging from the promotion, salary increase and work arrangement in the past two years, those who are close to him, regardless of their ability, are promoted quickly, and those who are far away from him, even if their ability is strong, are unlikely to be promoted.

And the workload of each group is unreasonable. Some groups are idle and crowded. The leaders are still adding people to them, and promotion and salary increase can be taken care of every time. Some groups have a heavy workload and are understaffed. Family leaders always disagree and ask them to overcome difficulties and work overtime to solve them. Finally, they all avoided talking about the promotion and salary increase.

What he said about helping each other was actually requested by the leaders. Everyone is unwilling, which doesn't mean that we won't help each other. In the past, everyone had a good relationship, but sometimes it was clearly not their own business, such as the work of other groups. There are people in their own group, but they don't want to work overtime on weekends, so they don't come. When it was too late to do the work at the weekend, the leaders asked people from other groups to help. Finally, the work was completed, and the credit was still given to that group.

If some of the things mentioned above are just pleasantries, or the leader is talking about the overall situation of the department, then what he said later is the last straw that crushed the camel and the direct reason why many people left later.

Years ago, the company just made a large-scale salary adjustment. Half of the people in our department have raised their wages, which seems to be a good thing, but it has led to more disunity in the department. Those who don't get a raise are naturally unhappy, and many of them are unhappy. Maybe only three people are really satisfied.

The thing is, our company adjusts its salary once a year, but this year doesn't mean it will give you a raise. Some people may have missed the opportunity for many years, and some people may have the opportunity to raise their salary every year, and the range of each salary increase is different. Some people will increase one level, about two or three hundred, while others may directly increase several levels, increasing two or three thousand.

At that time, the leader took me and another colleague's hand and said to us affectionately: You two are the people I value most in this salary increase. Because you two rose once last year, it is reasonable not to give you another salary increase this time. But I argued with the general manager for a long time before he agreed to give you a salary increase. You should try to prove yourself in the future and show the leaders that I am not wrong. Moreover, although the other three people (his three hardcore subordinates) were promoted, they didn't raise as much money as you, and your increase was greater than theirs.

At that time, when I heard the leader say this, I felt like 10 thousand horses ran by. Really, I work in human resources myself. I still know the salary structure of the company. Several of our colleagues only got a salary increase of one grade, that is, 200-3000. After their promotion, they went directly to the next level, starting at least at the fifth level, with an increase of at least 1500-3000.

Moreover, the leader said that others have risen less than us, so I just want to ask, can it be less than the first-class salary? Then how to get up? The leader said too much. If you wanted to cheat us into working, you wouldn't say so.

Moreover, our department basically knows the salary structure of the company. This kind of thing cannot be completely kept secret from each other, and everyone will know it sooner or later. I feel that the leader is rubbing our IQ on the ground, and he can't say such an obvious loophole.

The leader talked about 1 1 from 8 o'clock, almost 12 o'clock. Basically, he is talking alone, and most others listen to him silently. Everyone wants to hurry and go home early, but they are embarrassed to say it.

In fact, the hotel waiter has come in two or three times and asked us if we want to add food. In fact, the subtext is to remind us that it is very late and they are going to get off work, but the leader didn't add any food, so he said to wait and then continue.

Later, at 1 1, colleagues took out their mobile phones to reply to messages and phone calls, mostly from home. They asked why it was not over so late, and the leaders realized that it was getting late when they saw this situation.

Then I said that everyone had almost left and was ready to go home. Then when I went out, I saw all the restaurants closed, so I left a waiter there. It's probably been waiting for us for a long time.

Walking to the door of the hotel, the leader talked with us for more than ten minutes and said that he hoped everyone would work hard and support him more. He certainly won't treat everyone badly. Next year, he will strive for a promotion and salary increase, and everyone will have a chance.

In fact, at this time, we just want to go home and don't care what he said. Moreover, his previous behavior also shows that all this is just talk. What he said when he was sober still doesn't count. Now what he said when he was drunk can't be taken seriously.

The party that day was the last one I wanted to remember since my last company 10 years ago. Originally, it was a departmental gathering to strengthen the cohesion of the department and enhance the feelings between leaders and colleagues. In the end, everyone was unhappy.

I think it is acceptable for the leader not to give us a promotion and a raise. After all, there needs to be a balance within the department. It's impossible to give everyone a raise every time, but you can't lie to us, can you? He said that other people's salary increases were not as good as ours, which disappointed several of our colleagues. He felt that such a leader really came according to the arrangement. Some of his previous measures led to five people leaving the department after the end of the year, including me.

Sometimes a word will warm people's hearts, and sometimes a word will make people disheartened. I hope I can give some tips for leading some department personnel to leave their jobs, and be more sincere to subordinates in the future.

In the past, our hospital would arrange a free dinner for middle-level cadres at the end of the year, which has become an unwritten practice of the hospital.

At dinner, the dean will take the members of the leadership team to toast one table at a time and one department at a time. The toast is basically nothing new. The general idea is: Thank you for your help in the past year and continue to do well in the coming year.

Then the middle-level cadres will also pay the section chief or director and the head nurse to the hospital leaders with the department as the unit.

After several rounds of drinking, everyone was more open to drinking and fighting for fun. The director of the department and the head nurse will claim to be lovers, and they will "visit" and propose a toast at the table to activate the relationship between departments.

I remember one year, a vice president in charge of business went to the head nurse's desk in the surgical ward and said, "Head nurse, how about a toast?" Hearing this, everyone began to boo: "Have a drink! Cheers! "

I saw the head nurse sitting there motionless and slowly saying, "Mom, I'm sitting, and my dear son is standing for a drink." Hearing this, everyone froze. Why don't they play by the rules? Suddenly the noise came to an abrupt end, and everyone seemed to be petrified.

I saw the vice president holding a cup, looking reluctant and in a dilemma, and I didn't know what to do.

……

After a few seconds of silence, I saw the female director of the nursing department at the next table running over with a glass and said to the vice president, "We have a cup to drink, and I have matches today." The frozen people woke up and burst into laughter, diluting a little embarrassment.

This "bloody" plot spread all over the departments the next day and let everyone in the hospital know. From then on, everyone reviewed it as a joke and then reviewed it.

Many medical, nursing, technical and logistics personnel in the hospital are eager to process and feed the biggest joke in the world.

Later, several versions appeared, which were even more bizarre and funny.

The reason why it spread so widely in hospitals is that middle-level cadres have a free dinner at the end of the year, and employees are unbalanced. Every year, there are waves of cynicism before and after the dinner, and there are more jokes that year, so I enjoy it more.

The vice president has been in an awkward position for many years and often makes excuses to miss the annual dinner at the end of the year. He's really hurt.

Because of this, the vice president's personality image in the hospital seems to be discounted a lot, and sometimes it is really taken lightly by some employees.

The head nurse also paid the price, and the work was "not smooth" from then on.

But the head nurse said: "Don't regret it, give some color to the' frivolous' people. Value! "

Tell the true story of the company, I really don't believe it is true. There is a strong contrast between before and after the evaluation, which has a taste of black humor. I get it off my chest today!

There is a female colleague in our unit. Colleagues of all ages call her a-mei. She usually works hard. Last August, the head office issued a document asking our grass-roots employees to work harder and strive for perfection, and was rated as the top 100 of the head office. The leaders of the branch encourage everyone to work hard, do a good job in fist products, don't drag their feet, and strive for perfection to add luster to the branch! This fist product is the same as the articles we usually write, with an average of 3 to 5 articles per week being the most normal. But that A-mei worked really hard. Boy, this week, 13 products were released, and she rushed to the first place in the head office. Are you surprised or not? Because our head office is ranked every week, she naturally entered the top 100 pre-selection list, and she is radiant and beautiful in her heart. I guess she can laugh even in her dreams.

In the second week, the head office sent a 100-excellent assessment team to conduct on-site assessment on her, and only after passing the assessment can she enter the 100-excellent list of the head office. There are about 6,000 employees in the head office. It is not easy to reach the pre-selected top 100 employees! However, in addition to this top product, our company has three to five other projects that every employee must do every week. There are many things and miscellaneous things, and we must do everything well. These items should be included in the top 100 assessment.

A-mei was flustered and nervous. Because I concentrate on this fist product, I don't have much time to do other three or five projects, and there are still many loopholes that I haven't done well! And this 100 excellent assessment is also the monthly performance assessment of her by the branch. If any project fails, performance pay will be deducted. Moreover, according to the regulations of the head office, employees who have entered the top 100 candidate list must be assessed this month. [I want to be quiet] [I want to be quiet] Under normal circumstances, the branch only evaluates about 20% of its employees every month, and those who are not selected will pass the assessment of the branch this month. It is very similar to the college entrance examination in China, but not very similar. People who take part in the single-event Olympics will walk to Tsinghua Peking University if they win the championship. But what our company wants is balanced development, and only by examining the total score can we win. In this way, A-mei was finished with trepidation (without the sudden 100 excellent exam, according to the general normal situation, it is impossible for the sub-bureau to give her an exam in August, because she just finished the exam in July).

As soon as the assessment results came out, as expected, there was no problem with the fist product, and there were loopholes in the other three projects. The top 100 monthly companies of the head office did not comment. However, according to the assessment regulations of the branch, this assessment result will also be used as the performance assessment of the branch for her this month, and her performance salary this month will be deducted 1500 yuan. In addition, the year-end award 1.200 yuan will be reduced because this assessment is unqualified. When A-mei saw the result, she was puzzled. Who can stand it? I didn't get the evaluation first, but the economic loss was great. Not only am I sad, but I can't stop it. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I was in tears in front of the evaluation team. "I worked so hard that I couldn't finish the work. Am I asking for trouble and having more money? " ..... "That scene is so worrying! This Baiyou is really "a hundred worries"! Later, the people in the evaluation team said: "Don't cry, don't cry, the result is like this, and we can't help it! "We can't just change the result! Relax ... "Everyone gave a fierce suggestion.

Then, the branch deducted 1.500 yuan from Mei's performance in August, and 1.200 yuan from the year-end award. In fact, even if you can be rated as the top 100 employees of the head office every month, the reward will be O yuan, which is a big cake and an empty honor. Then, no then.

The French satirize the Germans for their lack of sense of humor. If Germans heard a joke last year, they will laugh this year.

Two generations of love attended the party of master Bayi, and everyone sat around and ate melons. Every time Master Bayi eats melons, he quietly puts the melon skin at the feet of two generations of lovers next to him. When everyone finished eating melons, Master Bayi immediately said loudly: Look, two generations of love are the most greedy, and there are the most melons in front of him! Afandi smiled and said, the owner of this dress is really amazing. He even finished eating the melon skin. ...

Pity us, the onlookers who ate melons didn't even eat the skin.

Weibo saw a funny picture, but turned it over. The following comments say:

It suddenly occurred to me that when I was a child, the school held a sports meeting, so that students could buy white shoes in unison and dress neatly to look good in the parade.

I went home and told my mother that she thought 40 yuan for a pair of shoes was too expensive. Maybe it was really expensive then. She decided to let me make do with a pair of shoes with red and white patterns.

I tried to emphasize to her that I was short and wanted to walk in the front row, and the teacher also arranged for me to speak under the national flag. I have to wear white shoes.

But she didn't buy it for me in the end. I was the only one in the class who didn't pay.

On the day of the parade, the teacher took away the speech of our country and asked another girl to speak instead of me. It was originally the honor that I won the first place in my whole grade.

When walking in the parade, I was placed in the middle, the last row of girls, followed by the row of boys. Surrounded by people taller than me, I kept looking at the back of my head.

Later, I worked. My first job was to buy myself a pair of white shoes, expensive Nike shoes. I prefer white when I buy shoes now.

One day my mother smiled and said to my aunt, "We don't know why she likes white shoes so much."

I laughed too.

2. A leader went to the countryside to inspect the work, and the village head killed sheep to entertain guests. During the dinner, the leader asked with concern, "How can you go out of your hukou without a sheep?" The village chief replied, "This is easy to handle. As usual, just report to the wolf. "

The boss of a company criticized the secretary after finishing the work report, saying, "I think people at the meeting are impatient to write such a long manuscript!" " The secretary was startled: "The report is not long. I ... I accidentally bound three copies together. "

I asked my 3-and-a-half-year-old daughter with two straws almost the same length, "Baby, which one is longer?" The daughter looked at it and said, "The one on the short side!"

5. Dad: "You made a mistake in one question. Did you get kicked in the head by a donkey's hoof?" Son: "Who told you to hit me on the head so hard every day?" ! "

6. Business trip, eating noodles in a deserted place, and the boss said 200 yuan when checking out. I asked, "A bowl of noodles is 200? Why not grab it? " The boss had a brainwave and took all my money again.

Xiao Ming wanted to write a composition about small animals, so his mother took him to a friend's house to observe his two Xiaohua Mall. When I got home in the evening, my mother asked Xiao Ming what she had learned from this day's observation. Xiao Ming thought for a moment and said, "mom, according to my observation, those two cats are very similar to you and my father." They pinch each other as soon as they meet during the day, but sleep together at night! " "

Amin took his son to visit the military museum. His son asked him, "Dad, what's the difference between an old rifle, a semi-automatic rifle and an automatic rifle?" Amin thought for a moment and said, "an old rifle is like talking when I was a child. I teach you one sentence and you say one;" A semi-automatic rifle is like talking to my father, and my mother asked me to say one and I can only say one. Fully automatic rifle, just like your mother is talking. Once you start talking, you can't stop. "

9. A young man went to his girlfriend's house to propose marriage, and he did well all the way. Finally, the future father-in-law asked, "Do you smoke? Drink? "

The young man said, "Never …" Hearing this, the future father-in-law was very satisfied and nodded again and again. "Well, I agree with you!" Unexpectedly, the young man said, "Uncle, I haven't finished what I just said. I mean, I never smoke when I drink, and I never drink when I smoke ... "

10. A lady took her five-year-old son for a walk. When she met a importunate beggar, she said to her son, "Throw one or two pieces casually and let him go quickly!" " So the child threw a piece to the beggar, and the beggar stared at him at once. The child thought about it and threw two pieces to the beggar, who blushed. The child gritted his teeth and threw several pieces in succession. The policeman on the side of the road couldn't stand it any longer and shouted at the child, "Come here, you stone thrower!" " "

1. A new director of the girlfriends company has a crush on her and intends to chase her. However, girlfriends don't call themselves supervisors, and they don't think this is her dish. How to break it?

I said: starting from tomorrow, you can go to work without makeup!

2. A county grandfather was dismissed from office and sent back to his hometown to farm.

The county grandfather didn't come up in one breath, so he didn't wake up and became a vegetable.

Madam invited a reincarnation of Hua tuo and an old Chinese doctor to make a diagnosis and treatment.

After feeling the pulse and seeing the coating on the tongue, the old Chinese doctor said to his wife, "He has a heart attack. All you have to do is shout in his ear, and the county grandfather will let you pawn it again, and he will wake up when the official is reinstated. "

The lady thought: in this case, it is better to increase the rank.

Get up and let you be the satrap and the governor.

County grandfather immediately sat up, smiled three times, fell back and died.

The lady hurriedly called the old Chinese doctor again.

The old doctor stamped his foot while walking: if you don't follow the doctor's advice, increase the dose!

3. At a dinner party, my colleague gave me a cigarette. I don't smoke. I was thinking. I found something wrong with my hand. I pinched the sponge head with my hand: it exploded with a bang. Fortunately, I reacted quickly and didn't hurt me much.

It's just that that hand has been unable to carry 10 thousand yuan for seven or eight years now