Any super hilarious jokes? The kind that can make you laugh all day long!

History teacher: There is really no way to teach those students. I asked a question during class

: "Do you know who Wu Zetian is?" The first student answered me He said he was not familiar with her. The second classmate told me that he was one of his online friends. The third classmate said he had her QQ number and would ask on QQ after class... One classmate even took out his mobile phone and said he wanted her right away. Ask her.

Geography teacher: Take a look at their test papers this time. The top of the five famous mountains in my country is (Zhao Benshan), the most famous river is (Pan Changjiang), and the coal in our country is all (black). The iron in our country is (hard), how can I still go to class?

Chinese teacher: During class, a classmate was reading a magazine. I confiscated his magazine and hit him on the head... But when I turned around to continue the class, his deskmate laughed. He laughed so much that he couldn't continue in class. I asked him why he was laughing. Do you know what he answered me? The boy took out a book of Cihai from the drawer and said to me: "Teacher, it's a good thing you didn't notice me reading, otherwise I would have been smashed to death by you."

Math teacher: a unit A classmate who never failed the exam was able to use high school knowledge in the homework he handed in... I asked him if he did the homework himself, and the classmate actually replied that he didn't know. Tell me what a good thing this is. I continued to ask him and asked him to tell me honestly who did it for him. Hey, he had a reason and answered me: "Teacher, I really don't know who did this homework. To be honest, last night I went to bed earlier..."

Physics teacher: Do you know how many lessons I taught just one clockwise and one counterclockwise lesson? Five classes! Yes, that’s what I told them. If they still don’t understand, I told them to look at their watch. Wherever the hour hand goes, it’s clockwise, and vice versa. However, when the whole class counts, they are either mobile phones or electronic watches... If I don't resign, I will teach them these two words for the whole semester?

Biology teacher: I really don’t want to leave, but... you know, I have a heart disease and can’t stand the excitement, but can I not be excited? Yesterday, in the unit exam, according to the requirements of the syllabus, I asked the students to look at the bird legs on the teaching picture and write the name and living habits of the bird. But just when I mentioned the test content, a classmate stood up and walked out the door, shouting: "There are also questions like this, I won't take the test." Do you think such students need education? I stopped him and asked him his name. He actually pulled up his pants, exposed his legs and said to me: "Come on, look at my legs and write my name..."

Art teacher: As you know, I have just been assigned to this class. Yesterday during class, I heard several classmates shouting "beauty" as soon as I entered the door. Do you think it was irritating? I am a teacher, how can they disrespect teachers so much? ...Yes, it would be wrong of me to resign just because they called me "Beauty." But when I was looking for someone who called me "Beauty," those classmates shouted to me again: "What are you looking at? Not shouting." You! ” 1.

Once upon a time there was a man named Ah Shuang.

He died.

The day of the funeral.

His family members cried: ‘

It’s so cool... it’s so cool. ’

Passers-by were puzzled. Asked: "What do you enjoy?"

'

The family cried bitterly: 'It feels so good... it feels so good!!

2.

A cat discovered a mouse….

So the hungry tiger rushed towards the mouse to eat him

But later the cat was eaten by the mouse...

For What

Because

==gt; tigers and mice are stupid and can’t tell the difference

3.

Patients in the psychiatric department of the hospital often Have an admiration complex for doctors or nurses.

One day, a female patient came to a male doctor...

Female patient: Doctor Lan, do you love me?

Dr. Lan thought for a long time (in order not to hurt the patient and avoid worsening of the condition)

Dr. Lan: Our relationship is between doctor and patient. Because you are sick, I must take good care of you. You...

(In order not to hurt the patient, Doctor Lan explained for a long time and finally finished)

Female patient: Doctor Lan, you mean you don’t love me oh?

Dr. Lan (thinking hard): Hmm... um... um...

Female patient: Fortunately... I love Dr. Chen...

4.

There is an old lady in the mental hospital.

Wear black clothes and hold a black umbrella every day.

Squatting in the mental hospital At the entrance of the hospital.

The doctor thought: To cure her, he must start by understanding her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes and held a black umbrella. He talked with her Squatting there together.

The two squatted in silence for a month.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor:

Excuse me-------

Are you---also a shiitake mushroom------?

5.

One day, Turtle father, turtle mother and turtle son's family decided to go on an outing. They took a Shandong pancake and two cans of sea chicken and set off to Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it’s finally here! They sat on the ground, took off their equipment and prepared to eat. As a result, I discovered that I didn’t bring a can opener!

Turtle son: "...Then I will go back and get it."

Turtle dad: "Good boy! Hurry! Your parents are waiting for you to come back and have dinner together. Go and come back quickly!" ”

Turtle son: “You must wait for me to come back! Don’t break your promise!”

So Turtle son set out on his way home...

Time flies like an arrow. Shuttle, 20 years have passed in the blink of an eye, but the turtle son has not yet appeared.

Turtle mother: "Honey... do you want to start dinner? I'm so hungry..."

Turtle dad: "No! We promised our son! Well...wait for him Five years later, if he doesn’t come, I’ll leave him alone!"

Five years have passed in the blink of an eye, and there is still no sign of the turtle son. Turtle’s parents don’t care anymore! The two elders decided to start.

Took out the big cake and was about to eat it...

Suddenly, Turtle Son poked his head out from behind the tree...

Turtle Son: "Damn! I knew you would steal it! You lied to me to go back and get the can opener? I waited for twenty-five years and finally got it! I hate it the most!

6.

Xiao Xin: Dad, why are there three gold in my name?

Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you named it Xin. For example, some people are named Miao because they are short of water, and some people are named Sen if they are short of wood.

Xiaoxin: Dad, what do you think Sister Guo Jingjing is missing in her life?

7.

A male and female friend were sitting on a park bench and talking about love. The girl suddenly wanted to fart.

She said to the guy: I’m studying at a school where birds are chirping. It doesn't sound right to you.

The man was happy to hear it.

So, the woman let out a loud fart under the cover of the "cuckoo cuckoo" sound.

Female: Doesn’t an elephant scream like a bird?

Male: The fart sound was too loud, I couldn’t hear it clearly

8.

A turtle? Injured. Let the snail go buy medicine.

After 2 hours, the snail still hasn’t come back. The turtle got angry and cursed: If you don't come back, I'll die! At this time, a snail's voice came from outside the door: Don't you dare say I won't come back anymore!

9.

One day an elephant was taking a bath. Suddenly an ant came over and said to the elephant. You stand up. Stand up when it starts. Ant! Just sit down. The elephant asked the ant what he wanted to do. Sometimes he stands up and sometimes he sits down. Ant replied! I lost my underwear, let me see if you were wearing it

10.

The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants came out in large numbers and climbed on the elephant one after another. . The elephant shook himself and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another ant on the elephant's neck, and the fallen ant shouted "Strangle it to death".

11.

One day in computer class, a row of classmates’ computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer has crashed, and our row is all dead." At this time, many students said, "We are also dead." At this time, the teacher asked: "Who is not dead? "Only one student stood up: "I'm not dead yet!" The teacher said strangely: "The whole class is dead, why don't you die?"

12. A monkey must stuff peanuts before eating them. Put it in your butt and take it out to eat. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey was frightened. Now it must be measured before eating.

13. Xiao Ming: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?"

Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy..."

14.

Tell a story: "Once upon a time, there was a eunuch..."

Someone couldn't bear to ask: "What's down there?"

Continue telling the story: "Down there? It's gone..."

15.

There was a man who had just learned a foreign language. He was walking on the street this day and accidentally I stepped on a foreigner's foot, and the man hurriedly said: "I'm sorry." The foreigner also politely said: "I'm sorry too." When the man heard this, he hurriedly said: "I'm sorry. Three." The foreigner was dumbfounded and asked: "What are you sorry for?" The man said helplessly: "I'm sorry five."

16.

Tang Monk A letter to Sun Wukong

Dear Wukong:

I write this letter very slowly because I know you can’t read quickly!

We had rain twice this week, the first time it rained for 4 days and the second time it rained for 3 days!

How are you doing in Huaguoshan? I have a very bad life in heaven. Since there is no gravity, my stool, urine, tears and nose can't fall. Do you think it's hard?

The beef noodles we have here are delicious. When you come another day, we will go to the restaurant on West Street to eat hot pot together!

Your eldest sister Guanyin is about to give birth, and because I don’t know whether it will be a boy or a girl, I don’t know yet whether you will be an uncle or an aunt!

Have you received the clothes I sent you? When I was going to send it, I was afraid of being overweight, so I cut off the buttons and put them in my pocket!

It’s late and I’m writing this here. If you have time to come to my place, remember not to drink too much water, otherwise it will be very uncomfortable if you can’t pee when you get here!

P. S I wanted to send you money, but the envelope was already stuck!

17.

· A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I have pooped out whatever I eat, cucumbers and cucumbers, watermelons and watermelons. How can I recover? What's normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

18.

· Someone went to Shanghai on a business trip and lost a dollar on the street. The police said, "We will help you find it." A month later, the person went back and lost it. Qian's main street was dug up for road construction, and he couldn't help but sigh, "Shanghai is real"

19.

Classic joke: This ant An ant was basking in the sun one day , suddenly saw the elephant walking slowly, he stood up and straightened his front legs. The rabbit next to him asked what were you doing? The ant said: "Shh~~~~~~~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him"

20. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton. Earthworm's mother thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Earthworm's father thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!" The father earthworm said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football

21. The tortoise and the hare... The hare The turtle quickly ran to the front... The turtle saw a snail crawling very slowly... and said to him: Come up, I will carry you... Then... the snail came up... After a while. The turtle saw an ant again and said to him: Come up too. So the ant came up too. After the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said "Hello" to him. You know. What did the snail say? The snail said: Hurry up, this turtle is so fast...

22.

One day, there was a fire in the house, and the parents escaped, leaving only The next son was still inside. The mother shouted nervously outside the house: "Son...you are doing something...it's on fire and you still can't come out..." The son replied: "I I'm putting on my socks..." Mom said again, "Why should I wear socks if there's a fire..." Five minutes later, my son hasn't come out yet... Mom nervously shouted again, "Son Ah, what on earth are you doing? Come out quickly~ It’s all on fire, but you’re still in there..." My son said, "I’m taking off my socks...

23.

A man went fishing by the river and first pierced a leaf. No fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed it to a piece of bread. No fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change it for earthworms. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. He became angry. ~Took out 100rmb, threw it into the water and cursed: "*—# What do you want to eat! Buy it yourself!!!

24.

gt; My deskmate had a cold and a runny nose, but he I forgot to bring my handkerchief, so I kept sucking snot into my nose. The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted: "That's enough!" Stop it! It’s so noisy! "The whole class was quiet. The teacher said again: "Who is eating noodles secretly in class and making such a loud noise? ”

25.

The patient said to the dentist: “You are really good at making money. You made 3 US dollars in just 3 seconds.” ”

The doctor replied: “If you want, I can pull it out for you in slow motion.”

”

26.

“Narcissism” means that I must be reincarnated as a woman in my next life, and then marry a man like me; “Despair” means that I ordered two dishes at a restaurant, The first person asked: "Is there anything more delicious than this in the world?!" The second person said, "Damn! It really does!" "Speechless" means the judge asked: Why did you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I don't know the real money. Huiyin

27.

The Weaver Girl went down to the earth to take a bath and met the Cowherd, and performed a shocking love story. This incident tells us: there is no chance to take a bath at home, so You must go outside to take a shower...

28.

After using the toilet, Xiao Ming returned to the classroom and said to the teacher: "There are a lot of ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of ants. I learned the word ant in English, so I tested Xiao Ming: "How do you say ant?" Xiao Ming looked confused... and said: "Ant... didn't say anything..."

29.

A man kept farting loudly at work, and his colleagues couldn't help but say to him, "Can you keep quiet?" Then they saw him sitting there shaking. His colleagues asked him strangely what he was doing, and he replied: "I'm silent, now it's set to vibrate!!!"

30.

Female mosquito: "My child, what's wrong with you?" The little mosquito cried and said: "Today, the little flies bullied me, saying that I am bloodthirsty and a vampire." Female mosquito: "Don't pay attention to it, their family is not a good thing, they all grew up eating shit

31.

I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou clay pot. Yesterday, I went to the "Treasure Appraisal" column for appraisal. The expert said seriously: "How can this be from the Western Zhou Dynasty? This was from last week.

32.

Son: "Mom, I failed the math test today." Mother: "Why, what question." Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3= ?I said =6." Mother: "That's right, and what next." Son: "Then the teacher asked me again 3*2=?" Mother: "Aren't these the same thing!" Son: "Me too. That’s what I said...

33.

A prisoner was executed by firing squad. The bullets were produced in "XX County" and were of poor quality. The first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired. ...The third shot...At this time the prisoner cried: "Strangle me to death, it's too scary!"

34.

The father told his son Story: "The uncle asked Xiao Yang to chop wood. Unexpectedly, Xiao Yang chopped down the uncle's favorite peach tree. The uncle was very angry when he saw it but didn't scold him. Do you know why?" The son replied: "Maybe. Because Xiaoyang still holds an ax in his hand, I dare not scold him

35.

Dung Beetle and Mosquito fall in love and meet for the first time. Dung Beetle: "What do you do?" Mosquito: "Nurse, the one who gives injections." The dung beetle grabbed the mosquito's hand and cried bitterly: "It's fate, I am also a doctor, a traditional Chinese medicine, and a pill maker

36.

A man couldn't find a girlfriend, so he had no choice but to go to fortune telling. The fortune teller said: You are destined to have no women in the first half of your life. But the man's eyes lit up: Then I should have one in the second half of my life? The fortune teller said: Hey, in the second half of my life You get used to living alone

37.

When someone was eating and couldn’t see a piece of beef in the beef ramen, he pointed at the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in the beef ramen? The boss said lightly: Don't take it too seriously. Do you still expect to get a wife out of the wife cake?

38.

The three mice tasted American, Japanese and Chinese respectively. Wine, the mouse who drank American wine took 3 steps and fell over; the mouse who drank Japanese wine took 2 steps and fell over; the mouse who drank Chinese Erguotou held a kitchen knife in his hand and shouted: "Where is the TMD cat?"

39.

While eating in a restaurant, a customer who had been waiting for a long time called to the waiter and asked, "Why is the braised fish I ordered not ready yet?" "Can you please try again?" Wait a moment, sir." "What? Are you still waiting?" The customer got angry and asked, "Are your fish caught fresh?"

40.

One day , the cow posed a problem to the donkey, asking which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male.

, which is only female. The donkey racked his brains, but still couldn't answer. The cow scolded: What a stupid ass, men are on the left and women are on the right!

41.

A man was about to jump off a building. His wife, who had just come back, shouted: "My dear, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!" After hearing this, the man did not hesitate. He jumped down hesitantly. The negotiator standing next to him said: "Madam, you really shouldn't threaten him like this

42.

The director and the section chief*** While riding in the elevator, the director farted and said to the section chief: "You farted." The section chief said, "I didn't fart." Soon the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting: "You can't bear the big fart." , what use do you need?"

43.

A lazy cat pursued a mouse crazily, and finally got married. After the marriage, the cat protected the mouse in every possible way, and the mouse quickly became fat. The mouse was very touched: "My dear, why are you so nice to me?" The cat chuckled and said, "You will know when you get fatter.

44.

Every time you look in the mirror , I always encourage myself by thinking to myself: "I am very creative, and being ugly is not my original intention. God, don't lose your temper. I will live bravely and use my endless creativity to set off the world." Beautiful! In fact, I am really creative...

45.

My friends went hiking together. At the top of the mountain, a girl faced the beautiful mountains and rivers and shouted: Motherland Ah! My mother! A boy who had a crush on her quickly shouted: Motherland! My mother-in-law!

46.

I bought two puppies before, called " The "face" is for you, and the "butt" is for you! Unfortunately, "face" died in a car accident a few days later. Whenever I see "butt", I think of your "face"! If your "face" is still there, Now it's as big as a "butt"!

47.

After Tang Zeng drove away Wukong, he encountered a monster again. He had to recite a tight spell to call Wukong back to save his life. Soon, there was a sound in the air A voice: "I'm sorry. The user you called is not in the service area, please try again later.

48.

The mouse went for convenience, but the bear was also there, too scared to dare With a squeak, the bear glanced at the mouse and said, "Can you shed your hair?" The mouse trembled and said nothing. The bear asked again: "Are you losing your hair?" The mouse said tremblingly: "No..." The bear grabbed the mouse and wiped its butt and left! [Treat mice as toilet paper...

49.

I was chatting with a friend just now, and they talked about you, do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was too much! I don’t treat you like a pig at all!

50.

On Panda’s birthday, I would like to say to everyone: I have made two wishes. One is to cure my dark circles, and the other is to have a color photo

p>

51.

The bee chases the butterfly, but the butterfly marries the snail.

The bee was puzzled: How is he better than me? The butterfly replied: I have my own house after all, but it’s not like you living in a dormitory

52.

Hey...! There is always one month. How many days...!

53.

The production team bought a male donkey, but it died within a few days. The female donkey happened to be in heat. The employees of the production team Call the captain of the production team who is on a business trip out of town. "Captain, the female donkey is in heat, but the male donkey is dead. Should I buy a male donkey first or wait for you to come back?"

54.

Little Shit Beetle: Mom, why do we eat shit? Mother Dung Beetle: How could this child say such disgusting things while eating?

55.

A shooting star flashed across the night sky, and I quickly made a wish, hoping that you would become beautiful. Who would have thought that just after I made my wish, the meteor came back with a "swish" and said to me, "Brother, are you deliberately trying to embarrass me?!!"

56.

Give me a steamed bun in the cafeteria as a fulcrum, and I can lift the earth! lt; Understand, the steamed buns in this cafeteria are too hard...gt;

57.

I saw "The food in the cafeteria can only be fed to pigs, but it is still given to us?" "I thought of a sentence. A classmate went to the cafeteria to prepare a meal. After the meal, he asked the cook, "Master, why is there rice in your sand!!!"

58.

A must-read story for girls: A bat was reincarnated by God. God said he could agree to three conditions. The bat said, "I was black in my last life, so in my next life I want a snow-white body and wings. I'm used to it." Blood. Let me suck blood." God said, OK, I agree. Do you know what he will be in the next life? "Sanitary napkin". Haha.

59.

Flies in the restaurant to the toilet The fly said: You chase fish and smell all day long, while I eat and drink hot food all day long, come here! Toilet fly: There is no use in eating well. How many naked beauties have you seen?

60.

When I was a sophomore, all the girls in the dormitory liked Zhou Huajian’s songs, and a tape was borrowed by everyone. One day, the girl on the upper bunk asked: Mine. Where is Zhou Huajian? The girl on the lower bunk replied: It was silent for two seconds, and then they all fell on the bed.

A certain boy gave birth to a classmate. The girl was nicknamed Fat Pig. The girl cried to the teacher and the teacher agreed to criticize the boy. The next day the teacher said to the class: "A certain boy is too rude. He gives other people random nicknames. You can't just call them whatever they like." What? ”

62.

A police dog saw an ordinary dog ??coming on the road, and ran to question it fiercely: I am a police dog, what are you? Ordinary dogs disdain He looked at it and said: Idiot, look clearly, I am a plainclothes man!

63.

If there are no flowers, spring will be lonely, and if there is no passion, the four seasons will be miserable! Mediocrity, without me, you will lose the person who cares about you the most! Without you, the little rabbit will ask: "Who should I race with?" ”

64.

I have a request: treat me to dinner. I hope you can satisfy me, otherwise I will write your mobile phone number on the wall, plus two more in front. Words: Apply for a certificate. You also need to treat me to a good meal, or write: Marriage, no conditions required

65.

Male: I really love you, please be me Girlfriend! Female: But I don’t feel anything for you at all!! Male: Well, tell me what’s not good about me, and I’ll change it!! Female: Then tell me what’s good about me first, and I’ll change it !!!

66.

There was a lady who always called her grandson Diploma. Someone asked her: "Why do you call your grandson Diploma?" The woman replied: "I give it to my daughter. When she went to college, she brought back this little guy after graduation."