Why do I feel like the 40-year-old women around me are starting to have anxiety attacks when they go to work?

Yes, I am already anxious in many ways.

First, the children. For those who are going from primary school to junior high school, choosing whether to go to school or not is a problem, and you also have to worry about selecting various training courses. Should the young ones be sent to private primary schools with better conditions to cultivate their independence, but they are afraid of affecting the parent-child relationship?

The second is work. Because after giving birth to two children and taking two maternity leaves, the room for advancement is basically gone. It is difficult to change companies. Taking care of two children often requires taking time off.

The third problem is the health of my parents. They have been hospitalized in turn last year. As they age, they suffer from high blood pressure and heart disease. When parents are sick, they have to take care of everything at home, hospital, company, and children's school, which makes them tired and anxious.

The fourth is the relationship between husband and wife. After years of hard work, family affection is greater than love. Now they are brothers living in the next bedroom [face covering]. It’s not that the relationship is bad, it’s because the children get up at night to go to the toilet. , drinking water, etc. is afraid of affecting his rest, and his snoring will affect the child's rest.

The fifth thing is my own body. I rode an 8-kilometer bicycle with Dabao on the weekend. Three days have passed, but my legs and hips still hurt. I am worried that I will still have the energy to exercise with Dabao when he is older? So I plan to find time to exercise.

In fact, it is not just about the age of 40. People will be anxious at every stage. When you are a child, you are anxious about your grades and your classmates will not play with you. When you are older, you are anxious about school, anxious about work, anxious about buying a house, getting married and having children...

< p> No doubt, I have been anxious for N years, but a passage I read recently gave me an epiphany and started to change!

I am 40 years old, my second child has just turned 4 years old, my parents have moved away from us, and the couple are just ordinary people in a small county that does not rank well, so I have not been anxious for half a year. .

Worry about whether the eldest child’s study is not ideal and whether she is physically and mentally healthy in the face of study pressure; the second child’s education and guidance are ineffective; the work is tedious, overtime work, and there is no hope of promotion; whether the comings and goings of relatives and friends are reasonable; life There are all kinds of chicken feathers on the ground... all kinds of tangles.

I live in anxiety every day, but have nowhere to talk. My husband is also under a lot of pressure, and I don’t want to cause any more trouble to him. The two of them also had a tacit understanding not to tell each other about their difficulties. Only when things were settled would they be able to talk about it. However, their tiredness was clearly shown on their faces, and life seemed boring.

The endless anxiety made me sleepless all night, but I had to work again the next day. My temples were pounding and I was dizzy until I got off work. I skipped working overtime and quickly went home to cook, wash, take care of the children, wash up, put him to sleep, and spend time with my boss, but I still had insomnia at night. In an endless cycle, a large cluster of white hair appeared on my forehead early.

Some time ago, there was a new leader and countless new demands, and my insomnia became worse again.

However, I accidentally saw this passage:

A bird standing on a tree will never worry about whether the branch will suddenly break, because it does not believe that branches, but its own wings. Instead of worrying about the future every day, it is better to live in the present and live out your inner self in order not to regret the past! Don't be afraid of tomorrow!

Read this passage again and again, collect it, and keep encouraging yourself. As a result, I also learned to slowly let go of all my worries, and suddenly felt more relaxed.

In the past, I didn’t want to tell others about my pain. Firstly, I was afraid that others would look down on the joke. Secondly, others had not experienced it and would not have personal experience or empathy. But today, I dare to analyze and share myself with everyone on this virtual platform, because I feel that I have changed and gradually transformed! Believe that a better you is ahead!

I am 34 years old, working intermittently, and my salary has even dropped back to when I just graduated. My overall mentality is obviously very anxious. In addition, I gave birth to my second child last year and continued to become a housewife, which makes me even more anxious. It wasn’t until I went through a lot this year that my anxiety eased.

I was born in 1988 and took my first job after graduating in 2012. The monthly salary was more than 3,000 yuan. At that time, I felt that my overall condition was very good and I was full of expectations and imagination for the future. I hope that after working for a few years, I will become a leading professional elite like others, with a more high-spirited future.

But the reality is cruel, because the efficiency of our company is not good, and the salary has basically not changed. What makes me even more discouraged is that I found that my ability is not outstanding among my colleagues, and I can even Counting down, no one else was promoted, and I had no hope of promotion. In this state, my work enthusiasm was also affected, and I was somewhat dawdling. Then a sentence was verified: If you mess around, you will eventually find that it is you who messed around.

Indeed, after working for two years, I suddenly discovered that although my colleagues around me still had not been promoted, their ratings in the eyes of my supervisor were not low, but I was criticized from time to time. When I was awarded year-end bonuses for advanced employees, I also discovered that I was lagging behind my colleagues who joined the company at the same time.

At this time, I suddenly realized that the root cause was myself, that I was getting by too much, so I started to catch up, worked especially hard, and tried my best to implement the leadership's instructions. But a year later, I felt exhausted and there was still no improvement at work. I once suspected that I was a born loser, and once again I became discouraged at work.

And I found that I hated that job more and more, and resented the people and things in it more and more. At this time, I fell in love, but the two of us were in different places, and I watched my colleagues around me get married in pairs. Right, I feel like my love has failed again. In this state of mind, I felt even less capable at work. After thinking about it for a while, I felt that I couldn't continue like that, so I chose to resign.

After resigning, I took a month’s rest and found a second job. The salary was a level higher than the first one, but it was a newly opened company and I was the only one in the entire R&D room. Man, I do all the big and small things myself. The boss is trying to spread the pie and says he will hire assistants for me when things become stable. However, before that day came, it was only about a year. Suddenly, there was news that the company was going to be disbanded. At this time, I felt very tired. After hearing the news, I immediately resigned and said that I wanted to return. My boyfriend is developing a relationship and plans to get married. Less than a month after I resigned, the rest of our colleagues were let go.

Because I was already 27 years old at the time, most of my peers around me had already started families, and I was also getting married. Only then did I realize that people’s thoughts are really easily influenced by the people around them. Maybe my goals are too unstable and I have not set accurate goals for myself in the workplace.

When I got married, I thought very simply. I would find a job immediately after having children. However, after having a child, I found that it was too difficult to find a job while breastfeeding. The child made noises every night, and I had no energy to get up and go to work the next day. I also thought about finding a job after the child was weaned. More than half a year passed after the child was weaned, when the child was almost two years old, I found another job.

Because I didn’t want to live apart in two places after getting married, I looked for a job where my husband worked. However, I found that there was no job in my original major, so I chose an extracurricular tutoring class nearby, which was close to ours. The residence is very close, which makes it convenient to take care of the children, because although my mother-in-law helped to take care of the children, she made it clear that she could not bear to take care of the children for a whole day. I see that the tutoring class works from afternoon to evening. I take care of the children in the morning, and my husband takes care of them in the evening. My mother-in-law only needs to take care of them in the afternoon.

Of course, the salary is not ideal. It is almost the same as when I first graduated. This job requires class hours in exchange for salary, but I don’t have extra time to increase class hours, so basically what I get is the basic salary. And I found that I was almost the oldest among my colleagues. Most of them were young girls who had just graduated. I took that job just to transition them to the postgraduate entrance examination or the public examination stage. This made me anxious again.

Then my child went to kindergarten. My husband and I both wanted to have a second child. Last year, the second child was born. In addition to picking up the older one, I also had to take the younger one with me. My mother-in-law was still there. Help, and also made it clear that she was just helping out and I absolutely couldn't go to work.

Seeing that it will take another three years for my second child to enter kindergarten, and I will not be able to go to class for another three years, so my anxiety last year was even stronger, unspeakable anxiety.

After my second child was born, I began to work hard to pick up the writing I once loved and make money through writing in various ways. It was indeed very difficult at first, but because I had a foundation in this area before, and I continued to learn from excellent people , so I can gradually earn enough for my monthly living expenses, and gradually earn close to my husband’s salary.

But this kind of thing means more work and more reward. You can only earn income if you keep writing, and there is no insurance. I often sit with pain all over my body. Once, my left shoulder and arm were in unbearable pain. I went to the hospital for a checkup and was told that it was frozen shoulder caused by sitting for too long. At this time, I realized that sitting in front of the computer for a long time was very harmful to my body and mind, and the anxiety in my heart reappeared.

At the end of last year, I was still anxious. At this time, a college classmate of ours contacted me. We used to play very well. After contacting me, I found out that she was seriously ill and could not go to work now. Being able to rest at home, her mentality is very good, and she has been working hard to improve herself and find the most suitable way to improve herself, hoping to give herself hope and set an example for her children.

After listening to her inner words, I suddenly felt that I had been too anxious before. In fact, it was of no use. On the contrary, it would affect my state of mind. After I told her about my anxiety, she said a lot of heartfelt words to me, which made me very touched and suddenly enlightened. In fact, my anxiety has always stemmed from my own sense of emptiness and disorder.

In 2021, I set a more scientific goal for myself. Now that I have implemented it for three months, my overall condition feels much better than in previous years. I think the reasons why the 40-year-old women around me have anxiety attacks at work are related to the following reasons:

First, there is too much pressure at such an age when there are seniors and juniors.

The age of 40 is the age when there are seniors and juniors. The children may have just entered the rebellious period, and the elderly have entered the old age. This requires women to spend a huge amount of time, energy and processing. In addition, Various difficulties at work cause middle-aged people of this age to feel anxious when they think about work and family.

Second, there is no obvious room for advancement in the workplace, and employees are in danger of being replaced at any time.

By the time women reach the age of 40, if they have outstanding abilities, they have been promoted to management positions. If they have poor abilities, they are still in basic positions. No matter what stage you are at, you will always feel anxious. When you are in a management position, you are afraid of being replaced at any time. When you are in a basic position, you will unconsciously feel inferiority and frustration. Seeing that the room for future progress is getting smaller and smaller, there are very few women at this age who are not anxious.

Third, when a marriage enters an unstable period, it is easy to become mentally and physically exhausted.

For women in their 40s, their marriages have generally lasted about 10 years, and have basically entered a state of dullness. Maybe the couple who were originally emotionally passionate have turned into brothers sleeping in bunk beds, or even more seriously. There may have been bad things such as extramarital affairs or mental infidelity, which will make women who are already anxious about work even more anxious.

Fourth, you know a lot of truth but don’t have enough execution ability.

Women around 40 years old basically understand all the principles of life, but for various reasons, it is difficult to implement these seemingly useful principles in action. For example, everyone knows that whoever has a higher salary will have a greater say in the family. However, if the industry you are in is not in recession and your personal abilities are not very outstanding, it is really difficult to be the one with the highest salary in the family.

At the age of about 40, if you want to improve your anxiety while working, I think you can start from the following points:

Because I have children, Now that we have an old man and a husband who is in name only, we are spinning, stirring, lonely, and crazy in the whirlpool of nagging children, stubborn old people, and picky husbands...

There are indicators of stress at work. When I get home from work, I am busy cleaning housework and cooking. I have to keep up with my children's studies and take care of the elderly at home. It is said that men and women are equal, but in fact, women are more tired

If you reach this age, you You will truly understand the meaning of the saying that people are worse than dogs when they reach middle age. At this age, parents are getting older, children are waiting to start a family, and middle-aged people are accepting various departures. If the family situation Those who are well-off can alleviate it slightly. Ordinary working-class people or people living at the bottom of society will feel burdened and naturally have anxiety. They will feel uneasy when receiving calls from their parents early in the morning or at night. They dare not turn off their mobile phones at night or go out far. These are all the anxieties of middle-aged people. Can you understand this?

At this stage, the children are underage and study hard. They are dropped off early and picked up late, so they are very busy. Both parents are older, in good health and somewhat relaxed. Family pressure, work pressure, and various pressures come one after another. The more critical the situation is, the more important it is to take good care of yourself, keep yourself in good health and reduce your burden, so that you can be competent and meet new challenges.

It is recommended that women retire early and officially retire at the age of 45.

Back to the topic, women around 40 years old have elderly parents. Their health is deteriorating and they need care. There are gold-eating beasts, school selection, study, further education, etc. There are still a lot of things at work, and nine out of ten things are not going well. The marriage has been going on for 5-10 years, and the tenderness and thoughtfulness of the past have long since faded. The relationship between the two has developed from a close lover to an economic couple. . The longing for women to be loved and cared for has long since vanished into thin air amid the odds and ends of life. With all this going on, can we not be anxious?

Women’s situation of having to go to work while also being busy with the elderly and children seems to be traced back to the feminist movement and women’s liberation of the last century. Before the feminist movement, women generally did not have the opportunity to go to school. "It is a virtue for a woman not to have talent." After getting married, there was no need to go out to work to make money, as long as she took care of the family. However, the status is very humble. When guests come to the house, women are not allowed to serve.

The feminist movement pushed women from the family into society. Women gained economic independence, gained respect and voice in the family, and received relatively equal treatment in education and employment, and their social status was greatly improved. Improvement is no longer an accessory in a patriarchal society. However, women also pay a lot of costs. First of all, under the guidance of the concept of gender equality, women are given the same expectations as men. They need to get into a good university in the college entrance examination and have a stable and decent job. After getting married, they share the financial pressure of the family with their male partners, endure high-intensity work pressure at work, and bear most of the labor of raising children in life. Therefore, modern women, especially middle-aged women around 40 years old, generally have to bear a heavy burden and will inevitably have anxiety on the way forward.

None of the 40-year-old women around me want to work and look forward to retirement. It may not be an anxiety disorder, but it is at least a state of anxiety. The pace of this society is accelerating, and people are spinning rapidly. It is normal for the body to be uncomfortable in various aspects. Therefore, anxiety disorder can be said to be a common social problem

Yes, women in this age group are facing the stage when their children are entering high school or about to enter college. The children are in a critical period, and parents are also worried, for fear of not taking good care of them or something. This sentence affects the child's mood. Generally, women in the family are more worried at this time, as they have to work and take care of the children. In addition, parents at this age have also begun to decline in health, and the elderly have begun to take care of them from time to time. This task mostly falls on the shoulders of mothers in their 40s, so they will be anxious and worried. I feel like I'm about to have an anxiety attack. At this time, the father's role should be shared, because both are working and contributing to the family, and the children and the elderly are not the same person, they are mutually exclusive.

Secondly, the health of women in their 40s has also begun to decline. They have to work, do housework, take care of all aspects of the home, deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, etc. However, their work has just reached an upward stage, and they may be facing a stage of improvement. Going to a higher level and becoming the main force in the company's projects will consume more energy. If you don't advance at this time, you will retreat. If you don't advance, you will have no chance to change the status quo. It can be said to be a critical period, a critical stage. The alternation between family and career is particularly important, so it is easy to be overwhelmed. If the dual pressures of work and family are not handled well and the coordination is not good, you will feel anxious. So relax yourself appropriately.