The 12th National Congress released selected paragraphs and paragraphs.

A fly and its child are walking on a bald head. After a while, it said thoughtfully, "son, time flies." When I was your age, it was just a path. " ?

2. Bare arms

One day, a sparrow said to a pigeon, "Do you dare to shoot an eagle?"

"Of course, I dare." After that, the pigeon flew away. After a while, the pigeon flew back without feathers. The sparrow asked, "What's the matter?" The dove said, "That boy is not convinced, so I will hit him with my bare hands." ?

Step 3 stick to it

A family planning service team came to the countryside to publicize family planning knowledge. When introducing condoms to an old farmer, the propagandist said, "You must stick to them when using them, or you will fall short." A month later, the family planning team came again, and the old farmer anxiously found the propagandist and said, "I fried it like you said, not only didn't chew it, but later my wife got pregnant ..."?

4. Go straight at the red light

Aunt Wang is going to attend May's wedding. Because she is going to be late, she drives very fast and the red light keeps on. So I was stopped by the police. The police will give Aunt Wang a ticket. The policeman asked Aunt Wang, "How to write a red light?" Aunt Wang thought she was going to be late, but she stopped people from coming down. She said impatiently, "I can't write!" " "After a while, the police gave the ticket to Aunt Wang, and she stuffed it into her purse without reading it. A few days later, Aunt Wang went to pay the fine and showed it to the counter lady. The lady looked at it for a long time and said to Aunt Wang, "You can go back! "Aunt Wang Mo said wonderfully," Isn't there a fine? " The young lady said, "No! There is no such traffic rule as' red light never stops'! "

5. Naked women

6. just look and don't touch?

A new bathhouse has been built in the factory. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, gay men take a bath, and lesbians take a bath on the 2nd, 4th and 6th. Gay men take a bath on Sunday morning and lesbians take a bath in the afternoon. Just this Sunday, there was an exhibition of revolutionary martyrs' relics. The factory director announced at the staff meeting: "This Sunday morning, gay men took a bath and lesbians visited; In the afternoon, lesbians take a bath and gays visit. Again, just look and don't touch. " ?

7. Numbers

9 saw 6 and said: Nothing to play handstand. 0 sees 8 and says: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing? 7 See 2 and say: Don't think that I will marry you if you kneel. 2 See 5 and say: Hey, I haven't seen you for a few days, and I have breast augmentation.

8. Life span

A: how can I live longer?

B: Give up drinking.

A: I don't drink.

B: No color.

A: I don't like women.

B: Vegetarian.

A: I don't eat meat!

B: Then why do you want to live a long life? ?

9. bus IC card? ?

10, you are very lucky.

When I was shopping, I suddenly felt a pain in my stomach, so I went into a hot pot restaurant on the corner and wanted to borrow a toilet, but I couldn't find it on the first floor and ran to the second floor. The second floor is still under renovation, and it is empty, but there is a toilet door sticker. It says "Fault to be repaired, please don't use it". But I really can't help it. Whatever. Anyway, there was no one around, so I took off my pants and squatted down to the toilet, and I was furious ... so cool! ! When it was over, I went downstairs and found no one. Strange, it was dinner time, and the wedding was just downstairs, talking and laughing. Why do people suddenly go to the building? Even the waiters and receptionists are gone ...? So he approached the bar and asked, "Is anyone there? Why is there no one? " ? At this moment, I saw a waiter coming out from under the bar and saying, "... weren't you there when shit fell from the ceiling and hit the electric fan just now?" You are very lucky. ?

1 1, very good.

A farmer in a county feeds pigs with swill every day, and as a result, he is fined 10,000 yuan by the Animal Protection Association-cruelty to animals. Later, the farmer changed to feed the pigs with Saussurea involucrata, and was fined 1 10,000 yuan by the Environmental Protection Association for wasting food. One day, the leader visited again and asked the farmers what to feed the pigs. The farmer said, "I don't know what to feed." Now I give it 100 yuan every day and let it go out to eat by itself. " ?

12, Xiao Ming

One day Xiaoming put a plaster on his hand. The teacher asked, "What happened to your hand?"

Xiaoming said, "It's broken."

The teacher said, "Why? 」

Xiaoming said, "Because I am too lazy."

The teacher said, "Too lazy will break your hand? 」?

Xiao Ming said: "One day I was walking on the road and my shoes touched a stone, but I was too lazy to do it with my hands, so I shook my feet with a telephone pole and let the stone fall out." Passers-by thought I was electrocuted, so they hit my hand with a wooden stick. ..............

13, after animals have money,

Crabs have invested heavily in a certain place, and they can run wild and run red lights when they get a license to drive.

The little donkey spent money to publish several papers and was awarded the senior title of "Maxima".

Toad became a real estate tycoon. He said at the press conference, "Nothing tastes good, including swan meat."

Crows learned to write with their butts. He was known as a famous calligrapher because he could only "doodle".

14, I will not be with you even if I die.

The relationship between husband and wife is not good, and the husband often thinks about divorcing his wife and marrying another one. His wife threatened him: "If you change your mind one day, I will buy some medicine to poison you." The man said, "Please tell me before poisoning me. I will write my will in advance and ask the government not to sentence you to death. " The wife is very happy: "after all, it is a hundred days of husband and wife." It's rare that you have such a taste for me. " The man said, "No, I am most afraid that the government will kill you. If you die, your soul will chase you to the underworld. Do I have to live with you again? "

15, the result of the quarrel

16, trick

Big brother got a heavy automatic rifle at home. Whenever eldest sister-in-law loses her temper, eldest brother always cleans the gun without saying anything. Sister-in-law turned pale with fear, and a civil war ended before it started.

I can't help asking my eldest brother, "Sister-in-law is afraid that you will kill her?"

Big brother is very proud. He said, "No, she is afraid that I will commit suicide."

17, insufficient

Wife: "I know, you married me because I have money."

Husband: "No, because I have no money."

18, such a work

Wife: "I have been married for more than half a year. Why didn't I see you doing literary creation? "

Husband: "I don't have that genius!" " "

Wife: "Before you got married, didn't you write" Published in the Provincial Evening News "in personals?"

Husband: "I mean individuals."

19, with a special liking

My grandfather is 1. 60 meters, and strong grandma as high as 1.80 meters. My grandfather died when I was a child; Once my grandmother and I were looking through old photos, and it suddenly occurred to me that the two of them must stand out together.

"Grandma," I asked her, "how can you fall in love with a man shorter than you?"

She turned to me and said, "Son, we are sitting in love. By the time I stood up, it was too late. "

20 years old, drunk

The male crab proposed to the female crab. The female crab noticed that the male crab walked straight, not sideways. I thought to myself, "This gentleman is really different. I can't let him get away. " So they got married right away. The next day, she noticed that her new husband was running wild like other crabs and asked, "Didn't you go straight ahead yesterday?" "Honey," her husband replied, "I can't be so drunk every day."