A very funny article organized by Naruto Akatsuki

[Payne’s Memoirs] The High School Years of the Akatsuki Organization

Akatsuki, I don’t know when it started to become synonymous with terrorism. In the eyes of outsiders, our behavior is weird, our outlook is incorrect, we disrupt society, and affect harmony...

As the leader of this organization, I believe it is my responsibility to uncover the truth behind the illusion and dispel the world's misunderstanding of us - -Actually, Xiao has always been a harmonious and loving group!

Established at the beginning of dawn

The teacher taught us not to form cliques. So, our organization, Xiao, was officially established today... Are these two sentences related? Well...

In short, our Xiao's goal is to unify all the gangs in the school and maintain eternal peace in the world. Well, that's it.

Our school is full of geniuses and idiots. A genius? Just like me...

When I said that, Hidan said yes, boss, you are much smarter than me, but that guy Itachi always had an expressionless face at this time, and the paranoid Ghost Gum was following him. While chatting with the mace (he told me solemnly that the name of this stick is Samehada), Didala laughed and fell on the table. Xie, an autistic child, was hiding in the cardboard box and could not see it, but the box kept shaking. Kakuzu was concentrating on counting this month's living expenses. Zetsu hid and didn't know what he was eating. The cabbage leaves on his head were moving around. The big snake was abusing the frogs and mice again...

I'm very angry. After all, I am also the boss...

But today there is a transfer student named Fei. Although this kid is ugly, it is said that he is uglier than Kisame, so that the teacher had to put a hood on his head. I put on a concave-convex Man mask before leading him into the classroom...

Although he is a bit ugly, the child is very cheerful and sensible, and he is also good at telling jokes. A group of us laughed under the table... Oh, except Itachi , I really suspect that this guy is either pretending to be handsome or has a paralyzed face. Even the youngest Deidara is called a senior, and Xiao Di said that it is very helpful... I am also very happy to be praised by Abi for being powerful, domineering, brave, extraordinary and intelligent, because Akatsuki except Hidan refuses to acknowledge my greatness, and Hidan is The child is not very smart, and his compliments are rather monotonous...

I think Ah Fei is very good, and I intend to recruit him into the group... Then I thought about how popular this child is. I’m not too dissatisfied that my position has been taken away from me...

It’s better to investigate for a while! kindness! That's it!

Akatsuki and the Five Great Nations

Speaking of idiots, one cannot help mentioning Itachi’s stupid brother...

Although Itachi strictly prohibited anyone other than him from doing this Yell, even me, the boss, can’t do it. But I was still happy to see Itachi look awkward, so I called on the people in the organization to call him like this, Hahaha~

That kid is in junior high school. Our school is connected to the junior high schools of the five major countries.

There are many friends and teachers we know in the junior high school...

As for why we know the teachers, in fact, Kakuzu has been in senior high school for nearly a hundred years, Orochi is in his fifties, and Scorpion is this year We are all in our forties, but we still can’t pass the three-level exam, and I’m about the same... So there are many of our former high school classmates in the junior high school who went back to normal school to become teachers...

We still have feelings for each other. Very good. For example, Orochi often went to the junior high school to drink with Mr. Jiraiya. Orochi was not good at drinking. Once he got drunk and beat up the old man who was the head teacher of Konoha class (this old man had been Orochi's class teacher before, so it is not ruled out that Orochi remembered it. The past of being abused was impulsive), the teacher next to me said forget it, and held the big snake and dragged it out. As a result, the big snake broke both arms and was left hanging for two months... The big snake complained aggrievedly that no one of us fed him. After eating, he developed the habit of licking food to eat, which was too deformed...

Later, the old man in charge of the class sued the big snake, and the big snake was sent home...

But we all still thought He is a member of the organization, and last week he went to Orochi's house to play. Orochi's family is really rich and has several houses, but the butler wearing glasses looks very serious... Orochi invited us to eat something that looks like a potato. We pretended to eat sweet potatoes and frogs that looked like mice, but in fact we threw them in from the collar of Xiaopao. After dinner, everyone stood up and heard the sound of something falling to the ground...

< p>After the meal, we said goodbye and firmly believed that Orochi was definitely our country’s first Nobel Prize winner. Orochi’s face was filled with a happy and proud smile...

Well, this is youth!

My mature girlfriend

Ah...it seems to be going too far again...

Xiaonan Lao said that as a leader, I cannot be so rude and gossipy. I feel aggrieved, how can I...But it's useless to reason with women, especially a mature woman in her forties like Xiaonan...

Xiaonan and I are absolutely childhood sweethearts, and we went to junior high school together. Ten years... In fact, Xiaonan's grades are very good. If she takes the college entrance examination seriously, she can probably score 700 points. But she said that it would be meaningless if she didn't go to college with me. I was so moved that I burst into tears... The advantage of Xiaonan being here is that during the exam, She can control countless cheat sheets and accurately arrive at the examination room of each member of our Akatsuki organization, so everyone is very grateful to Sister Xiaonan. However, during the college entrance examination, all the proctors were perceptual teachers, so this method would not work...

That kid Yahiko used to work hard with us, and was later recruited by a talent scout to become an idol... Oh, this kid Aren't you just a little sunnier than me? It's strange that a forty-year-old still looks like a twenty-year-old. But maybe it's because of age. Recently, he often looks careless, speechless, and expressionless, and his face is... I self-inflicted six piercings on the rod, and wore fourteen earrings... The girls said that this is so handsome... Tsk... He is so handsome with hair...

Well, I will wear it another day too A few good ones

The bond of brothers

Ah, it seems to be going too far...

Itachi's stupid brother seems to hate Itachi very much, and even wants to Kill him.

Because I am a boss who cares about gays, I asked Itachi why. Itachi thought for a while and then said it (because he knew that I, the boss, would not give up until he asked me, and would follow him when eating and going to the toilet...).

It turns out that Sasuke is a rebellious child, and he always feels that his parents treat Itachi better than him... Sharingan contact lenses are popular recently, and their parents bought them for both of them. The problem is that the one given to Sasuke is the ordinary one, while the one given to Itachi is the limited edition Mangekyō Sharingan, so Sasuke in the rebellious period was confused, confused and resentful...

I probably guessed it was the Sharingan. I remember one time Itachi rushed down to the playground with no expression on his face and grabbed a child - his stupid brother. Then he pried out the child's eyes and took out something. He raised the thing and said, "I'm stupid." Brother~hate~hate~” It turns out that Sasuke secretly wore Itachi’s Sharingan...

What I don’t understand is that Itachi doted on his younger brother so much that he carried him on his back every day. When I came to school, I was laughed at by us so many times... So I said to Itachi: "Give it to him if he wants it. If you are with a child, you have to let him..."

Itachi said slowly: "Rebellious period Don't spoil your child too much. The reason why I don't give it to him is to measure his size. This is the most important thing.

As an older brother, even if you are hated..." He kept talking for a long time...

Well, I didn't expect that when Itachi talked about his stupid brother, he seemed to have a really good relationship.

Tailed beast!

Our organization loves small animals very much.

Well, it’s mainly me...the furry touch, warm body, and innocence of small animals. My eyes are filled with excitement when I think about it~

The members of the organization are also very supportive of me. I found many cute little animals from nowhere~a meerkat with two tails, a turtle with four tails, Octopus (Hidan often uses it for multiple-choice questions... He takes four water tanks and writes ABCD, and then chooses whichever one the octopus crawls to... The strange thing is that the accuracy rate is actually very high...)

Ah , my favorite is the little yellow cat with one tail, because it is relatively normal, and the others look like they escaped from the big snake laboratory...

Speaking of the first tail, I I couldn't help but think of a cute little friend in the junior high school...

One day I just got up from my desk after a good sleep, and heard the sound of C1 exploding outside the classroom... Damn, what is Deidara doing again? Ah... out of concern for my comrades, I'd better go out and take a look.

When I went out, I found Deidara and a short little friend. This kid had short red hair, black eye shadow, and a forehead. There is a tattoo of Chinese characters... I don't know it... and he is carrying a big gourd-shaped schoolbag. It looks very cool.

I asked: "Xiao Di, what's going on?" It’s not good to bully your friends in the lower grades! ”

Xiao Di stretched out her hand.

I found that my little friend with dark circles was holding a small animal in his arms! It was a yellow kitten, soft and well-behaved. ~

I couldn’t help but get excited and said: "Little kitten~ Do you want to eat lollipops with the millet~"

The audience: "I...Xiao's boss is sick again ! "

My little friend looked at me like I was looking at a BT, and I was embarrassed. I called Xiaodi and expressed that I really wanted one, and Xiaodi confidently smiled and said no problem!

The little friend Niu B said: "I won't give it to you! This is my reward for passing math. I stayed up late for half a year... Look at the dark circles under my eyes..." Xiao Di smiled, took out a handful of C1 and stuffed it into the child's collar... Poor The child jumped and jumped, trying to shake the spider out... He was probably wearing autumn clothes, which were not as loose as our Xiaogong. Before he could shake it out, Xiaodi shouted, "Drink!" "Just hearing a "boom", the little friend fainted...

In this way, the end was obtained.

Xiao Di took out a bottle of correction fluid from his pocket and applied it to the dark circles under his eyes. The little friend applied it on his forehead for a while and smiled: "As expected, art should be simple, yes! ”

When I saw it, the word I didn’t recognize turned into the word “love”. Xiao Di is such a kind and good comrade!

I heard that this child later dropped out of school , inherited the family business, it seems to be called Kazekage Shampoo, one of the top 100 companies in the world...

Ichibi is very cute, but he likes to scratch me and bite me, eh...

Samehada~ Good So cute

In addition to these tailed beasts, Kisame also built a fish tank behind the classroom to raise fish, saying he was afraid that Samehada would be lonely...

I am very interested in Samehada, but Kisame said that he only recognized himself and wouldn't let us touch him at all. He even carried him on his back when going to the toilet...According to my observation, Kisame only wears Samehada when he gets to a large size because he carries him on his back. I couldn't squat down...

One day I noticed from the corner of my eye that Kisame was going out alone. He should be squatting... Well, CHANCE!

So, I squatted next to Samehada and took it. Use a pair of disposable chopsticks to untie the cloth...

Wow! This knife actually has a mouth and is still spitting... It's amazing, so cute~

At this time, There was a voice saying, "Boss, you're 2 again." I was startled, and then I realized it was Itachi...

I said, "Itachi, do you think Samehada can only open his mouth?" Does it have a nose, eyes, ears, etc.? "

Itachi thought for a moment and said, "It's very simple. "

Itachi stretched out his hand to catch a female fish from the fish tank next to him, and then slowly peeled off the fish scales piece by piece. After a while, the fish was naked... Samehada's muscles were bleeding... Itachi pointed to the bleeding area. Said: "Nose. "It dawned on me.

Then Itachi punched Samehada on the nose, pointed at the part where the water splashed violently and said, "Eyes. "I slapped the case.

Then I looked at Itachi even more expectantly.

Itachi took out his MP3 player, connected it to the speaker, turned the volume up to the maximum, and then played "Love Business"... The scales on a certain part of Samehada's muscles immediately shrank... Itachi said: "Ears."

I suddenly discovered that Itachi's original He is such a genius, he almost caught up with me...

After Kisame finished squatting, he found that Samehada was very silent and asked us what happened. Itachi said: "Oh, he has tonsil inflammation."< /p>

Kisame has always believed in Itachi unconditionally...poor Samehada...

Hidan's belief...

In order for our organization to protect the peace of the school, violence is indispensable. of.

My fighting power is terrifying. I usually disdain small fights and never participate. My Xiaonan proudly says that I have never been defeated...

Others As he got older, although he was very strong, he no longer had the passion to fight... The younger Deidara said that violence went against his art, so Itachi simply took one hand out of his sleeve and put it in his arms, directly using performance art. It embodies what it means to "stand by and watch". Itachi doesn't take action, and Kisame, a violent man, is extremely well-behaved...

The daily combat power of the Akatsuki organization is Hidan and his teammate Kakuzu.

Speaking of Hidan, I am very speechless about this kid. Hidan is quite handsome and has a bit of a bad smile. He is definitely a school boy, provided he is not NC or crazy...

In the past, he was just a somewhat honest boy, and he was not found to have NC tendencies, but since the godson of his grandson's granddaughter's neighbor's husband's seventh uncle's uncle preached the teachings of the Evil God Cult to Hidan, Hidan has fully matured. He became the most devout believer, believed that he was immortal, and engaged in self-abusive NC things all day long.

A few years ago, Hidan responded to the call of the evil god and went to the Tianping Gate and burned himself. We all said that he was completely ruined now. Just when he was about to wear the little white flower, Hidan came back alive!

This incident caused many believers to set themselves on fire, but the strange thing is that they all never returned... Hidan said that this was because their belief in the evil god was not strong enough, and tried his best to persuade us to believe in it. The evil god has eternal life, but no one believes in him...

Although I was a little moved, Xiaonan said lightly that if you dare, I will break up with you...Eh, forget it...

Fei Duan once almost died because of his faith.

There is a friend named Shikamaru in the junior high school. He has a very high IQ. What is very bad is that he enjoys deceiving people with lower than average IQs... Shikamaru and Hidan are arguing: "If you want to truly understand The teachings of the Evil God Cult are to experience death personally..."

Then Hidan followed the Evil God's will and buried himself in the sandpit of the school playground... The organization searched for several days before digging it out...< /p>

Hidan almost starved to death that time...

Both Hidan and Kakuzu are from NC family

I felt very sad to see Hidan like this, so Let the oldest Kakuzu persuade him.

Kakuzu has shown us his body before. His whole body is covered with stitched scars. We think he is handsome and violent. These are all the journey of a little friend growing into a man! So in my mind, Jiaodu is a pure man among men...

It turns out that Jiaodu has been a little abnormal recently, saying that he is always strong because he has five hearts...It turns out that NC is also contagious...< /p>

Whenever there are ignorant children who want to have violent conversations with us, we will put on the classic Akatsuki formation.

In the front, Hidan cut his wrists and used blood to draw a circle like a car logo on the ground (it was said to be the teachings of the Evil God Cult...), while Kakuzu stood beside him to sort out his sewing kit.

I brewed a bowl of donkey glue blood-replenishing granules, then set up a folding stool and took out a loudspeaker and shouted, "Come on Hidanko, the boss will always support you~" Others were watching and moving around freely.

Then it started, Hidan performed various self-abuse behaviors that looked painful: cutting his neck to make blood everywhere, using a saw blade to slowly cut off his fingers one by one, and using a sickle to cut off his thighs. The flesh is cut off like noodles... Jiaodu is responsible for sewing back the necessary organs.

The opponent felt very painful when they looked at it, and the more they thought about it, the more painful it became. In the end, each of them was in agony and completely lost their fighting spirit... It is said that after this battle, the opponent had nightmares at best. Then you doubt life...

The people in our organization are used to seeing Hidan's NC behavior, so they feel fine.

But once, when the male members of the organization went to the toilet together, Hidan used the fatal "killing chicken and splitting eggs technique" (can you explain this technique) on himself in front of us...

We all immediately felt that our balls were so painful... Even Itachi's face turned blue...

We seriously warned him that next time he uses this technique in front of us, Kakuzu will not let him use it. Sew that thing back...

The incident of manipulation by hundreds of people

Children like Scorpion are the ones I am least good at dealing with, and I don’t give them any face at all... The cold scenes are the most embarrassing...

The teacher said that Scorpion had a car accident with his parents when he was a child. Since then, Scorpion has become autistic. He always hides in a cardboard box and plays house with dolls, and calls them mom and dad... ugh...

< p>Out of concern for the poor child, I specially accepted him as a member of Akatsuki. He himself did not express any objection, so he probably acquiesced.

Didara is a bit mean at holding hands, and often does boring things, such as putting C1 on girls... Today we were doing recess exercises, and I heard the familiar "Drink!" and then "Boom!".

Xiao Di is being mean again...

Everyone habitually looked towards the place where the sound came from. At this moment, a supernatural event happened: hundreds of people in our high school suddenly The collective lost the ability to act independently, and those who were about to turn around and watch turned back, and then continued to do CAO under the control of unknown forces...

What is shameful is that I was also manipulated by CAO, and then did what I did in my life. The most standard eighth broadcast body CAO...