Southern customs that northerners cannot understand

My husband is from northern Anhui. In the past few years, my parents-in-law have come to live in Wenzhou.

The father-in-law came back in the evening and said, "What kind of family do you have? How can you get married at night? If you get married at night in our place, you will be scolded by the general assembly." He saw a family marrying a daughter-in-law at night.

Southerners choose auspicious days to get married, and wedding banquets are also held in the evening. Northerners never hold wedding banquets in the evening, and northerners usually visit relatives in the morning. Southerners visit relatives casually and go whenever they are free.

I think I should write about the customs of the north and the south, because I am a native of Yueqing, Wenzhou, and belong to the south. I married to Anhui and we have been married for more than ten years. I will share my personal experience. Let me tell you about the southern customs that northerners cannot understand.

My husband always cooks dumplings no matter what the festival is, whether it is Spring Festival, Lantern Festival, Dragon Boat Festival, Mid-Autumn Festival... There is no festival for boiling dumplings here in Yueqing. People eat rice cakes during the Spring Festival, eat glutinous rice balls during the Lantern Festival, dragon lanterns are held from the third day to the seventeenth day of the first lunar month, people eat Qingming cakes during the Qingming Festival, eat rice dumplings during the Dragon Boat Festival and watch dragon boats, and the Winter Solstice is People who eat mochi are the same in both places during the Mid-Autumn Festival, they all eat moon cakes.

In recent years, my father-in-law and mother-in-law have also come to Wenzhou, and we live together, so dumplings are indispensable on every festival, but there are also Yueqing rice dumplings. Although I can’t make these, But my sister and sisters-in-law will prepare some for us. Dumplings are basically made in stores. Southerners rarely buy noodles. They basically have noodles, rice cakes, and dried noodles for breakfast, rice for lunch, and rice for dinner. My mother-in-law came to Wenzhou and ate rice for a month, and her mouth broke. , so our family mainly eats northern food, porridge and steamed buns in the morning, noodles at lunch, steamed buns in the evening, soups and soups... I seem to have not eaten rice at home for almost a year.

Here in Yueqing, every festival, except the Qiqiao Festival (the seventh day of the seventh lunar month, the Qixi Festival, this festival is when grandpas or uncles send Qiaocakes to their grandsons and nephews), all other festivals are for girls. Those who go to their natal family must be given festive gifts. The festive gifts also include support for the parents of the natal family. The festive gifts include sponge cakes and meat. Later, they were simplified to random gifts.

On the birthdays of my husband’s children when they are 36, 9 or 12 years old, there is a banquet. They wear locks and shave their braids. You see some children with long braids on their backs. On their twelfth birthday Sometimes, it is necessary to shave it off. Some people say that this braid will blackmail other people's braids, that is, they will blackmail grandma's family's money. Grandma's family will spend a lot of money to buy jewelry and toy cars. There are no braids, but locks. This lock was made by grandma when the child was born. On his twelfth birthday, the lock was opened. It was very lively. The cake had to be twelve layers, and the red rope to open the lock was. It's my aunt's job to tie up the red money (a hundred-dollar bill, tied in this circle, costs almost two thousand yuan), and unlock it. My husband's eldest sister's son was twelve years old and had a lock. I went there and on the train, I Baidu learned about the customs there and recited the blessings. Even the host was stunned. I knew more than them.

There is a family in my husband’s village who loves celebrating their children’s birthdays the most. His family has three granddaughters. They have to entertain guests every birthday, three times a year, and he is not here either. Instead of entertaining guests at home, we sit at a table in a restaurant on birthdays. We also write invitations for every birthday and give gifts to relatives and friends. This makes everyone complain, because some families don’t even entertain guests on their children’s birthdays. of.

In Yueqing, a child’s birthday is a private matter, no invitations are written, and guests are only one year old. When the child is one year old, the grandma’s family has to buy clothes, gold, a car, and gifts for the child. Bed. Visitors do not need to pay for gifts. Many people eat and drink for free, because after the first-year banquet, the guests have to take away the noodles, cakes, oranges and other things prepared by the host. The host also wants to distribute it to all households in the village, and every family has noodles and cakes. If the condition of a house is not good and the child is one year old, and someone gives money as a gift and the host takes it, someone will say behind his back that the house is stingy and still accepts the money as a gift.

In Yueqing, weddings only last for one day. On this day, the expenses are very high. All the guests do not receive gift money, and they are also given wedding candies and Chinese cigarettes. They also have to hire a master of ceremonies and organize activities. If they can’t buy the legendary lobster at the banquet, they have to pay 80 yuan for each guest’s food, which shows that the hospitality is not good enough. There are also elderly people like the bride Xinlang’s grandparents. When people come to have a wedding banquet, the newlyweds should be prepared to give them filial piety money. Therefore, some people in rural areas in Yueqing simply obtained their marriage certificates and did not dare to hold a banquet because they could not afford to entertain them. I have several friends who have been married for several years and have two children, and they no longer even hold wedding banquets.

In my husband’s place, weddings last for several days, and the official day is the most lively. In the past, relatives ate flowing water mats, and one family gave a favor. The ten or so people in the family ate flowing water mats, and they could eat For three days. This was the case when I was having a wedding in Anhui. My relatives said that the food tasted like people in Yueqing had died on flowing water mats. Then they realized it was wedding wine and stopped talking. We invited a concert team to set up a stage with singing and dancing, which made the relatives here who went to have a drink very tired.

I know that in Yueqing, only when someone dies, a stage will be set up in front of the house, a song and dance troupe will be invited, an arch will be used for weddings, and the host will have activities. In my husband's village, some people only went home to get married during the Chinese New Year. For the sake of convenience, they only had one day to get married and did it in a hotel. As a result, they were scolded as being unkind, insincere, and unwilling to spend money, because in the hotel, some neighbors considered that they could not drag their families with them. Go eat with your mouth, the banquet is limited, and it is only for one day, they will keep talking, talking... Northerners rarely lose money at wedding banquets, because they accept gift money, and they are all accepted. . Yueqing used to accept a little symbolically, but later it stopped accepting even a symbolic amount. When people in the north have a wedding ceremony, they kowtow to their elders, and the elders give red envelopes to the couple. In Yueqing, it's just the opposite. The newcomers give red envelopes to their elders, and the uncles have to give them wine. Even if they don't have wine, they have to give red envelopes to their uncles. Therefore, when people in Yueqing hold wedding banquets, they are basically rich.

In Yueqing, the most lively event is Bai Xishi, where people sing, dance, and eat and drink for several days. My mother-in-law has seen several funerals here. There are funerals in red and green, with gongs and drums filling the sky, and the band sings joy. My mother-in-law said, anyone who does this over there must have been pointed out by someone. During funerals there, nephews and the like have to kneel in front of the mourning hall until the day of the funeral of the old man. Everyone who comes has to burn paper money and paper money basins. Right in front of where the nephews were kneeling, the paper burners were going around the mourning hall one by one with their hands bowed. Another thing for northerners is to announce funerals. Dutiful sons have to go to relatives' homes to announce the funeral. In the south, obituary notices can be posted directly at the street or village entrance. My husband's uncle passed away, and my husband came back from the funeral. His face was blackened, and it took half a month to subside. I said, why are you so stupid? Why don't you stay away from the paper basin, and let people burn paper in front of you? He said : It would be rude to stay away. There are no people singing or playing mahjong in front of the mourning hall. Relatives kept vigil honestly. When my husband first came to Wenzhou, he said that it was unbelievable that a movie was shown after the death of an old man. Over there, movies would only be shown when a family had a baby, got married, or had a happy event.

In recent years, my husband’s second uncle, aunt, and second aunt have passed away. My husband and his parents-in-law have to go back several times a year. Every time my father-in-law goes back, he gets sick every time he comes back. And we here On the other hand, elderly people cannot go to the funeral scene, for fear that the elderly will be sad. Even if they are brothers, I know that they are just talking about it. If there are children to perform filial piety, the elderly generally will not let them. Go.

In the past, people in Yueqing could not afford to die. Yueqing spent as much as 20 billion on dead people a year, and the poorest family would spend as much as 100,000 yuan on a funeral. Once upon a time, Yueqing was notorious for its extravagance and extravagance. The city's efforts to change customs were intensified, and they struck hard. Those who were extravagant could be invited in for a few days before they were let out. In recent years, customs have been changed and reforms have been vigorously carried out. The cost of funerals has dropped, totaling several billions. The people were extremely satisfied, because no one would waste anything, and no one would complain. Otherwise, if one family is extravagant and others don't waste it, there will be gossip.

Nephews and nieces can receive rings distributed by the bride's family. This custom still exists, but now a small custom has gradually emerged, that is, the family of the bride can take out the money saved and donate it to churches, temples, and schools. of. Those who used to donate money were all determined by the old man before his death. Now if the old man does not make these ideas, his children will take the initiative to donate the money saved.

Southerners also have a custom that graves are often prepared during birthday celebrations. They are called longevity graves or red graves. This is unacceptable to northerners. No one has died yet. Make a grave. And people here, after they turn 60, some people design their own graves. There is a photographer in my natal village. When he was 60 years old, he made a grave. I have also seen his grave, and the design is very personalized. The hand of the grave chair is the film, and the tombstone is the lens. It is horizontal and has the shape of a camera. It is unique among the many graves. It is said that this person dedicated his life to photography. If he was not married, he would have no children. Nowadays, it is said that the age of the elderly can be increased by making long-term graves. Rural people still like to make graves early.

Northerners do not make graves in advance. When a person dies, they just circle a spot in the field and bury the person. Tombstones are only made by rich people. For northerners, if someone dies in the family, the house will be decorated with white stickers in the first year, yellow and green stickers in the second and third years respectively. Southerners don’t pay this much attention. What surprises northerners is that when a southern old man dies, after the funeral, red couplets are posted on the front door of the owner’s house, and red couplets are also posted on the door of his neighbor’s house.

Another biggest difference between the south and the north is that people in the south like to donate money. When one family is in trouble, hundreds of families will help. Every village in the south may not have a village committee, but there will definitely be an association for the elderly. One, the income of the elderly association comes from the village. The best fields in the village belong to the elderly association. In the past, the fields were rented to others for rent, but now the best fields have become stores, factories, and the elderly. The income is even more, and there are people in the village who usually donate money to the elderly association. Anyway, before there is basic pension, the elderly in the southern villages receive money several times a year. The life of the elderly Still good.

Northerners even put a blessing on the tree outside their yard during the Chinese New Year, but southerners don’t.