Don’t just talk, please put your understanding into practice

We have been saying that we understand who we understand, but can we really understand and understand it? In fact, there are very few people who really understand it.

Understanding, to put it simply, means that you understand the original reason and ultimate purpose of a person doing something or making a decision, and you don’t have to support it. Empathy is actually a way to try to understand others, put yourself in the other person's social role, and think about the reasons and consequences of what the other person did in this situation. In psychology, there is also a way of describing empathy, and the professional term is *emotion.

However, as another individual, can you really fully understand the other person’s feelings? Life needs to be exposed – not at all! Some people will argue that I have experienced the same thing and can understand the pain. Yes, you have experienced it, but while the people around you have experienced it, you have not, and your pain has passed. Even if it may bring back memories, your pain and discomfort have been discounted or halved. When the person around you is in pain, it is difficult for you to understand what the other person is feeling.

As for empathy, there are very few feelings you can understand, because you have not experienced the other person’s entire life, and you don’t know what the other person’s true feelings are for this person. Love more or hate more. Furthermore, everyone has a different personality and naturally handles things differently. How much discomfort can two completely different independent individuals empathize with and empathize with each other? I have no idea.

If you lose something you love most at the same time - for example, the necklace given by your mother, there will be a big difference in gender. Both men and women can have different feelings. Secondly, the amount of love their mothers gave them is different, and the way of love is also different, and they themselves will be affected by their introversion and extroversion, rough or delicate emotions, and whether they face life in a positive or negative way. The final feeling of maternal love is different. Even though most of these are similar, the feeling at the moment when you finally lose is still different.

There are no two identical leaves in the world, let alone two identical people, or even two identical feelings with the same feelings? Therefore, some people say "understand" or "empathize", or put yourself in someone else's shoes and understand the other person's mood. As an outsider, what they can understand is only 0-99, and it is impossible to completely feel your mood from 100%. emotion.

Therefore, many people will not comfort at all, while some people’s way of comforting is to pull the person who is immersed in a certain event away from it. For example, if the other person breaks up, you tell him how uncomfortable you were when you broke up with so-and-so, and then how you dealt with it.

However, this is of no use to the person himself. What he needs is an idea that can solve the problems he faces, a general or even detailed framework. Some people may find a very good idea in these pulled apart contents, and then be able to face difficulties and problems well, but other people hope to know some solutions very quickly, that is, you are targeting them If there is any way for him to solve the current problem after breaking up, it would be a waste of time to talk about other things.

The way to deal with it is to keep listening, and then tell the other person your true feelings. Tell him very sincerely that you can understand his pain, but what others can understand may not be one-tenth of your own experience. Then judge based on the content of what the other person said whether the other person wants to hear comfort, analysis, or solutions. Then, based on the corresponding content, we will think about the content from two perspectives.

If it is a consolation, you can first say that his/her EX is not good, but you can also think about the whole thing from the perspective of EX; if it is an analysis, you can extract the essence of the consolation content. It is also analyzed from the perspective of two people, or even from the perspective of the future; as for the solution, you must have the first two parts before you can draw the conclusion, and there must be multiple solutions to avoid giving only one answer. After that, if the other party regrets it in the future, they will blame it on you, which will lead to anger.

Here comes another concept: think from another perspective. For example, when analyzing, we can think from our own perspective, or we can change our perspective and think from the other person's perspective; we can think from the positive aspects of something, or we can think from the negative aspects of something, even though it is very difficult to say it. Easy, just like when we say that we understand someone, we really understand that person completely, but can you really think about things from another perspective easily? It's not that simple.

We always say it so easily, but it is really not that easy to do it; we analyze other people’s things clearly, but when it comes to ourselves, it is completely messy. This is all because of you I haven't been in that situation, I haven't encountered that thing, and everyone's perspective of looking at things and analyzing things has formed a stereotype at a certain age. If you are not used to analyzing events from various angles, you can easily change your perspective. Very difficult thing.

Therefore, after you say to think from another angle, you must guide others to think from another angle, and constantly remind them, so that you can think from another angle when faced with things/difficulties.

Understand, think from another perspective, and think from another angle. Too many times it is just words, please implement them into reality.

Original article, please indicate the source of the reprint: psy.time and the source of this article.