Degang Guo May Day Golden Week crosstalk special teasing lines

Thank you for your encouragement. Hello, audience on the third floor.

B: Is there a third floor? Is there a third floor here?

A: The fourth floor.

B: Not even on the fourth floor.

A: This time, the two of us will tell you a stand-up comedy.

I'm glad you didn't talk nonsense.

A: I like crosstalk very much. Over the years, everyone has been so enthusiastic, and I know the reason is that I am excellent.

Really?

A: My cross talk will be fine if no one distorts it.

B: Looks like I'm here to screw him.

A: I'm glad everyone came to see me and watch me talk cross talk. Sorry, everyone. I really can't get rid of it.

B: What's the matter? this is

A: But if there is any way to stop you from watching this, go back and make a mosaic here if there is a video.

I let you piss me off.

A: Don't be ridiculous. Everyone came to see me do cross talk.

B: When they talk cross talk, it's you.

A: Don't be ridiculous. If you don't believe me, just ask. I hope to see my cross talk sitting on a stool clapping. I want to see him stand up and jump three times. Do you think so?

Well, who wants to give me that eye?

What about this famous actor? I have always had a high opinion of them. Why? The general intelligence standing inside is a bit lacking. Think about it, people with better brains will stand here and make fun. Who wants children to hold hands? This shameful thing. It's expensive to go here, but there is nothing serious there. Just a few words, ah, right. Me, what a pity. Do you know this?

B: where is it clean?

A: They don't speak seriously. They just talk back and forth. Go back and forth, just recite these words. It is said that, ah, we didn't destroy you. He recited these words bare from the age of seven to yesterday.

As for me.

A: But to be honest, he also studied humor when he was an apprentice.

This is a fact.

A: We were apprentices together at that time. The teacher was very happy when she saw me. "What's your name?" "My name is Tian Hailong." "Oh, good, great. The child looks like BiBi Zhou. How smart he is. I recognize you as michel platini. "

B: Wait a minute. What kind of teacher is this?

A: Love me, like me.

B: Then I can't recognize you as michel platini just because you came up.

A: The teacher called you again. "What's your name next?" Wang Huaguang "Turn your face away and stand in that direction" (vomiting)

It's not that disgusting

His father looked at it and was worried. "Teacher, please bother, our children should learn this." "Your child can't learn, and his intelligence is not good." "Will you give us a chance? Please. "

B: You have to watch it anyway.

A: Seeing that adults love children, this poor "turn around, turn around, what's your name?" Wang, one plus one equals several, six, go home, go home.

B: I'm that stupid.

A: His father's sweat came down. "Teacher, please give us another chance", "One plus one gets a few", "250" and "Let's go"

I think I am only 250 years old.

A: "Teacher, please give me another chance."

B: It's not easy for my father either.

Answer: "One plus one equals several", "1000", "Go out" and "Teacher, please give me another chance"

Listen, I'm worried about my father.

Answer: "Last time, how much is one plus one?" "Two" "Teacher, please give me another chance."

Give me one more chance. Who is stupid, me or my father?

A: They are all idiots. There is no need to argue.

B: What's the point? It is wrong for two generations to be so damaged.

A: When I was young, no one in our Quyi Club knew about him. I, uh, got a hundred points in our business exam. Learn to tease, regardless of anything. Before the exam, the teacher gave me one hundred.

B: This teacher is biased, too. He's, uh, 30, 25. I worked hard and didn't sleep for a month. I work hard. -9

B: -9？ I still owe people nine points last semester.

A: I'm going out for divination. How can I get a little test and get a high score at the test center? The fortune teller told him to eat a fried dough stick, two eggs, a fried dough stick and two eggs before the exam, 100 points. Really obedient, eat, eat, go to the exam. 0 points,

B: What's the score?

A: Eat the eggs first.

Hello. As for me, what about this? I ...

A: When he was a child, he had many stories of wits and bravery. There is a Wang Xuebo in our Quyi Club. How fierce and clever he is. One day, Wang met him in an alley with bulging pockets. "What's in your pocket?" Wang Xuebo is too clever. "I won't tell you that I brought boiled eggs."

Just like me.

Wang looked at it. "Bring it to me. Give it to me. " "Why? You guess, you guess, I will give it to you. " "I guess you gave it?" "You have to guess how much I will give you both."

B: Well, not as good as me.

A: Wang's "Five"

B: Well, forget it when I die.

So if you want to make Wang happy in the new year, you can tell him a joke on August 15, and you will be happy in the new year.

This is too slow.

How can you laugh at this wisdom?

You are a bank runner.

Stop it, please give me the name of a newspaper.

B: What's the name of this dish? You said it wrong after coming up. After all these years, what happened to us?

A: Stop it, stop it.

B: Although this is standing at this table, there is no problem with this, this and this.

You don't look handsome. You don't have a smooth mouth.

B: What a slip of the tongue.

Have you wronged him?

This makes you angry.

Stop it, stop joking and be serious. You hold a paragraph for me, and I'll tell you the name of the newspaper.

B: Wait a minute. I don't think this is right.

A: What's the matter?

B: What's the matter? I have worked with you for so many years.

A: No way. None of the people here today are outsiders.

B: Why, just because you are not an outsider, why do you promote yourself and belittle others?

A: I am not belittling you. I exaggerated you.

Is this still going up?

A: I say this from my heart. Let me tell you something.

B: You are raising yourself and belittling others. I just use this sentence to Doby you. Isn't this over? What happened?

A: He's not teasing you, you know? Have you ever teased?

B: why am I not kidding?

Have you ever made fun of me? I have known you for many years. Have you ever made fun of me?

B: Your memory is not old either.

A: What's the matter?

B: Did you tease me once in the first few days, the first month?

Or do you remember?

B: It's only been a month. How could I forget?

A: Yes, yes, yes. I teased. I teased.

B: I haven't wronged you.

A: Last time in Wendeng, there was a commercial performance and a pharmaceutical company held a fraternity. Many patients with prostatitis, 100, distributed drugs on the spot. There is a small program in the process of distributing medicine, so we can't be idle. We found someone who performed here. Take it or leave it, eat it or live it. 15 yuan First Bureau, 70% tax will be deducted. No one is going. He did it. One time. Yes, he did.

B: Don't talk so much. Am I kidding?

A: After three minutes on stage, all the patients' pants were wet. The doctor also felt very puzzled. Wang Terry peed.

I haven't heard of it.

A: Is that all you remember?

B: it's not what you said. Why not? You are so mean that you don't talk nonsense. You come here, I come here. Today, I will show you Doby.

Is anyone watching?

Look, look. Thank you. Thank you.

A: It seems that there are quite a few patients down there.

B: What? Come back for fun.

Someone told me.

Tell me.

Ladies and gentlemen, Wang is joking. Next year is Wang's birthday. Do you know that?/You know what? Coke will make everyone unhappy for a while, so don't play tricks on him. It's my treat after the meeting, and whoever goes will spend money. I quit.

Is this an instruction for me?

Are you kidding? Is it okay?

B: Don't talk nonsense. Let's talk about games first. Today I'm going to tell you a cross talk.

A: Crosstalk pays attention to four themes.

B: That's right.

A: Pay attention to speaking, learning and singing.

B: Right, right, right.

A: That's hard to say.

B: Why?

You must clean your mouth.

B: That's right.

A: There are several words. Crosstalk actors can speak very neatly. They spend 200 yuan to buy a pig, so we can drink water and eat beans. Hit the wall and throw it out. Guess what?

B: What?

A: Dead.

Oh, that's not right. I am a tease. Do you know that?/You know what?

A: Hey, why is that so easy to say?

B: I can't help it You are always talking.

A: You can't do that.

No, I said that word.

I talk too much, don't I?

B: I said this word.

A: I talk too much. I said too much. All right, let's come back.

B: Let's talk less.

A: Don't talk.

B: Don't talk. Don't provoke it.

A: I don't care. Come on, come on.

B: Today I will tell you a cross talk, cross talk, pay attention to study and ridicule. These are four subjects. Generally speaking, crosstalk performers say it is called crosstalk on a platform of two people. If there is a person, it is called stand-up comedy. If there are more than three people, it is called group crosstalk. There are many kinds of cross talk. There is a flat one and a transparent one. What's wrong with you dying here?

A: What a nuisance.

Not a word, not a word?

A: All right, all right, take a ride. Let's go

B: There is a preface and a postscript. Is this what I usually do? Let's talk about a whole paragraph.

A: Come on, come on, come on.

B: What's the name of this dish?

A: Forget it, forget it, I won't choose.

B: How about today?

A: Ah.

B: I'll give you a cross talk.

A: Yes.

B: The name of this crosstalk is Bao. Did you take the gun medicine?

I didn't say that. When you finished, I said, OK? When you finished, I said, OK?

B: Nonsense, isn't it? Yes, I'm done.

A: Come on, come on.

This program is called the name of vegetables.

A: don't be ridiculous about the name of the dish. There is a long passage in the back. What are you doing?

May I?

Really?

B: Come on.

A: Come on.

B: Come on. I invite you to dinner.

A: No.

B: No? I can't talk about it How can I not go?

A: So what?

You have to go. I invite you to dinner. Why don't you go?

With you?

B: Of course.

Okay, come on.

B: Let me treat you to dinner.

Fuck you.

B: What? Why do you curse everyone here?

I thought you said you were going.

B: Go to dinner.

I'm not sleeping with you.

I said, can you speak human words? Just leave, just a word.

A: OK, OK.

Not as sick as you.

A: It hurts me to death.

B: I'll treat you to dinner

A: Go ahead.

B: That won't do either.

A: Oh, forget it when I die. I can't do anything.

B: Start all over again. I invite you to dinner.

A: (falls to the ground) What's the matter? Someone is making trouble.

No, no, only you are making trouble.

A: Not at all.

B: I haven't said it yet. Why not?

A: All right, all right, come back.

B: I'll treat you to dinner

A: What to eat?

B: Have a big North-South meal.

A: I'll eat it if you don't make it clear. You name this dish three or five. I know what you want to eat, so I'll have it.

Is that what you said?

No problem.

B: OK. I'll treat you to steamed mutton.

A: Stop, I can't eat now.

B: It's just a dish. It's just a dish. Cann't eat?

A: I can't eat.

B: Don't ask, you have no money.

Hey, thank you. That's great. Thank you.

You're inciting it. I'm telling you, there is no such thing. You have to follow me.

A: Still have to follow you?

B: Nonsense. You won't be happy if I give you such a compliment.

A: Come, come, follow you.

Really, I hate you. Don't provoke it.

Come on, let's talk, shall we?

B: Nonsense. Let me invite you. . . . What can I say?

A: Say something else. Say something else.

Tell me about it.

A: Say something else. Say something else. Relax, relax.

B: Thank you. What about you?

A: Thank you. What about you?

I went to your house yesterday.

A: Let's go home.

I knocked on many doors.

A: Knock on the door.

B: I came out alone.

A: Get out! Get out!

B: I can see that this person is not an outsider.

There are no foreigners in my family.

B: It's your wife and my eldest sister-in-law.

A: Sister-in-law.

B: I'm asking you that you are not at home.

No, I don't think so.

I'm leaving.

A: Let's go.

You should exercise, too. What a mess!

A: What's the matter?

B: I'm dying. What happened?

A: What's the matter? Things come and go.

B: You have to have something to say before you can say it.

Gross, that means you can't, you know?

B: Why not? I can't praise you so much.

A: I would say that everyone is very happy.

B: No way.

A: Tell me about it. Take it over there.

B: Does anyone say cross talk like that? I don't believe it when you come.

Let me give you a word.

B: You told me, too.

Nonsense, I just told you.

B: Come on.

A: It is up to me. Be happy without coke. It's good to be finished. That's what I just told you

B: Is that the arrangement?

A: Thank you. What about you?

B: Thank you. What about you?

I went to your house yesterday.

B: Let's go home.

I knocked on so many doors.

B: Knock.

A: A man came out.

B: Get out. Get out.

A: I can see that this person is not an outsider, but your wife and my sister-in-law.

B: Sister-in-law, sister-in-law.

A: I'm asking you. I said you weren't at home.

No, I don't think so.

A: I'm leaving. I met your father as soon as I went out. Your father looks like BiBi Zhou. Ha ha ha ha, too coke.

B: What cola? What coke?

Did you see everyone having a good time? This is the ability, you know?

B: What kind of coke? My father looks like BiBi Zhou? Does anyone talk like that? I would say that your father is as happy as Chris Lee.

A: You said you were unhappy!

B: Come on, let's change it again.

A: Come on, come on, that's it. Toss the horse back and forth, don't you?

B: Come on.

A: Come on.

B: Thank you. What about you?

A: Thank you. What about you?

I went to your house yesterday.

A: Let's go home.

I knocked on many doors.

A: Knock on the door.

B: I came out alone.

A: Get out! Get out!

B: I can see that this person is not an outsider.

There are no foreigners in my family.

B: It's your wife and my eldest sister-in-law.

A: Sister-in-law.

B: I'm asking you that you are not at home.

No, I don't think so.

I'm leaving.

Let's go, shall we?

B: It's around the corner. I met your father.

No, my father is dead.

B: Oh! Oh, wait a minute. Your father is dead?

A: That's right.

Actually, my father died, too. I forgot to mention this.

A: I will do it with you. Can't you? Come on, come on. My father passed away. This person is slow to reflect.

A: Thank you. What about you?

B: Thank you. What about you?

I went to your house yesterday.

B: Let's go home.

I knocked on so many doors.

B: Knock.

A: A man came out.

B: Get out. Get out.

A: I can see that this person is not an outsider.

There are no foreigners in my family.

A: It's your wife and my sister-in-law.

B: Sister-in-law, sister-in-law

A: I'm asking you. I said you weren't at home.

No, I don't think so.

I left and met your father as soon as I turned the corner. Your father looks like BiBi Zhou.

B: No.

A: What's the matter?

My father passed away.

A: I didn't meet it yesterday. I met him twenty years ago.

Oh, twenty years? My father passed away thirty years ago.

A: What a nuisance! His father has been dead for thirty years. Dead. I saw it, too.

B: You saw it when you died?

A: Not that.

Which one? only one

Yeah, yeah, he's fat, like the one in BiBi Zhou.

B: don't compete, no.

A: I, hi, hi, wrong. Your father has been dead for thirty years, right?

B: That's right.

Your father has been dead for thirty years, so where are you from?

Well, it's waiting for me.