The invincible classic funny quotations in history

1, drunken friends are stupid, and fools only know when they have loved them.

2. I'm not Youlemei, I'm just dichlorvos. Do you want to hold me in your hand?

Everything will be fine when you don't take things seriously.

We live in the sewer and still have the right to look up at the stars.

The more people I know, the more I like animals.

My future is not a dream, but a nightmare!

7. Rome was not built in a day, nor were the three layers of the lower abdomen built in a day.

8. Pretending to be forced is only an instant, and shamelessness is eternal.

9. I used to be young and energetic, but now my youth is gone, and I am so energetic.

10, the first guy who knows that milk can be drunk, what did you do to the cow?

1 1. Give you some sunshine, it will be brilliant, give you some charcoal, and you will make a bomb.

12, unless I am in charge, I don't know that the food is expensive, and I don't know that I am fat without taking pictures.

13, national affairs and family affairs are my business! Wind and rain, reading, I am silent.

14, I don't know why people are alive, so I am still alive.

15, there are many beautiful women in Jiangshan, and countless mistresses are spoiled.

16, I want to be a gentle person, but gentleness has depreciated.

17, I thought a lot, but I felt a lot.

18, as long as you are thin, you can do anything, but if you are fat, you can do nothing.

19, tomorrow is tomorrow, how many tomorrows! Since there are so many, we might as well postpone it again.

20. "Is my face oily?" "Reflecting light, I can't see clearly."

2 1, Yue Lao, did you break my red rope?

22. The furthest distance in the world is your home in Australia, and I cook porridge at home.

23. Wen Hui! Wenhui! Listen! I'm peeing.

24. Who told me that Nokia can smash walnuts? Now the screen is black.

25. I'm not the kind of person who hits people when they are down. I just closed the well.

26. Stealing food is not my fault, but the loneliness of my mouth.

27. The tragedy of life is that when you want to do anything, you only have a knife.

28, a penny for a penny, porridge is not hungry.

30. If fate grabs your throat, you will grab your armpit.

3 1, not afraid to drink dichlorvos, but afraid to open the lid and enjoy an extra bottle.

As long as we have confidence, anything is possible.

33. News broadcast cattle 13 means that even if you have been changing channels, you can watch a piece of news completely.

34. I wanted to eat my sadness in one bite, but I became fat in one bite.

Please raise your left hand if you love me, and raise your middle finger if you love others.

The funniest classic quotation in history

The old farmer bought sex medicine, and he was afraid that it was not strong enough. He first fed the rooster at home. After taking the medicine, the chickens strengthened all the hens in the village and flew to the tallest tree in the village. The old farmer asked the rooster what he wanted. The rooster said, don't fucking bother me, I'm waiting to play with the eagle.

Girls reject boys' sweet words. There was a boy who pursued a girl. The girl didn't like him and told him the truth many times, but the boy was still stubborn. One day, the girl couldn't help it. Under the repeated entanglement of boys, she suddenly raised her head and said, "What do you like about me?" Can't I change it? "

Director and * * * section chief take the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, You farted! The section chief said: I didn't put it there. Soon, the section chief was fired. The director said at the meeting: you can't afford to take care of big things. What's your use?

Mr. Lin is a famous spender. One day, on his wife's birthday, he asked Lin Sheng to take her to a strip club to broaden her horizons. Lin Sheng was so entangled that he had to do it. When they arrived at the strip club, the waiter in uniform quickly said politely, "Mr. Lin, welcome!" " Mr. Lin stood nervously, but Mrs. Lin stared. When she entered the strip club, the head waiter came over and asked, "Welcome, Mr. Lin, are you still sitting in your old seat?" Mrs. Lin turned blue with anger. At this time, the performance had just begun, and the stripper twisted her waist to follow the rhythm of the music and took off her clothes one by one. "Whose is this?" "Mr. Lin, of course!" All the guests said in unison. By this time, Mrs. Lin had fainted. Mr. Lin quickly picked her up and got on the bus. Aunt Lin suddenly woke up and cursed angrily, "You liar and bastard. XX！” Hearing this, the taxi driver turned and said, "Mr. Lin, this girl you are looking for today is very aggressive."

It is said that another ugly man accidentally saved a fairy this time. Fortunately, the fairy also gave him three wishes.

The ugly man wandered about the street excitedly. Suddenly, he saw a poster of Ranbo, so he made his first wish. I want to be as strong as him. He growled at the sky, "Bang!" The ugly man suddenly became very strong!

He walked down the street with a proud smile.

Suddenly, the ugly man saw Tom Cross's poster again. I want to be as handsome as him. The ugly man is furious with ...

There's another bang! A handsome and strong man appeared in the street. ...

So "handsome man" is idle in the street again.

Suddenly I saw someone selling cattle.

I want to be as big as that one. "Handsome man" inadvertently made a third wish with a smile on his lips, to see who would dare to look down on me in the future. I am big, handsome and strong, he thought to himself.

Boom, the third wish has come true.

1 of "pa"! His is missing.

It turned out that he was referring to a cow. ...

The cannibal father and son hunted, and the son caught a thin man. His father said, let go, there is no meat! His son caught another fat man, and his father said, let go, it's too tired! His son captured another beautiful woman, and his father said, take it home and eat your mother at night!

My son sleeps with his mother every night. Mom said: When you grow up, you will sleep with your mother when you marry a daughter-in-law. A: Yes! Mom said, what about your wife? The son said, let her sleep with her father. Hearing this, my father said excitedly: children are sensible since childhood.

A police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and ran angrily to ask it: I am a police dog. What are you? The ordinary dog took a disdainful look and said, idiot, look clearly, I am plain clothes!

Super invincible funny classic quotations

Super invincible funny classic quotations

1. Were you thrown three times and only caught twice when you were born?

I really want to put my size 37 shoes on your size 42 face right away.

3. Your mother took you shopping, and people asked: Elder sister, how much did you buy this monkey?

There is a big plate on these two lips.

5. You are Korean, and your whole family is Korean!

6. You are not the mainstream! Your home is not mainstream! Your mother's socks! Your dad's tin foil paper head!

7. How far your thoughts are, how far you roll; You can roll as fast as the speed of light

8. Your grandmother went to see your grandfather, who has been away for you for five years. It is your teeth that tell me that dogs and people are one ancestor. How many cleaners do you need to take a shower to get through the sewage blocked by the sludge you washed? There are a hundred of your deskmates, 99 of them are all dead, all committed suicide, and one of them didn't fall to death and became a cripple. Where your saliva falls, there are crows and maggots.

9. Your parents should have spent those ten minutes walking (did you think of anything? )

10. You let me know the true meaning of nausea, and you let me see the offspring of the second generation of nerves. How many descendants of Marshal Hua Gai can be fascinated by your hairstyle or fall in love with you, and how many close relatives of mosquitoes can be attracted by your smell. Your clothes can make many beggars remember you deeply, because they know that others only wear underpants to beg. Your athlete's foot can stop the earth, the river flows backwards, and the calcium deficiency of the living stinks. Let's talk about your head first: fleas can spend spring, summer, autumn and winter in it, and dandruff is as beautiful as snowflakes. If it falls there, there will be an unparalleled smell around it, and the flowers and plants will turn yellow and will not regenerate. You are as slim as a pregnant cow. Your brain is half as clever as my pig. Skin is your best umbrella, lying in the coal for half a year,

1 1. Did your mother throw you away to raise a placenta when she gave birth to you?

12. You are the letters between the letters on my keyboard, A and D, V and N.

13. You have no cover and lack of love since you were a child. You tied a hemp rope around your waist and covered your head.

14. Clear water leads to no fish, while lowly people lead to invincible.

15. If you don't peel the bark, you will die. People are shameless and invincible in the world.

16. If you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit.

17. This century is very dangerous. Go back to your Jurassic.

18. With you, life is full of infinite vitality; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?

19. The people of the whole country are the best, riding a bench to the moon; The world belongs to you, and you can play the best. You don't need a glass to drink. From ancient times to the present, you are the best, and going out shopping is scary; What you said is nothing, the Nobel Prize is waiting for you! 32. A hateful guy like you: you can only play a piece of shit in a TV series.

20. It's worse than chewing gum peed by dogs on the roadside.

2 1. Even a flower is more handsome than 10 times.

22. If you want to find a girlfriend, you have to go to the zoo or even leave the earth.

As long as you look up, the ozone layer will break through.

If you want to commit suicide, only someone will advise you not to leave the body, so as not to pollute the environment.

25. Even the amoeba can't survive on the keyboard you touched.

Spilled saliva is more deadly than SARS.

27. If you are cool and handsome, human beings can only reproduce asexually.

28. Idiots can be your teachers, and even mentally retarded people can teach you to speak.

Pretending to be cute can solve the problem of population expansion instantly.

30. I want to emigrate to Mars and leave you.

3 1. If your ugliness can generate electricity, nuclear power plants all over the world can be shut down.

32. If you go to war, bullets and missiles will come at you involuntarily.

33. Grenade will explode when it sees you.

34. Send you a pair of couplets after the festival: Part I: Trees will die without skin; The second part: shameless people are invincible in the world; Man is cheap and invincible.

35. A person is cheap all his life.

Funny quotations from classical philosophy-funny quotations

When will there be a bright moon? Ask your roommate about the wine. I wonder if the handsome guy next door has a girlfriend?

Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, someone praised my left nostril as an idol.

Mom's suggestion: Daughter, you should eat a little properly to lose weight!

Spring is a period of high incidence of colds and feelings. Some people accidentally caught a cold, and some people accidentally fell in love. I belong to the former.

I am also an infatuated seed. It rained and drowned.

Money is not everything, sometimes it is needed.

I allow you to come into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

God, did you let summer and winter live together? ! This kind of weather!

When the bird is big, there are all kinds of Woods!

Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

Summer is not good. When I was poor, I didn't even have to drink the northwest wind. ...

Do whatever you want!

Don't call me if you have nothing to do, and don't call me if you have anything to do.

Do you think I'll watch you die? I close my eyes.

Angels can fly because they look down on themselves. ...

I want to puppy love, but it's too late. ...

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

I hope that one day I can double-click my wallet with my mouse, then select a hundred-dollar bill, press "CTRLC" and keep "CTRLV" all the time.

I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, even if I don't smash you, I will live in vain.

Please raise your hand if you love me, and stand on your head if you don't love me.

Never hang yourself from a tree. You can try it several times in the surrounding trees.

Don't set the bank card password as your girlfriend's birthday, or you will always change it.

The happiest thing: sleep until you wake up naturally. Count the money and count the cramps in your hands. The saddest thing: sleep until your hand cramps, and count the money until you wake up naturally.

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain.

Everyone wants to be different from others, and everyone is the same as a result.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. When we are old, the mirror is flat.

A scholar dies as a confidant, and a woman is a lover of herself.

If being rich is also a mistake, I'd rather repeat it.

People are afraid of famous pigs and strong, men are afraid of having no money and women are afraid of being fat.

The effect of contraception: if you don't succeed, you will become a' person'.

Asking how sad you can be is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art.

If marriage is the grave of love, then I expect someone to bury me.

I am not a casual person. I'm not a person when I get up casually

To be a man, you must be a person who wanders between cow A and cow C.

You can go as far as you want.

Lie down where you fell.

Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

Lovers form families.

Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face …

A tree will die if it is not skinned; People are shameless and invincible in the world.

I will have a son named "handsome" in the future, so everyone will say "handsome dad" when they see me.

Work, take a step back, fall in love, take a step back, and people are empty.

The highest level of work is to watch others go to work and get their wages.

Money is not the problem, the problem is no money!

I was drunk and nobody obeyed, so I held the wall.

I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but I can't find a way out.

You know what, big brother? Second brother's meat is now more expensive than master's.

If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you should eat at least a pair of whales. ...

Clear water means no fish, while lowly people are invincible.

Youth is like toilet paper. It looks a lot, but it's not enough.

Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well.

A female classmate is darker and her boyfriend is whiter. One day, the poison queen in the dormitory suddenly said to her, "You can't do this, you will have zebras."

I always treat handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.

Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you.

God said, let there be light, and I said I opposed it, so the world was dark.

My name is God, my nickname is Jesus, my English name is God, and my dharma name is Tathagata …

The farmer's three punches hurt a little.

In fact, I have always been very popular: I was loved by everyone when I was a child, and now I am loved by a bitch.

Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

Rats are looking for cats all over the street with knives.

As long as you work hard, shit is serious.

Who runs fastest? It's Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang). Because speaking of the devil.

Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

When spring comes, a flock of geese fly north, forming a B-shape for a while and a T-shape for a while.

Tigers don't show off. You think I'm HELLOKITTY!

Donkey, yes, read it backwards and follow it.

The highest state of self-help: help the wall in, help the wall out.

No money, no power, no matter how good it is for you, can you come with me?

Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

Go to Google and Baidu to see.

Women must be kind to themselves. Once you are exhausted, other women will spend your money, live in your room, sleep with your husband and beat your baby!

Grandpa comes from his grandson. ...

You can go as far as you want!

No one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time!

Boss, is money really that important to you? You talked for more than three hours and didn't leave a penny behind?

When I woke up, it was dark.

If I become a personnel manager, the first thing I will do is to promote myself to the boss.

I am losing weight except eating every day. You say I have no perseverance?

I won't tell you if I kill you.

Any problem that money can solve is not a problem.

After studying for more than ten years, I think it's better to mix kindergartens!

Even believe in advertisements. Are you stupid in your studies?

How to lose weight if you don't have enough food?

The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird.

God, my clothes have lost weight again!

Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

Buying a computer without broadband is like becoming a monk without eating.

There is an old legend-people who can see beautiful women on XX campus will live forever.

Healthy and relaxed; Living is easy; Life is not easy.

My name in my girlfriend's mobile phone is "He". After breaking up, I became "it".

I am different from you because I am human.

I only drink pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so I am very simple.

God gave us youth and acne.

If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

Boys are poor, or don't know how to struggle, girls are rich, or they are coaxed away by a piece of cake.

Fate is responsible for shuffling cards, but it is ourselves who play cards!

Love is a kind of helplessness, being loved is a gesture, waiting for love is an expectation, and not loving is an ability.

The beauty of a woman lies in her unrepentant stupidity, and the beauty of a man lies in being a ghost every day.