Should children be scolded for grabbing toys willfully? In this way, three abilities can be cultivated from an early age.

Author \ Mr. Mi Jia (Huang Mingxi, Child Functional Therapist)

There are two children at home, and it is inevitable that you will fight for each other. It is clear that one second there is peace, and the next one is red in the face. Which of the following do you prefer to deal with?

A. If you can, give a similar thing to help the children distribute, and everyone has nothing to grab. Ask for a big concession. The small ones are not sensible, and the big ones should know how to give in. C blame the person who robbed the toy (or the person who didn't cry) and give the toy to the person who was robbed (or the person who cried). D. Give a warning: "If you rob or make any more noise, all your things will be confiscated and you are not allowed to take anything! E. let the children solve it themselves, and they will be fine after the quarrel.

You will find that no matter what you do, this annoying drama continues to be staged regardless of gender, which is why such questions are repeatedly raised. Of course, there are also many parenting articles that propose solutions.

In fact, it is a good sign and a normal development process for children to start fighting for things. Maybe you will question: "Mr. Micah! It is not a good behavior to grab things. How can we let them go? " That's right! Of course, it is no good to let things drift, but as parents, we need to learn to accept and understand the "social development" in early childhood in order to give our children correct guidance. After this stage, our emotional management ability, interpersonal communication ability and even problem-solving ability will make a great leap.

Reduce unreasonable expectations and increase age-appropriate guidance.

In early childhood, the characteristics of "self-centeredness" are very obvious, especially before the age of 3, children often know the world and communicate with others with their own ideas, so their behavior patterns are very direct and limited. "Because I want to …, so I will directly …" So I take away what other children are playing, don't want to share, and jump in line first … These behaviors are quite common in children's circles, so adults should never post them easily.

Recommended reading: parenting, raising children, being robbed of toys.

Guiding points of each stage

Before the age of 3-the concept of real right is vague.

1. Provide more opportunities to get along with peers, teach the concepts of taking turns and sharing, and encourage but not force them.

"Your toys are really interesting. If you are willing to lend them to your brother, he will be very happy. " "I must be very happy to get the cookies that the children shared with you last time, right? You can be like them. Everyone wants to play on the swing, but there are only two swings. Everyone has to line up in turn, and only the person whose turn it is can play. Rob is not only impolite, but also may cause harm. 」

2. Teach polite sentences

"Can I borrow it?" "We can take turns playing" and "Shall we play together?" "Please, thank you, I'm sorry", even if the request is rejected, it can be accepted calmly, which is very helpful for children to establish a good concept of property rights.

3. Constantly warn and remind in advance, and concretize the beautiful behavior experience brought by observing the norms or sharing things.

"When you were playing in the park today, you lined up well and didn't push. It was really great! No wonder children like to play with you so much. " "The fruit you just shared is delicious. Thank you for preparing such a good thing. This is really a very considerate little host. 」

Recommended reading: kindergarten teachers: a better way of spiritual education than "don't grab toys"

4. When conflict occurs and dissuasion fails, you can ask the child to suspend activities (temporary deprivation) first.

In the face of children who are not very expressive, parents can directly tell their children the reasons for being punished and what to do to continue their activities; For children with oral expression skills, parents can ask questions in another way, asking why the child was punished and what to do to continue his activities. Finally, there is an important key, that is, you must remember to say to your child with firm eyes: "You can do it, right?" This sentence can usually get children's positive commitment and improve their self-discipline.

3 ~4 years old-the concept of real right is still unstable ~ After 4 years old, there is a clear concept of real right.

1. Failure to intervene immediately and improper arbitrator.

Most of the time, we are not at the crime scene, and sometimes the crying person is not the victim. The most common scene in our family is "Sister won't play for me!" But the fact is usually that my sister took my sister's doll privately. My sister was worried that the doll would be damaged, so she took back her things directly from her sister. We judge right or wrong at will and punish directly, which is actually a kind of harm to children.

2. Listen to the opinions of the parties concerned and guide them to reach an understanding.

"What happened just now? Who wants to talk first? " Then ask the other party, "Is that right? Tell me about it, too The purpose of our listening is not to judge right or wrong, but to let children perceive and change their emotions through statements. Regardless of whether the child is speaking his own words or not, it is necessary to pull back to the current situation. " What should we do now? Do you want to keep playing? ""is there a way to solve it? 」

Step 3 offer advice

Although the concept of real right has existed since the age of 3, due to lack of experience, the solution is probably to continue playing as if nothing has happened, but it will soon fall into battle again. Children in this period sometimes rely on the advice of adults to accumulate wisdom, so we should spend some time patiently giving everything to each other!

The following are my most common suggestions for children.

1. Guessing, the winner can first …

2. Throw dice, and people who count more can also ... (It happens that we have dice at home, and we can also let our children practice their counting ability by the way. )

3. Make an appointment, one person can play for … minutes.

I'll lend it to you ... first, but you must ... too, okay?

Parents with young children, the next time they find that their children are in conflict with their peers or siblings for something, you don't have to be anxious, questioning or angry, because this is an opportunity. By learning these guiding skills, you will be able to improve your child's emotional management ability, interpersonal skills and problem-solving ability through repeated experiences, which is definitely a valuable time investment.

Author \ Teacher Mi Jia (Huang Mingxi, child functional therapist)? Experience: Functional Therapist of Children's Development Center of Yadong Hospital; Technical Director of Rehabilitation Hospital of Omega Children's Learning Center; Teacher Training and Certification of Children's Functional Therapists; Identification and Training of Clinical Tutors; Training of Children's Emotional Problems and Intervention; Invited Lecturer of Nursery Associations, Kindergartens, Parent-child Libraries and Enterprises.

Mijia teacher parenting experimental education authorized to reprint the original source "grab it again, don't play at all! In the face of children's grabbing behavior, the correct guidance will enhance these three abilities.