Jokes about dogs

compunction

One night, Mr. Li put his dog outside the house to let him pee, and then wrapped himself in silk and lay in bed watching TV. After a while, he was startled when he opened the door, because his dog was holding his neighbor's cat, which was already dead. ...

Dead dog ... smelly dog! I can't believe you did such a thing.

After scolding for a while, Mr. Li calmly thought about what to do!

He didn't dare to tell his neighbors, so he decided to clean up the cat and put it in the corridor of his neighbor's house, pretending it was all right ... He took the cat to the bathroom and washed the blood and mud off it. He washed it repeatedly and washed it four times before it was clean. Then he dried the cat and combed it beautifully. It took him three hours to fix it, making his whole body and bathroom dirty and smelly.

Then, while the night was dark and the wind was strong, he put the cat on the neighbor's porch unnoticed.

The next day, he went out to do business, and his neighbor stopped him with a dignified face: "Hi! Mr. Li, last night was a ghost. "

Mr. Li was sweating with nervousness and said, "Oh dear! Really, what is it? "

"My cat died yesterday morning and I buried it. It was lying in front of my house as usual this morning. "

get lost

The husband was fed up with his wife's dog, so he grabbed the dog and went to the Woods to throw it away. But when he got home, the dog was lying quietly at the door, and he snorted softly with satisfaction. The husband was so angry that he stuffed the dog into a sack and went out. He walked 10 km, turned left and walked 15 km, then turned northeast and walked 20 km west, then released the dog from the sack and left by himself.

An hour later, the husband called his wife: "Did the dog go home?"

"Yes, I will be back five minutes ago. Dear, why do you ask this? "

"You put this beast on the phone, I can't find my way home!"

Poor kiss

A man went to someone's house to play and saw a group of dogs in that house. He asked one of the dogs, What do you do every day? The dog said: I eat, sleep and kiss every day. So he asked the other, and the other also said, I eat, sleep and kiss every day. The man asked all the dogs again, and they all answered the same question. The man thought it was strange. Why do they do these three things every day? He went to a remote corner of the room and found a lonely dog there. So the man asked: What do you do every day? The dog looked at him: I eat and sleep every day. The man said in surprise, why don't you play kissing? The dog froze for a while, then said, my name is KISS.

It's not mine.

On one side, stood a very fierce dog.

B asked him, "Does your dog bite?"

A said, "No!"

As soon as the voice fell, the dog suddenly bit B.

B said angrily, "Didn't you say your dog doesn't bite?"

A: "That's not my dog.

Bad eyes

Once upon a time, there was an old man with bad eyes. One day he went to make soy sauce and came back to eat in a restaurant. I saw a black spot on the wall and thought it was a nail, so I hung a soy sauce bottle on it. Who knows that the black spot is a fly, so I broke the soy sauce bottle. He was very angry. On the way home, the old man saw a black thing lying in front of him. This time he was smart and thought it was a big dog, so he took a stick and ran to hit the black thing.

Then a man came up and said, "You old man. Go your way, why do you want to hit my pot!

Apply for the position advertised.

A bedding company wants to recruit a new employee, so it posted an advertisement in the window facing the street: "To recruit a civil servant, you need to be able to type, know the computer and be proficient in two languages. Those who meet the conditions have equal opportunities. "

To the manager's surprise, the first applicant turned out to be a dog.

"Sorry, I can't hire a dog to work in the company." The manager said.

Not convinced, the dog raised his front paws, pointed to the word "equal opportunity" on the notice and shouted twice to show his protest. The manager had no choice but to ask with a sigh, "Can you type?"

The dog silently walked to the typewriter and typed a letter accurately.

"Can you fold the quilt?" The manager asked again.

However, at 1 minute, the dog folded the silk on the bed neatly.

"Do you know how to use a computer?" The manager asked again.

The dog sat in front of the computer again, quickly programmed a program and operated it very skillfully.

The manager was a little flustered: "I really can't hire a dog to work." Even if I can type and know computers, I need bilingual staff. "The manager suddenly remembered this matter and felt that the dog should give up.

The dog looked up at the manager and said, "Meow ... low bark." ........................................................................................................................................................

A dog barked in an alley, just as a group of people knocked at the door with sticks: "We are run by the county to beat dogs. Come to your house to fight dogs, please open the door to cooperate! "

The dog barked, the door opened, and the middle-aged man who looked like sumo wrestlers came out with a smile and said, "I am an actor of Quyi Troupe, and this barking of the dog is the voice of my own ventriloquism. Do you want to treat me like a dog? "

birthday gift

A lady appeared in an animal trade store because she wanted to buy a collar for her poodle.

The salesman showed her the best products and asked the size of the collar.

"I don't know." The woman replied.

"Then you'd better measure your dog's neck, madam!" The salesman suggested very politely.

"Then I can't!" The lady exclaimed in surprise, "I gave the dog a collar to celebrate its birthday, which naturally should give the dog a surprise."