Book Review "Resolving Inner Conflicts" Get rid of internal friction and unlock the door to happiness.

I received the results from my daughter's class teacher, which was very unsatisfactory, and my mood instantly dropped to freezing point. I saw my daughter rush in again, and then a water cup was thrown at me, which broke the mobile phone I just bought. In an instant, the whole person is like a powder keg, and his anger is soaring. Hysterical scolding of my daughter seems unable to resolve the anger in my heart, and the more I scold, the more angry I get, and the whole fire can't be suppressed, showing an upward trend.

Have you ever had such an example in your life? A child's wrong question or an unsatisfactory exam may explode his emotions at any time. It seemed like a trivial matter from a bystander's point of view, but I just couldn't help myself at that time.

I think my life is like a powder keg, which explodes when touched. Why is this happening? How to solve it?

The Abinze Association of America tells us in the book "Resolving Conflicts in Our Hearts" that all conflicts stem from self-betrayal. The key to solving contradictions is not to correct behavior or emotional management, but to see clearly and be loyal to yourself and get inner peace. Abinze Association of the United States is a psychological training consulting company with profound academic background, with clients all over Google, Microsoft and Cornell University.

First, the inner conflict stems from self-betrayal and "demonizing others"

The book "Resolving our Inner Conflicts" tells us that the external wars around us are all caused by wars that no one pays attention to in our hearts.

Whether we are furious with others, hysterical, or lose our minds when quarreling. Many times we will demonize others and exaggerate their mistakes and positive aspects to excuse ourselves. Most of them will have the mentality of "being superior to others" and "attaching importance to other people's opinions".

1. "superior" mentality

People with this mentality always show "superiority, importance, correctness, impatience and contempt". When they get along with others, they no longer regard others as people, but as crops. They always look at others with prejudice and think that they are not as good as ourselves, as professional, important and knowledgeable as us, so they think that they are always worse than us anyway.

Just like when we help our children with their homework, we naturally find those topics particularly easy. When we rehearsed emotionally, the children were still confused and their blood pressure rose instantly.

Don't you think it's because we think children are stupid that it's so easy to understand and then scold all kinds of things that hurt our self-esteem? At that moment, in fact, we just have a "superior" mentality, standing at the high end of morality to criticize, and they are not allowed to have any refutation.

When criticizing babies, we are used to not thinking about the influence our words, behaviors and thinking will bring to them. Because we don't think they will. As parents, we have supreme authority, and they should accept our criticism from all sides.

It is a kind of violence to treat children as inferior objects. It hurts like being punched in the face. In fact, it does great harm to children in many ways. The severity and persistence of injuries are far from being as simple as we thought.

2. People-oriented psychology

Many times our anger and conflict may not be our inner intention. It may be because of the moral constraints of the external environment, trying to attract people's love, or it may be because they don't want to get into trouble.

As social people, it seems that few people really don't care about other people's ideas and live their true selves. We are all bound by interpersonal relationships and other people's opinions.

Many times, we calm down and ask ourselves, don't we want our children to get a 100 score, get into a good university and have an ideal job in everyone's mind, don't we also have vanity to save face?

Paying too much attention to other people's psychology will make us betray our true feelings, either passively to Nuo Nuo or showing ourselves, and we need to be treated in a reasonable way.

For example, in the hospital, we often see many people from rural areas who come to the provincial capital to see a doctor, because we don't know how to make an appointment by mobile phone and how to pay by mobile phone. After many failed attempts, nurses' impatient language aggravated their anxiety. Finally, I stood at the window, cursing anxiously and angrily.

The process of urbanization and the rapid development of high technology have made many people who have not caught up more and more frustrated. They try their best to understand, but they are always hit hard. Finally, they are afraid of being looked down upon. They can only hide their shortcomings by being angry and blaming others, and want to pass the problem on to others to hide their inferiority.

The subtext is not that we are stupid, but that your service is not in place and your requirements are too high. Because they are afraid of being laughed at. So I pretended to be strong in force to cover up my cowardice.

Second, stop internal friction and prevent unnecessary injuries and self-injuries.

The conflict you think may be just self-directed. Maybe you always know what to do, but you always find reasons not to do it. Learning these two methods can help us relax.

To solve contradictions, you don't need to please others, correct your behavior, and control your emotions. We just need to jump out of the box we set.

1. Find the logo of the box.

In other words, first of all, we find out what we hate, what kind of psychology we have when we are in conflict, and what we demonize each other. We should not try to control our children with our so-called sense of giving.

For example, when we yell and yell at our children because they didn't do well in the exam. What was the reason for our anger at that time? Do you think the child is not working hard enough, or do you think that you have paid too much for the child, and the final payment is not proportional to the harvest, or do you think that the child has lost our face.

When our hearts are at war, we should stop 12 seconds and think about what we take children for? As an object we can abuse at will, it is also a tool for us to vent our anger. When we start to think about these reasons, we calm ourselves down.

2. Look at the current situation from a new perspective

There is such a place outside each of our boxes. It is not difficult to find it, as long as we can remember it. For example, you can think about the person who has given you the most positive influence in your life. Or how overbearing and disobedient you used to be, but others were very kind to you.

In other words, those places, memories, activities, books, articles and so on. Can bring you this feeling, and then go to them when you feel that you are in a state of war.

For example, as mentioned above, when we start to think about the causes of our conflicts, we can gradually change our current perspective and think about the cute and sensible side of children, and you will find that the anger just now has gone out.

When you come to a favorable position where your inner peace has not been broken, you can look at the immediate conflict from a new perspective.

Third, write it at the end.

Dr Ronald, an expert in emotional management, once said: Stormy anger often lasts less than 12 seconds. It destroyed everything when it broke out, but then it returned to peace. But it is this short 12 second that can determine the happiness of your life.

Life has its ups and downs. Instead of letting internal friction torment us endlessly, it is better to find inner peace with actions.

After resolving contradictions, you will find that children are so cute and lovers are so reasonable. Looking back again, we will find that it is our anxiety and uneasiness, nothing more than our inner conflict, which makes the life that should be calm thunder and lightning, and the wind is blowing hard.

The book "Resolving our Inner Conflicts" written by the Abinze Association of the United States is not a dogmatic sermon, but uses various real-life cases to illustrate the actual needs, which will make readers feel strongly, just like chatting with themselves. Resolve inner conflicts and open the door to happiness.