True story｜35 years old, I have seen heaven

Text/Young Lin Mo

01

The anesthetic gradually took effect, and I began to become a little unconscious. The light was too bright, and I was so sleepy and tired. Finally closed his eyes.

One month ago.

35-year-old working woman, corporate executive, elite white-collar worker.

I have a husband who is as loving as ever, a 7-year-old innocent and lovely daughter, and a mother who has always taken good care of me.

Life always gives you "surprises" inadvertently. Sometimes the surprises are too much and they are frightening.

The unit’s annual physical examination was at the end of July. I didn’t feel any discomfort, so I decided to go for a routine examination.

Three days later, the physical examination results came out. I found the physical examination results online. When I saw that line of words, my mind went blank.

"× Cancer, in the middle and late stages..."

It turns out that when people are on the verge of collapse, they don't cry bitterly, but feel that their thoughts have been drained and they don't know what to say. ,what to do.

I was stunned in the same place, not knowing how I moved home.

My husband is sitting in front of the computer working.

"What's wrong with you? Your face is pale?"

After reading this, he was like a helpless child. He didn't know how to comfort me. He kept silent and hugged me from the front. Got me. We hugged each other and cried.

It turns out that life is so fragile and cannot withstand any wind and rain. Suddenly one day, it may be the end of the world.

In the evening, my sister came to my house. She is a nurse in the provincial hospital.

Subconsciously, we think she will find a way.

My sister took my physical examination report and read it for a long time, and then kept calling to consult expert doctors in their hospital.

"Go to Beijing. Our director said that we are not completely sure of treatment in the province... It is very dangerous, and surgery is dangerous... Big hospitals are better..."

Also Well, the last straw didn’t break the camel’s back for me.

02

A week later, we went to Beijing.

My daughter Yuanyuan and I told her that her parents were going on a trip and would bring her her favorite Barbie doll when they came back.

Hospitals in the capital are completely different from local hospitals. Even the words of a small nurse are authoritative and everyone must abide by them. The whole hospital is in order, no one is noisy, no one is crowded, and there is only awe of death.

Every day, experts will check my body on time, and my family only has a fixed time to visit the doctor once a day.

So most of the time I am alone, chatting with the bed next to me, or looking out the window.

The people living there are all cancer patients. Everyone doesn’t know whether they can see the sun tomorrow. They are pitiful and helpless, but we are all the same. Sympathy is meaningless in the face of life and death.

I always want to see more of the outside world. The sky is still so blue and the clouds are as white as cotton candy.

Suddenly I thought of my daughter Yuanyuan, whom I haven’t seen for more than a week. I wonder if my mother-in-law took her by herself, whether she went to class on time, whether she ate well, and whether she would be too lonely when she went home alone. .

She loves marshmallows the most and has always loved sweets since she was a child.

It’s okay, she should be doing well. I used to be busy with work, so my mother-in-law usually took care of her.

Noon, visiting time.

My sister has been teasing me and telling me many happy jokes.

My husband has been standing by the bed, saying nothing, just looking at me silently, and then forcing out a few ugly smiles.

My mother kept holding my hand and looked at us two sisters smiling. In a blink of an eye, we are all so old and my mother is old.

03

I was pushed into the operating room, and I took one last look. I didn’t dare to see my dearest person. I was afraid that I would not be able to help crying. Maybe, this would be the last time in this life. .

If there is a next life, we must meet again.

The memory gradually blurred, and tears flowed into my mouth, light and salty.

Thinking of Yuanyuan’s smiling face calling me mother, I wanted to agree, but I didn’t have any strength to say anything when I opened my mouth.

Thinking of the wedding day, my husband slowly walked over and said with a smile, you will be my wife forever. I wanted to hug him tightly, but it seemed like I was hugging a piece of air.

And my mother’s moist eyes. She was crying, but she said with a smile, good daughter, don’t be afraid... our eyes are exactly the same.

I wanted to think about something more, but my mind became heavier and heavier, and I couldn’t remember anything.

Silence, darkness, silence.

Am I dead? Arrived in heaven? I have never done anything bad in my life, can I go to heaven?

…

As if I had slept for a century, I heard someone calling me, several voices calling me at the same time.

I was very sleepy and didn't want to wake up, but they were too noisy.

I opened my eyes, a little blurry, but slowly they became clearer.

They were all in front of me. Fortunately, I survived.

The doctor said that the operation was successful and the cancer cells had not metastasized, but I will be very weak in the future and I must take care of myself.

04

I fell into deep reflection. In my previous life, I only had work, no family, no self, and I lived so tiringly. What on earth was I doing for that?

In the past, in the eyes of everyone, I was a workaholic, working overtime until one or two o'clock at night, on weekends, flying around to meet clients every day, and I could never sit quietly on a stool for a moment.

In my thirties, I became an executive of a famous company. It was not easy for me to be a woman, so I cherished it very much. I had to work hard without any regrets.

Finally, my body collapsed from exhaustion. I usually don’t feel anything obvious, but occasionally I feel severe pain in my waist when I sit down. My doctor said that it has actually been for several years, but the physical examinations in the past few years did not detect it. All I can do is laugh.

After a month of recuperation in the hospital, I went back to work.

I resigned from my position as a manager and became the head of a logistics department. My boss learned about my situation and readily agreed.

I go to the gym for an hour every day, running and sweating with my husband. I like swimming and my husband likes barbells. After sweating, I always feel very comfortable.

I will no longer bring my work worries into my home. I will just work when I get paid, and I won’t talk about work or performance after get off work.

I will go home on time after get off work, do homework with my daughter, read and practice piano. I had never done this with her before. I always paid her directly to go to tutoring classes. Only now do I realize that there is no unhappiness in the world of children, it is all innocence and kindness. Being with her makes me happy.

Yuanyuan blinked her big eyes and asked me, "Mom, why did you change after you came back from a trip? You didn't like to smile before."

I smiled and touched He picked up her head and helped her tie the princess braid, "Yes, that place is as beautiful as heaven, so mom thinks life is so beautiful, so of course she wants to be with the little princess."

At the age of 35, I I have seen heaven, and it is so dark. God said, you better not come.