Why do you have to look at people before you speak?

If you talk without looking at the object, you will not only find no one to do things, but often hurt the feelings of both sides. Therefore, talking and asking for help are inseparable. If the words are in place, the other party will easily accept your request. Obviously, the level of speaking has become a key factor for a person to find someone to do things successfully. Therefore, it is best to use your head in language before looking for someone.

When we talk about an object, what aspects should we look at it? 1. Look at the identity of the object and judge the situation before you speak. No matter which country or era, people's concepts of status and hierarchy are very strong. The other person's identity and status are different, so should your tone of voice, way of speaking and way of doing things. If you don't understand this and treat everyone equally, you are likely to be considered by the other party as no big or small, disrespectful or inferior. Especially when the other person is a person with a higher status than you, he will think that you are uneducated and don't know the rules, so you don't like to listen to you, don't want to help you, or deliberately embarrass you, which may hinder your way of doing things and hinder your work.

Smart people know how to speak and act according to each other's identity and status, which is also the embodiment of their own ability and personal cultivation. What we usually call "so-and-so can do things" is largely reflected in the wisdom of "speaking what people see". Such people not only value his leadership, but also don't hate his colleague, so it is easier for them to do things. Let's take a look at the following example:

Zhu Yuanzhang, the founding emperor of the Ming Dynasty, worked as a cowherd when he was a teenager and made some poor friends. After he proclaimed himself emperor, two former poor friends came to see him. Because their writing is different, their fate is also different.

The first man was introduced into the palace. As soon as he sat down, he gestured and said, "Long live your Excellency! Does the emperor remember? You and I used to herd cattle for that rich man. One day, I cooked the stolen green beans in a crock in the Luhuadang. It's not ready yet, and everyone is scrambling to eat it. You broke the jar, spilled green beans and soup all over the floor. You just grabbed the beans from the ground and accidentally put the blade of grass in your mouth and got stuck in your throat. It was my idea to let you swallow the green leaves first and then the grass leaves stuck in your throat. " Zhu Yuanzhang listened to his story and laughed and cried in front of all the officials. In order to maintain his dignity, he lowered his face and snapped, "What a madman!"

The unlucky man, in a rash, told this story to another old friend of Zhu Yuanzhang, the old cowherd. The cowherd giggled and said, "Look, I'm going to make a fortune." So he swaggered into the palace, bowed down at the sight of Zhu Yuanzhang, and then recalled the old days: "Remember the emperor? When I was with you, I rode a green cow to sweep Luzhou House and broke pots and pans. Marshal Tang is at large, but you caught General Dou, and Hon Hai stood in the throat. Fortunately, General Cai repelled him. We won the battle completely. " Zhu Yuanzhang was well aware of the war boasted by his old friends, but he made the scandal subtle and beautiful, with a light on his face, and he was excited to think of the scene when everyone was hungry and cold. He immediately appointed this old friend as the general manager of the body guard.

For the same thing, one is to say it directly and the result is thrown out; A euphemism turns out to be a big official. The text is different, the effect will be very different. In this case, Zhu Yuanzhang's position is no longer a cowherd. If he doesn't judge the situation, he will not only have nowhere to turn for help, but also may cause great disaster.

Many people know that it is impossible to do business without the help of others. Since you want something from others, you will inevitably feel inferior in front of others, and you have to look at their faces and please them. Sometimes things can't be done, and it's lucky to touch a soft nail. If you hit a hard nail, you will be bruised, even bruised, and that will be serious.

Burning incense in the temple depends on God, and doing things and talking depends on people. A man should advance and retreat freely and talk calmly. Words are always spoken to others. Oral expression must depend on the object you are looking for, and be restricted by the object's identity, occupation, experience, cultural accomplishment, personality, situation and mood. If you shoot without looking at the target, play the piano without looking at the audience, and talk aimlessly, you will definitely not have a good result. Let's take a look at how Mr. Chen does things, and what is the result:

Mr. Chen's son wants to do business and needs Mr. Fu's help, so Mr. Chen wants to get through the relationship for his son. One day, Mr. Chen and his wife went to a department store to buy summer clothes. They happened to meet Mr. Fu's family of three who were also buying summer clothes. Mr. Chen saw the opportunity, so he went to talk to Mr. Fu. Mr. Chen Lao was originally an ancient prose teacher, a kind-hearted and upright elder. He went to say hello to Mr. Fu. When he saw Mrs. Fu buying a skirt for 16-year-old daughter, he didn't know whether to buy a tight one or a loose one. Teacher Chen volunteered to express her opinion: "Mrs. Fu loves her daughter so much, and your daughter is in the age of ruin. I think it's better to buy loose ones ... "Before Mr. Chen's words were finished, Mrs. Fu's face became livid and she began to scold. Don't say broken melon there! None of your business! "Mr. Fu heard Mr. Chen mention the word" broken melon "and rushed to hit Mr. Chen. Fortunately, the people present reacted quickly and Mr. Chen was spared a beating. Mr. Chen is ashamed of this and can only talk about business to help.

It turns out that neither Mr. Fu nor Mrs. Fu is very literate. They understand "broken melon" as the meaning of "rags", "rags", "broken shoes" and "broken cans and broken falls", and the interpretation in Ci Hai is: "Twenty-eight characters according to the calendar means sixteen years old. Poetry is mostly used by women. " From this point of view, Mr. Chen said that there was nothing wrong with Mr. Chen's daughter's "year of broken melon" However, when the word "broken" comes out, the other party thinks it is an insult to her daughter. Not good, not good, not good. It is understandable that they are angry. It is Mr. Chen who "plays the piano without looking at the audience and speaks without looking at the object" that has caused such a situation. If Mr. Chen Lao says "Sunny Girl", "Innocent Girl" and "Baby Daughter" ... if the other person understands and feels comfortable, then he can really talk, and what he wants to do for his son can be successfully completed.

Let's look at another example: Confucius took several of his students out to give lectures and visit, and it was very hard all the way. On this day, Confucius and his party came to a village. They are resting in the shade, ready to eat some dry food and drink some water. Unexpectedly, Confucius' horse broke free from the reins and ran to the field to eat other people's wheat seedlings. A farmer stepped forward, grabbed the drill and buckled his horse.

Zi Gong is one of Confucius' most proud students and has always been eloquent. Relying on his eloquence, he volunteered to persuade the farmer and strive for reconciliation. But he talks like a book, and he talks endlessly, telling one truth after another. Although he had tried his best, the farmer just wouldn't listen.

There is a new student who has just followed Confucius for a long time. His knowledge and talent are far less than Zi Gong's. Seeing the stalemate between Zigong and the farmer, he said to Confucius, "Teacher, please let me try."

So he walked up to the farmer and smiled and said to him, "You are not farming in the distant East China Sea, and we are not farming in the distant West Sea. We are close, not far away. How can my horse not eat your crops? " Besides, maybe one day your cows will eat my crops, don't you think? We should understand each other. "

When the farmer heard this, he felt very reasonable, and the meaning of blame was relieved, so he returned the horse to Confucius. Several farmers nearby also talked to each other and said, "It's not like that man just now." From this point of view, you must look at the object and the occasion, otherwise you will be eloquent again, and it will be a waste of breath if others don't buy your account.

To talk about the object, we must first understand the object. Especially for people who meet for the first time, they must first understand the situation through words, so that they can have a clear goal and put words in each other's hearts. So, when you meet a stranger, don't say anything in a hurry, listen to the other person first. If the other person is polite, you should also be gentle, amiable and modest; If the other person speaks straight and won't beat around the bush, you should also be honest with each other and say whatever comes to mind; If the other person is depressed and doesn't like to talk or listen, you should talk less or not at all. In a word, we should talk on the basis of mutual understanding in order to get the best communication effect.

In short, when talking to different people, we should adopt different ways of talking. It varies from person to person, and you can do what you say. You should be good at observing people's hearts, making use of the situation, and applying both hard and soft skills, so as to make things easy and make others willing to accept when you speak. Only in this way can you do things naturally.