Classic and funny phrases: Don’t marry an illiterate man

1: Somewhere in Hebei: Don’t marry an illiterate wife, don’t marry an illiterate man!

2: Lao Tzu can help you solve problems that Confucius couldn’t solve.

3: Lei Feng did good things without leaving his name, but he recorded everything in his diary.

4: An ideal world = free phone calls + free Internet access.

5: Although the green mountains are left, there is still no firewood.

6: Mom said it’s best not to miss two things in life: the last bus home and someone who loves you deeply.

7: There is no wall that is airtight, and there is no beam that cannot be hung.

8: The sky is not blue without you, life without you is upsetting, life without you is so difficult, when can I really have you, my dearest. . . . Stop being beautiful, it’s not you, it’s the money!

9: Even if God has not given me any great responsibility, it will still torture my mind and strain my muscles and bones.

10: I can’t bear to eat porridge every day. I went to the vegetable market yesterday and walked around. I think I’d better continue eating porridge.

11: An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless. I am quite forgetful, so my wife often tells me not to pull out an umbrella when I go out to do errands when it rains, so I already have ten umbrellas at home.

12: I don’t like tidying up the room, they all call me the messy room hero.

13: My principle is: I won’t offend anyone unless they offend me; if someone offends me, I will get angry!

15: I bought a one-inch monitor so my mistakes look smaller!

16: If a couple plays in the water, they will drown; if they fly together, they will fall to death.

17: No matter how happy a bachelor is, he will get married sooner or later. Isn’t happiness permanent?

18: What’s going on? I called your cell phone just now. After the ringtone rang, the prompt sounded: The user is eating Damn, don't disturb! I couldn’t believe it, so I called again and said: The user you called has been sent to the slaughterhouse, please share it later! Nothing happened to you?

19: I searched for her thousands of times, but when I looked back, I saw that person still looked down upon me.

20: I dreamed that you were singing last night! Your singing voice is very sweet, and your sentimental expression moved me. I almost vowed to love you for ten thousand years, but I didn't dare, because you sang to a donkey: I will become you when I grow up!

21: Those who make furniture are wood, those who understand poetry are scholars, everyone thinks about money, and those who read the news are fools.

22: I dreamed of eating pasta and woke up in the morning to find that my shoelaces were gone! 2020 Funny Classic Phrases and Funny Phrases

Don’t look back, I only love your back.

Dissatisfaction is the replacement of a suspended state. It makes people constantly have the desire to climb up in comparison.

Success is 3% talent plus 97% not being distracted by the Internet.

Smart women deal with men, and stupid women deal with women.

Format yourself just to delete you.

Sorry, the user you dialed is married.

Zhuge Liang had never led an army before he left the mountain. Why do you want me to have work experience?

The dinosaur that degrades three times a day is the strongest waste material in human history.

Damn it, I’ve never seen anything so long and of archaeological value. It can be made a world heritage site.

If you don’t want to take advantage of your inner condom, then go play with others.

The one riding the white horse may not be a prince, he may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel, he may be a birdman

Do you think I will watch you helplessly? To die? I'll close my eyes!

The intelligence test is to see how stupid you are.

Life is about being born and living.

Asking you how sad you can be is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Although I believe in eachother, I may not believe in you.

Even if there is no distance, love is still a long-distance race.

Go find the person who appears in your dream when you wake up

You can’t play chess, calligraphy or painting, and you’re tired of doing laundry and cooking.

If someone doesn’t offend me, I won’t offend anyone; if someone offends me, I’ll be polite; if someone offends me again, I’ll give him a shot; if someone offends me again, I’ll eliminate the root cause

A person’s life is It's like shitting, sometimes you have worked very hard but all that comes out is just a fart

If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then I have to eat at least a pair of whales.

If you cannot put on a wedding dress for the woman you love, please stop unbuttoning her clothes.

If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card!

The tongue outlasts the teeth, and the software outlasts the hardware.

People who are too rational will definitely miss the opportunity to go astray and the beautiful scenery brought by their mistakes along the way.

Even if comrades have not yet worked hard, the revolution must still succeed.

I am not a casual person! But if you act casually, you are not a human being!

I drank to drown the pain, but this damn pain learned to swim.

I wanted to fall in love early, but it was too late.

My greatest skill is to use cheap things to produce expensive effects. For example, camera, microphone, myself

Only when you have not been loved by others will you cherish the person who will love you in the future

Funny classic sentences

1. Bullshit is the first word in relationships.

2. A man wants to divorce his wife after making money, but a man wants to divorce his wife when he cannot make money.

3. In fact, even without a toad, a swan would be lonely!

4. The reason why angels can fly is because they take themselves very lightly

5. Iron roosters will still leave some rust. You are basically a stainless steel rooster!

6. Lovers will eventually become house slaves, and those who own houses will eventually become married.

7. When a man has an affair, he becomes busier and busier at work, while when a woman has an affair, the food she cooks becomes saltier.

8. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou clay pot. Yesterday I went to the "Treasure Appraisal" column for appraisal. The expert said seriously: How can this be from the Western Zhou Dynasty? This is from last week!

9. If I don’t have money or power, if I don’t treat you well, can you follow me?

10. Play with your life: You can only play when you have your life. If your life is gone, what are you playing with?

11. When I was a child, my mother kindly said to me: Good boy, if you learn this skill, you will never starve to death for the rest of your life. So my mother taught me how to eat!

12. Sometimes, if a person is so beautiful, even the city walls will be ashamed.

13. All the questions in the world can be answered by saying it’s none of your business and none of my business. Suddenly I feel so busy.

14. I can’t play chess, calligraphy and painting, but I feel tired from doing laundry and cooking.

15. If you get angry for one minute, you will lose 60 seconds of happiness.

16. The salted fish turns over and is still the salted fish.

17. Life is like breathing. Exhaling is to take a breath, and inhaling is to get a breath.

18. After my wife saw some photos of my girlfriends in college, she kept praising me for not being lewd, 555

19. I can’t tell the difference with you, I guess you've pulled it clean!

20. Whoever said I am white, thin, and beautiful ~ I will be good friends with him ~

21. Goose and goose, cut off the neck with a knife, pluck the hair and add a ladle of water , light the fire and cover the pot!

22. Life is like anxiety. There are no accurate lyrics, but it is thrilling.

23. Without you, the sky is so blue, the grass is so green, and even the insane have become smarter!

24. I don’t hate you because I don’t want to remember you.

25. Being handsome is useless! In the end, he wasn’t eaten by pawns!

26. When the boss uses you, you are a talent; when the boss does not use you, it becomes a layoff!

27. Roses are so cheap that you can give them to your wife.

28. If all were old gingers, what a bitter society it would be.

29. Others laugh at me for being too lewd, but I laugh at others for not being open-minded.

30. I always wander between A and C.

31. House prices are getting higher and higher, so there are fewer and fewer good men.

32. I sang to the computer anxiously. After singing, the computer crashed.

33. Taking the subway is a comprehensive sport that combines Tai Chi, Judo, and bone shrinking skills

34. Does everyone know one or even more people like Xinwen Lianbo? A person whose daily life consists of lying and bragging

35. How did you die? Not even dead poor.

36. Only when your pants lose their belts do you understand what dependence is.

37. Love is like a glass of wine. I carefully offered it to my beloved, but he accidentally spilled it, so I mixed it with water!

38. A grievance that can be expressed is not a grievance; a lover that can be snatched away is not a lover.

39. After graduation, I will take a big job and earn 300,000 yuan after the completion. I will take a look at the drawings and build a 40-meter chimney. It's all built, if someone comes to take a look, they'll beat me up! Damn, the drawings are confusing. They asked me to dig a well

40. I drew a coffin with you and her lying inside. How kind I am, let you die together

41. Is the departure of the leaves because of the pursuit of the wind or the unwillingness of the tree to stay?

42. If a person is not ruthless, he cannot stand firm! No harm to people, no standards! If people are not bad, they will die quickly.

43. Don’t seek to be a good match, just seek to feel qualified.

44. No matter how difficult or dangerous it is, just treat yourself as a fool. No matter how difficult or dangerous it is, treat yourself as a fool.

45. Some people are alive, and they are already dead; some people are alive, and they should have died long ago.

46. It’s difficult for a hero to pass the test of beauty. I’m not a hero, but beauty made me pass the test.

47. I wanted to die, so I bought a bottle of pesticide and wrote on the lid ------ Another bottle

48. When I first entered college, I was so weak that I couldn’t even eat an ant. I dared to trample one to death, but after graduation, I became a cruel and ruthless killer, and what trained me was the ones in the cafeteria who crawled in my rice bowl and flew on top of the bowl

49. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage, or money!

50. Lies have three treasures: forever, forever, and love till old age; Korean dramas have three treasures: car accidents, cancer, and incurability

51. The later you die, the more worthy you are. Pay social security!

52. A Huawei employee was caught by the police for soliciting prostitution in Matishan, which became the company's annual scandal. Reason for expulsion: Going to such a cheap place will bring shame on the company!

53. Living is your courage, dying is your destiny, but I am confused when you are half-dead like you

54. Everyone is original when they are born. Sadly, many people gradually become pirates!

55. Women have countless QQ accounts just to tease a man. Men often use one QQ account to add various women.

56. Our love is on this day They died young just to give each other a chance to be reborn.

57. I would rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.

58. Traditional men are pure before marriage and start messing around after marriage; modern men are messy before marriage and become honest after marriage.

59. If you fall down, get up and cry again.

60. In this era where the price of everything is rising, I suddenly discovered to my joy that the price of air has not increased, but that the price of air has increased.

61. The first line: envy, jealousy and hatred; the second line: emptiness, loneliness and coldness; horizontal line: paralysis that I am single.

62. White lies: Just find a good excuse for your own deception.

63. When I think of the motherland not being reunified, I can’t help but want to smoke

64. A woman is like a book on a bookshelf. Although you buy her, there are so many more before you buy her. It’s rare to be turned over by a few men

65. Goods have expiration dates, and people sometimes get tired of them. How long can you be awesome in my heart?

66. Today’s hospitals can eat up money as fast as ATM machines

67. Grandpas are descended from their grandchildren

68. As a failure Typical, you are so successful.

69. Even if I am a piece of dung, I am still a piece of cow dung that can be planted with flowers.

70. How can I have the strength to lose weight if I don’t eat enough? Classic sentences and funny words that make people laugh hard

146. Money, let us indulge in sex, let us make money, without condoms.

147. If you ask me to sweep the floor, I will never wash the dishes. If you ask me to wash the dishes, I will never sweep the floor. Do both at the same time? You think I'm an alien!

148. The journey of exploration is not about discovering new continents, but about cultivating new perspectives.

149. To sum up, many people nowadays pretend to be mature when they are younger, and act young when they are older.

150. Oh my God! My clothes are slimming again.

151. Being busy is a kind of happiness, leaving us no time to experience pain; running around is a kind of happiness, allowing us to truly feel life; being tired is a kind of enjoyment, leaving us no time to feel empty.

152. There is no rehearsal in life, every day is a live broadcast.

153. The reason for refusing to confess is often that we are not from the same world and are not suitable. Could it be that I am from Mars? Not suitable for people on earth?

154. Women like bad-looking men, not bad-looking men.

155. Women often have eloquence but not body shape; men often have body shape but not money.

156. The greatest happiness in life is that the vegetable leaves left in the teeth after lunch can still be savored in the afternoon.

157. First line: I didn’t bring my student ID card, admission ticket, and ID card. Second line: I didn’t do the listening, reading, and composition questions. Hengpi: The important thing is to participate!

158. There were two birds on the tree. The hunter raised his gun and shot down one. He found that it was a hairless bird. He was wondering when the other bird flew down and cursed the hunter: MD, I just picked her off. Light, you'll be beaten down!

159. Why doesn’t the country use your face to research body armor?

160. Problems that money can solve are not problems.

71. Don’t say that others have brain disease. The prerequisite for brain disease is that you must have a brain.

72. How to give MM an unforgettable birthday? First beat her up, and then give her the housing certificate for the most expensive real estate in Guangzhou. It is guaranteed to be both unforgettable and surprising!

73. Apart from love, there are also radishes in other people’s fields that you can’t extricate yourself from.

74. The junior brother described the hygienic condition of his dormitory. When I returned to the dormitory, I didn’t want to open my eyes! ! !

75. You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. I can't stand the electric heater.

76. No matter how perfect the figure is, in the eyes of people who don’t love her, it is also a source of ridicule.

77. When charging, the bank said: This is in line with international practice. When serving, he said: China’s national conditions must be considered.

78. When I was in high school, my head teacher often told me: There are as many beauties as crucian carp crossing the river, you just need to weave a good web now! After I am admitted to Tsinghua University, I want to use a monkey rubber band to flick the glass of his house

79. You even believe the advertisements. You are stupid in reading!

80. I am the most normal among perverts, and the most perverted among normal people.

81. Once upon a time, there was a WOW player. He was afraid that his account would be stolen, so he tattooed the secret card on his wife's butt. Later, his account was hacked

82. Smoking is disobedient, so we smoke.

83. Hugging is really a strange thing. They are so close but can’t see each other’s faces.

84. In the current milk powder safety environment in China, choosing a woman with big breasts is a sign of a man’s responsibility for his children!

85. I can’t find my tie again. Did you not find the rag yesterday?

86. Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

87. Not everyone can live a low-key life. The basis for being low-key is that you can be high-profile at any time.

88. In a few decades, we will meet, be sent to the crematorium, and burn to ashes. You will be in a pile, I will be in a pile, no one knows anyone, and we will all be sent to the countryside to be used as fertilizer. .

89. After studying for more than ten years, kindergarten is still easier to get along with!

90. I can’t stand the business signs that read: Demolition, sell for money! I gave her 5 yuan for a down jacket but she just wouldn’t sell it. It’s so deceptive to consumers!

91. Youth is dedicated to the house, and middle age is dedicated to the children.

92. Anyone who kisses crazily in public in the cafeteria, study room, or in front of the teaching building cannot afford a house!

93. When I stood on the weight and saw the number displayed, I thought of a particularly literary word, it is difficult to fly with wings

94. The person burning incense may not be a monk, but a panda. !

95. The sea is vast and fish can leap, and the broken drum can be beaten by others. Funny classic sentences

1. When you are in a bad mood, go to the toilet. After using it, look at the toilet with a ferocious face and say: "Eat shit, please!" and then rush to the toilet.

2. A hero is ruined by a beautiful woman; a beauty is ruined by a rich man; a handsome man is ruined by a rich woman; life is ruined by a mortgage; youth is ruined by a job; marriage is ruined by a mistress Money has been ruined by the US dollar; students have been ruined by online games; online games have been ruined by violence; children have been ruined by Sanlu; faith has been ruined by Brother Chun; aesthetics has been ruined by Sister Feng; Sister Feng has been ruined by the moon. The moon is wasted; the dream is wasted by reality.

3. The difference between classes: primary school classes cost money, junior high school class fees pen, high school class fees brain, university class fees flow...

4. Push yourself and whip others.

5. The longest love history of a person is probably narcissism...

6. The difference between an affair and an affair is that the former is together and the latter is not.

7. The farthest distance in the world is not between life and death, nor the unknown love, but the distance between the bed and the outside in winter.

8. People are like iron, and food is like steel. Don’t pretend to be depressed all day long.

9. You are the landlord of my land.

10. Don’t charge me, because I have caller ID here.

11. Just because we have a holiday, you can’t treat me as a holiday.

12. What should you do if you catch mosquitoes alive in summer? 1. Of course you have to raise him. 2. Send him to school. 3. Buy him a house. 4. Help him find a wife. 5. Take care of his children. Otherwise, what else can you do? After all, it is your blood that flows on it...

13. My wife often says that if one day she wins the lottery, she will never give me a penny and she will get divorced and move abroad immediately. . She doesn't know that I have been buying lottery tickets with the same numbers as hers for five years... I'll see if she can still laugh when the time comes.

14. Now I know that the house slave Li Bai bought an unfinished apartment. There are poems to prove it: There is no window in front of the bed to let the moonlight shine; it is suspected that the frost door on the ground is not installed; look up at the moon - The roof is open; I bow my head and miss my hometown, which hurts me.

15. Kettle, why are you crying? Is it because your butt is too hot?

16. What I was most afraid of when I was a child was not dreaming about looking for the toilet but not finding it. But before the person woke up, the toilet was found.

17. An official’s official diary: getting up in the morning: boxing; meeting in the morning: taking a nap; eating at noon: burping; going to work in the afternoon: burping; working overtime in the evening: playing cards; entertainment in the evening: having sex; going home late at night: fight.

18. In the chemistry class, the chemistry teacher asked: "What should you do if the gas leaks in your home?" Don't panic, light a cigarette and calm down.

19. "There is no grass anywhere in the world, why should you fall in love with a flower unrequitedly" actually means - "There are so many men in the world, why do you have to like one woman!"

20. The road is long and long, so it’s better for me to fight it.

21. What is a bad person? A man who takes off his pants during the day and a woman who does not take off her makeup at night.

22. A fat woman is plump, a thin woman is slim, a tall woman is slender, and a short woman is delicate.

A fat man is like a pig, a thin man is like a rib, a tall man is like a bamboo pole, and a short man is like a winter melon!

23. My heart is not a bus. It is not a place where you can sit down whenever there is space.

24. When others hold hands, I will hold my dog ??for a walk and swim, and see who is unhappy and bites him twice.

25. I have always had a doubt in my heart. It has been 5 years, exactly 5 years. What does the gray wolf eat to survive...

26. Some people say that long-distance relationships are hard; Some say being gay is hard, some say being in a relationship with a sister and brother is hard, some say being in a relationship with a teacher and a student is hard, some say being in a relationship with a foreign country is hard, I say the hardest thing is being in love with no one!

27. We must know how to cherish and protect everyone around us. Because of the broken necks and looking back in the past life, we have met in this life.

28. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting inside the toilet or waiting outside the toilet.

29. When men chat, they talk 70% about ideals and 30% about women; while women talk about 70% about men and 30% about ideals. Therefore, men conquer the world and win women; women conquer men and win the world.

30. Donor, this poor monk is here to ask for alms. Do you have any pork elbows? Fried chicken drumsticks are also okay, that’s good.

31. If you don’t experience the collapse of Monday morning, you won’t know the value of Friday afternoon.

32. A true warrior must dare to look at beautiful girls and face the bleak single life.

33. I think there must be many people who have a crush on me, because no one has confessed to me after so many years!

34. I have been so poor recently that I have no money to buy big cakes, so I have to eat steamed buns. If I want to eat big cakes, I will flatten the steamed buns. If I want to eat noodles, I will comb the steamed buns with a comb. !

35. Three elements of success: 1. Persistence; 2. Shameless; 3. Persistence is shameless. Have you done it?

36. As the saying goes, those who are close to pigs eat. It's not your fault that you like to eat. In the final analysis, it's because there are too many pigs around you.