A short English joke

As an urbanized genre of folk oral creation, English jokes are an important means of communication. The following is a small English paragraph (selected 12) I collected for you, I hope it will help you!

Short English jokes 1 These are my jeans!

After dieting, a woman feels very good about herself-especially when she can put on a pair of jeans that she couldn't put on a long time ago.

"Look, look." She shouted and ran downstairs to show her husband. "I can wear my old jeans again."

Her husband looked at her for a long time and said, "honey, I love you, but these are my jeans."

Those are my pants!

A woman feels particularly good about herself after losing weight for a period of time-especially when she can put on jeans that she couldn't wear a long time ago. She ran downstairs and shouted to her husband, "Look, look. I can put on my old pants again. " Her husband looked at her for a long time and then said, "honey, I love you." But those are my pants. "

English joke 2: Bad guys' party.

The notorious cheapskate finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Go up to 5 meters and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it with your foot. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Oh, dear," he replied, "you won't come empty-handed?"

The miser's treat.

A notorious miser finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his home, he said, "You go up to the fifth floor, find the middle door, and then ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it open with your feet. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Your hand has been taken as a gift. God, you won't come empty-handed, will you? " The miser replied.

All I do is pay.

"My family is like a country," Mr. Brown told his colleagues. "My wife is the Minister of Finance, my mother-in-law is the Minister of War and my daughter is the Minister of Foreign Affairs."

"That sounds interesting," his colleague replied. "What's your position?"

"I am the people. All I do is pay. "

All I have to do is pay.

Mr. Brown told his colleagues, "My home is like a country. My wife is the Minister of Finance. My mother-in-law is the Minister of Operations and my daughter is the Minister of Foreign Affairs. "

"That sounds interesting," said his colleague. "What's your position?"

"I am the people. All I have to do is pay. "

One day after school, the teacher said to his students, "Tomorrow, if one of you can answer my first question, I will allow him or her to go home early."

One day, after school, the teacher said to his students, "Tomorrow morning, if one of you can answer my question first, I will allow him or her to go home first."

The next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard painted. He was very anxious and asked, "Who did it? Please stand up! " "It's me," Bob said. "Now, I can go home. Goodbye, sir. "

The next day, the teacher came into the classroom and found that the blackboard was painted in a mess. He was very angry and asked, "Who painted it?" Please stand up! "Bob said," it's me, sir. Now I can go home. Goodbye! " "

Before the final exam, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I passed today's exam."

Before the final exam, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I passed today's exam."

"Don't believe in dreams, dear. It is said that what you experience in your dreams is usually the opposite. " Mom replied.

"Don't believe in dreams, dear. It is said that the experience in dreams is usually the opposite of reality. " Mom replied.

"Then I really hope that I will fail all other subjects in my dream tonight," said Tom.

"Well, I really hope that in my dream tonight, I will fail all my other courses." Tom said.

English joke 6 save lives.

In a pre-medical university in St. Louis, we had to take a very difficult physics class. One day, the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted me and asked, "Why should we learn these things?"

"To save lives." The professor reacted quickly and went on with his lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke again. "So how does physics save lives?" He insisted.

"This usually prevents an idiot like you from going to medical school," the professor replied.

The pain of mourners.

A man put some flowers on his dead mother's grave and began to return to his car when his attention was turned to another man kneeling in front of the grave.

The man seemed to be praying very devoutly and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why are you dying? "

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your personal sorrow, but this kind of pain is something I have never seen before." Who are you so sad for? A child? A parent? "

The mourner calmed down for a while and then replied, "My wife's first husband."

Short English joke 8 black eyes.

A man came to work with two black eyes on Monday morning. His boss asked what happened.

The man replied, "On Sunday, I sat behind a big woman in church. When we stood up to sing a hymn, I noticed that her skirt was caught in her ass, so I tried to be friendly and pulled it out for her. Then she turned around and punched me in the eye. "

The boss asked, "well, where did your other dark circles come from?"

"Well," said the man, "I thought she didn't want to take it out, so I pushed it back."

Why should I give you money?

A very rich lawyer was approached by the United company. People in United Way are worried that lawyers earned $65,438 last year, but they didn't donate a penny to charity.

"First of all," said the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital. She is not in medical insurance coverage. Second, I have been divorced three times and have five children. Third, my sister's husband died suddenly, and she had no one to raise her four children ... "

"I'm very sorry," said the United front man. "I'm sorry to ask for money."

The lawyer replied, "Yes, if I don't give them money, why should I give you money?"

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest because she served an apple pie without cheese. The little boy at home left the room. I stayed quietly for a while, and when I came back, I took a piece of cheese and put it on the guest's plate.

The guest smiled, put the cheese in his mouth and said, "Son, your eyes are definitely better than your mother's. Where did you find the cheese? " "In the rat trap, sir," the boy replied.

The hostess apologized to the guests because there was no cheese at home when they ate apple pie. The little boy in this family left home quietly. After a while, he returned to his room with a piece of cheese and put it on the guest's plate.

The guest smiled and put the cheese in his mouth and said, "Son, your eyes are just better than your mother's. Where did you find the cheese? " "On the mousetrap, sir." The little boy said.

One day, the father asked his eight-year-old son to post a letter. The son took the letter. Father then remembered that he had not written his address and name on the envelope.

When his son came back, his father asked him, "Did you throw the letter into the mailbox?"

"Of course."

"Didn't you notice? Is there no address and recipient's name on the envelope? "

"Of course I didn't see what was written on the envelope."

"Then why? Didn't you take it back? "

"I thought you? I didn't write the address and the recipient, because you didn't let me know who you sent the letter to! "

English joke 12 new teacher.

George came back from school on September 1st.

"George, what do you think of your new teacher?" His mother asked.

"Mom, I don't like her because she said that three plus three equals six, and then she said that two plus four equals six ..."

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