You can also be "interesting"

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Wang Xiaoquan’s book "How to Become an Interesting Person" is very popular, at least I think it is very popular. Because of this, I read this book quickly and slowly!

When I first looked at the title of the book, I thought it was a hodgepodge of chicken soup. As I read, I couldn’t stop! Although I didn't make myself "much more interesting" after reading it, the author's words gave me a lot of "brain-refreshing" inspiration.

I have a vague feeling: On the way to making yourself interesting, you must first learn to be rational! And by reading to enrich yourself, it is possible to become interesting. At least, you can find "interesting"!

01. What is fun?

The author of the book believes that in essence, "interesting" is a pleasant accident, a surprise that has nothing to do with utilitarianism.

It encompasses two aspects: first, you are interesting in life (self-certification that you are interesting); second, in society, others think you are interesting, or that you bring interest to others ( His evidence is interesting).

Interesting needs to have three elements: surprise, pleasure, and non-utility.

The book says: "Taking Dream of Red Mansions as an example, it is recognized that Lin Daiyu and Shi Xiangyun are interesting, Jia Tanchun and Wang Xifeng are interesting; on the contrary, Jia Yingchun and Xue Baochai are not so interesting." Among these interesting people, Daiyu and Shi Xiangyun have a small temper, Tanchun has a big temper, Wang Xifeng has a bad temper, and the last two have no temper. The first four interesting ones are the ones that are most liked by the old lady in the first eighty chapters - and the old lady is the best person in the book and the most accurate judge of people. ''

- It's about the unexpected.

The book says: For example, Jin Shengtan can be called the ancestor of the barrage world. At the last moment before beheading, he said his last words, "Chew dried tofu and peanuts together, and it tastes like ham." Common sense plays the cards, adding the final touch of black humor to the tragedy of life. Another example is Su Dongpo. We know that Su Dongpo loved to eat meat. He wrote "Lao Tao Fu" in Zheng'er Ba Jing, such as "fried honey with rotten cherry beads, steamed lamb with apricot cheese", "semi-cooked clams with wine, slightly cooked crabs". "Born with bad things" is all to be expected. I understood when he couldn't afford the mutton himself and had to buy the spine. He said that he stewed the lamb bones carefully and gnawed on the two bones for a day, and I couldn't bear it. When he said that he was very happy eating, but the dog was not happy, I couldn't help but laugh out loud - he was so greedy that even the dog was disgusted, which is a state that ordinary people can't imagine.

- It's about pleasure.

The book says: ""My boyfriend gave me a diamond ring as big as a pigeon egg as a birthday gift - it was an unexpected surprise, but not interesting. My boyfriend made a handmade diary for the first anniversary of his relationship, in which he wrote a love story and drew a sketch of his girlfriend every day - this is interesting. My boyfriend made a handmade diary for the third anniversary of their relationship. In it, he wrote a love story and drew a sketch of his girlfriend every day. There was a hole in the diary and a diamond ring as big as a pigeon egg was placed - this is still interesting. ''

- This is about non-utilitarianism.

But fun is different from “funny” and humor! "Humor" is a general term for laughter. Humor with a relatively high style can be classified as funny, and humor with a relatively low style can be classified as funny.

——"Funny" occasionally plays, humorous Being by your side often makes you gradually become interesting.

02. How to become interesting?

Crosstalk actor Guo Degang said in an interview: "Living clearly does not require time, but it requires experience." ”

The author believes that interesting is a skill that can be cultivated!

But interesting is about perspective, about aesthetics, about birth, about class, about culture, about thinking.

The fun is in the oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, in poetry and distance, and even more in time!

? 1) Knowledge is required to develop interesting skills

? There are many channels for acquiring knowledge reserves, but there are only three main channels: experience, reading, and making friends.

? 2) To develop interesting skills, you must have the ability to manage information

? To manage information, you have to perceive changes around you, through sensory perception and emotional perception. However, these are all for obtaining, analyzing, filtering, and applying information from two dimensions: depth and breadth. Of course, the most important thing is that it can distinguish whether your humor is funny or "funny".

? 3) To develop interesting skills, you must have taste

? Taste is the bottom line of being a human being and comes from your appreciation. Connoisseurship is not about moving from the bottom to the high end, it is about enlarging the pattern first under the premise of following the rules, and not expecting high-end luxury goods from roadside stalls.

? Xiangling studied poetry and Lin Daiyu taught her. Xiangling said: "I only love Lu Fangweng's 'The heavy curtains are not rolled up to retain the fragrance for a long time, and the ancient inkstones are slightly concave to gather more ink'. It is really interesting." Daiyu said: "You must not read such a poem. Because you don't know poetry. , so I fall in love with this shallow person. Once I get into this situation, I can’t learn it anymore. "Where does the taste for poetry come from? Come from knowledge and classics.

Taste requires systematic learning and training. To have taste, you must first respect taste!

4) To develop interesting skills, you must have rigorous imagination

Note that the key is the word "rigor", not unbridled imagination. Imagination is closely related to rules from the beginning.

Examples from the book: What was your initial imagination? It's a myth. When encountering lightning and thunder, the ancients could not explain this weather phenomenon. The ancient Chinese believed that it was the Thunder God and the Lightning Mother who were doing this; the ancient Norse people believed that Thor, the god of thunder, was driving a ram chariot and galloped past. The word thunder (thunder) was derived from this, and so was Thursday. Named after Thor, it was Thuresdaeg in Old English, meaning the day of Thor. Why do humans imagine this? Because we want the world to be reasonable, we demand an explanation for everything that is unreasonable: Asura and Rahu chase the sun and moon, so there are eclipses of the sun and moon, and Poseidon stirs the sea with his trident, so there are The Great Wave - the operating rules behind the creation of all things by human beings using myths.

So what is imagination? It is the ability to intercept, splice, and reorganize information based on known information. The focus of imagination lies in two points: 1. What kind of information is intercepted and assembled determines the breadth of imagination. 2． How to assemble information logically and self-consistently determines the depth of imagination. Excellent imagination requires the integration of the two.

Random thinking and rambling without logic are "bullshit", while logical nonsense is imagination!

Fun is still an attitude.

Technology requires learning, but you only need to agree with the attitude. Isn’t it much easier?

1) Recognition requires a very important thing called empathy. Empathy, also known as perspective-taking, immersion or empathy, refers to a way of putting yourself in the other person's shoes and thinking about them, that is, in the process of interpersonal communication, you can feel the emotions and thoughts of others and understand them. position and feelings, and think and deal with problems from the perspective of others. Scholar Rogers describes empathy as having three components. 1. Emotional: Empathizing with the emotions and feelings of others. 2． Recognizing: Correctly understanding the emotions and feelings of others. 3. Communicative: Correctly conveying an understanding of the emotion and feeling.

The book says: Differences in scale, lack of understanding, and the curse of knowledge prevent us from feeling the feelings of others and understanding their situations.

Almost all minor social conflicts can be explained by a lack of empathy on either side or on one side.

Empathy does not make us agree more with the world, but it can make us understand the world more and reduce hostility.

2) You have to understand and cultivate your own characteristics. Not only must you have characteristics, but also the key is to be recognizable; you can have flaws, but they must not harm your elegance.

Based on this, we all have the freedom to choose who we are!

3) You have to dare to laugh at yourself and learn to laugh at yourself. Self-deprecation is a type of humor. It should be noted that self-deprecation does not mean inferiority or self-effacement, nor does it mean belittling or belittling oneself. It is a kind of humor that is harmless to others, and a kind of self-confidence that is unrestrained to the core. I divide self-deprecation into two types: one based on showing kindness, and one based on self-preservation.

The bottom line of self-deprecation is to close the distance and pull both parties into the same trench. If you pull too hard and too low, it will only make the other party feel that they are not in the same circle, but will be underestimate.

The author laughs: As mentioned above, the other party scored 70 points in the test, and you said that you scored 68 in the test, the other party's sense of superiority is rebuilt, and the beauty of adulthood is restored. If the other person got 98 on the test, you say you got 96 - that's good, it's fun to help others. If the other party scores 98, and you say you have 56 - this is looking for someone to cheat on you.

? 4) You have to maintain good emotional communication. Then you have to learn to praise, listen, and refute.

? ‘’Is it so easy to flatter someone? This is the most technical job in the world. If you want to praise something, you have to praise it properly. The prerequisite for praise is that you have enough appreciation for that thing. ''Praise, just hit the nail on the head!

Dumbledore said: "What determines who we become is not our abilities, but our choices." Time is more valuable than money these days, and friends who are willing to spend time listening to you say stupid things are more valuable than money. People who are willing to send you red envelopes are worth money - if the number of red envelopes is not large. There are often three types of people in life who make excellent listeners: close friends who really understand you; backup wheels who are always available; and passers-by who are strict with you. Listening requires understanding!

? It is said that when you refute someone, the other person will pay a lot more attention to you. Therefore, President Mary Su’s idea in Xiaoyan’s drama is correct: refute the rich, handsome, and attract attention. It should be noted that if you want to modify the worldview of others, you must have a more consistent worldview of your own. This means that when you refute others, you must consider your own level, and be cautious about challenging people who are higher than you. It doesn't matter if someone refutes you. It would be very embarrassing if you want to refute someone but are killed in one blow. To rebut, you have to keep your feet on the ground!

The author believes: We need to make real life more interesting instead of doing spiritual victory methods in our heads. Sometimes we need to recognize our own interestingness, and sometimes we also want others to recognize "my interestingness"; if it is the latter, we must be able to express the connotation of "interesting" appropriately.

Interesting things need to be “realized”. How to “realize” interesting things?

? ? 1) Can dazzle. Dazzling is necessary, and it is full of tricks and endless changes. However, a certain degree of authenticity must be ensured and the necessary low-keyness must be maintained.

2) Be able to express. No matter whether you are introverted or extroverted, you all have the desire to express yourself, and the interesting ways of expressing yourself vary from person to person. The author believes: "Introversion and extroversion are just a kind of personality. It depends on whether a person prefers to get the motivation for life from the "outside" or from the "inside". There is currently no evidence to prove whether introversion and extroversion are based on nature, but it seems to be an accepted fact that personality is difficult to change. ''Don't think that you are a boring person just because someone says you are introverted or not good at expressing yourself! Unless you don’t want to express it!

3) Be able to count.

Interesting is calculated to a certain extent, because your interest will be affected by cost accounting, risk, and liquidity! A rational person always tends to solve problems at low cost, and contemporary people are pursuing low cost that does not affect the quality of life. They have discovered and are pursuing: "minimalism", "light luxury", and "functional realizationism".

Ultimate fun is created in the spiritual world

The book writes: Fun is not "funny", "fun", or even "humor". Interesting is more profound than these. Interesting is the breadth of knowledge, the profundity of thought, and the thoroughness of concepts.

‘’An interesting person, he has his own world, self-consistent and grand, brilliant and profound. He does not enter your world, but opens a window for you to visit his world. Maybe his world surprises you, or maybe you don’t agree with his world. But after a period of running-in, you begin to understand and appreciate his world. From then on, you and he have two worlds, and your worlds become more self-consistent, grander, more brilliant, and more profound. ‘’

? You have to have your own world.

The author writes: It is easy to judge whether a person is mature. You can ask someone a slightly complicated question today, and then ask him the same question again a month later to see if his answer has changed. Some people's concepts will show contradictory views within a limited time span, which means that this person's three views are "not fixed."

This tells us: to have relatively fixed "three views", we need to think rationally, we need to see through the traps of the world, and we need to have the ability to discover the truth through appearances.

Building a firm and self-consistent spiritual world requires "thinking", not just "experience". Thinking is hard, experiencing is easy. Fun is not just about experience, nor is it about absolute comfort.

We are a "Sail Jellyfish" drifting with the current, but we cannot regard ourselves as a "Sail Jellyfish". Different people have different interesting backgrounds. We are individuals in the era, whether it is the public, a niche, or customized, pleasing is not the purpose! The key is to attract!

‘’We want to use a world, a stable world of our own. We open our world for people to visit. Visitors can be tourists, repeat customers, relatives and friends, or ancient philosophers and sages.

Disclaimer: Because this article is a reflection after reading the book, due to my limited level, there are not many words that belong to my own "feelings", so there are more quotations from the original text. The purpose is: I like this part of the author's words. I hope it not only touches me but also touches more people. I also hope that others will see the original meaning of the readers! I don’t intend to plagiarize. If it causes misunderstanding, I apologize to the author and the audience!