Funny lines about double reed

! ! ! 1. Double spring: exercise as a soldier

(Based on the training of fresh graduates as soldiers. )

A: Dear leaders and comrades.

H: hello, everyone! My name is XXX (A) and my name is XXX (B).

Today, the two of us will give you a little show.

B: Double spring.

A: That's right. The double reed is the front one.

B: I'll talk about one later.

A: Your words and deeds are different.

B: no acting.

A: The performance is not good. Please clap more.

This is an encouragement to both of us. (They bow to the audience again)

A: (Right) Can we get started?

B: Let's go! (After A, before B, in position)

A: (in Wuhan dialect) My name is XXX. I come from Wuhan, Hubei. I have been in the army for six years. I graduated today. Before I can go home, I will report to the army as soon as possible!

B: (quickly asks) But you have become an official. What officer did the army arrange for you to be?

A: (Mandarin) Turn around! Listen-(after a while, change to Wuhan dialect) Being a soldier in the service platoon and standing guard for three months-exercise!

What is this? Where are the troops? Oh, it's in the corner of Dabie Mountain in Xinyang.

Ouch ... this place is on the side. It's a place where rabbits don't shit. Look up at the hill, look down at the ditch, nothing to count stones, mosquito bites suffer!

It's my turn to stand guard. I stood at the door and didn't see anyone for a long time. I want to show my leadership, but I have no chance.

In the past, except for a few ordinary people, they were all cows, sheep, chickens and dogs. I am in a hurry. Two hours of work feels like two years!

When I am bored, I salute those cows, sheep, chickens and dogs. Hehe, this is also "job" training!

At ease! Attention! Salute! At ease! Attention! Welcome ... (repeat)

B: (turning around in Mandarin) Ah ...! Do you want to kill me? !

A: (Mandarin) Sorry, I forgot my words just now. Come again, come again-stand guard (Wuhan dialect)! How do you know the depression and loneliness of warehouse soldiers without standing guard? How can you understand the difficulties of the soldiers without standing guard? How to be a good platoon leader without standing guard?

Stand guard! In a word, how nice! Two words, great! Three words, very good ...

B: (getting up and looking back) I said, can you count? !

A: (Pushing B back to his seat in Mandarin) Stop stirring. Go on, go on. Not to mention (in Wuhan dialect), I really got a lot of education, knowledge and insight by standing guard.

I found that the soldiers in our warehouse are really cute ... They love ravines, warehouses and work, and are willing to work hard, be lonely and selfless ... They have turned barren hills into gardens through their hard work.

It's beautiful. Look, this is a fish pond surrounded by Liu Yin, this is a leisure pavilion surrounded by red flowers, this is a brand-new office building, and this is a newly developed nursery ... how green the trees are, how red the flowers are. Oh, this is a paradise. ...

Later, I went to the relatively remote No.2 post and No.3 post and lived for a while. The conditions are even more difficult, and the water I drink is pulled down from the foot of the mountain.

The most uncomfortable thing is that there are so many mosquitoes. That mosquito, oh, this is big! Bite you. Oh, this is big!

Every night, mosquitoes keep me awake, so I wrap myself in a towel like a mummy. I'll see how these mosquitoes bite me! "Hum ... Hum ..." These mosquitoes circled over my head like a group of small helicopters.

Hey, hey, hey, the one on the left, I'll call! The one on the right, I'll call! ..... (continuous)

B: (gets up and turns around) Hey! Come out. I didn't hit you in the face, did I?

A: (Mandarin) Hehe ... I just think you can kill some mosquitoes. Sorry, keep coming. It won't happen again In the past few months, I have not only gradually adapted to the life in the warehouse, but also gained two special companions, one is called "Black Girl" and the other is called "Cheetah"-they are two military dogs in our warehouse.

Boy, when I first met them, I was afraid to go out. I was too stingy to breathe. They stared at me with big eyes and red tongues and shouted at me in a low voice: "Hoo ... hoo ..."

Scared me, I hurried to buy some ham sausages.

What is this? Why buy ham sausage? Bribery, making friends is not so simple now. It's impossible without welfare. Only these two dogs can't talk to you.

Don't say yet. It works. After several contacts, they listened to me.

These two military dogs have different personalities. "Black Girl" is flexible, strong-willed and a little extroverted, while "Cheetah" is slow, stupid and introverted.

As a result, the "black girl" was often locked up by military dogs because she bit the chickens and cows of ordinary people.

On one occasion, the "black girl" chased the cattle of ordinary people all the way in the camp, and directly ran the cattle alive and tired, so she was locked up again.

We were having an on-the-job training competition. When it saw the cheetah being taken out for training, it was extremely angry.

In a rage, it jumped out of the fence more than two meters high and hurt its leg.

In those days, the guide fed it delicious food every day. I also quickly took advantage of this opportunity to curry favor with it. I gave it milk and ham. I sat next to it, fed it and touched its head. It makes my face sweet when I eat it.

I touch it, and it licks me ... (continuously) (b quietly gets up and turns around, touching A's head)

A: (Mandarin) You treat me like a dog. ...

(Two curtain calls, end)