No funny Chongqing dialect?

1 I am a ghost. I'm playing with a machete with a moon stick. I'll tell you how to cut the invitation table of 3 treasures and 4 Langes. I'm sorry, your mother cleans shoes, your mother sells lollipops, destroys knives on her back and catches fire every day.

Duanzi:

Brakes

There are many dialects in Chongqing, which makes me a foreigner feel a lot. One night, taking the last bus home, someone waved and shouted:

"Master, brake a foot (Chongqing dialect, meaning: stop)!"

The driver suddenly braked and the man got into the driveway;

"Monthly ticket."

The conductor whispered:

"Give the monthly ticket a foot brake".

The driver back comfort way:

"It doesn't matter, I would rather kill a thousand by mistake than let one go."

Westward Journey Chongqing Dialect Edition

1 Many years ago, there was a boring girl who loved me. It's not that bad. I haven't fiddled with this skull. Oh, well, I'm, uh (hard) so angry that I can't catch up. The most painful thing for Nie (Ben) in this life is Nieglo. If God is willing to give me another chance, I know I will tell that girl, "I have been talking to you all my life." If, er, I want to put a lever in front-it will take 10 thousand years to get married again!

2. In those two years, there was such a solid emotional mol in front of Laozi, and Laozi didn't dump it. When I come to ask for money, his turtle's life will be ruined! ! ! ! The most uncomfortable thing in the world is under your nose. But if God gives me another chance, I will definitely say to her, "I love you!" " "

A joke that Chongqing people can understand.

A joke that only Chongqing people can understand;

Catch a cold, play football with your nose,

But basketball has to go to the hospital, because it takes half a day to register volleyball.

Thermostats are also like hockey,

Doctors are also good at water polo,

If you don't believe in medicine, you won't get sick. Let's go to the tennis hospital.

Might as well handball at home,

More drugs are prescribed, but softball won't fail.

If you are hospitalized, you will not be free, and you will be cut back by table tennis.

In case of an operation, it would be even more troublesome. Fat people can't move a billiards!

Flights full of local characteristics (Chongqing dialect version)

[ticket sales]

The airport automatic broadcast keeps broadcasting: "Chongqing Airlines 1000 1 flight, beijing beijing, fare 10 yuan, no change, please show me your monthly ticket."

[Security check]

People are buzzing, some people are carrying snakeskin bags, some people are carrying live chickens and ducks, and the security inspector is sweating: "You have to carry a backpack to make up the ticket. You are overweight and old."

"Why? Last time, two sacks of potatoes made me too old. "

Another passenger leaned in and said, "Come on, brothers, have a cigarette. Look at my live chicken bag. If there is no room in the cabin to tie them to the wings of the plane, these balls will be old. Anyway, they can fly by themselves, without consuming the oil of the plane ... "

[boarding]

The stewardesses are all wearing red embroidered badges, holding small flags and big horns: "What are you squeezing?"? People lined up. You made fun of me, old man. You squeezed Hazare with your head ... Take out the ticket, and if you don't buy a ticket to tease me, you will be fined ten yuan! Wave, is captain wang's uncle, that's old, into the hole ... "

[take off]

The plane climbed to the height of 80 stories and circled over the city. The captain opened the hatch and shouted, "Hey, the one on the top of the eightieth floor, Beijing can't leave, it's ten yuan each!" " There is room! Come on, stop. Haha, someone jumped over! "

[flying]

A child had to pee, and the stewardess said, "The toilet is full of potatoes. I'll open the door for you and make do with it first." For the elderly, it's windy outside, so fasten your seat belt! "

Co-pilot: "yes, which cub is in front?" There is a plane! "

Captain: "Yes 100002! The dog made fun of me to rob Lao Tzu's business and called to the back to sit still, so Lao Tzu was superior ... "

During the flight, the stewardess said, "Yes, there are UFOs outside!" "

Captain: "Look how many heads there are! 20 yuan, an alien. Ask them if they will go? "

Passengers complained: "If you want to pack a lot of people, you must pack them into meat ..."

The plane shook violently. Stewardess: "Ladies and gentlemen, there is always something wrong with the plane. Two engines are broken. We may be late. "

Passenger: "when carrying your mother, it is a wave." If all four engines are old, we won't spend the night in the sky! " "

Flight attendant: "Captain, that baby was left to pee just now."

Captain: "No parachute bag?" Stewardess: "My back is old, but my schoolbag is still there."

Captain: "Oh dear! Look what you're doing. Tie the schoolbag to the parachute and cut it off. The baby will not study with a schoolbag! "

Co-pilot: "Boss, there is an old traffic jam on the ground in Beijing. Please stop in Tianjin first."

Captain: "Call passengers to prepare for early airborne."

[Landing]

Stewardess: "Ladies and gentlemen, this flight is about to arrive at its destination. Please fasten your seat belt when landing, and fasten your seat belt when you arrive ... That ... "

[Landing]

Flight attendant: "Captain, what do you eat tonight?"

Captain: "you guys always want to eat. If you can't finish the task this month, you won't get the bonus." I think you want to drink the northwest wind! " "Why don't you go to the ticket office and tell Xiao Zhang to pick us up when he arrives, and then we will take the plane. It's still early!"

Note: it's purely entertainment, with no other meaning!

Chongqing dialect vocabulary

Asking what love is in the world will only make people practice it.

Line 360, line out, uncle.

Do you have no brain or a bad brain?

I was born useful, and you are a special case.

Women's universities have changed since 18, and they have become more and more casual.

Teeth are not black, not roles.

A complete person knows nothing about hunger.

Chongqing "Swallow"

The "Yanzi" in Chongqing has the same characteristics as Chongqing hot pot: hemp, spicy and spicy. Don't believe me, I'll give you some examples:

Treasure ship

In the rush hour of one day, anxious people were squeezed into the same narrow space-bus. In this way, A's "Taoist monster" and B's "Japanese bone", C's sole and D's instep will inevitably contact, and then, like a dispute between countries, a public opinion confrontation will begin? Quot you'd better pay attention! Step on the other instep! ""this train is too crowded, and it is inevitable that it will be crowded into a pile. Blame the driver, just find your own money and pack a car, but that's all ... "At this time, the conductor inserted a sentence at the door of" Ba ":"You two quarrel, no matter what we do, find some Pilar ... "The language of the three parties slowly began to upgrade in the debate. Just then, I heard three people whisper in unison: "treasure!" "The whole car will laugh and the air will suddenly relax.

I'm afraid the exact meaning of the word "Bao" is difficult to describe, but when it comes to "Bao", everyone in Chongqing understands it. Swearing with "treasure" is between cursing and not cursing. It looks like gnashing your teeth, but it doesn't hurt anyone. Sometimes it also implies that he is arrogant, paralyzes the other side and makes both sides step down. Just like the situation just now, when a person shouts "Bao", he will feel that he is going to retreat, and the plane will probably not be able to get off. This is the cunning of Chongqing people and a clever trick to paralyze each other.

Load (māng)

Chongqing has an open population, but people who don't like the old-fashioned and worldly ways have to hide their secular behavior-pretending to be pure.

One day, I went home by bus, and an old woman came to Nanping with a big bag in her hand. When the conductor saw this, he wanted the young man around the old man to give her his seat, but he immediately put his hands over his chest and squinted and pretended to sleep. Everyone is disgusted. At this time, a young man behind the young man got up and said, "Old mother, come and sit here!" " "Then, he stepped forward and woke up the sleeping bug:" Next time, don't be seen by others! " The young man's face turned red at once, so he dug out a bottle of ice water from his backpack to drink. This action reminds me that eating hot pot is spicy and necessary ... Chongqing people are like this. If they are irritable, there is no room for disguise and falsehood in their personality!

"Great"

In Chongqing, you can see a swimming industry in every street and alley. You see, in the street, in twos and threes, you can join a group, you can stand alone, you can wander around, and you can sit on the floor. Everyone is carrying a bamboo stick four or five feet long, which is a scene of the mountain city-"Bang Bang". What do they do? Outsiders don't understand, but Chongqing people know best. Buy an air conditioner and transport it to the eighth floor. Do it? Two-way dealers pour a basket of pork, get on and off the bus, catch up and catch up. What do you do? Buy a watermelon, which weighs ten catties and my hands are sore. You have to eat watermelon and keep your manners. What should you do? Easy to handle! Shout? Quot that's great -Great! "With the advent of Bangzi Bangzi, all kinds of problems have been solved. I remember watching it on TV. A "lollipop" said emotionally: "Chongqing people are not exclusive, very frank and generous. They made lollipops in Chongqing for three years. As soon as you shout "Bangbanger", my heart warms up. "

Chongqing people say that Chongqing "keeps his word", which shows their intelligence, sincerity, frankness and enthusiasm. I think, if I wander in a foreign land in the future, I'm afraid I'll never change the word "hemp, spicy and hot" and never forget my hometown of Chongqing.