Who is the funniest person in history?

Chunyu Kun, You Meng, You Fang, Dong Fangshuo

Confucius said: "The Six Classics have the same function in governing the country. Rites are used to regulate people's way of life, music is used to promote people's harmony and unity, books are used to describe past deeds and laws, poems are used to express feelings, I Ching is used to spy on the magical changes of everything in the world, and Spring and Autumn is used to understand subtle meanings and measure right and wrong. " Taishi Gong said, "Isn't it great that the truth in the world is vast and boundless?" Speech and discourse can be implicit and to the point, and can also solve many troubles. " [ 1]

Chunyu Kun is the adopted son-in-law of Qi. He is less than seven feet tall, funny and eloquent. He has been to vassal States many times and has never been humiliated. When Qi Weiwang was in office, he loved to talk in code words, feasted all night, and indulged himself in drinking, and entrusted politics to Doctor Qing. Civil and military officials indulge in debauchery, countries invade and the country is in danger, in the blink of an eye. The ministers around the king of Qi dare not remonstrate. Chunyu Kun used argot to persuade and satirize Qi Weiwang, saying, "There is a big bird in the capital, which landed in the king's yard. It hasn't flown or screamed for three years. Does the king know what happened to this bird? " Qi Weiwang said: "This bird doesn't fly, but it goes straight into the sky;" Just don't scream, it's amazing to scream. " So he ordered the chiefs of 72 counties across the country to visit the DPRK, reward one person and kill another; He sent troops to defend the enemy, and the princes were very afraid and returned the occupied land to Qi. Qi maintained its prestige for 36 years. These words are recorded in Tianwan Family.

In the eighth year of Qi Weiwang (37 1), Chu sent troops to invade Qi. The King of Qi sent Chunyu Kun to Zhao for reinforcements, and asked him to take 100 Jin of gold and ten Hummers as gifts. Chunyu Kun laughed face upwards and tore all the straps off his hat. Wang Wei said, "Do you think there are too few gifts?" Chunyu Kun said, "How dare you be too few!" Wang Wei said, "Then laugh. Do you have anything to say? " Chunyu Kun said: "Today, I came from the east and saw a man praying to Tian Shen by the roadside, holding a pig's trotter and a glass of wine in his hand, praying:' The grain harvested on the highland is full of cages, and the crops harvested on the lowland are full of vehicles; The grain is lush and mature, and the rice grains in Man Cang are piled up like mountains. "I laughed at him because I saw that he sacrificed very little and prayed too much." So the gift was increased to one thousand catties, 10 pairs, and Xu 100 vehicles. Chunyu Kun left Zhao. The king of Zhao gave him 100 thousand chosen men and 1000 chariots wrapped in leather. Hearing the news, Chu withdrew overnight.

Qi Weiwang was very happy. He arranged wine and food in the harem, summoned Chunyu Kun and asked him to drink. Ask him: "How much can a gentleman drink before he gets drunk?" Chunyu Kun replied, "I can get drunk with a barrel of wine and a stone of wine." Wei Wangdao: "Mr. Wang got drunk after drinking a barrel of wine. How can he drink a stone? " Can you tell me this truth? Chunyu Kun said, "Your Majesty asked me to drink in front of me, with the marshals standing by and the censor standing behind me. I was so scared that I lowered my head and drank it. I got drunk after a fight. If my parents have distinguished guests coming to my home, I will roll up my sleeves, bow and propose a toast to the guests. Guests reward me with leftover wine from time to time, raise their glasses for entertainment many times, and get drunk before two fights. If friends make friends, they haven't seen each other suddenly for a long time, tell stories happily, pour out their worries, and get drunk after drinking about five or six fights. As for the party between villages, there is no time limit for men and women to sit together and toast each other. They also play games such as six blogs and throwing pots. They call friends, invite couples, shake hands and joke with impunity, and flirting is not prohibited. There are fallen earrings in the front and lost hairpins in the back. At this time, I am happiest. I can drink eight buckets of wine, but I am only slightly drunk. It's getting dark and the wine is almost finished. We put the rest of the wine together and everyone knelt down. Men and women sit at the same table, shoes and clogs are mixed together, the cups and plates are messy, the candles in the hall have been put out, the host has retained me and sent away other guests, the skirt of Lingluo short coat has been untied, and I smell a little fragrance. At this time, I am happiest and can drink a stone of wine. Therefore, it is easy to get into trouble if you drink too much wine, and sad things will happen when you are happy to the extreme. Everything is like this. "That is to say, nothing can go to extremes, which will lead to decline. Chunyu Kun gently persuaded Qi Weiwang. Wei Wangdao: "Good." Therefore, Wang Wei banned alcohol all night and appointed Chunyu Kun as a ceremonial officer to receive the guests. The imperial clan of Qi gave a banquet, and Chunyu Kun often accompanied them.

More than a hundred years after Chunyu Kun, an excellent Meng was born in Chu.

Youyou is a song and dance artist in Qin State. He is very short. He is good at telling jokes, but they are all true. At the time of Qin Shihuang, there was a banquet in the palace, and it was raining. The guards standing guard on the steps of the temple were caught in the rain and caught cold. Yo-yo saw them and felt very sorry for them. He said to them, "Do you want to have a rest?" The guards all said, "I hope so." You said, "If I call you, you must promise me quickly." After a while, the palace toasted Qin Shihuang and shouted long live. Youyou approached the railing and shouted, "Guard!" The guard replied, "Yes." You said, "Although you are tall, what good is it? Fortunately, I stood in the open air in the rain. Although I am short, I am fortunate to rest here. " Therefore, Qin Shihuang allowed half of the guards to be on duty and take turns to take over.

Qin Shihuang had planned to expand the hunting area, from Hanguguan in the east to Yongxian and Chencang in the west. Youyou said, "Good. Keep more animals inside, the enemy will invade from the east, and it is enough for elk to resist with horns. " Hearing this, Qin Shihuang stopped the plan to expand the hunting grounds.

After Qin Ershi acceded to the throne, he wanted to paint the city walls. Youyou said, "Good. Even if the emperor doesn't speak, I will ask you to do so. Although painting the city wall has brought sorrow and cost to the people, it is beautiful! The walls are beautifully painted, and the enemy can't climb them when they come. To do this, it is easy to draw, find a big house, put the painted wall in it, and it is difficult to dry it in the shade. " So Emperor II smiled and cancelled the plan. Soon after, Emperor II was killed, and Youyou surrendered to the Han Dynasty and died a few years later.

Taishi Gong said: Chunyu Kun laughed and ran wild. Youmeng shook his head and sang, and those who mainly use firewood were rewarded. You Fang shouted at the railing, so the guards under the order were able to halve their duty and take turns to rest. Aren't these great and commendable!

During the reign of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, there was a man named Dong Fangshuo in the State of Qi. Because I like handed down books and love Confucian classics, I read a hundred books widely. When Dong Fangshuo first arrived in Chang 'an, he went to Chefu to write a letter to the emperor, and * * * used three thousand wooden slips. The bus house sent two people to lift his throne together, just enough to lift it. Emperor Wu read Dong Fangshuo's memorial in the palace. When he needed to stop reading, he marked it there and read it for two months. Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty ordered the appointment of Dong Fangshuo as a Langguan, who often served beside the emperor. Repeatedly asked him to speak, Emperor Wu never felt unhappy. Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty often gave him an imperial edict to eat. After dinner, he held the rest of the meat in his arms and stained his clothes. The emperor gave him silks many times, and he always took them with his hands. He used the money and silk gifts to marry a beautiful young woman in Chang 'an. Most of them abandoned it after a year of marriage and found new lovers. All the money given by the emperor is spent on women. Half the courtiers around the emperor called him "crazy". Emperor Wu listened and said, "If Dong Fangshuo is not an official, how can you compare with him?" Dong Fangshuo recommended his son to be a Langguan, and he was promoted to be a courtier among the attendants. He often places orders and travels. You, Dong Fangshuo, Meng Tian, passed this temple in a film and television drama. Lang Guan said to him, "People all think Mr. Wang is crazy." Dong Fangshuo said, "People like me are so-called hermits in the imperial court. People in ancient times lived in seclusion in the mountains. " He often sits at banquets and drinks happily, then climbs on the ground and sings, "Living in seclusion, avoiding the world in the Golden Horse Gate. You can save yourself in seclusion in the palace. Why do you live in seclusion in a mountain hut? " The so-called Golden Horse Gate is the gate of the official department, and there are bronze horses beside the gate, so it is called "Golden Horse Gate".

At that time, the imperial court summoned doctors and gentlemen from Gong Xue to participate in the discussion. Everyone booed Dong Fangshuo and said, "Su Qin and Zhang Yi happened to meet the monarch of a big country. They can live in the position of your prime minister, and their kindness will be passed down to future generations. Now, your old gentleman is studying the alchemy of former Wang Zhiguo, and he is advocating the truth that saints set up the world, and he is familiar with the comments of hundreds of poets, so he can't list them one by one. There are articles and works. If you think a Chinese Odyssey is knowledgeable and wise, you can demonstrate it. However, you have tried your best to serve Emperor Ming Sheng faithfully for decades. The official title is just an assistant minister, and the position is just a guard. So you haven't shown enough? What is the reason? " Dong Fangshuo said, "This is not something you can fully understand. At that time, it was one era, and now it is another. How can it be compared? In the era of Yi Cheung and Su Qin, the Zhou Dynasty was already in decline. Instead of appearing before the Emperor of Zhou, the vassals seized power by force and invaded each other by military means. The world merged into twelve vassal States with equal strength. He who gains a scholar is strong, and he who loses a scholar dies. Therefore, they obeyed the orders of the scholars, making them occupy high positions, and future generations enjoyed prosperity for a long time. This is not the case now. The wise emperor is in charge of the world's political affairs, and the princes are obedient and majestic, connecting the territory outside the four seas into a paradise like a table, which is more stable than an upside-down plate and the world is unified. Every movement is as simple as turning in the palm of your hand. What makes you distinguish between virtuous and not virtuous? Nowadays, due to the breadth of the world and the number of scholars, countless people have tried their best to lobby, just like the spokes gathered in the automobile hub, competing to gather in the capital to make suggestions for the court. Although they strongly advocate morality, they are still trapped by food and clothing, and some even can't find a way to enter the body. If Yi Cheung, Su Qin and I were born together in today's era, how can they expect to be permanent assistants if they can't even get a small official in charge of stories about the old system and old cases? The ancient book says:' There is no disaster in the world, even if there are saints, there is no place to display their talents; Even if there are wise men, there is no place to make achievements. "So, in different times, things will change accordingly. However, how can you not cultivate yourself? "Poetry" says, "Ring the bell in the palace, and the sound can spread to the outside." Crane is singing in the distant depths of Shui Ze, and their voices can reach the sky. If you can cultivate yourself, you still worry about what you won't get glory! Qi Taigong personally practiced benevolence and righteousness for 72 years, and only when he met Zhou Wenwang was he able to carry out his ideas and seal them in Qi, and his thoughts remained unchanged for 700 years. This is why scholars work tirelessly day and night, study knowledge and publicize their ideas, but they dare not stop. Nowadays, the hermit in the world, though not a temporary job, can be detached and independent, be independent, look at Jieyu from a distance, be resourceful, be loyal and loyal like Wu Zixu, the world is at peace, cultivate one's morality and be self-sustaining, but have few friends and few couples. This is a very common thing. Why do you doubt me? "So the gentlemen answered without saying a word.

In the double railings of Zhang Jian Palace's back pavilion, an animal ran out, shaped like an elk. The news reached the palace, and Emperor Wu went to watch it himself. Ask people around you who are familiar with things and know the classics. No one can know what animal it is. I sent a letter to Dong Fangshuo to read. Dong Fangshuo said, "I know about it. Please give me a good wine and a good meal before I say it. " Emperor Wu said, "Yes." After dinner, Dong Fangshuo said, "There are public fields, fish ponds and reed ponds somewhere. I won't say anything unless your majesty gives them to me." Emperor Wu said, "Yes." So I am willing to say, "This is an animal called Fang. Something came to surrender in the distance, and the fangs appeared first. Its teeth are the same before and after, the same size, and there are no big teeth, so it is called fangs. " Later, after a year or so, the Huns mixed evil king really led 100 thousand people to the Han Dynasty. Emperor Wu gave Dong Fangshuo a lot of money.

In old age. On his deathbed, Dong Fangshuo exhorted Emperor Wu to say, "The Book of Songs says,' Flies fly around and land on the fence. A kind gentleman, don't listen to rumors. "There is no peace in the neighboring countries. I hope your majesty will stay away from flatterers and repel their slanders. Emperor Wu said, "Looking back at Dong Fangshuo now, can he just talk?" I am surprised by this. Soon, Dong Fangshuo really died of illness. The ancient book said: "A bird died, and its cry was particularly sad;" When people die, they speak kindly. "That's what I mean.

During the reign of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, Wei Qing, the general, was Wei Ruyun's brother and named him Changping Hou. He led an army to attack the Huns, and returned only after catching up with Wu Yu's waterside, killing a large number of enemy soldiers, capturing many prisoners, and returning home in triumph with outstanding military achievements. Emperor Wu ordered a reward of 1,000 Jin. The general went out of the palace gate, and Mr. Dong Guo, a native of the State of Qi, was waiting for an alchemy at the Chefu. He stopped general Wei's chariots and horses and said, "I have something to say to the general." General Wei stopped in front of the car, and Mr. Dong Guo leaned against the car and said, "Mrs. Wang was recently favored by the emperor and her family was poor. Now that the general has got a thousand pounds of gold, the emperor will be very happy if he knows that he will give half to Mrs. Wang's parents. This is the so-called clever and convenient trick. " General Wei thanked him and said, "Sir, thank you for telling me this convenient plan. I will definitely follow your suggestion." So General Wei gave 500 Jin of gold as a gift to Mrs. Wang's parents. Mrs. Wang told the Emperor Wu about it. Emperor Wu said, "The general doesn't know how." When asked where Wei Qing got the plan, he replied: "I got it from Mr. Dong Guo on standby." So he ordered Mr. Dong Guo to be summoned and appointed as the county magistrate. Mr. Dong Guo has been waiting at the bus stop for a long time. He is poor, hungry and cold. His clothes are worn out and his shoes are not very good. Walking in the snow, shoes have no soles and feet are on the ground. Passers-by laughed at him, and Mr. Dong Guo replied, "Who can walk in the snow wearing shoes and be seen?" There are shoes on the shoes, but they look like people's feet underneath? " When he was appointed as an official, with a salary of 2000 stone and a green ribbon, he walked out of the palace door and politely refused his master. The people who waited with him in those days gave him a farewell dinner in batches on the outskirts of Beijing. Brilliant all the way, famous contemporary. This is the so-called person who wears coarse clothes but holds a baby in his arms. When he was poor, everyone ignored him; When he became a powerful person, he tried to stick to him. As the saying goes, "Xiangma loses a good horse because of thinness, and Shi Xiang loses talent because of his unattractive appearance." Is this the scene?

Mrs. Wang is very ill. The emperor visited her personally and asked her, "Your son should be king. Where do you want him to go? " A: "I hope it will be sealed in Luoyang." The emperor said, "No, Luoyang has an arsenal and a big granary. It is located in the main traffic road and is the throat of the world. According to legend, since the first emperor, there has been no king in Luoyang. But there is no bigger country in kanto region than Qi, and he can be named King of Qi. " Mrs. Wang patted her head with her hand and cried, "What a coincidence!" . After the death of Mrs. Wang, it was called "The Empress Dowager Qi died".

Once upon a time, the King of Qi sent Chunyu Kun to the State of Chu to offer an oriole. Out of the city gate, the oriole flew away halfway, so I had to make up a lie with an empty cage and go to visit the king of Chu, saying, "The king of Qi sent me to offer an oriole. I couldn't bear to let it drink, so I left and flew away. I want to stab my neck and abdomen or die, and I am afraid that others will accuse the king of committing suicide because of birds and animals. Orioles are feathers and have many similarities. I want to buy a similar one instead, which is dishonest and deceives you. I want to escape to another country, but I am sad that the communication between the two monarchs has been cut off. So I came to apologize, kowtowed to the king and asked for punishment. " The king of Chu said, "Very well, the king of Qi has such a loyal person." With a generous gift to Chunyu Kun, the property is twice that of an oriole.