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Urgently ask for a huge hilarious joke …
In class, the teacher assigned a composition. The topic is: What is laziness? In the evening, the teacher corrects the composition under the light. When he opened jeffers's composition book, he found that the first page was blank, and then the second page was blank. Only on the third page did he see a line. "This is called laziness!"
dunk
One day … on the basketball court … A, B, C … A were famous dunks in middle school, and today they galloped on the court to perform their unique skills …
At this time, some onlookers gathered in a ... I don't know who shouted, and everyone asked A to perform backwards. ...
A: "I haven't tried it. I will try ... "
As a result, A tried again and again and failed. ...
B: "A, you should take off at … and then … turn around, that's all. 」
C: "B, you didn't dunk, how do you know? 」
B: "Who said that? I often dunk in my dreams! ! 」
C: "If so, then Rie Miyazawa is not a virgin! ! 」
animal
Teacher: What are you wearing on your feet?
Student: It's leather shoes
Teacher: Where did the skin come from?
Student: It's from a cow.
Teacher: So, what are the animals that provide you with shoes and meat?
Student: It's my dad.
500 ducks
A male teacher was lecturing in the classroom, but he said angrily to the noisy classroom, "The noise made by two women is equal to 10000 ducks." One day, a male teacher's wife came to school to look for him, and a female student reported, "Teacher, there are 5000 ducks looking for you outside!" " "
quiet
"Now, my children, I want you to be absolutely quiet, so quiet that you can hear a pin drop to the ground." After a while, everything was quiet. A little boy screamed, "Throw the needle!" "
Non-profit investment
Please give an example of what an unprofitable investment is. "The economics professor asked questions.
"Take my sister out to play." A male classmate replied.
The meaning of deception
Teacher: You can't cheat in the exam!
Barry: Yes! You can't just sit back and wait!
Teacher: oh, my god, it's big xxxxxxxxx.
After handing out the test papers
Teacher: "If there is something unclear in the test paper, you can raise your hand and ask questions. 」
White rotten answer: "teacher! The previous classmate's test paper was so unclear that he didn't even ask! 」
Classroom inscription
If you don't get high marks, you can pass the exam. If you don't study hard, you will be smart if you cheat. You are the classroom, but I have leisure. Novels spread quickly, magazines turn frequently, you are thinking about playing Go, and you are thinking about watching movies. You can write love letters, miss women, and review them. It's not a dance floor, but it's comparable to an amusement hall. In your mind, it says: mix a diploma.
God created man.
The teacher said to the students, "children, the headmaster will come to ask you questions this afternoon, and you should answer them well." Benjamin, you are the first. The headmaster will ask you who created it. You should answer that God created it. Tom, you are the second. The headmaster will ask you who is the earliest person in the world, and you will answer Adam and Eve. Remember, don't answer wrong. In the afternoon, just as the headmaster was coming, Benjamin went to the toilet because of a sudden unbearable stomachache. When the headmaster came into the classroom, he saw that the first seat was empty and asked Tom in the second seat, "Who created you?" Tom replied, "Adam and Eve." The headmaster was anxious: "What? Don't you know that you were created by God? " Tom: "God created man to go to the toilet because of stomachache."
Answer casually
Peter is a clever boy, but because he is playful, his academic performance is not very good. Once, the Chinese teacher asked him, "Do you know whose work Romeo and Juliet is?" "Peter replied lazily," how should I know? Children my age don't like reading Shakespeare. "
combine
On the stage, the Chinese teacher explained the couplets. For example, he said, "In the past, a newspaper publicly solicited the bottom line of' Nantong North Tongzhou North Tongzhou Nantong South'. As a result, many letters were submitted, and one sentence was correct, that is, "East Pawnshop, West Pawnshop, East Pawnshop and West Pawnshop". At this moment, a naughty student suddenly cried, "Boys, girls, boys and girls have boys and girls. 」
Roman Empire
In Chinese class, the teacher told the students an idiom; "Rome was not built in a day." In history class, the teacher asked the students questions; "When was the Roman Empire founded?" "at night!"
Sleep in class
A student was sleeping in class and was found by the teacher.
Teacher: Why do you sleep in class?
Student: I didn't sleep!
Teacher: Then why do you close your eyes?
A student: I'm meditating!
Teacher: Then why do you nod?
Student: What you just said is very reasonable!
Teacher: Then why are you drooling?
A student: Teacher, you speak with relish!
How many times?
The teacher asked in class, "How many wars took place in Spain in the fifteenth century?" "Six times." A student answered quickly. "Which six times?" The teacher asked again. "The first time, the second time, the third time, the fourth time, the fifth time and the sixth time."
materialism
The headmaster asked a student, "If you do a good deed, would you like to be praised by the conference or receive a material reward?"
Student: "Willing to accept material rewards."
Principal: "Why?"
Student: "Because I am a materialist."
Hidden weapon
Lao Wang in our class was obsessed with Water Margin some time ago and studied hard day and night. One day in class, the man was so excited that he couldn't help getting carried away. When the professor saw this scene quietly, he grabbed a piece of chalk and threw it at his head. The whole class burst into laughter, and Lao Wang also looked up and said, "I didn't expect this fellow to make a good hidden weapons!"
Clever definition
A student asked a famous economist to define the special terms "recession, depression and panic". The expert smiled: "In a recession, people need to tighten their belts. It is difficult for people to buy belts during the depression. When people can't afford to wear pants, panic begins. "
An animal without teeth
The teacher asked, "Do you know animals without teeth?"
A student quickly asked, "Are people animals?"
The teacher said yes.
The student said, "So, the old lady Wang is an animal without teeth."
Telephone teaching
The headmaster of a company's children's school came to the company office for instructions. Manager, our school wants to buy a tape recorder for teaching needs. ""well, teaching is not listening to singing. What's the use of a tape recorder? " "At present, we are engaged in audio-visual education, and audio-visual education is a necessary equipment." "What, telephone teaching? Teachers and students are having classes in the classroom. Do you still need to call? Joke! "
Confucius doesn't know English.
The child has poor grades. Before the exam, his mother took him to the Confucius Temple to ask Confucius for enlightenment. A few days later. The report card was sent, but I still failed in English. If the mother realized this, she said, "No wonder Confucius didn't understand English."
graduate
Teacher: "You just started high school in the first half of the year. Why did you drop out of school? "
Student: "Because considering my present education, I have surpassed Mr. Hua, so I don't need to go to school."
Why don't you laugh?
Teacher: "Everyone is laughing, why don't you laugh?"
Student: "I dare not laugh."
Teacher, "Why?"
Student: "You often say,' Smile, you are young 10 years old'. I just turned 65,438+00 today. If I smile again, I'll go. "
What's your name?
There is a shy little boy who likes beautiful women with elegant gestures. Shy, he secretly observes her ecology every day, and finally finds a cycle-he must go to the noodle restaurant to eat noodles one day a week. He felt that the time was ripe, so he waited for her at the noodle restaurant for a day. When she walked into the shop and sat down, he took a deep breath, got up his courage and strode forward to ask questions. The young lady opened her eyes and said to him, my name is beef noodles.
fossil
A geology student was practicing in the field, and a student happened to find a big fossil. Lecturer A said it was a fossil tree, while Lecturer B insisted that it was a dinosaur leg bone. The two sides argued endlessly. The students don't know who is right or wrong, but they know that both lecturers will grade the internship report, so a clever classmate wrote in the report that a dinosaur's wooden leg was found.
A statement of civilization
The teacher was lecturing on it when a little boy raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I want to shit." The teacher told the students, "You can say it in another civilized way." The student thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my ass wants to vomit."
Where's the bitch?
In high school, a classmate in the class especially hated a female teacher. Every time she says "Hello, Teacher X" to the school shrew, several of our good friends get used to it.
One day, several of our friends were strolling again and heard that classmate say "Hello, Mr. X". Without looking, I shouted, "Where's the bitch?"
African wild boar
The biology teacher is describing the appearance of African wild boar on the stage with great interest. Occasionally, when she scanned the stage, she found that most students were dozing off. So he was furious and shouted, "Look at me! Don't look at me, how do you know what African wild boar looks like? "
answer
In English class, the teacher is talking about the differences between Chinese and western languages. Some students raised their hands and asked, "Teacher, how do you say jiaozi in English?" "The teacher looked democratic and scolded him:" Ignorance! The British don't eat jiaozi! "
Two/double blessings come to this family ―― twice good luck.
There is a female teacher in my college who is pregnant and walks around with a big belly. It happened that HKCEE's grades were announced, and her eldest daughter got six A's. She was very happy and hurried to tell the students the good news. Hearing this, one of the students jokingly said, "It's a double happiness. Mother and daughter are pregnant at the same time. "
Drinking and reading
"Look at your sad face. What's wrong? " Write an article entitled "What did I do yesterday?" "Well, what did you do yesterday?" "Drink it." "You are so stupid! I'll tell you the truth. If you continue to write, why not change the word "drinking" to "reading"? " Zhang Wen was inspired and raised his pen to God: "I got up early in the morning and read a book for a long time. I thought about it and ate the second half in one breath, but I didn't think it was enough, so I went to the store and bought another one. I met Li Da head-on on the way back. When I looked into his eyes, I knew he had read almost. "
Talk less about ism and study more problems.
Shortly after taking the course of literary argumentation, some busybodies or students actually associate it with the image of girls, calling obese people "surrealism", plump people "naturalism" and thin people "nihilism". There were only a few girls in the class, and they all became appellations, and then they became popular as appellations. Later, when the girl learned about it, she complained angrily to the counselor. In order to quell the anger of beautiful women, boys were earnestly warned: "talk less about doctrine and study more problems."
A short joke
History teacher: Why did you leave early?
Barry: I have an important appointment.
History teacher: Is history more important or girlfriend more important?
Barry: If I'm late again, she'll be history! ! !
History teacher: @ # # $%%
The last one should be ok, right? bend
There is a shy little boy who likes beautiful women with elegant gestures. Shy, he secretly observes her ecology every day, and finally finds a cycle-he must go to the noodle restaurant to eat noodles one day a week. He felt that the time was ripe, so he waited for her at the noodle restaurant for a day. When she walked into the shop and sat down, he took a deep breath, got up his courage and strode forward to ask questions. The young lady opened her eyes and said to him, my name is beef noodles.
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