A comic dialogue script for seeking horses.

Ma: I think, as an actor, you must have a high degree of ideological consciousness, good political enthusiasm and beautiful artistic form, and combine artistic form with political ideological consciousness. Through art form, is it praise, praise, criticism and satire? It is necessary to satirize and criticize some incorrect ideas and styles, and praise some good people and advanced figures; It is necessary to stimulate people's political consciousness and inspire people's enthusiasm for work through art forms.

Wang: Oh-can it play such a big role?

Man: Of course! Of course! Last year, a thermos factory asked me to go-the monthly production target of their thermos factory was 10000 thermos bottles, but by the 29th of the end of Na Yue, 8,000 thermos bottles had been produced.

Wang: Oh-only 8,000 on the 29th? Is this the task?

M: Yes, both the director and the secretary are in a hurry. What shall we do? Remember me-find a folk art troupe! Pick me up in the car.

Wang: What can you do?

Go ahead, talk for a while.

Wang: Oh-listen to your cross talk?

M: All the staff, cadres and even their families have heard it. I said this for a while, and everyone was "whoa-whoa!" Happy! How about 3 1 this month? Production of thermos bottles 15036!

Woman: Wow-? ! Two days and one night, 50% excess?

M: Not too fast, not too fast-is there a 3 1 bus in Na Yue?

Wang: OK, it's amazing. Listen to your show?

Man: Nothing, nothing! We have a farm gardening team in the suburbs of Beijing to plant this pear, peach and apple tree. It's time to pick apple trees. The captain went there to have a look-no, you can't pick apples-the apples on the trees are all as big as Haitang!

Wang: OK, it's a grape trellis!

M: The captain is in a hurry. What shall we do? Remember me-go to the Quyi Troupe and pick me up in your car.

Wang: What can you do?

Go ahead, talk for a while.

Wang: Huh? Crosstalk to the apple tree?

Ma: Even the apple tree can be heard! The open-air performance in the square, the captain and the members listened, and I talked for a while, and everyone was "wow-wow-!" Happy! Look at the apples on the tree. "Whoa-whoa-!" Follow the luggage! After a while, all watermelons will become smaller!

Wang: OK! Isn't this amazing? ! Your art has such great power?

M: This is nothing new!

Wang: Not fresh yet?

Ma: There is an old man named in our family. He is good at raising crickets. The old man plays cricket. He has a cricket that overwinters. Crickets in winter have never been defeated-cricket fighting in summer is sure to win. This cricket is called Golden Head Tiger, which is awesome. Once I said, "Wang, I heard that you are a golden-headed tiger." Should I pay my respects? "The old man said," well, have a look! "Move the big cricket jar, open the lid and have a look-cricket is a little weak!

Wang: Yo? Want to end it?

Ma Laohan looked at "Yo-!" I said, "Never mind, don't cover it. I'm just kidding." Just rushed to this cricket jar for a while ... just after the two of them were carrying heavy loads, they saw this cricket "Hey!" One wing jumped out, "Du! DuDu! DuDu! "

Wang: Are you refreshed?

Ma: Here comes the spirit. There is a cat on the table next to it. It squatted on the table. ...

Wang: Look at this cat? Ah, ah, ah, ah

Ma: Here comes the cat. As soon as the cat came, it stretched out its claws, and cricket stood up with its beard-"Jump!" These cats are blind!

Woman: Wow!

Ma: Go forward and "click"-the cat's leg is broken!

Wang: Ah-? ! Can you bite a cat? ! Never heard of it.

Ma: Everyone calls me Master of Art!

Wang: A master of art? Engineers of the human soul.

M: No, I'm not just the soul engineer of human beings, I'm the soul engineer of all animals and all living things!

Wang: You are really something!

M: Well-!

Wang: Hey, how's your appetite?

M: How much do you eat? How is your appetite?

Wang: How many bowls of dry rice do you have for a meal?

M: What about rice? I don't even know how many bowls of rice I have eaten!

chase

One day last autumn, I came to work at five o'clock in the afternoon, just after work. The road is full of traffic, people come and go, and the traffic is very busy. There are many people at this intersection, and the police comrades are busy standing on a wooden podium in the middle of the road to direct traffic.

Just then, a man came running from the road not far from the intersection. Pedestrians should take the sidewalk. He's not. He's running on the road, and all the passing cars are avoiding him. who is it? A fat man, wearing a shabby blue uniform and hanging this piece of meat on his face, ran and shouted-"stop him, stop him, don't let him get away!" " Fat man-stiff neck, thick vocal cords, tight voice-"stop him, stop him, don't let him get away!" Running is panting and sweating. Who are you chasing? Not far ahead, there is a thin man running. The thin man was furtive and panicked.

Fat people can't catch up with thin people. Around this big guy, it's hard to see a big fat man chasing a thin man. There were three or five kind-hearted people, shouting for help to chase him. A look at the police comrades on the podium, on the road, the fat man chased the thin man, and many people followed him ... The police also came down from the podium to chase him. ...

A fast runner stretched his legs in front and tripped the thin man "bang!" " "The thin man fell there, and everyone surrounded him, forming a human wall. You can't run if you want to. The police caught up with him-"get up! Get up! "I can't get up, everyone doesn't know what happened. Wait, wait, wait. This fat guy. ...

The fat man catches up, they duck, and the fat man handfuls the thin man over-"... where are you going this time? ! ... after grade adjustment, it's not your treat! ! ! "

Family secret recipe

Learn etiquette first and then art. Why do actors have to bow before performing on stage? This is not an apology to offend anyone, it should be like this-this is a respect and gratitude to the audience: you took time out of your busy schedule to watch our performance, and we thank you! The same is true in business-why "welcome customers" and "be good to customers"? It's polite. It is polite to treat customers with a smile and a smile.

No matter how polite you are, you should pay attention to doing business-it's true. Don't cheat, don't cheat, don't sell fakes, don't look for cheap, and let customers trust. Shopping is the same, you can't be greedy and cheap, you have to find a state-owned one, like a self-employed one ... I have to distinguish clearly-self-employed people have photos, pay taxes on time, and have a fixed place. This is not a lie-his family refers to this place to eat, but today it is a lie. Will it be sold tomorrow? He dare not lie. I'm afraid of this kind of undocumented, so I have to be careful-he may be somewhere. Today he went to Hedong District, tomorrow he went to Hexi, and later he went to Hongqiao to sell. His things are not good, don't look cheap-selling sesame oil, one yuan a catty, how cheap, you can buy it by opening the lid and smelling it, and you will be fooled when you buy it-the top layer of this bottle of sesame oil is sesame oil, and the bottom is tea! They are all the same color and light oil. It's floating-buy one or two for a dollar; There is also this pine flower seller, the big pine flower, which costs 20 cents each. How cheap it is, buy it, and you'll be fooled-not pine flowers, but potatoes! He pastes the potato with mud and grass, and it looks like a pine flower. Only one real pine flower was cut and put there as the cover-a good one and a candy heart! But no one will buy that-windy clay, grass sticks, and everyone will buy this unopened one. And this fake fancy neck, a fake expert, is still a choice-pick it up and weigh it, which one is heavy and which one burns through. Decide-which is heavier and which potato is bigger! Go home to drink and eat potatoes!

I was cheated! I don't buy pine flowers. I like walking in the early morning. Haihe Park At this time, I was walking by the river that day. Two people are pushing such a small car and shouting here while walking: "Eat snacks!" " A hair, a hair. "I just didn't eat breakfast, so I went to have a look. It's in a big glass box. How big are they together? Have you seen my two fists? It's this big. When I saw it, I couldn't eat a meal. I asked him, "How much is it?" "A dime, a dime! "He doesn't look at you. Hey! This is cheap enough! I quickly paid for it and handed it over as soon as I took out a dime or two: "You give me two pieces." "All right!" Open the glass box, take out a piece and hand it to me: "give, give, give!" "Eat first, eat first!" Two fingers caught in the middle ... Let me see, have you seen those forked steel jumpers? The size and thickness are the same! "How much is this ... this?" "A dime!" "What's in this ... box?" "It's all the same!" "Then exchange this for me?" Take it out, so small, put it back, so big-I think the glass box is a microscope!

I have a cousin named Mu Xiangfeng, who may be known by people who are engaged in the catering industry here-Mu Xiangfeng, who is very smart and clever. Every time he sees me, he says to me: "Third brother, third brother, be careful, don't be greedy and cheap-look at the ginseng sellers on the street, the wild ginseng in Jilin, two dollars each, don't buy coriander roots! This railway station sells rings and gold rings. Don't buy them. Don't look at the pity-'which is good, which is good? I lost my wallet and have no money to buy a ticket. Who will buy my gold ring? "Fifty dollars!" Don't buy it, it's copper! "I said you don't have to remind me, I won't buy it at all-I don't wear it at all! ..... My cousin Xiang Feng, clever! What happened? Fooled! He is a big fat man. He likes taking a bath. He goes to the bathhouse every day to find the hottest pool, so that he can look good. Otherwise he will itch and can't sleep! As soon as I went out that night, I caught up with a man with a big plastic bag in his hand, which contained a lot of tin foil bags. As he walked, he shouted, "Forget the change! "What stuff-family secret recipe, family secret recipe, exclusive skin disease-boils, sores, mosquito bites, scratches and itching, just use me-family secret recipe, a pack of hair, no money!" What else is stuck here-"Come, come, come ten packs, come ten packs." "Ten packs don't sell you, one person can buy two packs, family secret recipe! If you can't, you don't want money! " When Xiang Feng heard it, he didn't want money if it was useful. Hurriedly passed: "Two packs! Two packs! " I bought these two tin foil packages and went back. Just in time for not taking a shower that day, I felt itchy and couldn't sleep at night ... I remembered this family secret recipe and took out this tin foil bag and opened it. It is a red paper bag. Open the red paper bag to see if it is a white paper bag, and then a white paper bag ... The more you fight, the more worried you get, the more itchy you get-"This family secret?" ! "Open the last blank paper bag. There is a small piece of paper in it. Open the newspaper and have a look. It says "scrape" ...

Open a porridge factory

A: The audience gave us such encouragement. What good-looking art performances do we have?

B yes.

A: How many spectators are there today? They are far away from home, riding bicycles to watch our programs and express their love and feelings for us. Actually, you don't like the way we look.

Are you ashamed?

A Some audiences know the performances and performances of our Tianjin Quyi Troupe, and they are interested in Quyi. Tianjin is the hometown of Quyi.

B: That's right.

A It's recognized all over the country. You know art, especially crosstalk. The audience in Tianjin knows it very well. How to lie down, how to cushion, how to turn this "burden", what is called turning, turning and padding, most viewers understand. How skilled you are at listening to cross talk. Huh? This is a great encouragement to our actors, especially young and middle-aged actors. You know all the audience, right?

I know them both.

A is familiar with them all. Oh! Do you know me? Think about it.

B Oh, I can't remember.

Who am I? Go ahead.

Oh, forget it, forget it.

What's my name?

B forgot, forgot! What's your name?

Ma Jia!

The second horse? Your name?

A stand up three times.

B Oh, it's still "up and down". What are you doing up and down? Oh! Ma lisan

Ah, yes. Know my nickname?

Oh, and a nickname?

Haven't you heard of it?

No, no.

A: Huh? Everyone knows my nickname.

B What's your nickname?

A good man.

A good man?

A good man.

Oh, are you a kind person? Let's see, is this good man like this?

What is like? Why? What should it look like? Kind-hearted.

Kind-hearted?

A has a kind heart. Don't lie, don't lie to anyone, don't lie.

B yes.

A has never cheated anyone, never cheated anyone, never picked up a bargain. Be kind and treat others with conscience. Kindness is softhearted. No fighting, no scolding. Irony behind your back? Hurt people? Ma Renshan, never.

There is no such thing.

Fight? Good people don't look. I don't even watch boxing matches. I am soft-hearted. I heard that there was a fight, and I couldn't bear it. I can't bear to see it, and I dare not. Oh, my god

B Hi, Sun.

The heart is soft. It's too soft. Soften! He is a big shot. He has never seen cows, chickens or live fish slaughtered. He's never seen it. He's heard of it. Hey, kill fish, big live fish, jump, jump, jump! Grab it! Have diarrhea with a knife, like that, I've heard of it, but I've never seen it.

B haven't seen it Hey.

A: Oh, I can't stand it! Very good! Whoever hit me didn't kill anyone.

B-ho。

A That's it. Great.

B good.

A Okumo fell from the nail wall and trampled to death? Ma Renshan certainly didn't.

B Oh, a Okumo fell off the wall and didn't even step on it?

A spider? There is a bug on my bed, a big bug! What should we do?

B twisted to death?

Twist to death? What a shame. This is a small life. Does it understand? Does it know? Don't bother, hey, it's over! Mom, Ren Shan, come on.

B no.

A big bug. Who cares? Fuck it.

B hey!

Even if I catch a big louse, ouch, ho! What should we do?

B squeezed to death.

A crush? What a shame.

B how about that?

A: That's a kind of life. Squeeze to death?

Throw it underground.

A threw it underground and starved to death.

B how about that?

Whoever you are looking for, put it around your neck.

B: Hey! Oh, dear!

Jiashan.

B what is this called goodness? This is called immoral. Lice?

A weak heart. I am soft-hearted!

Soft hearted? Play with lice

A: We saved its life and haven't suffered yet.

B hey.

A is looking for a fat man.

B still need to find a fat man?

Ah, I'm full.

B hey, great!

A is playing.

B play? Is this fun? All right!

You see, this is very interesting. Why do you eat every day?

B, let lice eat?

Now I want to do good!

B ah ah! Did you do well? I avoid you. Why don't you put lice in it?

Who puts lice?

Will you do good?

To do good, I am speaking metaphorically. How can there be such convenient lice?

Oh, what's your address?

A is from Shunyi county.

B Shunyi county?

A small place, Shunyi.

Shunyi county in the north of Beijing?

A Yes, it's north of Beijing.

B It's 90 miles from Beijing.

Right, right, right, Shunyi County. There is a mapo in Shunyi County, my hometown.

Oh?

A mapo.

B Shunyi county?

A: Yes.

B Nanmapo, Beimapo. Two big towns?

Ah, yes!

B know, know!

A South Mapo and a North Mapo. How did you know?

B me?

A Have you ever been there?

B no.

A Have you ever been there?

B hasn't been there.

A How do you know that?

B I heard you.

A Have you ever been there?

B hasn't been there.

A never been there? All right, all right. Nanmapo, Beimapo, those houses belong to our family.

B Are they all from your family?

Ah, those houses, those big towns, all belong to the Ma family. You call Beijing to inquire about the Huang Tu Ma family in the north of Beijing, and that is our home. The nickname of our family? Hehuang Majia.

Oh, your family sells loess.

A selling loess? The cart sells loess. how much is it?

Huang Tu vest.

A said that no matter how far you go from Beijing to the north, you can see yellow land, right?

B is yellow land.

As long as it is yellow land, it is our home.

b？

A yellow horse.

B As long as it is yellow land, it belongs to your family.

Look at the yellow land, then don't ask! Don't ask, it's mom's.

B Gee, how many hectares are there?

How many hectares is a? More than two thousand miles.

B: Hey! More than two thousand miles?

A: Ah, whatever. Inside, inside.

The second richest man.

What kind of rich man? We dare not say rich people.

B big family

A: Ah! In our hometown, not to mention the first family, it is two people who are not bad money.

The second richest man.

A: Huh? In Tianjin and Beijing, is this still a rich man? Why don't we use this place? In our place, it is richer. Save it. There's business at home anyway. You have been to Beijing, so take two more steps. Ask around Majia in Shunyi County, Huang Tu, and visit our house. Our house, house, courtyard wall and yard are all miles away.

B: Hey! Oh, ten miles on one side?

-Hey, hey! Forty miles in all directions. There are eighteen roads in our yard, and there are more than 500 people in our family.

The second richest man.

More than 1300 people go back to their rooms, take care of things, drive cars, kill time in the kitchen, and even have servants.

B hey, big family.

We are descendants of Ma Yuan, the general of Guo Fu in the Han Dynasty.

B, Ma Yuan's son.

A: Ah! Does Ma Chao know? The Three Kingdoms Ma Chao.

B I know.

A Ma Chao, a Ma Dai, our ancestors. That was our last generation. Our predecessor was Ma Yuan, general of Fu Na in the Han Dynasty. This is all a family, surnamed Ma.

Ma, the second surname, is a family?

A: Ah.

B Oh, there is a "horse widow" in Pingju. What is your family?

A same surname.

B What's wrong with this place?

A it's different. We are descendants of Ma Yuan, the general of Guo Fu in the Han Dynasty. Please inquire about Li Wanchun, a literary singer.

Your family name is Tang Hui?

Brown Fu Ying.

B, go to your house to sing?

We don't call it a church gathering. We dare not say so. We are friends of others and they respect us. Let's invite them to my house for a few days to eat, live and play. We want them to be happy. Sing it.

B hey.

We don't call it a church meeting. Invite them to come, stay for a few days, have fun and visit Ma's house. Sing a few paragraphs, and everyone will take two paragraphs when you leave.

Oh, take two ... cucumbers! Yes, you have a lot of land and cucumbers.

A that's ridiculous! People sell so much strength, I'll give them cucumbers after singing?

B: What should we eat together? No cucumbers.

A Hey, that's ... gold.

B take gold?

A gold bar, this one is big and this one is long, 12 1. Take two each. There are many in the backyard. It's a mess Here you are. What are the obstacles? Why put it aside? Take it and play.

Ouch!

A big ingot, a small ingot, a small shovel and that small one, take it! Play for the children.

Hey, ouch!

A is useless!

B pile? Gold bars piled up like mountains!

A: Ah, I'm good at making friends and I don't care about money!

Your shoes need nailing! Haha, change shoes. Those gold bars.

Ask, you see everything! I always wear these shoes!

B yes! It hasn't changed at all.

Did you get a look at him? I don't want to change it.

B don't want to change?

A: Ah.

B Hey, neither do you.

A clean one.

B is it clean?

A suit is noble and clean, but not expensive. Ceng Zi said: "The steamed stuffed bun has meat and no pleats."

b？ Is this Zeng Ziyue?

Come to our house. Do you think highly of me?

Respect it.

Would you like to be my friend?

B yes.

A glimpse of majia garden. Have you ever been to the garden?

B Yes, I have. I visited all the gardens in Beijing.

Where is a?

B Wanshou Mountain.

Is there Wanshou Mountain?

Yijingshan.

Is there one in Jiajing Mountain?

B beihai.

A have you seen the good ones? Still ... still going to the garden What is that?

Your garden?

What's in Beihai? Look at that tree! Looking at flowers? Where are there no trees? There are trees along the road.

B what's in this garden?

A vest, hey!

B what's in it?

Jamajia Garden, the flowers are not fresh. Trees? Who hasn't seen a big tree? You visit the garden. What kind of trees do you visit? Hey, really! Majia Garden, what you see is art and scenery.

B Oh, what do you have there?

What's in A? Majia Garden has more than 60 small white pagodas. Ta, do you understand?

B I know.

Jiata! More than 60 small white pagodas, one taller than the other. The shortest and smallest tower is like the top of a department store.

B: Hey! What about the youngest?

A: Ah!

Ouch!

A There are more than seventy pavilions. The pavilion is full of white marble blocks and glass brick pavilions! The bottom of the pavilion is covered with silver. Crane and deer on both sides of the strait share the same spring, full of real gold.

Wow!

Jade horn, cat's eye, tourmaline tail. Crescent River, a white marble stone bridge. The goldfish whitebait in the river is better than the donkey, and the toad is as big as a camel.

B: Hey! Hey? Toad buds are like camels?

One thing.

B ok! This one.

Have you ever seen a goldfish?

B I have seen it.

Aren't you going to see goldfish in the garden?

B that depends.

How big is A?

B There are all kinds of gardens. So big.

Where is a?

B beihai park.

A Oh, how big is it?

B Zhongshan park.

A Oh, is it this big?

B this is the biggest!

A playing with fish? Play this? Fried fish, fried fish? Give it to me for free, give it to me for free. I don't want it.

B is it?

Ma Jia's family plays with fish. Which one do you want?

How big is your fish?

A hum! How old is it? Do the math! See the table?

Table B.

A it's so big

B so big?

A: Ah! Goldfish. Wang Tianer fish, tigerfish, blue velvet ball fish, red velvet ball fish, flower shell fish, flower root fish, giant cuttlefish. Squid, understand?

B cuttlefish? Black?

A black one, like Xiao Lv, like a little black donkey.

B Gee, is this fish so big?

Ah, goldfish!

Ouch! Where do you eat?

A fish tank.

B fish tank? How big is this?

How big is A? Glass brick. Thin glass? Thin glass, what is the fish tank for? Glass brick, thick glass brick, fish tank! I brought it from abroad.

B how big is this?

How big is the armor! All right, you do the math! Have you seen Democracy 10?

B democracy 10, steamboat?

A.

B Tianjin is bound for Dalian.

A That's right, Democracy 10.

B I know.

The boat, A, hovers around my fish tank.

B: Hey! "Democracy 10" is wandering in your fish tank?

A: Ah.

Oh, how did you get in?

A crane! The crane hoisted it in.

B oh, it's hung in.

A Let it go around and see how long it takes. Just for fun. I brought it from abroad. Foreigners gave me eight boxes, eight boxes, one foot thick, all ivory.

B-ho, how big is this?

A Frenchman gave me a piece of cowhide, open, five miles long, seamless and complete.

How old are you?

A Swiss country, my clock, the big clock on the table, is made of wood.

B is a clock, all made of wood.

Are they all made of wood? That's the shell. The shell is made of wood. The parts in this company are all made of wood, the whole wooden clock.

b？

A, no winding, no electricity, go straight. Is it enough? When the door of the watch opened, a wooden head jumped out. Woodenhead, so tall, came out with a small gong in one hand and a gong hammer in the other! "Dangdang!" Reach out and talk-"It's two o'clock!"

B yes! All right!

A went out again at three! "Bang, bang, bang." -"It's three o'clock!"

Oh, ok!

Do you want it? I will give it to you!

B no!

Take it for you to play with.

B No, I have no place to put it.

A that's all right. Think highly of me?

Respect it.

Hey, do you want to make friends?

B yes, yes.

Come to my house for a few days.

B I'll visit you sometime.

What do you mean you have time? You have too much time! I'll drive to pick you up! Go and play here, and take some with you when you leave.

B no! A lot, I don't want it!

I make friends easily! Hate me?

B I don't hate it.

Ah, to be honest, are you tired of me?

B not boring.

Really?

B really.

A I make friends easily. Many friends asked me, Ma Renshan, to bring some money. Take some money, now there are some disaster areas, how to solve the problem of food for the people in the disaster areas? I said, is that easy? Open several porridge factories. Let's eat.

Listen to this.

What is this? Take one month's interest, that's enough! Not many people, 100,000 people, eat!

Not enough words ~

Besides, I can't post Spring Festival couplets and jackets.