Joke Collection Website - Joke collection - I don't know what famous sayings, two-part allegorical sayings, good words and sentences, riddles and jokes The Journey to the West and The Romance of the Three Kingdoms have. Can someone tell me?

I don't know what famous sayings, two-part allegorical sayings, good words and sentences, riddles and jokes The Journey to the West and The Romance of the Three Kingdoms have. Can someone tell me?

Three kingdoms joke:

Four short stories about the truth of the Three Kingdoms

1 Mi Heng naked clothes

One night, a female thief stole some clothes and sneaked into Mi's house. At this time, someone just came to Mi Heng and saw a woman out of the window in a trance. The female thief was frightened to disgrace and hurriedly fled, throwing away all the women's clothes. The man didn't see anyone when he went in, but he saw the woman's clothes. At this time, Mi Heng was sleeping in the back room because he was drunk.

So, this person spread a rumor that seems to be well-founded: "Well ... Mi Heng is probably a MM…… ..."

Mi Heng explained angrily everywhere, but no one believed and no one wanted to hear it. He couldn't stand rumors, so he was naked in public to prove that he was really a man. ...

Liu An killed his wife.

Liu An bears a grudge against Liu Bei, but Liu Bei doesn't know it. When Liu Bei arrived at Liu Anjia, it happened that Liu's wife died of a malignant infectious disease. So Liu An thought, if Liu Bei ate his wife's meat, wouldn't Liu be ill? You can't get into trouble if you don't know! If it doesn't work out, it will give that guy the reputation of cannibalism, and I'll get even!

So Liu An happily ran to the kitchen to get human flesh. ...

go into battle stripped to the waist—throw away all disguise

One day, Ma Chao sent someone to report to Cao Cao's army:

"There is a bad situation."

"What's the situation?"

"Xu Jun's armor is very good. Almost no weapon can hurt him. It must be difficult to win him ..."

"So what should we do?" Ma Chao is in a hurry.

Fine work: "If he can take off his armor, but that's Cao Cao's reward, he won't take it off easily ..."

The two men thought about drinking like thinkers and finally came up with a brilliant idea.

Carefully bribed the relevant personnel and secretly put some fleas in prosthodontic's armor. ...

Although Ma Chao didn't win, prosthodontic had a bad cold and his heart was balanced a lot. ...

Yell back at the enemy

Xiahou Jie is really not a soldier. Because you went through the back door, you couldn't have joined the army.

Why can't he join the army? Because he is deaf!

When Zhang Fei shouted at the bridge of Changban, everyone was scared. He won't be afraid if he can't hear the voice of nature, but it's not good to see others afraid, so he also began to tremble and accidentally fell to the ground, just like a horse stepped on him ... Amitabha. ...

make three calls at the thatched cottage/repeatedly request sb to take up a post

one

The sky is boundless, the moon is bright and the stars are sparse, and three big men come around the corner. They looked strange and saw each other with sharp weapons. In such a chaotic season, they go in and out in such a remote place and behave so suspiciously. Is it a desperate strongman? I'm afraid it's a government spy again?

Listening to the clear voice, a big man with long ears suddenly sighed: "I am Liu Bei and Liu Xuande, relatives of the Han family. After Wang Jing of Sun Yat-sen Mausoleum, the world is in chaos today. I am interested in breaking thieves and helping the people, but I can't hate them. If I have this feeling ... "

A black-faced man next to him smiled three times and said, "No more practice. I've heard you say it over 300 times. Why do you still say that? " Can't you exchange it for a new one? "

"Zhang Fei, I said you have no culture is no culture, but we are going to see-see who? Guan Yu? "

Red-faced man, hurry up. "Brother, we are going to see Mr. Dinosaur."

"What? Mr. dinosaur? "

"Oh, it's Mr. Pig Dragon."

"Mr. Pig Dragon?"

"Is it not Mr Dragon Ball? Dragon ball? "

"Calculate calculate, I hope you can't even find Mr. Xiong! Zhang Fei, check my business link quickly. "

"Yes!" The black-faced man was flattered and quickly opened his briefcase and rummaged through it. "Hey, I found it ... Oh, the battery is dead."

"Idiot, can't do anything well! It's your fault that you can't see dinosaurs today! "

"Eldest brother, I remember, not a dinosaur, not a pig dragon, but Mr. Zhu Gekongming!"

"Yes, it's Mr. Zhu Gekongming!" The man with long ears said, "well, do you know why I practice those sour words?"

I don't know. The man with a dark face and a red face said.

"I'm afraid you don't know, otherwise how can I be a big brother?" Long-eared people gloated, cleared their throats and said, "For clowns, vendors and pawns like you, you should use religious forms such as loyalty, benevolence and courage to anesthetize them;" But for an intellectual like Mr. Dinosaur, we must seduce him with the cultural form of "breaking the thief and reassuring the people, and being honest and honest"! "

"Big brother, high opinion!" The black-faced man said.

"High, really high!" The red-faced man said.

two

Extremely: Oh, no, there are three big men, not like good people. Close the door quickly. (Three people come up)

Zhang Fei: Brother, the door is locked.

Liu Bei: Call the door.

(Zhang Fei hits the door hard, but it just won't open)

Guan Yu: Zhang Fei, why are you still so stupid? Is this how you open the door?

Zhang Fei: Then you come!

Guan Yu: Get out of the way! (Step forward and push the door open)

Zhang Fei: Wow, second brother's brain used to grow on his feet.

(A crowd shouts and rushes into the gate)

Extremely bright people, all flushed, came to the lowlands. what can I do for you?

Liu Bei: I am a poor monk in the eastern Tang Dynasty. I'm going to the Western Heaven to worship Buddha and pass by Bao Fang. I wonder if it is possible to spend the night. (turns around) Is Wukong the pig a teacher?

Zhang Fei: I am Kao Hua, and I believe you! We played the Three Kingdoms, not the Westward Journey. Are you kidding?

Liu Bei: Oh, oh, oh, by the way, I'm Liu Liubei Xuande, a relative of the Han family. After Wang Jing in Zhongshan, the world was in chaos. I am interested in breaking the thief and keeping the people safe, but I can't hate it. So I invited pigs, pigs, pigs. ...

Guan Yu: Mr Zhu Gekongming!

Liu Bei: Oh, Zhu Gekongming's cross talk helped me unify the mountains and rivers.

I'm very sorry, Mr. Kong Ming is not at home.

Liu Bei: Where have you been?

Very helpful: please go to the TV station to do market analysis.

Liu Bei: (Looking back at Guan Yu and Zhang Fei) You see that Mr. Dinosaur's family are all literate, and even the messenger is "Ye". It doesn't matter (to extremely bookish). This is my business card. I hope you can give it to my master when he comes back. (patting him on the shoulder and whispering) Did you see my headline? It doesn't matter, just call me later; If someone bullies you, say that you were taken away by the boss. Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, let's go!

Add one: the case of three kingdoms figures

First, Zhuge Liang

Etiology: rheumatoid arthritis

Symptoms: long-term wheelchair.

Second, Guan Yu

Etiology: There are too many capillaries in subcutaneous tissue.

Symptoms: blush

Third, Zhang Fei

Etiology: eyelid muscle disorder

Symptoms: Sleep without closing your eyes.

Fourth, Wei Yan

Etiology: Posterior cranial hyperosteogeny

Symptoms: One more "anti-bone"

Verb (abbreviation of verb) Miheng

Etiology: Congenital mania with excess fat (another: Chu Xu suspects that he also has this disease).

Symptoms: afraid of heat, like naked.

Sixth, Xia Houdun.

Cause: blindness (accident)

Symptoms: One eye.

Seven, Sima Yi

Etiology: excessive albumin, hyperopia (presbyopia).

Symptoms: The eagle looks at the wolf.

Eight, Jiang Wei

Etiology: gallbladder is too large, gallbladder connective tissue hyperplasia.

Symptoms: as bold as a chicken.

Nine, Yang Xiu

Etiology: the tongue is too long and the smooth muscle on the tongue surface is disordered (referred to as "long tongue").

Symptoms: The tongue is particularly attractive.

X. Zhou Yu

Etiology: Congenital thoracic stenosis and insufficient vital capacity.

Symptoms: low vital capacity (short for "stingy")

Xi。 Sun quan

Etiology: hair melanin variation

Symptoms: purple beard

Twelve. Cao Cao

Etiology: epilepsy, stroke, hysteria, etc. I had an attack once when I was young, but I didn't pay attention to it and doubted my uncle. As a result, I grew into a giant.

Disaster)

Symptoms: many, such as headache, avoiding medical treatment, talking nonsense, and even dreaming of killing people in serious cases.

Thirteen. Liu Bei

Etiology: Skeletal dysplasia of limbs.

Symptoms: the ears are full of wind, the hands are over the knees, and the moustache is overgrown.

Fourteen Sima Shi

Etiology: eye cancer

Symptoms: eye tumor

Fifteen, Dong Zhuo

Etiology: obesity, hyperlipidemia and hypercholesterolemia.

Symptoms: The light on the navel cannot be extinguished for three days.

Sixteen, Wargo

Etiology: stuttering

Symptoms: Sorrow, sorrow, sorrow. ...

17. Lu Bu

Etiology: narcolepsy

Symptoms: I fell asleep at the most critical time.

Eighteen, Lumen

Etiology: unknown (to be dissected)

Symptoms: bizarre death

Nineteen. Zhang Bao

Etiology: internal bleeding (accident, the horse lost its front hoof and fell down the mountain stream)

Symptoms: fracture, visceral injury.

Twenty, less emperor

Etiology: drug poisoning

Symptoms: highly confidential

2 1. Liu Chan

Etiology: the most unfortunate example, acquired mental retardation (accident, defending Cao Bing's arrow rain in front of Changbanpo,

Too scared;

Long-term suffocation in Zhao Yunhuai, excessive hypoxia; Finally Liu Bei fell to the ground, causing a slight concussion)

Symptoms: numerous, such as "I don't think about it".

Twenty-two, Yuan Shao

Etiology: early Parkinson's syndrome

Symptoms: improper measures.

23.zhao yun

Etiology: Hyperplasia of gallbladder, which is different from ordinary people.

Symptoms: I am timid.

24. Blade

Etiology: paranoia with ear osteoporosis.

Symptoms: I think eunuchs can be punished for coming to Beijing from other places. Eunuchs dare not kill generals. What do you listen to to to appease Zhang? ...

Twenty-five, seven sages of bamboo forest, etc.

Etiology: Long-term drug abuse, the first world yuppie epidemic.

Symptoms: Long-term use of Wushi powder and other psychotropic drugs.

26. Yuan Shu

Etiology: diabetes

Symptoms: I want to drink honey water when I am dying.