Please make funny jokes, please make them longer and not cold.

1. This is the taste. Once upon a time, there was an old father-in-law who liked to drink the soup his wife cooked for him. As long as he didn't drink it for a day, he would feel sick all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink that kind of soup. He was very sad, so he started asking his wife to cook it. But no matter how well his wife cooked it, he always threw it aside and said, "You can make such a terrible soup if it doesn't taste like this!" At first, his wife always swallowed it, but as time went by, A day passed and she still couldn't cook it. Finally she had the murderous intention to kill her father-in-law. But she didn't know how to start. She was thinking and thinking, and suddenly she found a rusty can of insecticide in the corner. She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then mustered up the courage to give it to her father-in-law to drink. Her father-in-law shouted, "This is the taste! This is the taste!" 2. Before marriage: He: Long live the wait! I can't wait! Her: Can I leave? Him: No! Don’t even think about it! Her: Do you love me? Him: Of course! Her: Will you betray me? Him: No, how could you have such an idea? Her: Will you kiss me? Him: Yes! Her: Will you hit me? Him: No matter what! Her: Can I trust you? Read from bottom to top after marriage! 3. Booking Office: Tickets are extremely tight now. If the train ticket you want is not available, will you accept the adjustment?

Me: Obey.

After I got the ticket the next day, I was angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did they give me a ticket to Shanxi! ! !

Booking Office: Didn’t you say that you should obey the adjustment? 4. A person who rides a motorcycle likes to wear clothes backwards, that is, buttoning them at the back to block the wind. One day he was driving drunk, overturned, and fell on the side of the road. When the police arrived...Police Officer A: What a serious car accident. Police Officer B: Yes, my head was hit in the back. Police Officer A: Well, he’s still breathing. Let’s help him turn his head back. Police Officer B: Okay... One or two times, I tried hard and turned back. Police Officer A: Well, I’m not breathing... 5. A man was adventuring alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky: "I'm dead, God, save me!" I saw a light appear in the sky and a voice came: "Not sure yet, you pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader. Die." So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, killing him. The tribesmen were all stunned for a moment, and then looked at each other angrily. At this time, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead." 6. X, an employee of the human resources department of a company, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. department. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X here?" X's colleague replied: "He is no longer in the human resources department." Friend: "Ah? When did he... go there?" Colleague: "Up "Friend: "I don't know anything about it... and I didn't give him a ride..." Colleague: "It doesn't matter, can't we just go down and find him?"

Friend: Ah, you? You really know how to joke...

Colleague: No joke, he said when he left that if anyone misses him, he is welcome to go down there and play with him at any time.

Friend: ... Isn’t this inconvenient...

Colleague: Well, it’s really inconvenient during the day, so I’ll let him find you at night! ! 7. Once upon a time, Americans visited Russia. One day I saw two Russian workers on the road in Russia. One was digging holes beside the road with a shovel, and he was digging a hole every three meters. The other worker was immediately backfilling the hole that the previous worker had just dug. The Americans were curious and asked the first Russian worker: "Why did the man behind you fill the hole as soon as you dug it?" Get up? ”

The Russian worker replied: “We are greening the road. I dig holes, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second person asked for leave today and didn't come.

』 8. I woke up in the morning and saw a NetEase comment. The first floor: Everyone, calm down. Come over and listen to what the fifth floor has to say? 2nd floor: I think what 5th floor said makes sense. Third floor: The fifth floor speaks out the aspirations of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor really speaks very well! 9. One time when the bell rang after class and everyone had to go home, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot when he was going down the stairs, and he fell in the middle of the road with a big "pop"... He thought at that time: No, this is embarrassing. If you are older, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the classmate next to him saw that the boy was motionless, so he quickly helped him up, and then slapped him wildly from left to right... 10. Two children talking:

A said: Our whole family likes animals, and my mother does. Cats, my brother likes dogs, and my sister likes little white rabbits.

B said: What about your father?

A said: I like vixens. 11. The unlucky Japanese. People from four countries were traveling by plane. The plane was suddenly overloaded. The pilot said: Our plane is now overweight, and one person must jump off. The Americans shouted: "Long live the United States of America" ??and jumped off the plane. The pilot said: It's still too heavy and he has to jump again. The British shouted: "Long live the Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland" and jumped off the plane. At this time, the driver said that he was more important and wanted to jump again. The Chinese came out, and the Japanese held the Chinese's hand affectionately and said, "I will never forget the kindness of the Chinese people in my life!" At this time, the Chinese shouted: "Long live the Republic of China!" "Then he kicked the Japanese down. The next day, people from four countries took a plane to travel abroad. Unexpectedly, the plane broke down. The Americans said, there are three parachutes here, and one of us must jump off the plane. The American said: "I'll give you a question, and whoever can't answer it will jump off. "All three people agreed. The Americans asked the Chinese: "How many suns are there in the sky? Chinese: "One." The American asked the British: "How many moons are there in the sky?" "British man: "One. The Americans asked the Japanese: "How many stars are there in the sky?" "Japanese: "..." The Americans kicked him off. On the third day, they took a plane trip again, and the plane broke down again. The Americans said: "There are only three parachutes here. Someone must get off the plane." As usual, I will set the question. "The Americans asked the Chinese: "A few years ago, a giant passenger ship crashed. What was it called? "Chinese:"Titanic. "The Americans asked the British: "How many people died in that accident? "UK:" 1,503 people. The Americans asked the Japanese again: "What are the names of the 1,503 people?" "Japan: "..." The United States kicked the Japanese in the face and kicked him off the plane. On the fourth day, the four of them went on a trip again, and the plane broke down again. The Americans came over at this time without saying anything. Japan yelled: "Forget it, you don't have to kick me, I'll jump by myself." After saying that, he jumped off the plane. The American shouted to the door: "Damn, you are sick. There are 5 parachutes on the plane today!" ” 12. The teacher’s shocking quotes: 1. They say you don’t have perseverance, but you still have it. You just insist on talking nonsense in class for a long time. 2. You don’t even have a draft book. It’s really pitiful. If you really can’t afford it, you go to the bank opposite to get a loan. Buy it. 3. You are still making trouble, so you can go to the cafeteria to grab food later. 4. Under normal circumstances, you should not have done it. I am sorry for your laziness. You are quite confident. 5. There are still no mosquitoes when you sleep in the classroom, doesn’t it feel like a dormitory? 6. Why do you have to leave at least one person to watch when you go to the toilet together? ? It doesn’t have to be so obvious! 8. I want to sleep when I’m sleeping, and I want to read when I’m eating. 9. Your volume is much lower during class than during evening study. Yes, this is extremely abnormal. If this happens to wild animals, it means that a major natural disaster is coming. 10. Don’t turn your pen, turn your brain. 11. Some students in the back row always carry them. They sat there thinking with melancholy expressions, doing nothing. I saw Fan Zhongyan's demeanor - worrying about the world first, I admire him!