Cold joke, funny, not boring. ...

1, five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang, and called the hundred-dollar bill: "Hey! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill him, trade yourself for him! " The hundred-dollar bill thought for a moment and said, "Tear it up, and you won't even have five dollars! A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. Man: "I want a wife." The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "I'm starving, and I'm greedy for beauty!" Pathetic! "Say that finish and disappeared. Man: "... bread. 5. The race between the tortoise and the hare ... The hare quickly ran to the front ... The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him: Come up, I'll carry you ... Then ... the snail climbed up ... Soon ... The tortoise saw an ant again ... and said to him: Come up, too ... So the ant came up. When the ant came up, he saw the snail on it and greeted him. Do you know what the snail said? Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast ... 6. A man and a woman are eating. Girls keep asking boys: Do you love me? The boy looked at the girl and went on eating dinner. The girl was very angry and asked, Do you love me? The boy finally said: Love girls, and asked: Then how do you prove it? Suddenly, the boy took out thirty dollars from his pocket and asked the girl, do you have ten dollars? The girl gave the boy ten yuan ... the boy put forty yuan on the table for a while ... The girl was very angry and asked the boy: Do you want to prove that you love me? The boy said: I have proved it! ! ! Forty is just around the corner! 7. I visited a snack street one day and found that there were shops selling egg towers, each of which looked delicious. I want to buy one to try. I asked the clerk, "Excuse me, is this sold separately?" The clerk said, "No, it's Japanese." One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside. My mother shouted nervously outside the house: "Son ... what are you doing ... you won't come out after the fire ..." My son replied: "I'm wearing socks ..." My mother said: "What socks are you wearing after the fire ..." Five minutes later, my son hasn't come out ... My mother shouted nervously: "Son, you! Come out quickly ~ it's all on fire, and I'm still in it ... "The son said," I'm taking off my socks ... 9. A man went fishing by the river, wearing a leaf first ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, and he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ I had no choice but to change earthworm ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ ~ He took out 100 RMB in a rage and fell into the water. Buy it yourself! 10, a German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in the mine. The boss is American. He said to the Germans, "You have a good physique and are in charge of coolies. He said to the French, "You said you were an engineer in charge of the mining plan. To the Japanese, he said, "You are very thin. You are in charge of supply. Then every other week, they start to work. A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first. When the Germans started, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted, "Surprise! 1 1, "I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist. Please come with me. "The doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. What do you think that is? " "too." The patient replied, then how far do you want to see! One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said, "I am too young to fart so smelly." It must be a cow. " The cow said, "I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly." The pig said, "people who fart will blush." Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out, knocked the pig away, and said, "How many times have I told you, I was born blushing. 14, one day, three people were sent to the funeral home. Strangely, their smile after death is _. The undertaker asked pol.ice: Why do their faces change? The policeman said: It's ... It's a long story ... Look at the man on the left ... He and his wife spend * * a moment at most in the spring night ... I can't stand it ... The administrator replied: Alas ... I would like to die in the flowers ... It's romantic to be a ghost ... How did the middle one die? Policeman: The one in the middle ... Oh, he ... is really a human tragedy ... He was walking on the road ... Suddenly, he heard that he won the first prize ... the prize was over 700 million yuan ... When he was laughing happily ... he was hit by an oncoming car ... and then died ... The administrator replied, alas .. he really didn't have enough luck to enjoy the rest of his life. Pol.ice. This is a bit pathetic ... He was killed by lightning while climbing a tree. The administrator replied: ... this is a bit wrong. Why did he laugh when he was struck by lightning? The policeman said: because he thought ... there was a sudden flash of lightning ... he thought ... someone took pictures of him, saying that things didn't change until thousands of years ago, whether it was a male dog or the Tang Dynasty ... You have heard of Emperor Taizong! His old man keeps a pair of dogs. Once when Emperor Taizong went to Huashan to worship heaven, he took this pair of ... in the middle of the sacrifice, the bitch suddenly felt anxious and ran under a tree to solve it. This is a very disrespectful behavior during the sacrifice, so the Jade Emperor was very angry. The Jade Emperor ordered Lei Gong to hit a thunder, which hit the tree right. The tree fell down and killed the bitch. From then on, the male dog was very afraid.