Classic English jokes

Classic English Jokes

Classic English Jokes 1:

A judge asked our group of potential jurors where any one should be excluded, and one man raised his hand.

A judge asked us whether any of the jurors should be exempted from the right. A man raised his hand. "I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.

　? I can't hear with my left ear. ? The man told the judge. " Can you hear out of your right ear? " the judge asked. The man nodded his head.

　? Can you hear with your right ear? Asked the judge. The man nodded. " You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."

　? You will be allowed to join the jury. The judge announced. ? We only listen to one side at a time. ?

classic English jokes ii:

the suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greedy by a sentry. when the guard looked in the trunk, He was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.

A suspicious man drove to the border and was greeted by a sentry. When the sentry checked the trunk of the car, he was surprised to find six big pockets bulging at the seams.

　"What's in here? " he asked.

　? What's in it? He asked.

　"Dirt," the driver replied.

　? Earth. ? The driver replied.

　"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

　? Take out the bag? The sentry ordered:? I want to check. ?

objecting, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. irrevocably, the guard let him go.

The man obediently moved the bag out. Indeed, there is nothing in the pocket except dirt. Reluctantly, the sentry let him through.

a week later the man cameback, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

A week later, the man came again, and the sentry checked the trunk of the car again.

　"What's in the bags this time? " he asked.

　? What's in the bag this time? He asked.

　"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

　? Earth, and some earth. ? The man replied.

not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

The sentry didn't believe it. He checked the bags again and found that nothing was found except the soil.

the same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so fruitful to the guard that he quit and became a bartender.

The same thing happened once a week, and it lasted for six months. Finally, the sentry was discouraged and simply resigned and became a bartender.

　Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, Drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: just tell me what the hell you were fooling all that time. "

One night, the suspicious man happened to pass by the bar and got off to drink. The former sentry hurried up to him and said,? I said, man, if you can do me a favor, the wine will be on me tonight. Can you tell me exactly what you were smuggling during that time?

grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "cars."

The man leaned over, leaned close to the waiter's ear, cracked his mouth and said with a grin. Cars. ?

complete collection of classic English jokes:

it was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" He asked.

It was Christmas, and the judge was a little sympathetic when interrogating the prisoner. ? What are you being sued for? He asked.

　"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

　? It's too early to buy Christmas goods. ? The defendant replied.

　"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping? "

　? It's not illegal, is it? The judge replied,? How early did you go shopping?

"Before the store is opened," "Countered the prisoner."

Before the store opens, The prisoner should answer. ;