The simplest English joke

A conductor was about to signal the train to start when he saw a beautiful girl standing by an open door on the platform, talking to another beautiful girl in the carriage.

"Come on, miss!" He shouted. "Please close the door!"

"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she replied.

"Please close the door," the guard shouted. "I'll take care of the rest."

I'll take care of the rest.

A conductor had just signaled the train to start when he saw a beautiful girl standing by an open carriage door on the platform, talking to another beautiful girl in the carriage.

"Hurry up, Miss!" He shouted, "Please close the door."

"Oh, I haven't kissed my sister goodbye yet." She replied.

"Please close the door," said the conductor. "I'll handle the rest."

sleeping pill

Bob can't sleep at night. He went to see a doctor, who prescribed some powerful sleeping pills.

On Sunday night, Bob took the medicine, slept well and woke up before he heard the alarm clock go off. He came to the office unhurriedly, strolled in and said to his boss, "I had no trouble getting up this morning."

"That's good," roared the boss, "but where were you on Monday and Tuesday?"

sleeping pill

Bob has insomnia at night. He went to see a doctor, who prescribed him some powerful sleeping pills.

Bob took the medicine on Sunday night, slept well and woke up before the alarm clock went off. He arrived at the office, strolled in and said to the boss, "I didn't have any trouble getting up this morning."

"good!" The boss roared, "Where did you go on Monday and Tuesday?"

contrabandist

The suspicious man drove to the border and was greeted by a sentry. When the guard checked the suitcase, he was surprised to find that the seams of six bags were bulging.

"What's in this?" He asked.

"Dirt," the driver replied.

"Take them out," the guard ordered. "I want to check it."

The man obediently took out the bags, and sure enough, there was nothing in each bag except soil. The guard reluctantly let him go.

A week later, the man came back and the sentry checked the truck again.

"What's in the bag this time?" He asked.

"dirt, more dirt." The man said.

The guard didn't believe him. He checked the bag and found nothing but dirt again.

The same thing happened every week for six months. Finally, the guard was very depressed. He resigned and became a bartender. One night, this suspicious-looking guy happened to pass by for a drink. The former guard rushed to him and said, "Listen, man, if you can do me a favor, the wine will be free tonight: just tell me what you were smuggling during that time."

The man grinned, leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "car."

contrabandist

A suspicious man drove to the border and was greeted by a sentry. When the sentry checked the trunk of the car, he was surprised to find six bulging pockets at the seams.

"What's in it?" He asked.

"Earth." The driver replied.

"Take out your bag," the sentry ordered. "I want to check it."

The man obediently took out his pocket. Indeed, there is nothing in the pocket but dirt. The sentry reluctantly let him through.

A week later, the man came again and the sentry checked the suitcase on the car again.

"What's in this bag?" He asked.

"Earth, and some earth." The man replied.

The sentry didn't believe it, so he checked the bag again and found nothing but soil.

The same thing happened once a week for six months. Finally, the sentry got discouraged and simply resigned and became a bartender. One night, the suspicious man happened to pass by the bar and get off to drink. The former sentry hurried up to him and said, "I said, man, if you can do me a favor, the wine will be on me tonight." Can you tell me what you were smuggling during that time? "

The man leaned over, leaned close to the waiter's ear, cracked his mouth and said with a smile, "Car."

skunk

"There is a skunk in our basement," the caller screamed at the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"

"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and lay a path from the basement to the backyard. Then leave the cellar door open. "

After a while, the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" Asked the dispatcher.

"No," the caller replied. "Now I have two skunks in it!"

skunk

"There is a skunk in our basement," the caller screamed at the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"

"Bring some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher. "Pave a road from the basement to the backyard. Then open the door of the basement. "

After a while, the resident called again. "Did you take it out?" Asked the dispatcher.

"No," the caller replied, "there are two skunks there now."

patience

Angler: You have been watching me for three hours. Why don't you try it yourself?

Onlooker: I have no patience.

tolerate

Angler: You've been staring at it for three hours. Why don't you catch it yourself?

Onlooker: I have no patience.

Prayer before bed

Julie is saying bedtime prayers. "God," she said, "let Naples be the capital of Italy. Let Naples be the capital of Italy. "

Her mother interrupted her. "Julie, why do you ask God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

Julie replied, "Because that's what I wrote on the geography paper!" "

Prayer before bed

Juliet is saying bedtime prayers. "God, please," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy."

Mother interrupted her and said, "Juliet, why do you ask God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

Juliet replied, "Because that's what I wrote on the geography exam."

All is well

A young couple began to worry about their four-year-old son, who can't speak yet. They took him to see an expert, but the doctor didn't find anything wrong with him. One morning at breakfast, the boy suddenly blurted out, "Mom, the bread is burnt."

"You talked! You talked! " Cried his mother. "I'm so happy! But why did it take so long? "

"Well, so far," said the boy, "everything is fine."

Everything's fine.

A young couple has a four-year-old son who can't speak yet. They are deeply anxious about it. They took him to see an expert, but the doctors always thought he was all right. Then one morning at breakfast, the child suddenly said, "Mom, the bread is burnt."

"You talked! You talked! " His mother cried. "I'm so happy! But why did it take so long? "

"Oh, before that," the boy said, "everything was normal."

That's why

Jimmy began to draw when he was three years old, and by the time he was five, he had already drawn very well. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, "The boy will be famous when he grows up, and then we will sell these photos better."

Jimmy's paintings are different from others' because he never paints on the whole paper. He painted half, and the other half was always empty.

"That's smart," everyone said. "Nobody does that!"

One day, someone bought a painting by Jimmy and said to him, "Please tell me, Jimmy. Why do you paint in the lower part of the painting, not the upper part? "

"Because I'm small," Jimmy said, "and my hips can't reach very high."

I see

Jimmy started painting at the age of three, and by the time he was five, he had already painted very well. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid high prices for them. They said, "This child will be famous when he grows up, and we can make a lot of money from these paintings."

Jimmy's paintings are different. Because he never paints on the whole paper. He only drew half of the paper, while the other half was always empty.

"What a clever idea!" Everyone said, "No one has ever done this."

One day, a man bought Jimmy's painting and asked him, "Please tell me, Jimmy, why do you always paint in the lower part of the paper instead of the upper part?"

Jimmy said, "Because I am small, I can't reach it."

Disney trip

On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted themselves to this fascinating spectacle. After three exhausted days, we went home.

As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey."

Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."

My husband waved weakly and said, "Goodbye, money."

Disney family

Disneyland in Florida is a fascinating place. Once, my husband and I took two children on a trip, and we were completely attracted by its wonders. After three days of exhausted play, we are going home.

When we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mike."

The daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."

The husband also waved weakly and said, "Goodbye, Dollar."

A wonderful game.

One day, a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mice, so she ran out of the house, got on a bus and went to the shop. She bought a mousetrap there. The shopkeeper said to her, "put some cheese in it, and you will catch the mouse soon."

The lady came home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she couldn't find any cheese in it. She didn't want to go back to the store, because it was late, so she cut out a picture of cheese from the magazine and put it in the folder.

Surprisingly, the picture of cheese is quite successful! The next morning, when the lady came to the kitchen, she found a picture of a mouse in the folder next to the cheese picture!

Be equal in strength

One day, a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was afraid of mice, so she rushed out of the house, got on the bus and went straight to the store. There, she bought a mouse trap. The shopkeeper told her, "put some cheese in it, and you will catch the mouse soon."

The lady came home with a mousetrap, but she didn't find any cheese in the cupboard. She didn't want to go back to the store because it was too late. So she cut out a picture of cheese from a magazine and put it in the folder.

Surprisingly, this picture with cheese actually worked! The next morning, when the lady went downstairs to the kitchen, she found a picture of a mouse next to the picture of cheese in the rat trap!

Prepare yourself.

There is a story circulating on campus: a student sent a telegram to his parents, which read: "Mom-I failed all the courses. Expelled from school. Prepare for Pop. "

Two days later, he received a reply: "Dad is ready. Be mentally prepared. "

Get ready.

There is a story circulating on campus: a student once sent a telegram to his parents, which read: "Mom-I failed all my lessons and was expelled from school. Let dad get ready. "

Two days later, he received a reply: "Dad is ready. Be mentally prepared! "