"If you don't listen, I will be angry". Are you still using your emotions to control your children?

"Wendy, why are you still playing games? Come and eat? "

" Mom, I'm coming.

after a while, the child was still holding the mobile phone. Mother rushed over directly

"Why are you so disobedient all day? I'll count to three' three, two, one, and I'll be angry if you don't move again'"

After listening to the mother's words, the child slowly put away his mobile phone.

To raise a child, we not only want him to be safe and healthy, but also want him to be an educated and intelligent child. As the saying goes, "It's easy to have a child, but it's difficult to raise a child". Teaching children knowledge everywhere, especially family education is far more important than school. If the ideas are different and there are frequent quarrels at home, it will easily cause great psychological pressure on children. In the end, children's values are biased ......

Although there are many ways to educate children, there are many words that are very hurtful. Don't think that children are too young to understand. There are many words that we adults may not say to people around us, but in the face of our children, we can't help but say hurtful words in a temper. If we are angry for a while, the children will remember them for the rest of our lives.

I believe that this kind of thing has only happened to you and your children. When parents say "I am angry", they just want their children to understand that their current behavior is wrong. Related psychologists' research shows that this out-of-control emotional expression really makes children stop doing bad things in an instant, but its influence on children is indelible. 1, subduing children with anger, "lethality" is great

In the program "Mom is Superman", Angel and Dingding's mother and son have such a performance: Dingding is playing alone, and Angel asks him to "enjoy their time" with his mother. Dingding doesn't want to, and Angel says, "If you don't come over, mom will cry!

Sure enough, Dingding saw her mother's tears, so she gave up her own fun and met her mother's requirements. Angel successfully controlled his children by crying. By the same token, parents who use anger to subdue their children are actually trying to control their children with emotions. Parents who are angry often ignore what they really want to express, so that their children receive the wrong message and deviate from the original intention of education.

Even if the child was forced to obey, the injury took root. Studies have shown that being angry with children before the age of 6 often leads to negative personality, inferiority, introversion and melancholy, and fear of getting along with others.

They will always be in fear. They don't know when they will make their parents angry and feel insecure. They will gradually form the habit of watching their parents wink and others wink. Moreover, children will learn from their parents' ways of dealing with problems. When they encounter things, they are very emotional, and they don't use anger to "threaten" others, which is not conducive to the cultivation of emotional intelligence. 2. Anger should not be the reason for disciplining children

Once, a parent told an experience of educating children: he lost his temper with his naughty son, and when his anger passed.

She asked the child, "Do you know where you are wrong?

My son looked at her blankly and said, "I made my mother angry. It won't happen again.

This parent realized that his anger and temper tantrum didn't make the child realize the mistake itself, but only made the child afraid and sad, and he regretted it afterwards.

Originally, when a child does something wrong or is mischievous, parents should teach their children why such behavior is wrong and what to do, instead of suppressing their children with their emotions and making them yield with their anger. According to this logic, children just need to try not to make their mothers angry. They simply don't realize what is wrong with their words and deeds, and it is difficult to form a correct view of right and wrong, and they like to pass the buck.

Moreover, children don't understand right and wrong, and they will constantly test their parents' bottom line, and try again and again on the edge of making mistakes, which will add trouble to future education. Just like the example at the beginning of the article, grandma should tell her children that "it's time for dinner, or mother will wait for us at home", instead of using "mother will be angry if she doesn't come home" to subdue her children.

In the process of educating children,

parents should not just aim to achieve their goals,

methods are more important, and

children need more patience, tolerance and trust. 3. Parents threaten their children with emotions, and the harm is greater than the effect. < P > Children feel scared. Before children were angry and disobedient, many parents would say "If you don't obey, the doctor will give you an injection" or "If you get angry again, the police uncle will arrest you", so as to make children obedient.

However, the harm brought by this practice to children is obvious: they have a great fear of "police" and "doctors", and even when they grow up, they can't help but want to avoid them.

Similarly, parents use "I will be angry if I don't listen" to control their children, which will also lead to their fear. In the future, when others look bad or threaten them, they will feel uneasy and panic. No matter what their inner thoughts are, they will make compromises first.

Children are "immune". Although some parents say that they are going to be angry, they have not pointed out and educated their children's incorrect behavior positively, which makes their children regard "I will be angry if I don't obey" as a joke.

In this way, children will be indifferent to what parents say, and when parents try to control them in this way, children will go on by themselves, completely ignoring their parents' anger.

The phrase "I will be angry if I don't obey" means that the child has done something wrong, but the child is too young to understand the implication of his parents. Therefore, when parents say this sentence, children may be afraid and may not care, but they have one thing in common, that is, they don't know what they are doing wrong, only that it will make their parents angry.

For example, the child refused to sleep in the middle of the night and patted the ground with a ball. When the mother saw that the child refused to sleep and was afraid that he would disturb the neighbors, she said, "I will be angry if I don't listen!" Even if children know they can't do this, they won't understand why they can't. This way is not conducive to cultivating children's three views and upbringing.

Therefore, parents can be angry when their children get angry or make mistakes, but don't use emotions to threaten and control their children. If you want to guide children correctly, you can't take this "shortcut". There are two things in the article: 1. This sentence is to express my emotions to my children. I don't think this is wrong. I will tell my children myself: Mom is going to be angry. I will calm down first. Please wait for me! Then go to my cool zone or the bathroom and go crazy before coming out to face the children.

2. Angry words and emotions of adults will only blur the focus of children's learning and make him forget the causal relationship of behavior! It is impossible for people not to be angry, but anger is a superficial emotion. We must find the second feeling under the emotion: whether it is powerlessness or loss, or whether the child's behavior invisibly touches one of your inner shadows, so that our unfinished emotions or anxieties can be detonated ... Find out the reason.

I always tell myself: I will never educate my children at the moment of emotion, and we will discuss it later. Parenting comes first, and there are parents who are willing to grow up without perfect parents. Let's cheer together on the way of parenting!

More moms say this:

"After reading it, you should reflect on yourself. You shouldn't use emotional words to obscure the key points of education, but you should focus on practical matters, but you may really have to practice yourself!"!

"We all say that we should empathize with our children's emotions. In fact, we should also take care of our own emotions. We should first realize that we are angry, admit that we are angry, then allow ourselves to be angry, handle our emotions in a calm area, and then treat our children well so that the children will be relatively stable."