Daily lighthearted joke

A daily relaxing joke

A daily relaxing joke. Jokes appear more frequently in our lives. Many people like to hear jokes. In fact, jokes are not It just brings us a moment of joy, but it also has a certain meaning in our lives. Here are some daily jokes to share. Daily Relaxing Jokes 1

1. Just now I was riding a tram in a small alley here, and a big brother came across from me on a bicycle. He was getting closer and closer, and he was about to hit me. At this time, the clever elder brother shouted: "You go to the right and I go to the left, and then...we climbed for a long time before we got up!"

2. When the boss inspected his construction site at noon, he found a man reading a comic book in the corner. The boss asked: "How much is your monthly salary?" The man replied: "One thousand." The boss took out his wallet and counted 1,000 yuan to him and shouted loudly: "Your salary this month, leave immediately!" After leaving happily, the still angry boss asked the worker next to him: "Which department is he from?" The worker replied in a low voice: "He is here to deliver fast food."

　3. A The students participated in an impromptu speech and the topic they drew was "My Sister." And one of his opening remarks immediately attracted everyone: My sister was "earth-shattering" when she spoke, "overjoyed" when she saw the food, and "overturned" when she picked up things. "Please God and Earth" Now she is finally married, "Thank God."

4. When I was a child, I was deeply poisoned by martial arts movies. I thought that the wound must be sprayed with wine and then bandaged. Finally, my hand was cut. It was such a big hole. I decisively found some white wine and poured it in without hesitation... You can’t imagine how painful it was. Man, it was the first time in my life that I jumped all over the place in pain. Suddenly I remembered the scene on TV. The heroes always put the wine in their mouth first and then spray it on the wound... Then, I jumped again for a long time.

5. One day I had an argument with my girlfriend, and she turned off her phone and went home. I chased her downstairs. I wanted to call her name but was afraid that her mother would hear her, so I just called her by her name. My name was shouted downstairs for two hours.

6. My wife and I have been married for more than ten years, and the romantic era is long ago! This morning I suddenly said to my wife on a whim: "Let's fall in love again and pretend you don't know me." My wife said: 'Okay' and I said to her: Hi! "Little bitch," who would have thought that this guy raised his hand and slapped me in the face, and also cursed: "You dare to harass my aunt, I'm sick of you!" "

7. A man had an argument with his girlfriend. When he called to apologize, the phone rang for a long time and finally answered... Woman: "I'm sorry." Man: (Exceptionally excited but pretending to be calm): "You I finally realized I was wrong." Female: "The number you dialed is currently on a call. "Male: "...

8. When I was in elementary school, I loved to sleep in class. Once, the Chinese teacher assigned me an assignment to write an essay. The title was (If I were a spider). After class, I asked my classmates. I racked my brains at home at night and wrote an article (If I Were a Pig). Later I became famous in school.

A moment of relaxation, a humorous joke every day 2

1. A patient who had surgery for the first time said to the doctor worriedly: "I I’m very scared. This is my first time having surgery.” The doctor said I was even more scared: “This is also my first time having surgery.”

2. Xiao Ming saw a lump of poop on the ground. He went up and smelled it and it seemed to be poop. He pressed a little bit with his hand and put it in his mouth and tasted it. It seemed that it was still poop. He said happily: "Fortunately I didn't step on it."

3. The centipede was bitten by a snake and was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment. After diagnosis, the doctor said: The limb must be amputated to prevent the spread of the poison! The centipede thought: Fortunately I have many legs! The doctor comforted him: Brother, be considerate, you will be an earthworm from now on.

4. Wife: "Why do you always go to the balcony every time I sing?" Husband: "I want everyone to know that I am not hitting you."

5. The patient is very worried about his head. After X-ray examination, he asked the doctor: "Is there anything in my brain?" The doctor: "Nothing.

Patient: "Ah, is it really that serious?" "

6. When I encountered a red light while crossing the road, my friend wanted to go forward, so I stopped him: "Deng, wait for the light, wait for the light!" "My friend turned around and said to me disdainfully: "You are the only one who has Intel! ”

7. Young doctor: I will open my business tomorrow. Can you teach me some experience? Middle-aged doctor: The bills should be written more clearly, while the prescriptions should be written more sloppily.

8. Female: Tomorrow is my birthday, what gift did you give me? Male: Same as last year. Female: What did you give me last year? Female: What did you give me last year? Male: I didn’t know you the year before last, so I didn’t give you anything.

9. When chatting with a classmate who works in a foreign company, she said that there are many foreigners in the company. I asked her: Have you taught them to speak Chinese? ? Her: Of course, the first sentence I teach is: I pay the bill!

10. Do you know that the most painful thing about the day at work is that the work is not finished? The most painful thing is: I have no work to do before work, but I have to work after work...

A moment of relaxation, a humorous joke every day 3

1. A fat man and a thin man were driving through a mountainous area. Their car broke down and no one would come to repair it until the afternoon. The hungry two people climbed two mountains and finally found a remote town. It was a small restaurant, but they entered one, came out, entered another, and came out again... Finally, the two of them collapsed on the ground with hunger, and the thin man begged: "Director, if there is no invoice, there will be no invoice!" "

2. Xiao Li from the hospital came to the dean with a sad face. Xiao Li said: "Dean, I want to resign. I can't stand it anymore."

Dean: "What's wrong, young man?" Man, you are doing a great job in the urinalysis department, why do you want to resign?

Xiao Li: "As you know, I just changed my job. The professional habits I developed in the past make me unsuitable for urine testing!" "

Dean: "What did you do originally? "

Xiao Li: "Sommelier"

Dean: "Ugh~"

3. Confess to my colleagues that I used to look good in photos. Why is it getting more and more ugly now? My colleague said calmly: The pixels are getting higher and higher now.

4. The water has been out for a few days, and everyone can only use bottled water. A female colleague lamented that bottled water was expensive and not durable, and said: “I just opened a bucket of water and washed my face, but only half the bucket was left! Another colleague said: "Water is still very durable, but you have a big face!" "

5. Me: "Waiter, it's been more than half an hour since I ordered the steak, and it's not ready yet? It's already 11 o'clock at night! "

Waiter: "Sir, don't worry, our store is open 24 hours a day. "

I...

6. I went to the bank to withdraw money. After the limited operation time, my bank card was swallowed. At that time, I was completely confused. The staff told me I said: Beauty, you can just go to the counter to apply for it tomorrow... I said: It swallowed my card and there is not much money in the card. If I wait, maybe it will dislike the lack of money and spit it out to me.

The staff said: It has a good appetite and is not picky about food. It tastes delicious! Don’t worry, it will never refuse to eat less meat!

7. High school! My deskmate at that time was a pretty girl, and her hands were badly ulcerated by frostbite in the winter. At that time, we had to bring our own lunch boxes and wash them myself after eating. I thought her hands looked pitiful, so I washed them for her.

One night during self-study, she whispered in my ear: "Will you wash my lunch boxes for the rest of my life?" I became angry when I heard this: "We agreed that I would wash it in the winter and you would wash it in the summer. Have you ever washed it?" You still want to trick me into washing and dreaming for the rest of my life!

8. Before Mulan joined the army for her father, she went to the east market to buy a horse, to the west market to buy a saddle, to the south market to buy a bridle, and to the north market to buy a whip. After the general heard about it, he asked: "Mulan, are you disguised as a man?" Mulan asked in surprise: "How does the general know?" The general said: "A man would not visit four markets in a row just to buy something like this. ”

9. When I came back from the night shift and parked my car on the first floor, I heard a little kid crying in the house. His mother lied to him that there was a ghost outside.

In the spirit of helping others, I howled in horror, but... both of them cried

10. Man A: My blood type is type B, and so is my wife’s blood type Type B, gave birth to a child. Man B: The child will not be type 2B. Daily Relaxing Jokes 2

1. I want to live in your heart, but I didn’t expect it to be a community with many neighbors.

2. My money is really wet, because I keep crying when I spend money

3. The really scary thing is not playing the piano to a cow, but having a cow playing the piano to you< /p>

4. I hope you will have wine, sex and girls in the future, and the girls are too ugly to look at

5. How can bangs grow so fast

< p> 6. I am very principled, and my principle is to follow your mood

7. I am single because no one can easily match me, the successor of communism.

8. I originally wanted to give life a kiss, but reality gave me two slaps.

9. If Alipay wants to make social networking simple, it just needs to have a "rich people nearby" function.

10. Just want to turn around gracefully, but unexpectedly hit the wall

11. Being lazy when done well is called enjoyment; being shameless when done well is called persistence; pretending Being stupid, if done well, is it called great wisdom or foolishness? Don't use a honey trap on me, or I will fall into your trap.

12. If money is dung, then I am a dung beetle

13. Withered vines and old trees, crows, air-conditioned WiFi watermelons, Ge You's same sofa, the sunset, I Just leave it there.

14. The strange woman who takes the initiative to ask you to open a room is either a lady or a fairy.

15. After I die, the only thing I can’t worry about is my Q.

16. Don’t envy us for having no homework during the holidays. Do you know how tiring it is to play for a day?

Seventeen. I know that I have a bad temper. If you can't bear it, you should reflect on yourself and why others can.

18. You must cherish the things given to you, especially your face.

19. I want to kiss you when I am happy, and I want to be kissed when I am unhappy.

Twenty-one. We agreed to grow old together, so let’s dye ourselves grandma’s gray

Twenty-one. Even if my love is cheap, I won’t discount it for you

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22. You still have to have dreams, otherwise you will have nothing to talk to people about if you drink too much one day.

Twenty-three. When you get married in the future, and the person you marry is not me, I will move to live next door to your house and be a quiet Laowang.

24. You always say that your dreams are out of reach, but you never go to bed early or get up early.

Twenty-five, you are fat and you are ugly, we are friends

Twenty-six, you are prettier than your girlfriend, I am also sorry about this.

Twenty-seven, life will make you suffer for a while, and after you adapt, it will make you suffer for a lifetime.

28. I don’t know how others turn pressure into motivation. Anyway, I only turn pressure into appetite.

Twenty-nine, everyone is so young, why should I spoil you?

Thirty, I advise you to like me sooner.

Thirty-one, beggars will not be jealous of millionaires, but they will be jealous of beggars who are better off than themselves.

Thirty-two. If you don’t come to sleep with me, you don’t care what time I go to bed.

Thirty-three. After consulting a fortune teller, you and I are destined to be together.

Thirty-four. A strange woman who takes the initiative to ask you out for dinner is 100% drunk Trust.

Thirty-five, blame me for being so stunningly handsome that so many singles have been displaced

Thirty-six, never bow your head, the double chin is too obvious

37. When it comes to going to work, the main job content of a considerable number of people is to "pretend to be busy".

Thirty-eight. "How do you feel when faced with an overwhelming amount of homework?" "You get my people, but you can't get my heart."

Thirty 9. On WeChat, 1. The strange woman who takes the initiative to add you as a friend is either your wife or a Wechat businessman.

Forty, at the same age as a flower, it has grown into a fleshy person.

41. Because I want to see you, I have to run there

42. People who are clear don’t tell secrets, so come to me when you have time.

43. When others hold hands, I will hold my dog ??and see who is unhappy and bite him twice.

44. I suggest you like me and I will text you back immediately.

45. If your partner is not me, you might as well be single.

Forty-six. The lovely me back then is long gone, replaced by a more lovely me.

47. Let me tell you, you are so stupid to refuse such a cute girl like me

48. Every time someone is mean to me, I feel that this person has What's wrong, he can still lose his temper and be speechless in front of such a cute me.

Forty-nine, there is no banquet that lasts forever, but if you treat me, I can eat more with you.

Fifty. Those nights when you stay up late will eventually be repaid with a morning when you can’t get out of bed.

Fifty-one, if I die, remember to give me a handsome boyfriend

Fifty-two, a life where everyone loves you, a beauty where flowers bloom, Really happy

Fifty-three, everyone is like "love doesn't know where it starts, it goes deep", but I am different, I "don't know where the money is, and I am penniless."

54. Anyone who takes the initiative to tell you the above is either a liar or has been deceived.

Fifty-five, what should I do if I think the partner is slow to reply to messages? If it were me, I'd get back quickly.

Fifty-six. Now I only need three steps to solve math problems: read the problem once, write down the solution, and start crying.

Fifty-seven. This summer, not going out feels like a waste of life, and going out feels like dying.

Fifty-eight, silence is golden, don’t talk to me, I want to save money.

Fifty-nine. When I don’t want to care about you, it’s useless for you to coax me. At this time, you have to give me a red envelope. Daily Relaxing Moment Jokes 3

Joke Text Messages

1. Once upon a time, a man named Shuang died. On the day of his funeral, his family shed tears of pain and cried in front of his grave. Yelling, it feels so good... it feels so good... At this time, people passing by asked, "What are you feeling so good about?" The Shuang family responded with tears in their eyes: We are so happy...

2. This text message is concise and to the point, no advertising is inserted, throw away all the nonsense, the clichés are purely bubbling, just know yourself when you are happy, and happiness is definitely not gone. , let’s not talk about missing you, but a blessing works: all your wishes come true, happy New Year!

3. When New Year’s Day comes, gift-giving is too cliché, and there are no tricks in blessing. I can only wish my dear friends: I will be harassed by the God of Wealth every day, be illuminated by Maitreya Buddha all the time, make a lot of money, be happy and laugh, and follow happiness. run.

4. This New Year greeting message comes riding on the sweeping heat wave! May you have the financial resources of Buffett, the compact figure of Furong, the social status of Five Stripes, the enthusiasm to grab the salt tide, the enrichment of the flooded imperial capital, and happiness like the rising house prices!

5. One day, a death row prisoner was being executed. However, due to the quality of the bullets, the bailiff’s first shot didn’t go off, the second shot didn’t go off, and the third shot still didn’t go off. When the bailiff was about to fire the third shot, When the fourth shot was fired, the prisoner suddenly turned around and hugged the bailiff's leg, crying loudly: Brother, just strangle me to death, it's so damn scary...

6. The eight-character formula for cultivating one's health and nature, saying: Wo The scholar imitates the ox, and the scholar imitates the ox Shiwo. Recite it loudly five times on the balcony every morning, and your ears and eyes will become clearer and your appetite will increase. For your own health, you must persist!

7. In the new year, I hope you will have a "superborn guerrilla": you can survive in desperate situations when you encounter difficulties, the longer you grow, the more you will look like a white-faced scholar, your speech can be full of wit, troubles can make no grass grow, and happiness can make you happy. It is here and now, and I wish you a happy life!

8. This text message is sincere, very sincere, one in a hundred, transmitted thousands of miles, and thousands of miles away. It finally got into your phone and brought my deep affection to you - Happy New Year's Day! Don’t forget, friends!

9. When buying clothes, the salesperson (said contemptuously): These clothes are very expensive. Don’t touch them if you don’t want to buy them.

A certain woman: It seems like you are rich? If you have money, you won’t sell it!

10. During the Chinese New Year, Tang Monk added a small cotton robe, Wukong added a small cotton trousers, Sha Monk added a small cotton hat, Bajie, don’t just play with your little hands. Read text messages on your mobile phone, remember to buy a pair of small gloves.

11. If you laugh happily every day and live happily, your mood will improve, and good luck will come. Happiness will naturally knock on the door, so the mentality is the most important. In the New Year, I will be here Text messages make you smile!

12. By God, the emperor issued an edict: In consideration of your loyalty and hard work, I will grant you the right to shop for free. How to get it: Go to a nearby mall with this text message and pick up the products you want. If he gives you everything, that's fine. If he doesn't, he'll just pick it up and run away. Admire this! Note: The final interpretation right of this text message belongs to me.

13. I make a wish on New Year’s Day: I want good luck to wash my feet, good luck to give me a pat on the back, happiness to bring me tea, good luck to pour me water, and the best and most beautiful ones. I don’t know the east, west or north. My final wishes. Happy New Year to the person reading the message, who is as dizzy as me!

14. Are you okay? I miss you... Lately I always dream of walking on that grass with you. If we still have a chance, let’s say something weakly: we are only allowed to eat grass, and we are not allowed to urinate anywhere!

15. An ugly monkey went to a dating agency to find a match, but the boss said it was very expensive. The ugly monkey said he would get a cheap one, but the boss said there was one but it was stupid. The ugly monkey said it didn’t matter, so the boss rushed. Shouting from the window → Fool, stop reading the text messages and come out for a blind date.

16. I will send a text message worth RMB 10 to any brother or sister who has a certain status in my heart and is handsome and beautiful. Tomorrow I will treat guests to a five-star hotel... and watch them eat! Please bring your own napkins to avoid drooling on your clothes. I wish everyone a happy viewing and happy drooling!

17. Life is your welfare home, relaxation is your massage room, happiness is your base camp, happiness is when you meet Uncle Benshan every day, work is when others go to work and you get paid, and surprises are mine. Text message wishing you happiness every day in the new year!

18. Yesterday, I had the honor to meet with the Supreme Master and gave me a golden elixir. Now we are also dazzled, but a terrible thing happened immediately: I can get it every day I saw a lot of monsters, but the important thing is that I found you... a lazy insect.

19. I am a kind-hearted person and work in a low-key manner. As New Year's Day is approaching, I am afraid that I will not be able to squeeze into the fast lane to wish you well, and I will not be able to squeeze into the crowd of people wishing you well, so I wish you a happy New Year's Day in advance!

20. I forgive you for being silent at this inappropriate moment. Apart from harassment, I may not be able to dig out any deep meaning. If you accidentally wake up, I will remind you to cover yourself with the quilt when you go back to sleep. Turn off your phone by the way!

21. I have long had the ambition to go to Jinggang Mountain again. There are singing and dancing birds everywhere, and there are even monkeys climbing up the trees. Rubbing his eyes and taking a closer look, it turned out that the orangutan was dancing. Look carefully again: Brother, it’s so hard to find you, so I’m stealing food here!

22. Asking for "Miss": One day, he had three boring Chinese classes in a row, and the teacher refused to let the get out of class go. He finally couldn't help shouting: I want to "pee"! The teacher was furious: How dare you shamelessly ask for "Miss" in my class!

23. My colleague: You have so many acnes on your face that the tractor will overturn when you drive on it! Me: If the pimples on my face were as few as the hair on your head, I would be satisfied!

24. Streaking is an outdoor sport that improvises courage, speed and figure, regardless of venue or gender. This sport originated in Europe and the United States, and has produced many enthusiasts in China in recent years. Recently, boys in Hangzhou ran naked to protest the school's power outage. The photos were printed on T-shirts and sold. They are as famous as Zeng Ge, leading the new trend of streaking.

A weak question: Did you run naked today?

25. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you may have to eat at least a pair of whales...

26. One day, Xiaoqiang ate too much. , walked too fast again, and bumped into a girl. Xiaoqiang was about to apologize, but his stomach raised objections and he vomited. The girl looked at Xiaoqiang and asked angrily: Am I so disgusting?

27. New Year’s Day is here, and I want to give you a grapefruit, a durian, and a banana. I wish all the gods will protect you in the new year, good luck to you, durians, and a happy horizon. Always with you Banana!

28. Sorry, my dear friend, I originally wanted to send you a long enough and sensational holiday blessing, but I tossed and turned, stayed up all night, racked my brains, and was confused... I still I feel that my blessings to you are indescribable, so just treat me to a meal on New Year’s Day and let me talk to you!

29. It is said that there are four states of texting: venting out of feelings; sensationalizing by making a fuss; harassing by doing nothing; and sincere blessings. I am the last one. In the new year, I wish you happiness, health, peace and happiness!

30. The "new requirements" of life in 2014: new styles of clothes, fresh vegetables, trendy lovers, new houses, new ideas for blessings, may You are in a happy mood, and your happiness is new every day!

31. Distance does not matter, height does not matter, beauty or ugliness does not matter. No matter where you hide, I will rely on you to pester you. My name is happiness and my nickname is peace. Happy New Year!

32. When will the final exam be taken? When will the results be released after the exam? What are the grades for this school year? Have you found a good job? How much is the year-end bonus? Have a girlfriend? Did your mother force you to go on a blind date? Have you weighed yourself? oops. alright. Say no more. Have a happy New Year’s Day!

33. Life becomes uncomfortable without you. I hate that hateful third party for taking you away. Do you have a new relationship with him? I really want you to come back to me - wallet.

34. I generally don’t send text messages to people easily. The person who receives my text message must be someone who is in trouble or suffering from each other, so I kowtow three times and say long live my life three times. ! It’s the New Year, I wish you a Happy New Year, nothing else, I just miss you, please step aside!

35. New Year’s Day is coming. I hope you will say: go to troubles; say: stay to happiness; say: go to bad luck; say: come to good luck; and say: to failure: Bah; say to success: thumbs up; I wish you a great 2015!