My daughter is 27 years old and has been depressed for 5 or 6 years. I don't feel well. How should I communicate with her?

My 27-year-old daughter has been depressed for 5.6 years. As a mother, she must feel uncomfortable. I have met many parents in this situation. Let me tell you something based on my experience.

I think at least you understand your daughter, and you are worried about her present situation. This is very good and worthy of praise. I have met some parents who always complain that people with depression are not self-reliant, self-reliant, narrow-minded, stubborn and melodramatic. Such remarks actually didn't help, but increased the mental burden of the patient, made her immersed in self-blame and self-blame, and aggravated the original depression.

People with depression may be afraid of something for a long time, have no spirit, are not motivated, and are unwilling to make any changes. They may even live in seclusion for 5.6 years. But even so, it is not her fault. Criticizing her is a cognitive mistake! Self-blame, pessimism and all negative emotions of patients with depression are caused by depression, which is the product of the disease, not the patient's own subjective choice.

So don't criticize patients at will, because depression itself is not a psychological problem, and telling the truth won't help. On the contrary, it is likely to consume the last point of persistence, leading to unpredictable self-harm or suicide.

I think the most important thing is that you should have done it and provided necessary emotional support and family support to the sick children! This seems simple, but it is really important, because although depression is not a simple psychological problem, most of them have obvious social and psychological factors, so family members provide necessary emotional and family support to help patients better cope with the invasion of depression.

Of course, it must be said that it is not clear whether the patient has been ill for 5.6 years and whether he insists on seeking medical treatment. Depression itself is a chronic disabling mental illness. If it is not controlled for a long time, the disease will become intractable, and even irreversible social and cognitive impairment will gradually appear. Therefore, depression must be treated promptly, and it will definitely get better. Building confidence in overcoming depression must be a slow process. If you have no confidence, raise the white flag and give up early, then there is really no way. Do not give up!

In fact, it is also very important to carry out health education for family members of depression. As family members, it is best to know more about the medical knowledge of depression for patients and know what is recurrence and what is the risk of suicide. There are several nursing points that I often tell my family when I get along with patients with depression. Here are some for you:

(1) Try to keep the living room environment sunny, with clear and harmonious colors.

(2) Be careful not to leave the patient alone, and be accompanied at any time to prevent the patient from committing suicide and self-injury.

(3) Observe the patient's sleep, don't let the patient fall asleep with his head covered, but deal with the patients who are difficult to fall asleep or wake up early in time to ensure adequate sleep.

(4) Most patients with depression have decreased appetite, so we can't ignore diet care, urge patients to eat and maintain proper nutrition.

(5) Patients with depression have a heavy mental burden, so they should take the initiative to talk with them to block their negative psychology and relieve their inner pain.

People with depression usually feel unlovable, unworthy of being loved, prone to insomnia, self-blame and guilt. They will magnify countless small and bad things and point the attack at themselves. These "internal attacks" dragged them into deep darkness and could not extricate themselves.

As people around you, looking at your weakness and unable to control yourself will definitely be painful and sad.

How can we communicate with them in a way that they can accept?

If you have such friends around you, you can do this:

1. Stay with them. Even if you don't talk, you will give them a kind of strength around them and let them know that they are not fighting alone, but that someone is fighting side by side with him.

When they are talking to you, don't interrupt them or criticize them. You should know that this little trick they told you may have been done with all their courage. Give them a hug, a smile and a warm look, that's enough.

4. Have confidence in them and give them more patience. Let them feel that no matter how long you will accompany him, spend it with him, eliminate their worries, and let them feel at ease and trust you. When they begin to trust you, your communication will be smooth.

Never force them to do or not to do anything. Forcing them will only make them farther and farther away from you.

Hello, friend. The following is the note of an old friend of the counselor. I'm happy to answer your question.

Depression for five or six years, only 27 years old, this is really a very unacceptable situation. I understand how you feel, my friend.

But reality is reality, and you can't say something comforting just because you understand it.

Since we should respect the reality, we must point out, my friend, what you are bringing to your daughter now is a negative influence.

"I feel bad" means that your friend loves your daughter dearly and doesn't want her to suffer like this. Maybe there are some hidden concerns.

But I also have to say that if your friend's discomfort persists, then your state will inevitably affect your daughter.

People with psychological problems are relatively sensitive to the outside world. Your excessive worry and discomfort is like telling her that you are very ill, that you have no hope, and that you can't get well.

Although this is not your intention, you will send such a message as long as your friend is in trouble.

So you want to solve your discomfort, so you put forward the question of "how to communicate with her". It seems that this is to help solve my daughter's problem, but it is actually just to reassure myself.

If depression is just communication, it will get better and won't exist for that long. So what families need to understand is that it's not just communication. There are many things to do.

But considering the constraints of reality, professional things are still left to professional people to do.

As family members, we should do three things well:

1, protect yourself from depression;

2. Make sure that you will not be anxious because of the long-term problems of your loved ones, and then pass on the negative effects to them;

3. Give support, understanding, recognition, encouragement and respect within a limited scope.

Don't be fooled by your seemingly good intentions. Solving problems is to respect objective laws, not to be kind.

So, my friend, what you have to do now is to solve your own problems. If your daughter is receiving psychological counseling, you can also find a psychological counselor to do some counseling for yourself. If you are just taking drugs, consulting a psychologist is also a good direction.

Thank you, my friend, for reading. I hope my answer will help you see the real world clearly. Best wishes.

Hello, in fact, a friend asked me yesterday: my girl is at home alone, doesn't go out, doesn't pick us up, and doesn't eat at her house when the meal is ready. She went out to buy it herself. I sent her a message asking how she was today. She said it was good and told me to take care of myself, kind person. What should I do?

Similar to this family, relatives are depressed, and relatives have tried everything they can, but the depressed people are still the same, and their families feel desperate. What should I do?

My answer is: if her life is not in danger for the time being, you can give her some time to calm down first, and her family can silently guard her. In the future, when things get better, there will be different effects.

To sum up, it is four words: understanding+companionship.

Perhaps my answer is not as professional as that of a psychologist, but because I have experienced it personally, I am particularly touched by such a question.

I have experienced the same situation myself: after four years of failure in starting a business with my brother, I was eager to change myself and chose to try a challenging sales job. Then, because I am not good at facing setbacks and blows, I am tortured by sub-health, unemployment, confusion, anxiety and pain, so I close myself up, refuse to communicate with others, don't go out and don't work. ...

At that time, my brother tried to pull me out of the emotional quagmire countless times: take me to start a second business together and invite friends around me to accompany me to dinner; Please enlighten me with my best friend; Ask my favorite female entrepreneur to take me ... but I really can't listen to any emotions in my heart. The kind of psychology that yearns for family care but conflicts is very contradictory. Sometimes he convinces us too quickly, and we even have a language conflict.

But from beginning to end, he was very patient. He didn't accuse me of being so ignorant at the age of 30, but he cared and guided me again and again, waiting for me to cheer up.

Some people don't understand why they don't accept help when they have troubles and problems. Obviously friends and family are willing to help, why don't people with depression cooperate?

This question is not difficult to answer. My biggest feeling was that time, which was really emotional.

In fact, I know very well that I am "sick". I should accept other people's help or try to cheer up. But my emotions overcame my reason. This convinced me that the breakup of feelings was particularly shameful, and no one could understand my feelings. Moreover, if you accept other people's help, it means admitting your vulnerability and incompetence. The situation at that time was like what Burns wrote in his "Top Ten Cognition":

When you are depressed, you will feel that you are a useless person; When you are in a good mood, you think you can do anything.

Many times, we don't realize that our cognition of ourselves is based on emotions. We will infer many conclusions from emotions, which will lead to cognitive bias. "

But now, when my state is adjusted, I can not only discuss my original experience with my brother calmly, but also analyze how to correct my past cognitive mistakes from all angles. Just like yesterday, we drove back from Shenzhen and talked about the importance of emotional stability to one's life and work. He said, if you hadn't been in a bad state recently, how dare I say these words to you.

Yes, any adjustment of psychological problems should be actively coordinated by the parties themselves. What family members need to do is to give depressed people some patience and time, which is the only thing you can do.

I'm Tan, an introverted post-80s girl who is striving for self-confidence. I hope my story can give you some inspiration.

When depressed and awake, the surroundings are dark, the limbs are weak, and the five senses are blocked, which is incompatible with the surroundings. During the years of high school and college, I was depressed and didn't want to see anything. I have been thinking about tobeornottobe, and I have studied many ways to leave. I am naturally confused, extremely negative and disgusted with myself, and always feel that I am too bad to handle my various puzzles. So I am very tired and feel that living is a burden. Fortunately, when I was at my lowest point, I met my godmother now. She has been giving me countless, countless cares and warmth, which I couldn't expect before. Don't care about it with ulterior motives, even if it's what you think, don't say anything, it's all common criticism. As long as you are warm and patient, you will slowly enter her world. But there are many original things about this disease. Many people I know have been traumatized when they were young, and this kind of trauma can be followed for a lifetime. So, don't try to change her appearance with your philosophy of life, go to see a psychologist first, let her understand slowly and get out of that stage slowly. Of course, you need to cooperate with medication. Because a person who is not afraid of death will not be afraid of life.

Practice meditation and standing posture. Meditation can enlighten people. I am also a patient with severe anxiety and moderate depression. I went to the hospital several times and it was the same result. It was a painful time! Later, I read an article that it is impossible for people who have this disease to calm down when they recover, so I practice meditation slowly. At first, the whole body hurts for five minutes, and then it slowly lasts for ten or twenty minutes. Now I can do it for an hour at a time! After meditation, you will find that many things that you couldn't figure out before will be suddenly enlightened in the process of meditation! What is unclear is a mysterious feeling! Besides, I jog for half an hour every day and 30 minutes every night! Sleep quality is particularly good! The most important thing is that children should save themselves first. If they want to save themselves, everything will be fine! I also go to the temple once a week to confess and recite the Heart Sutra every day! This is a kind of heart disease. Don't treat yourself as a patient, you will find that you can easily get happiness and happiness.

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Children are seedlings, and parents are roots, especially the root of mother can influence children most, because the first person we come into contact with in this world is mother. You must have hurt her in words and actions. If there is a problem with the roots, there is a problem with the seedlings. Communicate with her more and love her more. The power of love is infinite, and love can also give people the greatest energy. Love can give people confidence, motivation, courage and miracles. Remember that parents have the greatest influence on children. Roots should provide nutrition for seedlings, and seedlings will have vitality! Most mental illnesses are caused by the mother.

Depression is not terrible, but it is terrible if people with depression can't get the understanding of their family and friends.

Melancholy for a long time is depression. Patients with depression are sentimental, sensitive to people and things, and have high self-requirements, which are not easy to satisfy. Or want to be an excellent person, but it has not been proved to be excellent in real life, with a big psychological gap and low mood. I want too many things, too easy to satisfy, can't find my own direction in life, and feel that my existence is worthless. When these emotions continue to accumulate and the pressure has nowhere to release, it will become depression after a long time.

How to relieve depression? First of all, we should change our way of life and find a way to make us happy, such as shopping, watching some funny programs, playing with children, traveling and watching movies. These activities are best carried out with the support of family members.

The behavior of depression is to think about what will happen every day, with purpose and pertinence. For example, going to work is for a better life, and interacting with people is for better interaction and convenience. When all this is not handled well, you will be unhappy or anxious. Pay too much attention to the results of life, when life becomes a tool, the pressure will be great.

When you play, don't think about what the result is and what the goal is. You go through some fun. Shopping doesn't have to buy anything, but to experience the prosperity of the city and browse a wide range of goods. People and cars on the street are all scenery. These aimless games can temporarily forget some anxious things. Similarly, when you travel, you will experience the scenic spots all over the world, eat all kinds of delicious food from all over the world and enjoy the pleasure of delicious food, so that you will forget other unhappiness.

When you are depressed, don't bear it alone. Talk to friends, or put down what you are doing and go out to play with positive, happy and cheerful friends. When you have a group of happy people around you, I believe you will be happy.

Hello, I'm Xie Qing, a national second-level psychological counselor and a psychology teacher in colleges and universities. I have contacted many patients with depression, and I have also shared with their families and relatives the precautions in communication and the minefields that should be avoided. I hope I can help you.

I understand how you feel at the moment. Of course, parents will be worried when their children are ill. This is a normal performance. On the other hand, it also shows that you care about your daughter, which is actually a good factor for her illness.

Of course, the care of relatives is very important, but besides care, how should we get along with people with depression?

1. Avoid thick soup and chicken soup.

Common sayings are "as long as you don't fall into a dead end", "Exercise with me/go out to play/eat something delicious/,and it will be fine naturally", "You just think too much" and so on. But it is sometimes difficult for people with depression to control their emotional transformation, because it is a disease, not simply "just think about it."

Therefore, it is sometimes difficult for patients to absorb enough nutrition from "chicken soup for the soul"; On the contrary, blindly refueling will bring greater psychological pressure to patients.

Because many depressed patients get sick because they are too strict with themselves, this unresponsive sense of powerlessness will further strengthen her inferiority and self-blame, thus increasing psychological pressure.

On the other hand, if you try your best to encourage and drive each other's emotions every day, but the other party can't give a positive response all the time, over time, you may feel weak, discouraged and even blame each other and gradually become indifferent.

As a result, the patients' pressure is getting heavier and heavier, the symptoms are getting heavier and heavier, and the disappointment, helplessness and irritability of relatives and friends are getting heavier and heavier, eventually forming a vicious circle.

Avoid overprotection

Once some parents know that their children have depression, they will be overly cautious and completely protect each other, and they will not allow their children to do anything or think about anything.

This may make people with depression feel useless and fall into the abyss of self-blame and guilt, which is also not conducive to the recovery of patients. In fact, family members should not overprotect patients. They should let patients do some small things naturally according to specific conditions, but don't force themselves to do things. Help her gradually regain self-confidence and self-esteem.

Don't repeatedly emphasize her fragility (she is fragile because she is sick, not born), remember with her more, emphasize her happiness and strength, and make her believe that she is strong.

3. Avoid forcing each other to communicate

Many people think it will be better to talk more about depression, but in fact, due to diseases, many patients will lack the motivation to communicate and be too lazy to talk.

If the other person is willing to talk, please keep a good listening state.

If the other person doesn't want to talk, don't force the other person to communicate with you, but tell her:

If you need me, I will always be here.

1. Suggest the patient to see a doctor immediately.

At present, the information is not sure whether your daughter has been diagnosed with depression, or whether she is suspected to be prone to depression.

If you suspect that the other person may suffer from depression, you should immediately suggest (preferably accompany) him to a psychiatric clinic. The sooner depression is found and treated professionally in time, the easier it is to recover; Scientific and standardized drug therapy combined with psychotherapy is helpful for patients to get out of depression as soon as possible and prevent the recurrence of depression.

It must also be reminded that if the doctor asks the other person to take medicine, he must supervise her to take it on time and in quantity (because one of the symptoms of many depressed patients is to refuse to accept it and take medicine indiscriminately, which is a very dangerous behavior).

2. If the other party has extreme thoughts or behaviors.

Once the patient is found to have signs of suicide, he should immediately contact the attending doctor and take corresponding treatment measures.

If she hints or reveals suicidal thoughts, don't be afraid or interrupt the topic. Many people mistakenly think that "discussing suicide will stimulate the other person to want to commit suicide more." In fact, clinical experience is not the case. Frankly discussing the topic of suicide with patients can prevent patients from falling into despair and taking suicidal actions.

But don't panic, let alone scold the patient. Instead, we should calmly and patiently listen to whether there are any incentives for patients to have such thoughts or thoughts, try our best to let patients express their inner experiences in words, express their understanding of patients' pain, and clearly convey to patients the adverse effects of suicide on their families.

You can convince patients like this: "I can understand your pain now, but depression is a curable disease." After this period, it will get better gradually. You must have confidence. I'm sorry to see you so sad, but don't kill yourself. Your life is very important to me and all those who love you. If you commit suicide, it will be unbearable pain for me and great harm to those who love you. "

You must pay attention to your mental health.

Depression is a curable disease, but sometimes it takes a long time.

Your daughter has been ill for several years, and her family will inevitably feel powerless. She may even spend a lot of time and energy to take care of each other, and she is also very tired and nervous.

In short, the care, help and support of relatives and relatives are indispensable for the rehabilitation of patients with depression. It is suggested that we must fully understand the patient and create a loving environment conducive to her recovery. At the same time, we should also pay attention to our mental health, learn to rest and decompress, and work together to overcome depression!

You didn't take him to treatment for five or six years!

Suggest that a family child can make more money without you two, and the house is useless!

Depression often wants to commit suicide!

Go to the hospital for examination first!

Take the children to do what they like and accompany them full-time.

Distraction, in layman's terms, is that he is autistic and does not communicate. He feels that the world has given up on him and his parents have not communicated well.