Celebrity jokes, are there? Urgent! ! !

Ji Xiaolan International Team Gan Long 1

Once, Emperor Qianlong wanted to play a joke on Ji Xiaolan and asked, "Qing Ji, how do you explain the word loyalty and filial piety?"

Ji Xiaolan replied: "If you want me to die, I have to die for loyalty; A father wants his son to die, and his son has to die. This is filial piety. "

Gan long immediately said, "I order you to die now as a monarch!" " "

"This ... I got the message!" In a hurry, Ji Xiaolan didn't know the emperor's intention, so he had to respond.

"Then how are you going to die?"

"Jump into the river."

"Ok, you go!"

Suddenly, all the ministers were very surprised. No one thought that such a change would happen suddenly, and at that time they were all worried about Ji Xiaolan. However, Ji Xiaolan, who has great wit, turned around outside and came back in a short time.

Gan Long quickly asked, "Why aren't you dead yet?"

Ji Xiaolan replied, "When I got to the river and was about to jump, who knew that Qu Yuan came up to me from the water and patted me on the shoulder and said,' Xiaolan, this is your fault. Back then, Chu Huaiwang was a bad king, and I had to die because he didn't argue loyalty and treachery. But now that the emperor is wise, if he really dies, won't future generations say that the emperor killed Zhongliang? You should go back and ask the emperor if he is a bad king. If the emperor agrees, it's never too late for you to die! "I think what Dr. Qu said is reasonable. I came back to report to the emperor and asked him to decide. "

After hearing this, Gan Long couldn't help laughing and said, "Ji Xiaolan is really glib. I was persuaded by you."

Secondly, Li Bai's humor.

Yang, the prime minister of the Tang Dynasty, was jealous of Li Bai's talent and always tried to belittle him.

One day, Yang came up with an idea for Li Bai to compare the sentences in these three steps. As soon as Li Bai entered the door, Yang said, "Two apes are chopping wood on the mountain. How do they saw?" "See" homophonic "sentence" and "monkey" allude to Li Bai.

Hearing this, Li Bai smiled and said, "Since the Prime Minister started, I can't say for sure within three steps, and I will lose."

Yang wanted to finish the three steps quickly, but just after one step, Li Bai pointed to Yang's foot and shouted, "A horse is hiding in the mud, see how the beast gets out of its hoof?" "hoof" and "title" are homophonic, and "beast" alludes to Yang, which is quite right with the first part.

Yang tried to take advantage, but he was humiliated by Li Bai.

No.3 Ji Xiaolan skillfully explained the "old man"

One day in midsummer, Ji Xiaolan and several colleagues are proofreading manuscripts in the library.

Because of his obesity, Ji Xiaolan couldn't stand the heat and summer, so he took off his coat, bared his shoulders and put a braid on his head.

Unfortunately, at this moment, Emperor Qianlong slowly entered the museum.

When Ji Xiaolan found out, it was too late to get dressed, so he quickly shrank his neck and hid under the table.

Actually, Qianlong had already seen Ji Xiaolan's action, but he pretended not to know, and deliberately talked with other officials in the museum, but he didn't mean to leave.

Later, he sat at the table and waved to other officials for silence.

In the hot summer, Ji Xiaolan is sweating under the table, which is unbearable. Hearing the silence outside, he thought that Qianlong had left, so he leaned out and asked his colleague, "Is the old man gone?" As soon as his voice fell, he found the emperor sitting beside him!

Gan Long was amused, and his colleagues couldn't help laughing.

Qianlong feigned anger and said, "Ji Xiaolan, you are so rude. How can you say such frivolous and casual things! Why do you call me "old man"? If you explain it properly, I will forgive you, or I will cut your head off! "

All my colleagues are worried about Ji Xiaolan.

Ji Xiaolan really deserves to be called a copper tooth and iron tooth. He calmly replied, "Long live the emperor. Isn't this called' old'? You are indomitable and supreme. Isn't this a' head'? Heaven and earth are the emperor's parents, aren't you a son? Aren't these all' old people'? "

After listening to his explanation, Qianlong immediately turned anger into joy. Instead of punishing him, he rewarded him.

The fourth Ji Xiaolan to eunuch.

A little eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and asked him to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan was asked to say: Once upon a time, there was a man. (Long silence) The eunuch couldn't help asking, what's next? Ji Xiaolan replied: There is nothing down there!

The little eunuch told the eunuch manager about it. The eunuch manager was very knowledgeable. He thought Ji Xiaolan was too disrespectful and decided to punish him. One day, I met him and said, "I've heard for a long time that Jigong has talents, and I have a couplet:' Three talents come from heaven and earth'. Please help me make the next link. " Ji Xiaolan said modestly, "I'm flattered." Then he said, "Four seasons, summer, autumn and winter". The manager asked, "The four seasons are spring, summer, autumn and winter. Why is there no spring? " Ji Xiaolan glanced at the eunuch's lower body and grinned. "Spring has passed." .

NO.5 Zheng Banqiao sent a thief poem

Zheng Banqiao, a painter in Qing Dynasty, was poor when he was young. Because there is no name and no power, although calligraphy and painting are good, they can't sell well. There is nothing of value at home.

One day, when Zheng Banqiao was lying in bed, he suddenly saw a furtive figure on the window. Zheng Banqiao thought, this must be a thief. What's worth taking from my house? Then sing a poem loudly:

The wind is blowing, the moon is faint, and the husband who works is cold! There are ten thousand volumes hidden in the belly of poetry and books, and there are no half of the money strings at the bedside.

Hearing this, the thief turned and ran.

Zheng Banqiao read two more farewell poems:

Don't scare the yellow-tailed dog when going out, and don't interfere with the green flowerpot when climbing over the wall.

The thief hurried over the wall and escaped. He accidentally knocked over some wall bricks. Zheng Banqiao's yellow dog barked at the thief and bit him. Zheng Banqiao put on clothes to go out, drank the yellow dog, picked up the fallen thief, sent him to the road, bowed and sent two poems:

I will put on my clothes at night, pack up my ambitions and start over.