Children's pure funny quotations

Innocent children are a clean stream around us. The following are the classic funny quotations I compiled. Welcome to reading.

Such a network manager

Colleagues and children are in grade one, and the teacher basically gives each child an official. His son is a network administrator. The main job is that when the teacher wants to use multimedia in class, the network manager will press the start button!

United?

Once my son asked me how my child came, so I told him. You'll know when you grow up? And he said? Then tell me now, and I will know! ? In the end, I had no choice but to tell him? Only parents have children? Finally, he said, is it true that mom and dad stick together to have children?

Mothers teach their children: You can't even do that. Why are you so stupid? Did you skip class in class? . The child replied:? I am very serious in class, so I can't do it. I can't blame you! ? . Mom was shocked? Who is to blame? The child said:? Blame you. You lowered my IQ, you lowered the IQ of the people of China, and you are sorry for the people of China! ?

Almost disfigured

When I was a child, it was fun to watch my cousin throw stones into the sky. I also picked up a stone and threw it into the sky, but I threw it over my head, and then I looked at it with expectation. As a result, the stone fell directly on my face. God, it hurts. It almost disfigured, okay?

A happy smile

Mom: Look, son, you have miscalculated this question again. You can't do your homework half-heartedly, you must do it right. Son: Mom, I only have one heart, not three. How can I be half-hearted?

Primary schools take part in sports meetings.

It is said that Louzhu Primary School took part in the sports meeting. In an 800-meter race, just after Xue Ge ran 50 meters, he put a bag of ice water on his head and absorbed in drinking the water poured by other athletes. You poured a bag of sugar water and your hair got sticky. Think for yourself.

Dad knows such things.

Once I failed in a Chinese exam, the damn teacher asked my parents to sign it. If dad knew such a thing, it would be fatal. So I crustily skin of head to find my mother to sign. Although I will be beaten, at least my mother didn't clap so hard, and I was beaten decisively. Traditionally, this is not an orgasm. The climax is that I was beaten by my mother, and my father came back from shopping, and the women's singles became mixed doubles!

What about the baby?

A little boy asked his teacher: Can you get pregnant by kissing? Teacher: Yes! The child looked at the girl next to him with a sly smile on his face. The girl said, no, what should I do in kindergarten?

Give me a good name.

My brother's name is Xu Hang. When I was in primary school, one day he suddenly said to my mother, Mom, can you change my name? As long as it's not Xu Hang, anything will do. My mother shook her head and said, no, just change the name. The younger brother thought for a moment and said, why don't you pick me up at school and let me go home by myself? My mother asked: Why? The younger brother said that as soon as the students saw you coming to pick me up, they shouted? Aircraft carrier? Coming! ? Aircraft carrier? Coming!

Diapers are evidence.

Last night, my period came in the middle of the night, so I took out a sanitary towel from the bedside table and used it. Then I put the rest on the pillow. When I woke up in the morning, my little niece came to my room to wake me up. She saw the sanitary towel on my pillow and shouted excitedly, Aunt, you wet the bed again. I want to tell grandma that you can see diapers as proof! I petrified in an instant. ...

Come out quickly.

I severely criticized my five-year-old daughter for her mistake. She was not satisfied, so she went into the toilet and locked the door to annoy me! It's been almost an hour, and I really can't bear to say to myself, dear daughter, dad knows it's wrong, come out quickly! ? The daughter shouted:? I didn't! ? I have no choice but to beg: please, dad can't hold it any longer, come out quickly, or I will wash my pants at last! ?

What did I do wrong?

When I was a child, my parents quarreled. My father has a bamboo stick, but my mother doesn't. In the confusion, I rushed into the kitchen and handed my mother the kitchen knife. As a result, I got a double K. What did I do wrong? Is it easy? I ...

He ate more than half.

When I was a child, my brother stole money from home and led me to buy a lot of delicious food at school, but I sued my brother after school! Seeing that my brother was badly beaten, I stood on the side and couldn't breathe! Really, my mother had enough fun and asked my brother, to tell the truth, what did the money buy and who did you buy it from! ? Brother, come and press me. Bought a lot of delicious food and he ate more than half of it! He ate more than half! ?

Women are dangerous goods.

When I was a child, I ate sesame candy given by my grandmother with a relative and girl, one for each person. At that time, she pulled me and said that we would compete to see who had the longest candy, so I took the candy and compared it with her. Who knows that she bit half of it and wanted to bite it back and compare it with others. People go to eat candy without looking back. They hadn't gone to school at that time, and they couldn't remember who she was. Do women cheat like this when they are young?

Can I bully my sister?

After dinner, Yang Min took her son and daughter to watch TV in the living room. When a pair of photos of a man and a woman appeared on the screen, the 4-year-old son asked, Mom, what are those two doing? Mom couldn't explain it directly, so she lied to him: That man is bullying that woman! ? After a while, Lele asked weakly, Mom, can I bully my sister?

wholeheartedly

My son plays games while doing his homework. Mom:? You see, this is wrong, son. Can't you do things wholeheartedly? The son nodded:? I see, I won't do my homework and concentrate on finishing the game! ?

Speak with great strength

I have a niece at home who is six years old. She speaks powerfully. Once when she was sleeping, her father sneezed and woke her up. I got up and asked, who is it? My mother said: your grandfather. The niece replied, this wicked little beast scares me! After listening to spray.

Nothing can be corrected.

There is a child next door to my house. Every time I hear it? My little apple? Always singing on purpose? My little ass? . As a result, once in kindergarten, a program teacher asked him to sing (my little apple), but he couldn't correct it. He always sings my little ass.

Because the cylinder cracked.

Teacher: Er Dan, how did you feel after hearing the story of Sima Guang smashing a jar? Two eggs: I feel very painful. Teacher: Why? Two eggs: Because the jar is cracked. It hurts! Teacher: Get out!

Worse than disappointment.

Er Dan just finished the exam and went home and said to his mother:? Mom, I won't let you down in this exam. ? Mother kissed him happily, and he went on to say? Mom, you will despair! ?

With this mouth, the landlord will not have to worry about incense.

Riding an electric car to send my son to school, I met a girl in his class at the school gate. The little girl just got off her father's Buick and sneered at her son. Didn't you say your father had a BMW? It turned out to be such a BMW. ? I thought to myself, the child lost his temper. Is this awkward, but my son's answer is witty? Do you have a BMW to show you? I won't seduce you. ?

Education failed in front of a foodie.

When I was at home during the Spring Festival, my little niece fell ill and came at the right time. Once I was eating grapefruit and saw the snack goods. Come running like a fart: Brother-in-law, give me a little, just a little. ? Me:? If you eat it, you will get sick. Does it hurt to get sick and get an injection? Tiny? It hurts! ? Me? Are you scared? Tiny? Afraid! ? Me? Are you still eating? Tiny? Eat! ? I feel that my education has failed in front of a foodie!

You can't even count.

The daughter clamored for her mother to buy a treasure chest. Get up in the morning and say, mom, you have to buy me a treasure chest. My ball is missing another one. Mom replied: you can't count, how can you know less!

Son, you are so naive.

In the waiting room of the station, the daughter pointed to a man and said to her mother, mom, look, that uncle's hair is going bald. Mom quickly stopped: shh? Keep your voice down, son, or your uncle will hear you. The daughter is very strange: Why? Uncle doesn't know it himself? !

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