A short joke

1. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. "2. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If the train ticket you want is gone, will you obey the adjustment? Me: Obey. After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! ! School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment? 3. This is the smell. Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel sick all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such terrible soup! "At first, my daughter-in-law always submitted to humiliation, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! That's the smell! "4. On the bus, two brothers are chatting. A man asked, "Is Big S Asa in S.H.E?" The other man replied, "huh? ! Dude, you're a Martian. The big S is Selina in Twins, the one who has just been banned. Wang Xiaofei is still affectionate and upright. People have just been burned and engaged ... "5. An old man went to buy tomatoes and chose three. The stall owner weighed it and said, "One and a half kilos, three dollars and seven cents." Grandpa said, "just make a soup, you don't need so much." "After that, I took off the biggest tomato. The stall owner quickly glanced at the scale again. " Two pounds, three dollars. "Just when I couldn't see the past and wanted to remind my uncle to pay attention to the scale of the vendor, he calmly took out 70 cents, picked up the big tomato that had just been taken away and turned away. 6. Two children talk: A says: Our whole family likes animals very much. My mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits. B said: What about your father? A said: I like foxes. 7. The teacher shouted to the whole class: Don't make so much noise ... No one paid attention to him, so he had to complain to the principal ... They went back to the classroom in anger, and the whole class sat quietly. The teacher couldn't believe it ... "Come on! Monitor, you say! What is this? "The monitor stood up shyly and muttered with his head down: Old teacher, you said: If one day you come into the classroom and find the whole class quiet … you can die for us! 8. In the third year of high school, the geometry teacher was an old lady who loved to brag and was particularly annoying. One day in class, he said, "I am highly valued by the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study the problem together, and I always pick up the car. " I accidentally asked, "Three rounds? "As a result, I was banned from geometry class for a week. 9. One day, turn on the school tap. Accidentally, the water splashed on my hand, and a MM behind me took my hand and asked with concern, "Did you burn your hand?" "Although it hurts, in order to show my manhood, I just gritted my teeth and said," Nothing, nothing. "Then pretend as if nothing had happened. MM suddenly turned to the people waiting in line behind her and said, "Go home, the water didn't boil today!" " "10, Lao Wang went upstairs and broke a leg. After putting on the plaster, the doctor was told not to climb the stairs until the plaster was removed. A month later, the doctor removed the cast and said that he was recovering well. Lao Wang said, "Oh, great. Can I take the stairs now? " The doctor said, "OK, but you should be careful." "What a relief," sighed Lao Wang. "It's really troublesome to climb up and down the sewer outside every day these days!"

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