Give me some super funny short jokes

Laugh, I will be happy if you laugh too

1. Three elements of success: 1. Persistence. 2. Shameless. 3. Insist on being shameless.

2. When I was a child, my mother kindly said to me: Good boy, if you learn this skill, you will never starve to death for the rest of your life. So my mother taught me how to eat!

3. One day I had an urgent need to urinate, so I ran into a luxury bathroom in a hotel. I walked into the urinal and took a look. There were big words on it, "Don't wear it out!" I chuckled in my heart. I am a quality person and have slept in five-star hotels. What kind of scene have I not seen? When the work is done, it automatically senses and sprays water automatically, with a large amount of water! After getting wet, I suddenly realized: "Fuck, putting a comma will kill you!"

4. I went to the ATM to deposit money at noon. When I was queuing, the beautiful woman behind me asked me: "Is this a deposit?" "Yeah. "I just want to withdraw money. Since you want to save it, why not give it to me so that we don't have to wait in line." I thought it made sense, so I gave her the money.

5. Don’t be a racist, be like Uncle Mario - he is Italian, but made in Japan, speaks English, can run like a Jamaican, can jump higher than a black man, and can Like the Jews, they love collecting gold coins...

6. The stupid bird has four choices: ① The stupid bird flies first; ② The stupid bird flies last; ③ The stupid bird flies around; ④ The stupid bird does not fly - bluntness, tolerance Sex, take your time, then lay an egg and place your hopes on the next generation!

7. It is reported that China Unicom asked Jay Chou's grandfather to be the image spokesperson: "My grandson only plays M-Zone." In response, China Mobile signed a contract with Yao Ming's father to launch a marketing campaign of "Son in a New Space and Time, Laozi Connected Globally". Later, China Unicom hired Yang Zhenning to endorse the image: "I can still do it!" and China Mobile immediately asked Weng Fan to endorse the slogan: "You can't, I can make you can!"

8. Modern Three Obediences and Four Virtues: My wife’s three obediences: never do laundry; never cook; never mop the floor. A husband has four things: his wife must be able to wait for makeup; his wife must be willing to spend money; his wife must be patient when she loses her temper; and her wife must be coaxed when she is angry.

9. A foreign guy participated in a Chinese dating show. Woman: Where will you live after marriage? Do you have a room? Answer: I live with my grandma, dad, and stepmother in a house from the last century. 10 lights go out. Woman: What do you do? Which company is your dad working in? Answer: I am a soldier, and my father does not have a unit. 8 lights go out. Woman: Will you get a BMW when you get married? Answer: Is the horse-drawn carriage available? All lights go out. Host: Where are you from and what is your name? The young man replied in shame: Britain, others call me Prince William.

10. The circus owner received a call, "Hey, do you need a talking donkey?" The owner felt bored and hung up. After a while, the phone rang again. The other party still asked this question, and the boss hung up the phone again. The third time, the phone rang again. As soon as the boss answered the phone, he only heard the other party say: "Don't hang up the f*ck! Hit me with your hoof. Is it easy for me!"

11. The first thing a Japanese woman says on her wedding night is : "Please forgive me if the service tonight is not good." The first thing a Chinese woman says on her wedding night is: "Go and see how much money you have received today."

12 Yesterday, I finished cupping and went swimming. I was swimming happily when I suddenly heard a little girl behind me say loudly: "Seven-starred ladybug!" I didn't know what happened, so I looked back at her, and she immediately cried. Then he said to his mother: "Mom, ladybug spirit..."

13. A man was about to starve to death in the desert, when he picked up the magic lamp. Magic Lamp: I can only grant you one wish. Say it quickly, I'm in a hurry. Person: I want a wife... The magic lamp immediately turned out to be a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: I am almost starving to death and you are still greedy for beauty! sad! After saying that, he disappeared. Person: ...cake.

14. My classmate asked me if I knew Sophie had released the 410mm ultra-long night wear. I asked what was wrong, and she said it changed her world view. I was curious that this sanitary napkin was so powerful. She Answer: "Because I found that I was only as tall as four sanitary napkins, and I felt so small."

15. There is a colleague in the unit who is Mongolian and is a god-level figure who often wanders around the world.

I went home for a year's vacation and still didn't come back after several days of vacation. My boss called me. Ya said on the phone: Boss, I'm still riding a horse on the Hulunbuir grassland to find my home. My family is a nomadic people. I don't know where to move now. Where is it?

16. A sexy girl was walking on the road and suddenly heard: Don’t move. A big man stopped her, and she became anxious and said: I'll give you money, but don't take advantage of her, okay? The big man said: Stop being so verbose. Then push down MM. MM was shocked and said: No. Big man: I'm so annoyed, take off your stockings quickly, I'm going to rob the bank.

17. A Chinese couple went to Australia to work, and their youngest son also stayed in a local kindergarten. One day, the principal asked the children how much 1 + 1 equals, and the children were confused. At this time, the younger son was depressed, didn’t he know? Then he shouted 1 1 doesn’t it equal 2? The next day, the director came to the couple's home with a serious expression and said: Look at what you have tortured the child to! 1 1=2 is what he should know now?

18. When I went to the toilet in an Internet cafe, I saw a lot of writing on the toilet door. The first article reads: Women are cheap! And attached some vulgar curse words. Then a reply: Men are the meanest! There were also some curse words attached, which should have been replied by a woman. Several lines went back and forth like this, and in the last line, someone shouted: Stop fucking arguing, men and women are fucking mean! The most expensive thing now is pork!