How are you doing with those of you who are married to love?

When I met my husband for the first time, I decided to fall in love with him before I knew all about his background. I only knew that he was a taxi driver. At that time, he was very handsome, but this was not what attracted me. What attracted me was his sincerity, his ability to speak well without being glib, his integrity and kindness, and his good character. After getting along, I gradually understood that their family had nothing. People said that the disciples had a base in Sibi, and they didn’t even have a home of their own: my father died early, my mother sold the old house, and rented a house with her two children for decades. Later, I learned that my mother-in-law lived a day-to-day life without any planning or accumulation. With the development of society, she no longer wanted to buy a house and could no longer afford it. The first question we have together is where to settle down? Rent or buy? However, I didn’t worry much about this top priority. At that time, I was deeply in love and felt that anything would work. I believed that as long as we worked together, we would have a happy life. What did it matter if we kept renting a house? My husband lost his father when he was a child, and later on he had no fixed place to live. I felt that he would cherish his home and family even more. In other words, I thought he would always cherish me, and I thought we would always be in love. For this love, I am willing to endure all material deficiencies. I'm ready to get married naked.

? However, after all, I am a college student with a college degree. Compared with my husband, I have nothing, so I am married. For no other reason than to save face, my parents couldn’t accept that I didn’t even have a place of my own after marriage! Even if you are going through hard times, you should be able to live peacefully. You can't just live life one day at a time. My parents and my husband’s mother and sister simply expressed their thoughts. At this time, the mother-in-law and sister-in-law said that they would definitely have a house. One of their relatives' houses would be demolished soon, and they would buy one from their demolished house, and it was cheaper than the market price. The reason why they had not bought a house until now was because they were waiting for this bargain. Well, there is hope for the house, and I feel more at ease with my husband. Moreover, I lived with my husband behind my parents’ back.

? After living together, we rented a house. Renting a house is actually not as easy to accept as I thought before. Houses with cheap rents are not good, and good houses have high rents. Sometimes the landlord will ask for a house if you want it. After moving a few times, I am a little worried: Two people What should I do if I bring the family with me after I move to my home? So I also started to care about the house. At this time, I learned that the house sold to us by my relatives might be a small one, no more than 50 to 60 square meters. I told my parents, and my father said, how can three generations of a family live in such a small house? It's best to find a way to buy a bigger one. We live in a rural area, so we have a big place and are used to living in spacious places. Even I don’t like the whole family to be crowded into a small house, let alone my parents? What I, including my parents, never expected at that time was that the conditions of my husband’s family were so bad that they didn’t even have a penny. I thought that since they could say that the house they bought was a cheap one, my mother-in-law would have some savings. That’s why my father suggested that instead of buying such a small house, buy a bigger one. At that time, the house price in non-main urban areas was 4,000 to 5,000 square meters, and there were even cheaper ones. The demolition house price was 2,661 square meters. It's not much more expensive. If it doesn't work, just take a loan and the couple will pay it back slowly. What we didn't expect was that our mother-in-law, who had so little money, would still look down on those remote areas in Jiangning Pukou! She was born in old Nanjing and has an inexplicable sense of superiority. Then she used a delaying tactic and told my parents: The house will not only be that small when the time comes, but she will exchange it with her nephew for a bigger one when the demolition house comes down, and just give her some money. Just like that, we no longer bothered with the house and were just waiting to pay for it.

? I am pregnant. But the wedding room is not there yet! We had no choice but to get married in a rental house. From the time we lived together, I thought that a house costs money after all, and it was not easy for my mother-in-law to save some money, so I also thought about saving as much as I could. I was getting married, and I thought I could live without anything but the ring, so we went to the mall and walked around. I didn’t need to look at the diamond ring. The platinum ring cost at least 7,000 to 8,000 yuan, and I couldn’t bear to buy it. However, this most meaningful wedding token cannot be left without.

When my eldest aunt found out, she helped us find an acquaintance and ordered two gold rings from a small private gold shop. The total price was less than 2,000 yuan. At that time, we rented a loft that had been renovated by someone else. It was cheap and it was right across the street from my sister-in-law's house, so we could also enjoy a lot of care from her. That small attic was our wedding room. We were too embarrassed to invite relatives from my natal family over, so we just divided the wedding banquets and simply held two tables at my natal family. When we went home to have a banquet, we bought a wedding outfit, but except for the rings, all the jewelry was borrowed from my eldest sister. Even if it was just to show off to outsiders, I never told my parents that those were not mine. . In the past I had only heard of someone marrying a daughter-in-law who borrowed furniture, rented clothes, and jewelry. I really didn’t dare let my parents know that such a shameful thing happened to the daughter they worked so hard to raise. A few months later, we officially held our wedding here in Nanjing. When the parents came to attend the wedding, the mother was fine. She was broad-minded and kind-hearted, thinking that this was only temporary, as long as the son-in-law was good to her eldest daughter. The father felt a little uncomfortable in his heart, and he was not willing to let his daughter get married in such an embarrassing way. people. Fortunately, the wedding went well, and my husband vowed at the wedding that he would make me a happy woman. At that time, I really felt that I would be very happy because I was married to love.

? My pregnancy symptoms made me very uncomfortable, and I had to take a long bus ride to work every day. At that time, I was working as a tutor in a training class, and I had to get off work very late every day, so I quit my job. , waiting for delivery at home. It's time to pay for a house again. When I paid the money, I felt a little panicked. The house is temporarily paid for as a small unit of 50 square meters, with a total price of 130,000. When the house is divided, the difference will be made up based on the actual area. But my mother-in-law didn’t even have a penny. She gave us 15,000 yuan as a loan. My eldest aunt gave us 40,000 yuan. My husband saved 30,000 yuan himself. The remaining part was the salary advance from my husband’s boss. I will use it every time in the future. 1,500 is deducted from the 2,400 salary every month and paid back. Since then we have lived a more frugal and tight life. I didn't dare tell my parents this. During pregnancy, I had a big reaction and a poor appetite. Apart from pregnancy tests, I was reluctant to spend money on extra nutrition. I was so bloated that I never bought any maternity clothes. I just wore my husband's clothes. People say that pregnancy is the queen of ten months, but I feel sorry for my husband’s hard work in driving, and I have nothing to rely on him. I do the housework alone, and I didn’t even let him accompany me for a pregnancy test. After dinner in the evening, he would take me for a walk by the river. When I washed my feet, he would wipe my feet. When I watched TV, he would hug me and nestle on the small sofa. Every day before we went out, we would kiss each other heart-stirringly goodbye. Life was hard, but I didn't feel bitter at all. In the first year after our marriage, the new son-in-law was supposed to come to visit us for New Year greetings, but I was afraid of spending money, so I refused to go home because of my physical inconvenience. This was also the first time in 27 years that I spent the New Year outside. However, at this time, I was not sad. I had a husband and a baby in my belly, and I felt very satisfied.

? A daughter was born. The fifth month of the lunar calendar is the busy farming season. My mother had no time to accompany me during the delivery and take care of me. All my happiness slowly disappeared from then on. Even though my mother-in-law was sure that I was pregnant with a girl during my pregnancy, she was very disappointed at the time and I didn’t care. We were far away from each other at that time, she worked in a supermarket, and she didn’t enjoy a day of care from her mother-in-law during the entire pregnancy. I didn’t have any complaints. Every time she came to our place, I treated her like a guest, served her tea and water, and respected her very much. . She accepted it gladly and never offered to cook for me or anything. She bought me walnuts once for 20 yuan, and then told me to eat two or three every day. Well, I didn’t care what she could do for me. In short, at that time, I just wanted to live a happy life with my husband and try my best to get along with his mother, so I ignored all the shortcomings of my mother-in-law. My daughter was born two weeks after her first month, and I started preparing for a natural delivery. The labor process was too slow. The doctor also said that the amniotic fluid was turbid and she was afraid of hypoxia, so he suggested a caesarean section. I endured the labor pains for a day and I was very scared when I heard the doctor’s analysis, whether it was a threat or not. I suddenly became weak and all I wanted was for the baby to be born healthy. I agree to a caesarean section. The doctor went out and came back and told me that your family did not agree to a caesarean section.

I burst out with resentment for the first time at that time. I knew my mother-in-law must have disagreed. She had long said that a caesarean section would hurt your vitality and cost more money. And I believed that she was afraid of spending more money, so I asked the doctor if it was my family’s fault. The old lady disagrees? Don't worry about her opinion. If they don't agree to sign, I will sign it myself. Finally, around 7 p.m., I gave birth to my daughter by caesarean section. When I saw my daughter’s pink face and round eyes, I couldn’t stop crying.

? As soon as I left the delivery room, I didn’t see anyone’s smiling face. My husband probably felt sorry for me. My aunt and mother-in-law were obviously disappointed, and they couldn’t see the first third generation in their family at all. The joy of being born. My heart feels a little cold. The first two days of caesarean section were painful, and the urinary catheter was not removed, which made it even more painful. My husband stayed outside the ward at night, thinking that my mother-in-law might have some experience, so I asked her to stay with her in the ward. I saw her incompetence on the first day, she knew nothing! Fortunately, the nurses usually take care of it, and they only come to me when they need breast milk. The next morning the nurse changed my sheets and told me that I was bleeding too much and couldn't get the sheets anymore. But my mother-in-law saw that the mother in the next bed could sit up because the analgesic pump she had been using didn't feel that strong. She didn't care. She just wanted me to get up and get out of bed, thinking that if I leave early, I can recover and be discharged from the hospital sooner. If it were my mother, would she be willing to give it up? At night, my daughter might be hungry and kept crying. My mother-in-law wouldn't wake up even though she was screaming. I was so weak that I couldn't scream. I anxiously dragged the stroller by myself and used all my strength to lift my daughter and put her there. Feed her on my chest. From then on, I felt very cold towards my mother-in-law: she was not the mother-in-law I wanted at all. On the third day, my daughter's right hand and foot suddenly started to tremble and twitch, so she had to be transferred to the hospital for observation and treatment. My mother-in-law felt more at ease now. She would visit each ward when she had nothing to do. I was worried about my daughter's condition and wiped my eyes with tears every day, but she kindly told me not to cry. I would go blind if I cried during confinement. I was hospitalized for a week, and my eldest sister made confinement meals for me and delivered them to me. My mother-in-law stayed with me in the hospital, which meant washing me two changes of clothes. My husband stayed with me for a few days and was mainly responsible for helping me get in and out of bed and running to the maternal and child hospital to deliver breast milk to my daughter and get to know her better. condition.

? My mother-in-law was very happy to be discharged from the hospital. She said that she could not eat or sleep well in the hospital and could not go out to die. She was not worried at all that her granddaughter was still in the Maternity and Children's Hospital. One day after 10 years, she drank too much and showed off her magical powers to me before telling me that the baby suddenly twitched for unknown reasons. Maybe it was because she met a great immortal (weasel) one day and touched the immortal's leg. Elder Daxian, after I was discharged from the hospital and returned to my attic home, the first thing she did was to kowtow at the door and apologize to Daxian, so that the baby came back safely within two days. All I wanted to say was a curse word. I have no ability, my mind is full of these demons and ghosts! Back to business. After I was discharged from the hospital, my mother-in-law went to work. During the day, my eldest sister cooked rice for me, and I heated it up and ate it myself at noon. After my daughter came back, I took care of her alone, with no one to help me. Fortunately, I was a self-taught person, so I had no problem taking care of the child, and my daughter was well-behaved and didn't cry much. My mother-in-law cooks meals every day when she comes back from work. She cooks meals for herself and her son. She only tells me what I can’t eat but doesn’t cook a dish for me that I can eat. She doesn’t know how to give me a hand when bathing the baby. I felt like she was not helpful and would only keep urging me to poop and pee my baby. Every day when my clothes are washed, they say they are dirty again, as if I am sloppy and deliberately causing trouble for her. The fact is that I had constant lochia and it lasted for more than 40 days. Naturally, I felt uncomfortable hearing her verbosity. My daughter had a red butt due to diapers. I felt distressed and stopped using diapers. I cut up old clothes to make diapers. When my mother-in-law came back from get off work, I changed a bunch of them. My mother-in-law complained again: "Use them." Diapers are so trouble-free. How annoying is it to brush the poop on the diapers! I really can’t figure it out. Elderly people don’t want their children to use diapers, both because they feel sorry for their children and to save money. Why is she different from others? Why is it so objectionable when she does something for me? My daughter’s full moon party was arranged two days in advance. I didn’t want my mother-in-law to do anything for me two days before the full moon party.

I didn’t continue because I was tired of facing my mother-in-law every day. I hoped that she would help me. She didn’t need to do anything. As long as I picked up the kids from school, she could watch the store while I went to restock. She was in charge of the house. He is used to being the boss and is not willing to be my subordinate. There is a vacant room at the back of the store that I planned to hold a small dining table care class for when the school next door starts. My mother-in-law was encouraged to buy a mahjong table so that I can play for myself while charging a small fee. I didn't stop her at the time. I could see that she was unhappy being stuck in the store every day. I also thought that the school was still under construction and it would take a year or two to open, so I just let her play with it first. As a result, this connivance caused her to buy four tables one after another without consulting me. From now on, I can no longer expect her to look after the store. On weekends, I have to take my daughter with me when I buy goods, because she is always sitting at the card table and I am afraid that she will not be able to take care of the child. There was usually no card game in the morning, so she would lie on a deck chair in front of the store. We would have breakfast at six or seven in the morning, but she wouldn't eat it. She said that I was eating so early like a farmer going to work in the fields, and she insisted on being there. I waited until ninety o'clock in the store before sitting in front of the store with a bowl. I just had an abortion. I couldn't bear to go to the store for three days while my mother was there. My mother-in-law also endured three days of guarding the store. As soon as my mother left on the fourth day, she called me and said, "Just watch when you come in." I have to go to the table if there is one person left.” I don’t know why I listened to her at that time. Maybe I couldn’t worry about the store’s business. When I went to the store, it was impossible for anyone to come and just say, “I’m having a baby confinement period. You should move the goods yourself.” So what should be moved should be delivered. It still has to be delivered. At that time, I was also fed up with my husband's attitude towards life. He slept during the day and drove out at night. He didn't ask me how the store was doing. He didn't take good care of me when I had a miscarriage. Later, when I talked about it, he still Say I want to be strong. It turns out that in his eyes, all my efforts were not because I felt sorry for him or because I cared about the family, but because I was strong. Also, he always turns to his mother. I told your mother not to put chewed things into the baby's mouth. He said there is no poison in my mother's mouth. I told your mother to have fun with the baby and don't always Crawling on the ground, pretending to be a cat and a dog, and always scaring the children, he said you have to let my mother enjoy family happiness; I said that your mother should play less cards. Sometimes I really can’t take care of myself. He said that my mother is like that How can I tell her not to play this hobby? I told your mother to stop buying those cheap, stale, yellowish vegetables all the time. He said there was nothing wrong with old people being thrifty... The husband who cherished his wife in my hope could not be seen, the one who mediates the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. My husband never showed up once. I was really depressed and depressed. Of course, I also admit that the appearance of another man was an important factor in destroying our marriage at that time. I don’t want to remember this mistake again. However, I really felt that I could get rid of such a mother-in-law and such a boring life. But ending a marriage is not that simple. Moreover, they are not stupid. My husband’s family has such conditions and he only married a free wife like me when he was in his thirties. Will he be able to find someone better than me in the future? So after a lot of twists and turns, I didn't get divorced. I gave up the store and went to work. After all, we had a grudge, and my husband and I felt like the most familiar strangers, sharing the same bed and having different dreams. We were no longer intimate, but we continued to live together. It’s not that he doesn’t want to lose me, he just doesn’t want to lose a formal home, and he doesn’t want people to laugh at him. I don't want my parents to worry or my children to get hurt.

? Just like this, I lost miserably when I married for love. Look at my young friends, all of them got married only after the matchmaker said that the conditions were the same, and then they became more and more prosperous. They also had conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and friction between husband and wife, but looking at them in all their glory, they must be happier than me. Much. Is marriage really the grave of love?

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