Full text funny jokes on WeChat?

With the frequent use of the word "joke", its meaning of humor has quietly changed, and people have unknowingly and subjectively incorporated it into some unique humor. Used to highlight the meaning you want to express. Next is the "" that I carefully prepared for you, welcome to watch!

***Popular Chapter***

1. Go buy a door lock and meet the boss. Bargain. MM thought the locks were too expensive, so the boss said, "One of the things that you must not skip when renovating is a lock, as it prevents thieves!" As a result, the MM responded, "Then your price is too expensive. I can't install the lock once and it will be as if it was stolen once." After hearing this, I immediately fortified myself. . . This girl is amazing!

2. Once my wife and I went to Cheap Road to buy me ***. There were M, L, XL, and XXL. I was thin, so I said: I should buy L Okay... As a result, my girlfriend argued loudly: How can that be done? It's the same as buying a house. If you already have one, why buy it?! Let your brother live in three bedrooms and two living rooms and buy an XXL house! There are so many people around... Suddenly Sweat like crazy!

3. A guy was driving a BMW on the street. He saw a pretty girl hurriedly walking in front of him. He quickly used his special trick to pick up girls: first he honked the horn wildly. Seeing that he couldn’t attract her attention, he Then he took out a stack of hundred-dollar bills and rotated them on his fingertips. MM was still indifferent. In desperation, he took out a box of gold and silver jewelry to show off, but MM walked faster and said as he walked: "There are so many wealthy people in this city, but the toilet is so hard to find!"

4. Two married ladies are chatting. A: "As long as my husband disobeys me, I will scare him and say that I will go back to my parents' house.". B: "I'm the opposite of you. I just asked my mother to come over and live with us, and she listened to me."

5. "Have you ever heard of such a legend? If the can is filled with If the ring is broken but the drink cannot be opened, it means that the ring is chosen by God and wears it as a ring to bring good luck. " "So, boss, you will definitely not give me another bottle, right?" " "Yes"

6. One day two brothers were sleeping. The younger brother said to the younger brother: There are so many mosquitoes today~ The elder brother said: Turn off the lights so the mosquitoes can't see us. Later, the younger brothers really turned off the lights. Turned it off, and suddenly a pair of fireflies flew in. My brother said nervously: Brother, it’s so bad! Mosquitoes came to us with lanterns!

7. When I was in elementary school, my mother put a bag in my schoolbag for me. There was a banana in it, but they didn’t tell me! On the way to school, I bumped into others with my schoolbag on my back. When I opened my schoolbag at school, they all asked me if I had poop. . .

8. I have a friend, a girl. From childhood to adulthood, everyone who saw her said that she had the face of a husband, so no man was willing to marry her. But later she also found her destination. It is said that the man's house sells Nike brand, and he is covered in Nike products. ***@馕头的故事***

9. A buddy’s daughter-in-law gave birth to a baby in the hospital. He waited anxiously outside the door. An hour later, the nurse came out and happily said to him: "XXX, Congratulations, you are a father, you are going to be a son!" My buddy shouted excitedly at the time: "Hahaha, I am finally a son!!!" I was shocked at the time and could only pretend not to know him. them. . .

10. A girl praised her boyfriend: "My boyfriend is great. He doesn't like playing games. He has good taste and likes to choose clothes for me when shopping. He also goes to beauty salons and SPA with me!" He also goes to the gym frequently, he is so manly~ and he is against premarital sex! Last time we rented a house, he just held me and chatted all night~ He is also very motivated, and his goal is to join the army. He must be a good husband!" After listening to her words, I said to her seriously: "Are you sure?"

***Classic***

1. I went to pay the deposit to the original landlord today. The old lady from Fujian said that young people should never write programming codes and do not study for Ph.D.s. It is really true! Later I found out that the original expression was that they should not do coding and not gamble. . .

Who can stand the puns made by Fujian people in Mandarin?

2. Today I saw a wicked joke, whose source is unknown: "Friends in Jiangsu, Zhejiang and Shanghai, the central heating you requested so hard a few months ago has finally been realized. . "***@中南山thief***

3. Xiaogang hurriedly ran over and said to Xiaoming: "You still want to play mahjong! Your wife is having an affair with your best friend. !" Xiao Ming quickly handed the cards in his hand to Daniel and said, "I'll go take a look. You can play a few for me first!" After a while, Xiao Ming came back and said to Xiao Gang disdainfully: "You make such a fuss all day, then. I don’t know the man at all!”

4. I went to a bar for a drink last night. I sat at the bar, facing a very handsome bartender. There were very few people there at that time, so I chatted with him. As soon as I took out my phone and unlocked it, he saw my screensaver and asked: Who is this? I said: My boyfriend. Is he handsome? He said: Oh. Then do you want to see my goddess? I said yes, and then I leaned my head over. He turned on the front camera.

5. The courier company just called me and asked me to pick up the courier. I was excited for a while because my recipient’s name was randomly copied with rare characters, just to see when the courier guy couldn’t pronounce my name. I looked embarrassed, but when I saw a wily old man sitting in a truck, holding the express in his arms, looking at me with disdain, asking me what my name was, and if he called me the right one and delivered the goods, I felt the world. I'm still too young to be malicious

6. The cruelest sentence I saw today: When you are young, don't despair because you have no money, because you need to know. . . . . . You will have many days without money in the future.

7. "Why did dad bring me here? They look so scary!" the little dung beetle said, looking at the ferocious prisoners in the men's prison. "You think I'm willing to come! Didn't you say you wanted to eat whole grains?" Father Dung Beetle replied sullenly.

8. If you read on Weibo and someone says that you should go chat with the community aunt when you are in a bad mood, you will know in ten minutes who is having a worse time than you. With the attitude of giving it a try, I found the community aunt and told her my miserable life. The kind aunt patted me on the shoulder and said, "What do you mean? The little king of Lou is much worse than you." After hearing this, I cried, because I am the little king of Lou.

9. As people grow up, they become hypocritical, and they become less and less embarrassed when they brag. For example, when I meet my friends who are born in the 1990s, I always like to say, when your eldest brother and I were in our early twenties, how dare we dare to do things and how to chase girls. . . In fact, at that time, I was naive and timid, and I had never even touched a girl’s hand.

10. The little girl next door did something bad, and her mother got angry and ignored her. Dad told her gently: Mom is waiting for you to admit your mistake, go ahead. She went over and said to her mother with tears in her eyes: Are you... are you Fan Bingbing? "What?!" Her mother was confused. The little girl continued to cry: I admitted my mistake...

***Selected Chapter***

1. *** Si said to a narcissistic girl: " You are so beautiful!" "Thank you. When I saw you, I felt that you loved telling the truth," the girl said shyly. "Then allow me to tell the truth again?" The girl smiled and nodded. "I was just joking."

2. During a blind date, a leftover woman asked roundaboutly about the man's family background: "What is your most commonly used means of transportation?" The man replied: "Plane, train." The woman She felt that the man was a high-end business white-collar worker, so she married him. After the marriage, I discovered that my husband was commuting to get off work on a broken bicycle. The woman said angrily: "You actually lied to me." The man replied blankly: "I didn't lie to you, I was talking about non-motorized vehicles.

"——Non-motor vehicle!

3. "The IE browser dares to ask you if you want to set it as the default browser, so you don't dare to ask a girl out?" " But IE has a father named Microsoft, does *** have one?"

4. A man went shopping with his wife, and the wife bought some clothes. The husband rushed to pay in order to look grand, and handed his credit card to the cashier. The cashier said to swipe his card, but his wife grabbed it and said no, it would be terrible if your wife found out. The cashier looked at him in shock, and then his wife said unhurriedly: "I'm sorry. Husband, I said I’m used to it. . . "I'm used to it... I'm used to it... I'm used to it...

5. Yesterday my wife said to me: Do you know why you met me? Me: I don't know! Wife: Because I am a fairy Come down to earth to repay your kindness! My wife and I looked at each other and said weakly: You should go back, I think you are here for revenge...

6. "Xiao Xiao Chen, why are you yourself? Did you come to Auntie's house alone?" "My mother asked me to stay wherever I could to cool off. "Then how do you know it's cool here, aunt?" "My mother often says that you like to make sarcastic remarks when you're fine." "

7. "Honey, what do you want to eat tonight?" "I want to eat crabs, beef brisket stewed with potatoes, and sweet and sour chicken wings!" "Okay! I have something to do tonight. You can wait for it. I'll go back and eat with you, I love you. "***@checkpaper***

8. I went to a bar for a drink last night. I sat at the bar, facing a very handsome bartender. There were very few people there at that time, so I chatted with him. As soon as I took out my phone and unlocked it, he saw my screensaver and asked: Who is this? I said: My boyfriend. Is he handsome? He said: Oh. . Then do you want to see my goddess? I said yes, and then I leaned my head over. . He turned on the front camera. . ***@wash*** girl***

9. A female friend of mine went to a dating website to find friends. The website is to make money. Private messages between users are charged, and personal information is not allowed. Leave no ***. My friend was smart. She got a hairband and put it on her forehead. On the hairband, she wrote "QQ number: XXXXXXXX" so that people who see the photo can directly QQ her. Seeing that she has not gotten married after two years of being so witty, I just want to tell everyone: a poor girl with a big face who can write horizontally on her forehead, no matter how hard she tries, it will be useless! ***@Memory Special Little Vest***

10. Next time you take a train, be sure to bring a big durian with you and die together with those who make instant noodles!