A short and funny joke

This female teacher is an old classmate of his father's. The son asked his father, "What does the teacher mean when he said today that I am like father, like son?" The father scolded his son angrily: Did you play hooligans on the teacher today?

After the funeral, the girlfriend comforted the woman who had just lost her spouse: don't think bad, think good. The new widow thought for a moment and said, this is the first time in 20 years that I know where he spent the night.

In Australia, a cow said to another cow, "I heard that mad cow disease is prevalent now, which is terrible!" " "Another cow said," what's terrible? Aren't we kangaroos? "

The teacher asked the children to write the composition Poverty. A child wrote: poor family, poor father, poor mother, poor two nannies, poor cook, poor driver and poor security guard.

The Education Bureau sent leaders to the school to take the exam, and announced to the students at the conference: In order to be fair, I will take the first grade this year, the second grade next year and the third grade the year after!

"Dad, let me play the circus bear." "Then what should I do?" "You played the uncle who played with the bear and kept stuffing delicious food into my mouth."

The chief physician flew into a rage: "This is the third operating table you have broken this month, Mr. Smith!" " Please don't cut the knife so deep in the future! "

Patient: Doctor, I have a thorn in my tongue ... Doctor: How? Patient: A bottle of wine spilled on the floor. ......

The wife said excitedly to Zhang Da: I heard you tell your friends that you didn't know the value of happiness until you got married. Really? Husband said: Yes! People are like this, and you don't know its value until you lose it.

The lady asked the waiter, "What are your specialties?" "We have a good tongue here." Lady: "Cow tongue? How can I eat from an animal's mouth? Come to an egg! "

Wife: I'm better than you in all aspects except one thing. Dave: What's worse than me? Wife: My spouse is not as good as yours.

Mom asked Xiaoming, "If mom and dad quarrel, which side would you stand on?" Xiao Ming thought for a moment and said, "Stand by."

"Tom, what are you doing digging a hole?" "My goldfish died, so I'm going to build a grave for it." "Is this pit too big?" "Impossible, the goldfish is in your cat's belly."

The mother who is about to give birth asked Xiaoming, "Do you want a brother or a sister?" Xiao Ming said, "I want a pony, if it's no trouble."

In the virgin forest of Africa, the traveler asked, "Is it safe here? Will there be cannibals? " Introduction: "Absolutely impossible!" Because we ate the last cannibal last week! "

A gentleman went to eat and said, "Nothing, there is a suckling pig sitting next to me." A fat lady next to him glared at each other. He quickly smiled and said, "Sorry, I mean that one is ripe."

The father checked his son's English textbook and turned to an extremely scary page: yes, grandpa died; The delicious milk died, and the bus father died; Mouth's mother died; Finally: I am dead.

A retired colonel met his former orderly and hired him as a footman! At 8 o'clock in the morning, the orderly told the colonel to get up, patted his wife's ass and said, Girl, it's time to go home!

Is your talking parrot still alive? Oh, forget it. I kept it for a week and it died. Did you die of illness? B: No, it's exhausted from competing with my wife.

My colleague is visiting, and my husband is still sleeping. The wife quickly instructed her four-year-old daughter: "Go and call dad." The daughter hesitated for a long time, walked up to her colleague and timidly called out, "Dad."

Husband and wife quarrel, and husband teases the cat. The wife roared, "What are you doing with that pig?" "This is a cat, not a pig." The wife said, "I'm talking to the cat. What do you want to say? "

A student is learning the violin. On this day, he opened the piano box and found a submachine gun inside. He was shocked: broken! My father took my violin to the bank!

"I've only been in love once in my life, but this feeling has left me with lifelong pain ..." "What, the woman you love is married to someone else?" "No, she married me.

Teacher: There are many nouns and quantifiers at the same time. Can a student give an example? Xiaoming: Ass! Father lost the gambling and owed "ass" debt, which became a quantifier here.

When my daughter goes to school, give me the potted plants and fish before she leaves. A week later, I told her that the potted plant was dead. After a while, I told her that the fish died, too. She was silent for a while and asked, what happened to dad?

One day, the husband said to his stingy wife, I need to buy a comb. This comb has lost a tooth. Wife is furious: buy a new one if you lose a tooth? The husband replied with trepidation: The last tooth fell out.

Grandma and granddaughter are in the consulting room. "unbutton your clothes." The doctor said to the beautiful girl. "No, doctor," the old lady said, "I'm a patient". "Are you? Then stick out your tongue. "

The defendant said hopefully to the judge, "Don't you remember?" Twenty years ago, I introduced your wife to you. The judge gnashed his teeth and said, "I sentence you to 20 years in prison!" " "

Woman: "Why did you always listen to me before, but only three days after you got married, you quarreled with me for two days?" Man: "Because my patience is limited."

Son: "Dad, what is a diplomat?" Father: "A diplomat is someone who remembers his girlfriend's birthday but forgets her age."