Tell scary jokes. The scarier the joke, the better.

There is a taxi driver who works in a taxi company. One night, he was driving through a very desolate place, surrounded by darkness; Suddenly I saw a building on the wasteland ahead, with dim lights on. He was wondering when such a building was built here when he saw a young lady beckoning him to drive home. After the young lady got on the bus, he closed the door and started driving. After a while, he wondered why the young lady didn't speak. As a result, he looked back in the mirror and saw that it was not a lady but a doll sitting there. Scared to death, he grabbed the doll and threw it out of the window. After returning home, he was seriously ill for three months ... After recovery, he returned to work in a taxi company. As a result, his colleague said to him, [You are so boring. A beautiful lady came to complain that she wanted to take your car last time. As a result, she just threw the doll in, and you closed the door and drove away. ]

The second horror joke

There was a young man who went home for a reunion dinner during the Spring Festival. Because there is a grave on his way home, it is said that very secret things often happen, so his mother specially told him to go home early. However, on the way home by bus, there was another traffic jam, and the young man fell asleep in the car. When he woke up, it was past ten o'clock midnight. He saw no one in the car, the driver was not there, the car was moving slowly, and there was noise. He turned to look at the grave outside. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of fear, bewildered and trembling, so he wanted to probe out and have a look. Who knows? ...

The first story

Who do you trust?

One year, a mountaineering club went hiking, and a couple with good feelings were together. When they went to the foot of the mountain to attack the peak, the weather suddenly turned bad, but they still insisted on going up the mountain. So I left the woman to see the camp, but I didn't see them come back three days later. The woman is a little worried and thinks it may be the weather. Waiting and waiting, on the seventh day, everyone finally came back, except her boyfriend. Everyone told her that her boyfriend died on the first day of Fengfeng! They hurried back seven days ago, thinking that he might come back for her. So everyone formed a circle and put her in the middle. It was almost twelve o'clock when her boyfriend suddenly appeared, covered in blood, grabbed her and ran out. The girl screamed with fear and struggled desperately. At this time, her boyfriend told her that there was a mountain disaster on the first day of Fengfeng, and everyone died, but he was still alive!

Who do you trust?

The second story

Why so many people?

One day, someone went back to the dormitory after work at night and pressed the elevator on the first floor. He wants to go to the sixth floor. Fortunately, the elevator will come soon. He went in. There was no one inside. When he entered, the elevator closed immediately. Up, up, up, up to the fourth floor, the elevator suddenly opened, and two people poked around outside, meaning to come in, but I don't know why they didn't come in after watching it. The elevator door closed again. Just as the elevator door was about to close, the man clearly heard them saying, "How many people!" " "

The third story

Nobody robbed me.

There is a boy who wants to go home by bus at night, but he is too late to get to the bus stop, so he is not sure whether he has a car or not, and he doesn't want to walk. Because his home is far away and remote, he has to wait to see if there is the last bus. Waiting and waiting, just when he thought there should be no car, he suddenly saw a bus in the distance, and he stopped happily. As soon as he got on the bus, he found the last bus very strange. It should be said that there were not many people on the last bus, because the route was remote, but the bus was full of people, only one seat was available, and no one was whispering. He felt a little incredible, but he went to the only empty seat and sat down. There is a woman sitting next to an empty seat. As soon as he sat down, the woman whispered to him, "You shouldn't take this car." He felt very strange, and the lady continued, "This car is not for the living. As soon as you got on the bus, they arrested you as a scapegoat. " He was afraid, but he didn't know what to do. As a result, the woman said to him, "Never mind, I can help you escape." So she dragged him to open the window and jumped. When they jumped, he heard the people in the car shouting "Let him go". When he stood firm, he found them on a desolate hillside. He breathed a sigh of relief and immediately thanked the woman. The woman smiled strangely: "Now, no one is robbing me!" "

. . . . . .

A couple always quarrel. Once they quarreled again, and the husband killed his wife in a rage and buried her body in the backyard. A few days later, the man felt very strange. Why don't children ask themselves at all when they haven't seen their mother these days? So one day he asked the child: "Mom is not at home these days, why don't you worry?" The child replied: "I feel so strange. Why have you been carrying your mother behind your back these days? "

1, I wanted to take a taxi alone, and the driver asked me:

Where are you two going?

2. A man walked away from the scene of a car accident and someone stopped him:

Hey! Your hand is still in the car!

The car was driving very fast, and an old woman looked at me from the window.

4, driving a motorcycle to pick up my girlfriend from work, it was a little cold in the middle of the night, and my girlfriend gently opened her arms and hugged me.

Suddenly she touched my face: "Is it cold?" Just want to interface

Suddenly found that my girlfriend's hand has never left her waist, ah!

5, surfing the Internet last night, my friend suddenly knocked on my window and asked me out to play ~! I was just about to open the window and said I couldn't go, but suddenly I remembered that I had moved, from 1 building to 10 building ~ ~ Who is that?

In the middle of the night, I woke up from a nightmare and saw my brother sitting by the bed. He asked me gently, "What's the matter?"

I said: I dreamed that a group of ghosts with heads were chasing me!

Is that so? After that, my brother cut off his head.

7. The high-rise elevator in the office only stops at the 30th floor of 15. Xiao F, who works on the 30th floor, works overtime until late at night and then goes downstairs by elevator alone.

The elevator stops and opens on every floor, and there is no one outside. Finally stop at 14 floor.

A woman in white outside the door said, it's so crowded. I want to come in, too ......

The longest and scariest joke

A very good friend told me a joke and made me laugh. Later, I was admitted to the hospital because my stomach hurt too much. Before the doctor operated on me, he asked me why I laughed like this, so I told him the joke. I didn't expect him to laugh wildly after hearing it, and finally he vomited a lot of bubbles. Rescue is invalid, death.

I really didn't want to do this, but it happened. This is a daily - happened thing. What we don't want to happen will always happen. What we hoped for every day didn't happen. But once it happens, we have to bear the consequences. Really, it turns out that people who are alive are unwilling to bear the consequences for what they don't want to happen. Really, it's boring Think about it and want to die. How good is it? But I don't want to die, at least for the time being, because the doctor's lover sued me for manslaughter.

In a daze, the court opened. The judge asked the prosecutor to brief the case, which was actually very simple. I told a joke, and the doctor laughed and died later. In order to investigate and collect evidence, the judge asked me to tell jokes, and the jury decided whether the fact of manslaughter was consistent. Although I study law, I'm already a little worried. I'm afraid there will be "consequences" after I tell this joke, so I ask everyone in the court, about 100, to sign an exemption contract, that is, the effect after I tell this joke is "irresponsible". The judge announced that the court was adjourned and reopened a day later, and announced that he accepted my opinion, so we signed the contract.

Now that I have legal protection, let me tell this joke. Unexpectedly, just after I finished, the whole court was boiling. Some people knocked on the table with a smile, some people rolled on the ground with a smile, and some people cried with pain in their stomachs ... In my opinion, I found that the old judge was still self-serious, motionless, sitting there steadily, with some sustenance. I admired this at that time. You see, people who are judges are different from those who are lawyers. They are calm and calm in a crisis.

Later, I learned that he was dead, and everyone who heard my joke that day died laughing.

So, I became a celebrity in an instant. A TV reporter interviewed me and asked me what joke I was telling, so powerful. I am very calm, and I know that if I say this, it may constitute an infringement on the public. I can't stand it if there is a social rights group doing nothing. So I said something to the TV camera to the effect that the reason is always a lie and the belief is always masturbation. The reporter obviously didn't understand, but I can see that the little girl has a quick reaction and can't let the audience see that she is stupid, right? She praised again and again, and then even squeezed out a few tears! Actually, I didn't know it was just a stunt. But I can't stand the tears of women, especially the tears of beautiful women. As a result, I decided decisively and cooperated, saying that I would like to give her the exclusive right to report and publish this joke.

After the program was broadcast, it caused great repercussions throughout the country. Many viewers asked for a replay. Unexpectedly, some mysterious plain clothes suddenly broke into my bedroom one night and dragged me into a dark room. After a long time, suddenly a strong light shone on my face. I barely opened my eyes and was shocked, because the person in front of me is the only person in this country who may be as famous as me at present.

Obviously, the president has no intention of telling me more. He just told me the purpose of my arrest. It's simple. I recorded this joke and sent it to the dictator of a hostile country in the Middle East through an insider, laughing him to death. I said it was impossible. This is a political murder. More importantly, this is obviously beyond the power of the president as the highest administrative head, and it is unconstitutional without the approval of Congress. The president grabbed me by the collar, lifted me up and shouted, "Do you really fucking believe in the separation of powers?"

I have no choice. At this moment, my mind was full of the background difficulties of the first constitutional case, so I agreed to his request. But at the same time, I put forward that my joke is a weapon of mass destruction, which cannot be used against and against civilians. The president agreed, so I recorded the joke in that small room. I saw the president smirk, and I knew it was over. Politicians are really nothing.

Sure enough, two weeks later, the president announced that he had mastered the key technology of my joke and successfully tested it in desert areas (7 13 prisoners were killed by laughter). This news caused an uproar in the international community, many countries fell into panic, and some political parties in other countries that once opposed our president stepped down. International military scientists also named this phenomenon "laughter deterrence". Just as our president was triumphant, an eastern country suddenly announced that it had mastered this joke. Later, I learned that the guy who first told me this joke had taken refuge in that country. Thus, a "smile balance" has been formed between us.

More than 60 years ago, on February 14, which was the last Valentine's Day in the world, misfortune and what I had been worried about finally happened. A terrorist organization in the Middle East somehow stole my joke technology and broadcasted it to the whole country after hijacking our national television station. ...

Civilization has been destroyed like never before, and people no longer have confidence in the future. The United Nations had to hold a meeting of the world's major heads of state, and finally made a major decision that led to the birth of this world: February 14 was designated as April Fool's Day. In this way, people are wary of everything that day, and everyone knows that it is false, and no one takes it seriously. This joke, like other unbelieving words, is harmless.

More than 60 years have passed, and I am over 80 years old. Before I leave this world, I think it is necessary to tell this joke to everyone as a witness of history. In fact, the joke my friend told me that day was quite simple, very short, just one sentence:

He said he believed in love.