Tell me some super funny jokes

The awesome guy was stopped by a traffic policeman: "Comrade, you crossed the line." The driver looked down at the line and cursed: "I didn't crush it for you!" The traffic policeman fainted, and the awesome guy ran away. Soon, another traffic policeman stopped the cowboy. After the cowboy got out of the car, the traffic policeman said, "Comrade, you are driving under the influence." The driver sneered, "Beer counts as alcohol? Then you say soy sauce is also oil? Japanese people are also human beings?" The traffic policeman fainted again, and the great man ran away. When a hungry wolf was looking for food, I heard a woman lecturing her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited impatiently outside the door until dawn, sighing: Liars, women are all liars! After watching the black 100-meter race, an old lady wiped away tears and said: It's scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot. They fired without aiming. The children were so frightened that they ran away, and even the ropes couldn't stop them! Mr. Huang loves the revolution and named his son "Jun" to commemorate the Red Army. One day when he was taking his son to class, he saw the No. 8 bus coming into the station, so he shouted to his son: "Huang Jun, run, the No. 8 Bus is coming!" ~~~ The farmer was carrying a load of manure. When the foreigner saw it, he asked: Master, how much does this sauce cost per pound? The farmer didn't say anything, and the foreigner dipped his hand into some and put it in his mouth, thinking: If you don't tell me how much it costs per pound, I won't tell you that your sauce will stink. One day, Xiao Ming had a plaster on his hand. The teacher asked: What's wrong with your hand? Xiao Ming said: It's broken. The teacher said: Why? Xiao Ming said: Because I am too lazy. The teacher said: If I am too lazy, my hand will break? Xiao Ming said: I was walking on the road, and a stone got into my shoes, but I was too lazy to use my hands to get rid of it, so I hugged the telephone pole and shook my feet to let the stone fall out. The passers-by thought I was electrocuted and hit my hand with a wooden stick. So ............. Teacher: ............ A, B, and C are traveling together, and A has a cold... At night, everyone sleeps together Bed, A sleeps in the middle. In the middle of the night...A sneezed hard, and B and B's whole face was covered with A's crystals. B and C: You will inform us next time... After half an hour, A: Pay attention... B and B quickly got into the quilt after hearing this, and made sure there was no connection with the outside world... As a result, A farted. The manager of a certain company asked his secretary to forward an official document to the boss: "Report to the boss, there are a batch of orders in Europe next month, and I think the company needs to bring someone to have a meeting with them." The boss simply signed at the end of the official document: "Go a head." After the manager received it, he immediately instructed his subordinates to buy a plane and plan an itinerary, while he himself packed his luggage. On the day of departure, I was stopped by my secretary. Secretary: "What do you want to do?" Manager: "Go to Europe for a meeting!" Secretary: "Does the boss agree?" Manager: "Didn't the boss tell me to go a head?" Secretary: "I've been in the company for so long, don't you? Don’t you know the boss’s English proficiency? The boss means: Go to hell!” My wife, Ban Ren, is an old woman in her 50s. One day I visited the boys' dormitory, and there happened to be a boy running around on the ground with nothing on. When Ban Ren saw it, he immediately screamed and jumped on the bed, covering himself with the quilt. Ban Ren left behind one sentence and left: I am so old. I haven't seen anything before, what's your name~ This classmate is Juhan--!!! The graduate and undergraduate campuses of Peking University are separate, and the graduate students are on a campus called Wanliu. There is a bicycle parking lot on the undergraduate campus, that is, at the Xiaoximen of Peking University headquarters, specially prepared for graduate students. "Parking lot for Wan Liu" is written on the wall.

I was passing there once with a friend, and saw that he was hesitant to speak. After struggling for a long time, he finally asked me in confusion: Who do you think this classmate Wanliu is? He is really awesome, there are so many bicycles! "One time while shopping, I suddenly felt a stomachache, so I walked into the 199 all-you-can-eat hot pot restaurant on the corner. I wanted to borrow a toilet, but I searched all over the first floor but couldn't find it. So I ran to the second floor and there was one there. The decoration was empty without anything, but I found a toilet with a sign saying "Out of order, please do not use it." I couldn't help but care about him. Anyway, no one took off his pants and squatted towards the toilet. I went downstairs and it was so cool! After I finished, I walked downstairs and found that it was strange. It was dinner time and there were so many people downstairs. Why were the waiters and receptionists so empty all of a sudden? Gone... So I approached the bar and asked: Is there anyone there? At this time, I saw a male waiter coming out from under the bar and said: Damn... I just had a bowel movement! Were you not there when I fell from the ceiling and hit the electric fan? You were lucky... - When I took the bus yesterday, the bus driver kept staring at me, as if I didn't buy a ticket. ——Then what do you do? ——It’s very simple. I kept staring at him, as if I had bought a ticket. After class one time in the summer, I was lying on the desk with my eyes closed, feeling confused. His arm touched my finger. I thought it was my deskmate, so I dug my fingernails into him. When I found that there was no response, I pinched him harder, but he still didn’t move. I felt depressed. This was not in line with my deskmate’s behavior. My style, is it too easy? So I started tossing around hard, grabbing and twisting again. After struggling for a while, I felt something was wrong. I opened my eyes slightly, and ah, I found that it was the teacher sitting next to me. He was sitting at the table and was looking at me in disbelief. The skin on his hand was all red. One afternoon, my classmate was very bored at work at China Construction Bank. A poorly dressed lady (a psychopath) came to his window and gave him He asked for a withdrawal of money. The note clearly stated "Comrade XX is here to withdraw RMB from your bank." Then there were several zero yuan after "l" and the signature was ***C.P Central Office***. My classmate originally wanted to call the police, but seeing how seriously the mentally ill woman looked, she decided to send it to the security guard instead. If you want to withdraw money, you must first go to the police station opposite and ask the station chief to stamp it. After he stamps the stamp, you can come back to withdraw money and it will be fine. "The woman walked directly to the police station without thinking. (This security guard is really extraordinary, I usually look down on him a bit). After about ten minutes, when the number of customers in line slowly increased, the woman was very happy. He came back, holding up the note, and said: "People say that the office procedures have been simplified, and you can withdraw money directly without the director approving the note." " As soon as my classmate heard this, I couldn't help but sigh: There are really smart people in the pol.ice team, and they were sent back with just "high profile". My classmate and the security guard were a little stupid at the time. Many people in the business hall were Now, I was afraid that her mental illness would affect the normal order, so I had to call the supervisor on duty. The supervisor chatted with the female patient for a while and asked what you were doing with the money. The female patient said: "Withdraw the money to buy bread." Cakes, food, clothes." The supervisor pointed to a place not far away, and the woman left happily. The security guard went to ask for advice. The supervisor said to the female patient at that time: "We are here It's China Construction Bank, and you can only withdraw money here if you build a house.

When you withdraw money to buy food, it must be grain. You have to go to the Agricultural Bank of China to buy clothes and other things. To withdraw money, you have to go to the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China! "My classmate admired me from the bottom of his heart. She is a supervisor after all!!!! ... ... ... ... ... After a while, the lady came back again. And she brought the answer from ICBC:" Someone from the Agricultural Bank of China said Well, this is the Agricultural Bank of China, and only farmers can withdraw money. I am from an urban area, and the people from the ICBC said that ours is a public bank, and only males can withdraw money, not females!!!! They said I was a bitch. I have to go to China Construction Bank to withdraw money." One day, Xiao Ming came to his future mother-in-law's house as a guest. Mother-in-law: You can sit down wherever you want! The food will be ready soon! Then he went into the kitchen to get busy. At this time, only a nervous Xiao Ming and his mother-in-law were left in the living room. Suddenly, Xiao Ming found that his stomach was in severe pain. He thought: No! I must hold it back! But he couldn't help it anymore~~ Poof~~ He played an invincible stinky sound Shit, he thought to himself: Now he is dead~~ He will definitely be kicked out. Unexpectedly, the mother-in-law just shouted: Xiaobai~~! Xiao Ming then thought with relief: Fortunately, Xiaobai will be my scapegoat, and then he He couldn't help but farted for the second time, and his mother-in-law still shouted Xiaobai~~ When he farted for the third time, he saw his mother-in-law rushing out and yelling: Xiaobai! You will wait until you are stink to death. I wonder if there is an old man who specializes in roast duck in Beijing. It is said that authentic roast duck is difficult to eat. Once he took a group of people to eat authentic Peiping roast duck. “Boss! Give me a roast duck, authentic! "The younger sister brought a piece of roast duck to the table. "The roast duck is here! "The old man first stopped everyone from eating, touched the butt of the roast duck, and angrily called to the little girl: "This is not Peking roast duck, it is Nanjing salted duck, please change it! " Seeing this, the little girl quickly took it back and exchanged it. "The roast duck is here! "Similarly, the old man touched the duck's butt and said angrily: "Little sister! This is Tianjin salt duck, change it! "The little girl took it back and told the chef, and brought another plate to the table. "The roast duck is here! The old man repeated the action and finally said: "You can eat it!" This is authentic Peking roast duck! "At this time, a chef suddenly ran out of the kitchen, knelt in front of the old man and said: "I have been an orphan since I was a child. I don't know where I was born. Can you touch me and tell me where I am from? ”