Punchline a3a2 translation

Quote A2:

1. Diet

mrs.tan is worried about her weight.

"I'm too fat," she told her friend, "I need to lose a lot of weight, but I don't know how."

"Go and see Dr. Wei." Her friend said, "He will tell you how to lose weight." mrs.tan visits dr.wei and tells him her problem.

"It's not hard to lose weight." He told her: "What you need to do is go on a diet and I will give you one.

He began to write on a piece of paper.

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“Eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. Also eat a lot of lean meats and grains.

When he finished, he handed her a piece of paper.

"With you," he said, "eating all these things, you lose weight."

A few weeks later, mrs.tan’s friend went to visit her.

She was surprised to see that she was even fatter than before and she ate huge sandwich with chocolate cake and ice cream.

"I thought you were interested in losing weight," she said.

"Oh, me," she said. mrs.tan replied: "I already have all the food in my diet and now I eat my dinner".

2. School holidays

Tommy hates school and is always looking for excuses not to go.

If he had a cold, he asked, and his mother wrote a note about the cold.

If he had a headache, he asked his mother to take him to the doctor during school hours.

He spends more time at home than he does at school.

On the days when he did not go to school, he looked forward to an excuse to come home early.

One day, he came home from school in the middle of the morning.

His father was surprised. "You go home early," he said. "School is closed today"?

"No, Dad," Tommy said, "It's open. I came home early."

"What did you do?" His father asked him: "What, you told the teacher"?

"I told her I had a new baby brother and I was going to come home and help you."

"But your mother had twins," said his father, "a boy and a girl. You made yourself an infant brother and an infant sister."

"Yes, I know, Dad," Tommy said, "I'm saving my baby sister for next week."

3. Love letters

Jenny Gordon was a very kind and beautiful woman and before she got married, many people were in love with her.

Many people wrote to her, telling her how wonderful she was, how much they spent on her, how much they loved her, and asking her to get married.

Jenny kept all these love letters. She wrapped them in red ribbon and put them into an old box. She never read them because she was happily married, yet they were part of her life and She didn't want to leave them.

Jenny has a daughter, sue.sue is 6 years old.

One day, Jenny had to leave Sue for half an hour.

"Now be a good girl," she said, "and play quietly. If you need anything, go to the lady next door."

When she got home, she asked Sue: "Are you a good girl?"

"Oh, yes, Mom," Sue said.

"What did you do when I was away?" Jenny asked her.

"I play the postman," Sue told her.

"How do you play the postman, dear?" Jenny asked: "You don't have any letters."

"Oh, it's me, Mom," Sue said, "I found some in an old box upstairs. They were tied with a red ribbon. I put one in every mailbox on the street. Aren't you a good girl?"

4. Quick service

A man took a pair of shoes to a shoe store and said to the shoe repairman, "Please repair this pair for me. Shoes."

"Of course, sir," said the shoemaker.

"When will it be repaired?" the man asked.

"I'm a little busy, but I'll have the shoes repaired by Thursday," he said.

"Good," the man said, and left the store.

The next morning he received a letter offering him a job abroad. Within 24 hours, he was on a plane to accept his new job.

Twenty years later, he returned to his hometown.

He remembered the shoes.

"That's a good pair of shoes," he thought. "I wonder if the shoemaker is still there and if he still has the pair of shoes. I'm going to have a look."

He It was good to see that the shoemaker was still in the shop, even though he was very old.

"Good morning," he said to the shoemaker, "Twenty years ago, I brought a pair of shoes to be repaired. Do you remember that you still have those shoes?"

"Name ?" asked the old shoemaker.

"Smith," the man answered.

"I'll go take a look, maybe it's in the back."

The shoemaker went back to the back of the shop, and came back a few minutes later, holding the pair of shoes in his hand, " Here," he said, "I have a pair of brown shoes that need to be repaired. I'm a little busy, but I can get the shoes repaired by Thursday."

5. The old man who repairs umbrellas

One day, Jack's wife cleaned the closet.

"Look at all those umbrellas," Jack's wife said to him, "There are eight of them and they're all broken."

"I would consider taking them all to an umbrella shop and repairing them," Jack said, "They're too good to throw away."

Su took 8 umbrellas to the umbrella repair shop and left them there. "It will be fixed tomorrow," said the umbrella repairman.

That night, Jack took the bus home from the office as usual. He sat next to an old woman who had an umbrella on the floor close to her.

When the bus stopped at its destination, he picked up her umbrella and stood up.

"Hey!" the woman said: "This is my umbrella."

"I'm sorry," Jack said to her: "I didn't mean it that way, please forgive me."

The next day he collected umbrellas from the umbrella shop, Got on the bus.

He sat down and a voice behind him said, "You must have a successful day"!

He looked back and saw the woman's umbrella that he had almost taken the day before.

6. Fishing boats can be dangerous

Old Peter likes fishing. Whenever he had any free time he drove into the countryside, found suitable places to fish, and spent hours fishing. The problem is that most of the best places for fish are on private land, and Peter must often pull his rod out of the water quickly and run away with it when the owner of the land arrives. One day he was sitting by the river that ran through the rich man's property while he fell asleep.

He was awakened by a voice saying, "You will never catch anything using that bait."

Peter looked and saw a man standing behind him.

"What do you mean?" said Peter. “There’s nothing wrong with this bait. I use it all the time.

I caught thirty fish today with it already."

"How interested!" said the man. "You know who I am? "

Peter shook his head.

"I am the owner of this land."

Peter thought very quickly.

"Do you know who I am? " he demanded.

The man shook his head.

"I am the biggest liar in the country," Peter told him.

7. Earthquake

Johnny lived with his mother and father in a small city in the mountains.

One day there was an earthquake near the town. Many horses were damaged. Everyone thought there would be Soon another earthquake occurred.

They were worried that the second earthquake would not be as good as the first one.

"We must send Johnny to a safe place," Johnny's mother said as she husband. "Many of our friends are sending their children to relatives in other towns."

"We will send his brother Peter," said Johnny's father. "He has a long way to go in life." Johnny was safe to take his advice."

He called Johnny's uncle Peter and asked him if he would let Johnny live with him.

"He was A good kid," he said. "He won't give you any trouble."

"All right," said Johnny's uncle Peter, "but I'm not used to giving kids. I live in a A very quiet and peaceful life."

"You wouldn't know Johnny's at home," his father told him.

Johnny waited, only 5 years old, to live with him uncle.

Two days later, his mother and father received a telegram from Peter.

It said: "Children returning in the morning. Please send an earthquake. "

11. Bank Robber

A bank was robbed by an armed robber

He walked into the bank and the bank teller pointed out the gun in her hand. "Give me all the money or I'll shoot"

The bank teller was scared and asked as the robber

The police later asked the bank teller if she could tell them. What a gangster.

"He wore socks on his face," the bank teller said. "I'm afraid I couldn't tell you what he looked like."

A week later. , the bank was robbed.

"I'm sure it's the same man," the bank teller said. "I didn't see his face because he had a stocking over it, but the voice was the same. That's when he said, 'Give me all the money or I'll shoot.'

A week later, the bank was robbed for the third time.

'It was the same man " ? the police asked the bank teller.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure that's what it was," the bank teller said. "I didn't see his face because he was wearing socks over it and it was the same sound ".

"Are you sure you didn't notify anyone else about the man?" the police asked. "Small details. Anything that might help us find him."

The bank teller thought for a minute and then she said, "There's something."

"What is it?" Hope, police said.

"Every time he comes in and we lose" the teller said "He's better dressed"

12. Big Baby

" "You have to take care of the baby today," one woman told her husband. "I don't feel good."

"Then you must stay in bed and rest, dear friend," her husband said. " I will be happy to see our baby after that."

"Thank you, I will have a quiet day and I will get better soon". His wife told him.

"What should I do for you as well"? her husband asked.

She was very happy and said, "This will help me very much. I will give you a list of things to buy".

She wrote out the list and gave it to him.

"You can get all these things in the supermarket," she said.

"You can put the baby in the shopping cart and then you won't leave him outside".

The man took the baby to the supermarket and put him in the shopping cart. He then pushes the items along the shopping cart, purchases them, and looks toward those on his list.

First it was all good, but the baby then began to cry sadly.

Then he started screaming.

And scream!

And scream!

"Keep calm, George," the man said. "Don't get excited, don't shout, George. Don't lose your temper, George.

A woman in the supermarket heard him say these things. She walked up to him.

"I "Think you are wonderful," she said. "You are so patient with your little George."

"Boss," the man said, "I'm George, he's gotta."

13. In the Air

Matt and his wife live in the country. Matt is very stingy and hates spending money. One day a fair came to a nearby city.

"Let's go to the fair, Matt," said his wife. "We haven't gotten anywhere for quite some time."

Matt has been thinking about this for a while. He knows that he will spend his money fairly. Finally he said: "All rights, but we won't buy anything".

They went to the fair and looked at all the stuff to buy. There are a lot of things that Matt's wife wants to buy, but he won't let her spend money on them.

Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small aircraft.

"Interesting flight!" the notice said, "10 yuan for 10 minutes."

Matt had never been on a plane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he doesn't want to pay his wife as well.

"I already only have 10 yuan," he said, "Pilot." "Can my wife come to me for freedom"? The trial wasn't selling many tickets, so he said: "I'll make a bargain with you, and if your wife doesn't scream or shout, she can have a free flight."

Matt agreed and got into the small plane with his wife.

The pilot took off and made various things on his plane. At one moment, it was thrown upside down.

When the plane landed, the pilot said, "Make sure your wife doesn't have a perfect one, she can have her ride free."

"Thank you," Matt said. "It's not easy for her, you know, especially when she falls out."

Quiet story A3:

1.3 turtles

At lunch time, there were three turtles who were friends.

One of them is a large turtle, one is a medium turtle and the third is a small turtle.

One day, they went into a restaurant and bought some cakes.

Meanwhile, they are waiting for the cake, and they remember that they did not bring any money.

"Hey, we forgot to bring our cake to pay for!" said the big turtle.

"The little turtle can go home and get it," said the medium turtle. "He's the youngest, so he should be the one to go."

Little Turtle was not very happy at this, but he knew he should not speak to his elders, so he said: "All right, I will go, but you must swear not to Eat my cake while I stay away."

The big turtle and the medium turtle agree to wait for the little turtle to set off home to get some money.

A few days later, the big turtle said to the medium turtle: "Let's eat the little turtle's cake. I'm hungry again."

"Me too," said the medium turtle, And had the cake and ate it.

When he did this, the little turtle squealed and scurried out from behind the restaurant door: "If you touch my cake, I won't get the money"

2. An Old Friend

Carol Evans hates being wrong.

If she made a mistake, she never admitted it.

One day, as she was walking down the street, she met another woman.

She looked very carefully at the woman.

Then she said: "Kate foster care! Well, well, well, I haven't seen you for ten years."

She wanted the woman's up and down.

"But you change, Kate," she continued. "You used to be fat, but now you're thin".

She smiled at her, "But you look at that as well and it's good to see you again."

She took the woman's hand and shook her head.

"But, oh, you've changed," she said. "I've never known anyone to change so much. You used to have thick hair, but now it's very thin. You didn't used to wear glasses, but now, you're really wearing thick ones."

She smiled at the woman again.

"But you still have the same Kate promotion I used to have coffee with every week and we had some good times without us, Kate"?

"Sorry, ma'am," the woman said, "but my name is not Kate Promote."

Carol thought for a minute and then she said: "So you changed your name as well. Without you"?

3. Not here

Kathy and Polly are close friends.

One day Kathy met Polly on the street, she said: "Hi, Polly, it's nice to see you."

Polly asked: "How can you watch when I'm not here Come to me."

Kathy said: "What do you mean you are not here? Of course you are here!"

Polly said: "No, I bet you ten. Dollars, prove I'm not here."

Kathy said: "Okay! I'll give you ten dollars, now prove you're not here."

Polly said: "It's simple, I'm here now. In Hong Kong?"

Kathy said: "No."

(Polly said:) "Am I in Paris now?"

Kathy said: "No."

Polly said: "If I'm neither in Hong Kong nor Paris, then I have to be somewhere else, right?"

Kathy said: "Yes Yes, you must be somewhere."

Polly said: "That's right. If I were somewhere else, then I wouldn't be here, wouldn't I? Please give me ten dollars! "

Kathy said: "Polly, you are very smart, but I can't give you ten dollars."

Polly asked: "Why not give it to me?"

p>

Kathy said: "We did make a bet, but how could I give you ten dollars if you weren't here?"

Then she smiled and left!

4. A Bad Doctor

A man walked into the doctor's examination room.

"Stick out your tongue," the doctor said.

The man put his tongue in and spoke to the doctor.

"OK. You can put your tongue back now." The doctor said. "Obviously something is wrong with you and you need to exercise more".

"But, doctor," the man said. "I don't think-"

"Don't tell me what I think," the doctor said, pinching the doctor, not you. I know what you need. I see hundreds of people liking you. None of them were given any drills. They sit in the office all day and in front of the TV in the evening. All you need is to walk quickly, for at least 20 minutes a day. "

"Doctor, you don't understand," the patient said, "I-"

"I don't want to hear any excuses," the doctor said. "You have to find time to exercise, if You don't, you get fat and have health problems when you're older."

"But I walk every day," the patient said.

"Oh, yeah , I know what a walk is, that is you walk a few feet to the train station from your house, a few more feet from the station to your office, and a few more feet from your office to a restaurant for lunch, back, this Not really a walk. I'm talking about a walk in the park for 20 minutes a day.

Please listen to me, doctor!" the patient shouted, growing increasingly angry with this doctor who thought that he knew everything.

"I am the postman," the patient goes, "I walk more than seven hours a day."

5. Nothing to complain

Susan Lee was walking along the street one day when she saw her friend Lisa Wu.

She hadn't seen her old friend for a while, so she said, "We've had a lot to talk about. Let's have some tea and cake in this cafe.

She pointed to a nearby cafe.

Lisa agreed, so the two friends walked into the cafe.

Susan ordered. "She said: "And a pot of tea.

The waitress wrote down their order and headed away.

She soon returned with cake and a pot of tea.

Susan immediately saw that one piece of cake was a little larger than the other.

However, she was so polite that she picked up the board and offered it to Lisa.

"Have a piece of cake, Lisa," she said.

"Thank you," Lisa said, "but after you".

"No, no," Susan said, "Please."

"That's fine," Lisa said as she ordered the bigger two pieces of cake. "That was very rude," she said.

"Not all," Lisa said Replied: "Tell me if you took the cake before me, what cake would you take?"

"A smaller one, of course," said Susan. p>"Exactly. Well, you have the smaller one, so what are you complaining about?

6. A Goodbye Gift

When Michael Horse died, his three best friends went to his funeral.

They stood at one moment and looked down into the grave of their friend.

"He is a good friend," the first person said, "He is generous and kind, let's give him some money to use in heaven."

The other two friends agreed. They thought it was a good idea.

The first friend took his wallet out of his pocket, opened it and took out a $100 bill. Then he turned it serious.

The second friend didn’t want the other two to think he was stingy, so he also took out his wallet.

"Your right," he said, "He always helps his friends and he deserves to have everything he needs to live under him."

With these words, he also threw $100 to take the bill seriously.

The third man looked at the other two and thought carefully for several minutes. He didn't want them to think he was stingy, but he did hate throwing away money.

Then he took out his checkbook and wrote a check for three hundred dollars. He then checked seriously.

"I didn't get any change," he said, "but the check was for $300, so I made you feel like you did."

7. Good value

George is very stingy. He hates spending money.

Whenever he had to buy something, he always argued about the price and tried to bargain, even for the cheapest things.

If he wanted to buy a can of Coke, for example, and asked the clerk for $2, George would say, "Make it $1.90 and I'll buy it."

Sometimes store owners agree to lighten their prices a little. "Ten cents for what?" they asked themselves. "If it makes the man happy, it doesn't hurt me very much."

In this way George saved a few cents here and a few cents there, and by the end of the year he had saved hundreds of dollars.

One day he had a bad toothache and had to go to the dentist. The dentist looked at the tooth and said, "This tooth is going to come out. It's too damaged, save it."

"How much were you responsible for taking the tooth?" George asked.

"$40," the dentist said.

"$40"! George thought it was too expensive.

"How long will it take for you to withdraw the tooth?" he asked.

"About two minutes," the dentist said.

George couldn't believe he was hearing. "$40, two minutes of work!" he chanted. "This is robbery."

The dentist smiled. "Your rights," she said. "Thank you for telling me. I will pull your teeth out very slowly. So what if I take an hour and a half?"

8. Not Funny

John Smith and his friend Bill Jones were shipwrecked on a desert island in the middle of the Pacific.

They had enough fish and fruit to eat, but nothing to read, except a book, full of jokes.

Each joke is numbered.

At first, to help pass the time, John and Bill passed one joke to another, and then they told them from memory. After a year, they knew the jokes so it was clear how many of the jokes they were just telling.

"Twenty," John would say, and Bill would roar and laugh.

Then Bill might say, "75" and John would laugh.

One day after they had been on the island for many years, another man was on the boat with them.

"How do you pass the time?" he asked them.

"We tell each other jokes," Bill said, handing him his joke book.

"Tell us a joke," John said: "The number just read out."

"O.k.," the man said. He was looking through the book until he discovered a joke that he thought was extremely funny. This is the number of people 83.

"I found a good joke," he said: "Are you ready?"

"Yes," said Bill and John.

"Rights," the man said. "Here it is. 83."

John and Bill just looked at the man. There was no motion on their faces. None of them are perfect.

"Why don't you smile?" the man asked.

"You don't tell it very well," Bill said.

9. The right tools for employment

When his young son fell ill, Mr. Wei took him to a clinic. They were the first patients of the day and didn't have to wait too long. The nurse took the boy to the doctor's room while Mr. Wei waited outside.

A few minutes later, the doctor came out of his room and asked the nurse. "Do we have a screwdriver?" he asked her.

The nurse looked in the drawer and found a screwdriver. She called it to the doctor and he went back to his room.

A few minutes later, he came out again. "I need more than half," he said to the nurse this time. Again, the nurse looked in the drawer. She discovered more than half of its doctor. He went back to his room.

A few minutes later, the doctor came out of his room for the third time. "I'm going to need a hammer," he said. For the third time, the nurse took care of it, in the drawer.

She found the hammer and its doctor. Mr. Wei cannot remain silent at this time.

"Forgive me". He said: "But what is wrong with my son? And what are you doing here with him?"

"I haven't studied him yet," the doctor said. "I'm still trying to get my bag open."

10..Full payment

One day a bus stopped at a tourist attraction, and all passengers transferred to a nearby restaurant.

One of them walked up to the manager and said, "Good morning. I asked. Tom Wilkins. These guys are patients at the city psychiatric hospital and they have their annual bus tour. They will all The performance was very good, but there is one small problem. They will be willing to pay for the bottle caps of their food and drinks. If so, let me have the bill before we leave." p>

The manager wanted to be helpful, so he said: "It will be fine, sir. I hope you all will enjoy yourselves in my restaurant."

The patients all sat down. They order their food and drinks and behave well. No one knew their patient was in a psychiatric hospital.

At the end of the meal they each pay his or her bill with a bottle cap.

They then left the restaurant and came back to their car.

Tom Wilkins rises to manager. "You have been most kind," he said, "and understanding. I will pay the bill now."

The manager added everything that the patient had ordered and gave the general comment to Tom Wilkin Sri Lanka. It came with a lot of money.

"It's a fair price," Tom said. "I'm happy to pay. Have you changed it to 6 bottles? "

Sorry, there are too many to post, I put it on my Baidu blog, the name is: quip A3!

(The serial numbers in front of the above articles are based on the ones in the book!)